A hard decision

I was browsing through a blog that I read occasionally and saw a reference to an essay from Skirt magazine written by Alison Piepmeier. The essay is about her decision to have an abortion, how it affected her and her husband's relationship, and how they made amends to the fetus. The essay has generated a lot of comments, some supportive and others that are highly judgmental and downright nasty.

Alison's essay brought back a time when my wife and I struggled with this tough decision. I think that it's impossible for anyone to understand the emotions surrounding such a decision unless you've had to make it. I believe that terminating a pregnancy is a very personal decision and one that Alison didn't take lightly.

My wife and I had to make a similar decision years ago. It too was painful but the timing of the pregnancy wasn't right and neither of us was prepared for a baby. In fact, both of us felt that we were too messed up to think about bringing a child into the world. And yet, there it was--she was pregnant and we had to deal with the situation. So after going through a lot of soul searching, my wife decided to terminate the pregnancy. I accepted that decision for a lot of reasons, most of which had to do with the deterioration of our marriage, the focus on our careers, and a level of responsibility that neither of us wanted.

Although I've revisited that decision many times since then, it has only been since being in Al-Alon and working the steps, that I've made an amends for the decision to terminate the pregnancy. It also appears that Alison and her husband accepted their decision, made an amends to the fetus, and moved on with their life. But there are still moments when I wonder how it all would have turned out should the baby have been born. That indicates to me that I haven't completely shut the door on the past. My wife doesn't speak about this anymore and hasn't for years. I know that I can't undo what is done nor would I want to. At that time, it was the best decision. In retrospect, because my father's drinking affected me negatively, I believe that it was still the best decision given the genes involved and the situation of growing up around an alcoholic.

So ours was a decision based on probabilities and emotions, and it was a selfish decision for those reasons. But I know that the decision was not made flippantly. And I also know that no person has a right to judge or forgive such actions. That's up to the Higher Power. And that's a discussion that I will likely have with the HP for a long time.

Some humor on this Wednesday

"I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kalhua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now. Please pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace."
Source Unknown

Instead of the above, I have some "healthy" things to finish such as the woodwork in the home library to sand and varnish (5 times); a boat trailer to sand, prime and paint; the garage floor to paint; and a few other odds and ends that I haven't gotten back to completing. Neither my SO or I take what Dr. Phil says seriously.....thankfully.

I'm grateful today that:

• I have choices about what I do to achieve inner peace
• Nothing has to get done all at once
  
• If nothing gets done, the world (and I) won't fall apart
• I'm rowing tonight with the crew
  

Getting help

I listened to a lady in one of the meetings talk about her husband who had a seizure after two days of not drinking. She got him to the hospital where he was kept for a couple of days--it wasn't a detox center but just part of the regular hospital. He still drinks heavily and she has come to Al-Anon to help herself gain some sanity.

One of the things that has been stressed to me is the importance of getting to know AA's who are long-timers in the program. And to call upon them should a situation arise in which the alcoholic relapses. The reasoning is that another alcoholic on a Twelfth Step call will know how to deal with someone who has relapsed. In cases where there are family members who are upset, it is good to indicate that as an Al-Anoner, you could ride along and offer E, S, and H to the family of the active alcoholic.

If there is a medical emergency such as the seizure, then timing will be essential. So a 911 call would be necessary but perhaps it could also be appropriate to get in touch with AA once the medical emergency is over and ask them to visit the alcoholic.

I've actually made a mental plan about what I will do should my alcoholic relapse. It's not an easy thing to contemplate but it's best to have a plan rather than a meltdown. It's a tough disease and there are no guarantees.

Being all things to all people

I have been attending a study group that is currently focusing on the traditions.  We finished up Tradition five last week: Al-Anon has but one purpose to help families and friends of alcoholics. It really states our singleness of purpose in the program. But what struck me though was the idea that I can't be all things to all people.

The reading says " My primary concern is and must be my personal recovery. I cannot give to someone else something that I don't have." How true that is and it's something that I have only put into practice since being in the program.

I used to try to do everything that was asked of me. And then I would volunteer for more. If someone had expectations of me, then I tried to fulfill them. Now I know that I was running myself down trying to do what others wanted me to do. I was trying to be all things to all people and neglecting who I was.

Now I decide what I want to do and don't try to cram too much into one day. If I don't accomplish what I need to do in this day, then hopefully with the grace of my HP there will be another day coming. I don't get swamped in guilt to do the bidding of others. I show up for my meetings. I am there when I tell someone that I will be.  And I am here to do what I can to be a member of this household and take care of things in partnership here.

