Taking things for granted

The meeting went well today. We got a lot of work done, and it was actually a good process. I sat and watched the wave pool in front of the NOAA building. It's really a neat thing. Right in the middle of downtown, there are waves sloshing against granite and making a sound just like at the beach.

And that thought makes me want to be at the beach. And it makes me grateful that I don't live in a big city or have to work in a highrise. Instead, I live in the country surrounded by great trees. And I work in an office that overlooks the harbor. Funny how those things are something that I can take for granted until I come to another locale. All that beauty that surrounds me is in stark contrast to these high rise buildings.

I think sometimes that I take people for granted too. I don't mean to do that. It's not as if I don't think of the people and appreciate them. I think that I simply get comfortable with them and get used to them being around. So last night I called my SO to say "I love you". I say those words on a regular basis but for some reason I wanted to say them with special emphasis.

Out of town

I got to my destination last night around midnight. My flight was delayed due to a small "dent" in the plane. I was wondering whether it could be a bird, a very small asteroid, or some other mystery object that hit the plane. Whatever the reason, the "dent" was investigated, reports written, paperwork filed, and finally we left.

After I got in, I took the Metro from National Airport to Silver Spring which is where NOAA lives. The Metro is another adventure but it is on time for the most part. It's an inexpensive and efficient way to get around the DC area. If a city has public transportation woes, it would seem that this city provides an example of infrastructure that moves a person from point A to point B fairly quickly and cheaply.

Once I got to the metro station at Silver Spring, I started walking towards the hotel. I was within sight of the hotel when a car ran a red light and T-boned another car. I was right there so I went over to see if the person in the T-boned car was okay. He was an elderly gentleman who was a bit shook up but seemed visibly unhurt. His Northstar had kicked in and true to the TV ad, there was a voice coming through asking him if he was in an accident and was okay. The voice said that she would stay there with him until help arrived. Amazing-- truth in advertising.

I stayed with him until the police came, got names and phone numbers, etc. and then I was off again. By this time, I was hungry but nothing was open. I checked the Al-Anon phone message system since I've volunteered to do that this week. There were a couple of calls from people wanting to get to a meeting. So far, there have been about an equal number of men and women calling in. I'm glad that we have this service and that I can help get someone to a meeting.

Today will be a full day. Hope that I can catch up on my blog friends. Maybe I am in cyber withdrawal.

Have a good one.

Back to work

The holiday weekend was nice. I wasn't near a computer which didn't bother me surprisingly. I missed out on a lot of blog reading so I'm hoping to get caught up on that.

After picking up Compass Rose, I did some work on getting everything put back in her. There was a bit more electrical work to do as well. I had planned to put her in the water but decided to replace the old cleats with stainless steel. All of this took much of Saturday and Monday. Although I had planned to get her in the water this weekend, I didn't think that rushing to get it done was going to be a good idea. And the number of boats that were on the water on Memorial Day was a real deterrent. Every landing was filled to overflowing with cars and trailers.

On Sunday, I went to an outdoor art exhibit downtown and enjoyed seeing works by local artists. It's festival time in town so there is a lot going on. And the place is overrun with tourists. It was fun though to walk down the street and see so many people enjoying the sights and sounds of the old city.

Today, I'm back at work but heading out to catch a plane for a meeting in MD. I think that it's time for a gratitude list after this glorious weekend. So here's my thoughts on what I'm grateful for:
1. That my memories don't include anyone close to me who has died in a war
2. That there is so much beauty around me that it's hard to express it all in words
3. That my emotional wounds weren't enough to kill me
4. That my sponsor is back safely from a trip out of town
5. That I don't feel as if I need to "fix" anybody today

Hope that you are enjoying your work week. I'll check in later with each of you.

"Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time. " Thomas Merton

Some thoughts on this Friday

Here are some more thoughts from reading The Dance by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. Here are some quotes that I particularly liked.