What's important is that what I do now, I do because it feels right. The demands made by others of my free time are not compelling reasons for me to lose my serenity. I can make choices to limit the things that I want to do.  And what a luxury that is these days.  I am finding many ways to spend my time on those things that I have dreamed about for years.  And for the most part, I am enjoying every moment.

Oyster festival: A major drinking event

I went to the area's oyster festival today. There were about 12,000 people in attendance. And there were thousands of pounds of oysters consumed. One of the announcers said that there were a record number of kegs of beer consumed as well. I can believe all of that based on seeing the tables of steaming oysters and the huge air inflated Budweiser cans that greeted people as they walked on the grounds.

I enjoyed the festivities, especially having oysters on a beautiful sunny afternoon. There was also good music played by a couple of local bands. I guess that the only negative at the event occurred when I was walking out and there were several drunk couples who were arguing with each other. One fellow was getting verbally abusive with his lady friend and another guy was yelling at his girlfriend on his cell phone telling her that he wanted her to come pick him up because he was too drunk to drive. I was thinking about how the recipients of the drunken outbursts must feel. One reaction that came to mind was : "Sure, honey, I'll drive as fast as I can through the largest traffic jam in the area to pick up your sorry drunken butt".

I'm glad that I haven't gotten one of those phone calls in a while. Or had to argue about who was going to drive the car after a party. Those were wild insane times that I'd rather not revisit, although the reminders sometimes surface especially at events where massive amounts of alcohol are consumed. I'm happy to have taken some interesting photos and gotten home without an argument or any other negative consequences. I just hope that others were so lucky.

About art

I hung the painting by Reuben Becker last night. It's the one of the tree on the upper left in the photo above. Becker was one of the unique people who lived in solitude on Smith Island. He was married for a while, has a daughter and a son, came out "of the closet" , became known for his paintings about Smith Island and Chesapeake Bay, and died coming down the steps of his loft in his old house at Ewell.

His partner, Hoss Parker, brought some oysters over for me to roast and asked us to come over to his house to see Reuben's paintings. The studio has been preserved just as it was. Hoss has sold a few paintings in order to live. I bought two of them. One is a sketch of a lighthouse and the other is the tree scape above. Hoss makes all the frames from old pieces of lathing taken from falling down houses on the island. He sells them too cheaply and acknowledges that. But I guess that the economy there isn't good, especially since crabs and oysters have been declining for years.

Meeting Hoss, seeing the studio, and all the artwork in Reuben's house was really neat. I have quite a bit of art. It seems that art and books are those things that I look for when I go into someone's home. Something seems to be missing when there aren't either. I know not to judge but it seems as if a home without these items seems too bare and without much soul.

I want to get back into painting again when I retire. At the moment, I exercise my love of art through collecting and through photography. I drag my camera with me wherever I go. It may not capture all that my eye sees but it definitely provides a lot of enjoyment by helping me remember those special people and places that I encounter. I like what Tolle says about true artists. I don't know whether I am that or not but do know that when I'm painting or messing with photography, I am absorbed and content. Here's hoping that you have a weekend of inner stillness.

"All true artists, whether they know it or not, create from a place of no-mind, from inner stillness." Eckhart Tolle

Reality

I'm back at work today. It's a day to catch up on emails and things at work. In short, it's back to reality. The geographic cure is really good and is something that is treasured for a long time. It's a bit sad though to get back after such a great time. I guess that I treasure the times spent seeing special things and being with special people. It's something that's hard to describe but definitely memories that will live for a while.

My SO has made a decision to retire at the beginning of June. It's something that she has thought about for a while and finally made a decision to do. I'm glad for her and think that she will enjoy having less stress and more time to do what she enjoys while still young enough to do so. I'm going to keep going for a few more years. But after this vacation, I can see that it will be nice when every day is a Saturday.

Today I'm grateful for:

• Having spent time in a unique place that few have visited
• Being alive and healthy and reasonably happy
• Having a great program in Al-Anon that has helped me to understand myself
• Not being stressed out or sleep deprived but relaxed and rested
• Making decisions based on what I want to do and not what others want of me
  

Facing demons

After a relaxing vacation, we got back home this evening. I think there is something magical about being away and seeing interesting, unfamiliar areas. It's a time when you can totally relax and not have to be on a schedule. Sleeping until 8 AM is something that I never do at home so the few days that we could lie in bed and know that we didn't have to be anywhere were a special treat.

I did visit my cousin before leaving for home. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor and is now unable to walk, can only speak a few words, and often becomes agitated. His wife believes that his dead mother has taken over his psyche and is thinking about having an exorcist drive her out. I have to say that it takes a lot for me to listen to this kind of talk and just keep my mouth shut. I wonder whether her ideas are born of desperation in trying to keep him alive. Maybe it's all about denial. I don't know but can see that he was calm and peaceful when I showed him photos from the trip on the little Mac ibook that I took along.

We all have our demons in side of us. Some of us are just lucky to have the benefit of a 12 step program that has helped us face those demons. I don't know how I would react if I were terminally ill or had a loved one who was. Today, I'm grateful that I am healthy and reasonably happy and that I can call upon my HP when I'm in distress. I hope that my cousin and his wife find peace in their lives.

On a trip

I'm behind in catching up with you and my blog site because I've been away since January 16, traveling to Smith Island, Maryland which is a remote island in Chesapeake Bay. The place has no internet connection, no restaurants open, and only a few cars. It has been a great get away.

I went to Smith Island last year and really enjoyed the remoteness. The sole income is basically from commercial crabbing and oystering. The residents have spent most of their life on this island and have an accent that reminds me of Elizabethan English.

This is a simple place where the pace of life is slow and mostly dictated by the tides and what is available for harvesting. I had a good dinner of roasted oysters on my birthday (Jan. 17) that one of the locals brought by the Ewell Tide Inn where I was staying. People there are just like that, kind and happy to have someone from off the island visit.

I bought a couple of paintings by Reuben Becker who painted scenes from the island and Chesapeake Bay. I guess they were a birthday present to myself. It was interesting to see his studio and the house that he lived in with his friend "Hoss".

Although the weather has been very cold and there was snow on the ground, I walked for several miles along the road from Ewell to Rhodes Point. It is a good experience to walk with the snow falling down in a place where there is mostly silence and almost no cars.

There is ice forming in the shallow areas of the Bay and the boat that carried me back to the mainland had some slow travel through the icy waters.Today I arrived back in Crisfield and am heading to St. Michaels to visit the Chesapeake Bay Maritime Museum. I do feel as if I've had a special opportunity to visit this "Island Out of Time" again and meet some interesting people. It is definitely on my Gratitude List for all time.

Unity and Tradition One

"Unity presents not only the necessary climate for the growth of Al-Anon as a whole but also the atmosphere in which each member within the group may acquire peace of mind. " The Twelve Steps and Traditions

We talked about Tradition One last night. Unity is certainly one of the great things about the program. And unity can equate to harmony in our daily lives.

I have learned that I don't have to be right about everything. I don't have to try to exert my will over others. Acceptance of the minority viewpoints and willingness to listen to what others have to say will not only be a good guide in meetings but in life as well.

That's what's so great about the program. It's the fact that these are principles for living. All I need to do is be willing to surrender and check my ego at the door. If I listen to others, then I can learn something from everyone who shares E, S, and H.

I'm grateful for the honesty of the newcomer last night who shared something that was painful to her. And I'm grateful to help celebrate the 17 years of recovery by a gracious lady in my home group. She shared that by giving up control, she gained much more than she ever thought. Keep coming back, it works.

Robert Johnson and the Blues

I picked up a CD of Robert Johnson, the man who is synonomous with Delta blues. A story goes that Robert went to the crossroads of Highway 61 and made a deal with the devil to be able to play the blues and be recognized. He did play the blues but wasn't recognized until much later when his work was recorded by the likes of the Stones, Led Zeppelin and others. His dealing must have been short-lived though because he was dead at age 27, supposedly poisoned by a jealous man whose woman he was working his mojo on.

I wonder sometimes how many of us have wanted to make a deal in order to get what we want. I think that I was willing to do just about anything to have some peace of mind around the alcoholic. I didn't quite make a deal with the devil but was as close to despair as a person could be without injuring myself. During that desperate time, I never once thought to turn to my HP for help. Instead I was busy being miserable.

But we seldom get anything that we selfishly ask for. The program teaches to not ask for selfish things but to ask to better do God's will. Maybe that's why Robert Johnson ended up dying the way that he did. Unless we give up our self-will, we are doomed to fail. No more deals for me. Just surrender, humility and acceptance.

First oyster roast

The oyster roast on Saturday was nice. It was good weather and a good band was playing. The whole weekend was great in fact. The only problem was that it wasn't long enough.

The GR meeting on Saturday went well. I ran into someone from work who was as surprised to see me as I was to see them. It's a small world when it comes to the effects that alcohol has on people. I've run into a couple of other people from work or that I know by going to meetings and roundups. It doesn't feel awkward to me but almost like I finally know this person and we share something special. That's a nice feeling.

Anyway, the person from work lost his wife this past year and she was a bad alcoholic. He's been going to Al-Anon for a while. I didn't know that and had wanted on several occasions to invite him to a meeting but figured that it's attraction and not promotion that would get him there. At the meeting, he volunteered to do some service work for the District which is great. And I said that I'd help out as well. Since we are in the same building, I figured that we could put our heads together and help each other out.

Now we'll have another aspect of our relationship. 'Amazing how this works.

Finally Friday

So glad that it's Friday, and I'm looking forward to the weekend. Tonight I was going to a meeting but decided to go look for a guitar to purchase. I like music and especially like blues. I don't know whether I have an ear for music but decided that I would give a try to learning to play the guitar. I found some nice ones at the shop I visited tonight and will look at others tomorrow after the GR meeting in the morning.

Thanks to all who wrote about my wife. She is doing well and has gotten over the anesthesia and sore throat from the endoscopy procedure. No results are back yet on the biopsy. She is cheerful and positive which is quite a different reaction from her days before AA. It's remarkable how both of us are better able to deal with what comes along as the result of our programs.

Hoping that each of you has a good weekend.

Busy world

Today's meeting topic was how best to keep your serenity in a busy stressful world. It's easy to lose track of things because there is so much that is overwhelming. Even choices in the grocery store are enough to baffle me. And if I have to go to someplace like Wal-Mart, I can't wait to get out because there is just so much "stuff".

What I decided this past year is that I'm not going to make lists of what needs to be done. I used to make a list of what I wanted to accomplishment in a day. And I'd worry if I didn't get everything done. I have a mental idea of what I want to do but I don't stress out if I don't get it done. I've also decided not to take on too much at once. I want to have time to take it easy and not become overwhelmed with task after task.

And then there is meditation. I do prayers in the morning and when I'm on the boat, there is a lot of time to let my mind unwind from the work week. It's one of the best investments I've ever made. And how good it feels just to be rocked to sleep on the water.

So if I can pay attention to what my body and mind are telling me, take time to exercise and meditate, and not get caught up in trying to do too many things, I think that I'll have a good strategy for coping with this busy world.

Going rowing

Although I'm tired and been a bit groggy all day, I'm going rowing tonight. The weather here is just too beautiful to stay inside.

My wife had an endoscopy yesterday because of acid reflux. Her esophagus was inflamed and a biopsy done. We are hoping that all will be okay. Both of us are optimistic but will feel better once the pathology report comes back.

It's interesting how close I felt to her when she was in the recovery room. I just held her hand and hugged her. Seeing her be vulnerable made me a bit sad.

Hope that each of you is staying in Wednesday and it's a good one.

Value of newcomers

When I first came to Al-Anon, I was in deep despair. I didn't want to fix anyone but myself because I was past the point of trying to fix the alcoholic. I didn't believe that the relationship could be saved. In fact, I didn't believe in much when I came in. I definitely was at an emotional bottom and in need of guidance.

At first, I didn't feel much like I belonged. Everyone was further along than I. It was as if there was a different language. But it just felt like I had found a place where I could finally talk about what was wrong in my life and in my marriage.

Even though I felt shame and guilt at first, I kept going to meetings. I haven't been in the program long but I guess that I wanted what was offered. After working the steps and with the help of my sponsor, I've created a life for myself. I have hobbies that I enjoy and fill my life with things that I like to do and can do with or without my spouse. I don't have expectations that she will participate but if she wants to, that's great. I've learned from the program that keeping the focus on myself isn't selfish.

In going to meetings, sometimes I hear the same things over and over. Some of meetings are really good and in some I have to take what I like and leave the rest.

But what I have found is that when a newcomer comes to a meeting, it is always inspiring. Maybe it's because I can see how far I've come. Maybe it's because the raw emotion charges the air. Or maybe it's because I get to give away some of what I have learned and that's a great feeling.

I've heard old timers in AA complain about the newcomers. I don't get that. I have found that newcomers are welcomed and told that they are the most important person in the room in Al-Anon. When I heard those words, it made me feel special and that was something that I hadn't felt for a long time.

So I want to say thanks to the newcomers who have the courage to come into a meeting. Hopefully, you'll hear something that will make you keep coming back and will lead you to recovery.

Life comes at you fast

That commercial on TV says that "life comes at you fast". Whoever wrote that must know something because the pendulum can swing from an up cycle to a down cycle in a heartbeat.

I have been coasting along on the good feelings lately. At tonight's meeting though there were a couple of newcomers who reminded me of why I need the program. It was a mother and daughter and the immediate family had been affected by alcoholism. Both women were articulate in describing what brought them to a meeting. The daughter is having a tough time in an alcoholic marriage. The mother has been around alcoholics all her life. It was really a great meeting because of these two people who were looking to stay afloat and the HP gave them a life ring in the form of Al-Anon.

And then to read Kel's blog. I don't have children so I can only imagine how hard it is to love your child and detach after an overdose. It takes great strength and belief in a HP to get through the horror of what Kel describes.

I know about the ups and downs in life and know that the pendulum will swing back in a downward path for me soon enough. I'm just going to stay in the day and pray for those who are still suffering and in need of help.

Walking and walking

The weekend had beautiful weather, calm seas, and lots of exercise. I anchored the sailboat and went ashore on Morris Island to make a good oak fire on Saturday night. It was chilly but the oak logs burning made it toasty warm.

The island where I anchored has an interesting history. It was locally known as a coffin island due to a leper colony on the island before the Civil War. During the war, it was the site of a confederate installation against which northern troops launched an assault. The fort was held by a small garrison of Confederate Infantry and Artillery An assault force led by the the 54th Massachusetts, an experimental black regiment of free men from the North went in with fixed bayonets to storm the fort. Fighting was fierce. The Federals were able to occupy a small portion of the fort and the 54th. planted its colors atop the parapet. After lengthy hand to hand fighting, the Federal troops were ordered to withdraw, leaving Wagner in Confederate hands. Losses were heavy. Eventually, Battery Wagner was abandoned.

Due to alteration of flow after the harbor jetties were built, erosion has taken its toll on the island. The location of the old fort and the lighthouse keeper's house and outbuildings are now gone and underwater. It's an interesting place with a wide beach in some places but evidence of lots of erosion with high scarps. There's not a lot of vegetation--mostly scrub oak, cedar and myrtle.

It was an interesting long walk. I'm not sure but think that I walked close to 6 miles. The old lighthouse is being worked on to shore up it's base and construct a cofferdam to stabilize it. It must have been an interesting childhood to grow up on this island that is isolated.

And it still is relatively isolated. In fact, the great thing is that there were only six people encountered on my walk since the only way to access the island is by boat. I came back to Compass Rose tired but totally relaxed. Today I'm a bit stiff but it's a good feeling. The weekends are just too short. I need a day just to rest up from my activities.

Today I'm grateful for:

• A visit to the chiropractor to ease my aches
• Having a step study meeting tonight at my home group
• The beautiful weather over the next several days
• Having peace of mind that comes from acceptance and humility
• A sponsor who sets me back on the ground when I go too far into the air
  

Raucous Caucus

I have to make a comment on the Iowa results. I was listening to the news about the Iowa caucus and was glad to see so many people turned out with poor weather conditions to vote. The Dems had a bigger turnout than the Repubs which I found interesting. I was glad to see Obama do well. It's hard to say how this will turn out over the long days ahead but it is gratifying to see that people take him seriously. I like him and I like what I hear him saying. As one of the blogs I read stated, he made history by winning in Iowa regardless of how things go from now on.

This makes me wonder what makes a person want so much responsibility. There must be ego and conviction. To me, trying to effect change in DC would be like trying to push an elephant up a hill--you can strain and strain only to have the whole thing come crashing back on you, crushing you in the end.

I used to take on way too much at work, letting my ego volunteer me for everything. And it almost burned me out. Now, I'm trying to divest myself of as much as I can at work. I am selective about which proposals I review, I don't volunteer to be on as many committees and I do my best to prioritize what I have to do ahead of what I might like to do. I don't know whether this is a result of the program but something definitely is different. It seems the Keep It Simple and First Things First slogans are being applied in my job.

And I definitely look forward to the weekends when I can do something or nothing. So to all the presidential candidates, good for you. I'm glad that you want the job. Like they say, somebody has to do it and I'm just glad that it isn't me.

Is there unconditional love?

I've read that it's possible to have unconditional love of self in which you love yourself regardless of external conditions. This means being true to your feelings regardless of those around you. Based on what I know from Al-Anon, the HP loves each of us unconditionally. And if I look outside myself for love, I will not find unconditional love from another human. This has been a tough one to understand in my past but now I know that my demands for love often far exceed what the other person can give. And then my expectations of the other become burdensome and filled with conditions that end up in disappointment and even anger.

It's hard for me to imagine unconditional love in intimate relationships. Maybe after many years together and a lot of insight, one gets to the place where there are no conditions vis a vis the other person. I know that I have lowered my expectations dramatically since being in Al-Anon. But they haven't entirely gone away. My mind will go to the place where I concoct the "what if's" and think about how I wish the one I love would not have an alcoholic mind or selfish behavior. Or if I could just remake them to be the way that I want.... I now realize how dangerous that way of thinking is but sometimes my head just goes there, just as a tongue goes to a sore tooth.

But then I have to say that there is the unconditional love of dogs. They seem to be so happy just to hear the car drive up or hear our voice. They wag, bounce around, and are genuinely glad just to be in our company. A morning at the beach is the best thing in the world. I've had dogs for many years and they have taught me a lot about life and living it in a happy way. Sometimes I think that the HP is manifested in the spirit of dogs and showing us in a tangible form how to love unconditionally.

Cold here

Last night was the coldest day of the year so far. And the wind was howling. I went down to Compass Rose and the waves and spray were coming over the breakwater. I stayed on the boat for a while to make sure that all was okay. It was one of those days that's truly wild on the water.

This morning it was around 25 F and still windy. But the wind died down this afternoon and even though it's still cold, at least the wind chill isn't as bad as it was. I'm glad that I didn't have to do work on the water today.

I went to the noon meeting. The topic was the slogans and how they help with recovery: Live and Let Live, Keep It Simple, Easy Does It, Let Go and Let God, Mind Your Own Business, One Day at a Time. I think that my favorite is Live and Let Live. It reminds me to accept others and not judge them. It also reminds me that I need to practice living. No matter what efforts I may make or emotional blackmail that I can concoct will change the alcoholic. I can't live if I spend time trying to control others. I think that understanding that has not only helped me but it has helped others in my life as well.

First Footing

Today is a work day for me. The first one in over a week. I can't say that I was chomping at the bit to get back in the harness but here I am.

I received a card from some Scottish friends who wrote about Hogmanay. I had forgotten some of the curious New Year customs but thought they might be appropriate on this day after New Year's day.

The Hogmanay customs include cleaning the house, paying off debts and being sure to clean all the ashes out the fireplace (it was believed by some that you could read the future revealed in the old ashes) -- all symbolic of starting anew. I would like to say that I did these but not a one was done at my house. We did observe the southern tradition of eating Hoppin' John and collard greens yesterday. Those represent Luck and Money, both of which are welcome on any given day.

And there wasn't a "first footer" on New Year's Day at our house either. For this tradition, it is believed to bring luck for the rest of the year if the first person to cross the threshold of your home is a tall dark handsome man. This person, known as a "first footer" arrives after midnight bearing gifts which include a lump of coal, black bun, shortbread and, of course, an ample supply of whiskey...

Well, no one outside the household came in and instead of coal, a black bun and whiskey, we had Hoppin' John and collard greens with cornbread. I think that a "first footer" bringing whiskey isn't my idea of good luck. But it's an interesting old tradition nonetheless.

Hope that your Wednesday is going well. And that the tall, dark and handsome man who crosses your threshold brings suitable gifts for your luck in the New Year.

Happy New Year

It's a new year today. I'm not sorry to see 2007 go because it was a good year. There were ups and downs for sure but the upside definitely outweighed the down times.

I became more used to who I am. I learned a lot about myself and how to better take care of myself. I let go of things that troubled me and found that peace of mind is available if I choose to have a new way of thinking.

I found that some friends that I had were probably not with me for the long haul, yet I understood that. I made new friends in the program and found that having people around me who didn't judge me were a blessing.

And my Higher Power was with me during good and bad times. When I became anxious, I knew where to turn. And when I felt great joy, I knew to whom to be grateful.

I don't know what 2008 will bring. I do know that I will do what I can to make every day count for the good. Wishing you the best on this New Year's Day.