I am less interested in people’s articulated spiritual beliefs or political philosophies and more interested in whether or not they are true to themselves even when it costs them something, whether or not they can be kind when it is easier to be indifferent, whether or not they can remember that to be human is to be flawed and spectacular and deeply compassionate. (p. 15)

I think to just be yourself when everyone is looking is an accomplishment. And being compassionate is something that I find to be a good trait.

I do not seek perfection. I simply seek to remember who and what I am everyday. I seek the people and places and practices that support the expanding of this awareness in my day, in my life, in my choices. Our lives are the story of how we remember. (p. 29)

Always progress and not perfection in my life. And to be reminded of who and what I am keeps me humble and makes me realize that we are all flawed.

There is a difference between being the determiner in your life and being the controller. We often confuse the two. The desire to control is a normal human response to fear. The ability to determine is the ability to remember who and what you are…(p. 80)

I know that I don't want to be the controller, yet I lapse into the fear that controls me at times. Not letting my ego control me is a struggle.

To live deeper we have to go to the places that help us find a slower rhythm. But simply going to these places is not enough. We have to let these places touch us, change us, speak to us. (p. 117)

I'm go to those places as often as I can. I seek them out. And they provide me with comfort and help still my anxieties.

There is a difference between happiness–offering who you are to the world and knowing it is enough–and pleasure and ease. (p. 140)

I am still working on this. I think that being surrounded by so much that promotes ease and pleasure makes me forget that it's just enough to be happy. There are only few things that I really need as opposed to those things that I may want.

Hope that you have a great weekend. It's a holiday weekend here so I'm going to make the most of that.

Boating withdrawal

I'm finally getting my sailboat back today. I've been really missing her and the time spent going out. She'll be coming back with new paint on the hull and bottom and a few other minor things done. I started realizing the "withdrawal" symptoms when I was down at the marina on Sunday and walked past her empty slip.

Compass Rose is a getaway place for me. And I didn't realize how much I enjoy having that time to read, write in my journal, explore places only reachable by boat, and just relax. I don't think that there is a better feeling than being rocked to sleep on the water. Well, maybe a few other feelings are just as good, but you get my drift.

Seeing the photo of Ted Kennedy and his wife sailing on their boat after being discharged from the hospital says a lot to me about how being on the water is healing. Even when the body is hurt, the soul finds comfort in nature.

I've been in a meeting all this week about fish stocks. It's a data workshop so basically we sit around and go over data sets, try to determine what data to use in models and whether those data are defendable for the assessment. These intense meetings remind me that it's nice to have a life outside of science. And the boat is tied to that life.

Hoping that you are enjoying your Thursday.

Running

I’ve been to meetings lately where there have been quite a few newcomers. They are in a lot of pain from living with an active alcoholic.

At last night’s meeting there was a young lady there whose boyfriend had left her on Friday. As she described it, he left and hasn’t contacted her since. She has called him numerous times but he doesn’t answer his cell phone. She said that she wants to know why—Why did he leave without saying goodbye? Why did he tell her he loved her and then leave? Why won’t he answer his phone and talk to her?

These are questions that many of us have asked at one time or another. After the meeting, all we could offer to her was that he is probably using and absorbed in his addiction. We tried to assure her that it’s not her fault. And we gave her phone numbers and took hers to offer our E, S, and H.

This girl is so young to be feeling sad and hopeless. I think about her having so much to look forward to, but she has become involved with a person who cares more about himself and his drugs/booze than about her. Hopefully, she’ll be able to understand more about how powerless she is over another person. I hope that she keeps coming back.

Enlightenment

We shall not cease from exploration,
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive from where we started
And know the place for the first time.
--T. S. Eliot

Enlightenment is defined as education that results in understanding and the spread of knowledge. For Buddhists, it is also considered a blessed state in which the individual transcends desire and suffering and attains Nirvana.

For me, enlightenment has come through being in this program. I not only have come to understand more about myself by working the steps, especially Step Four. But I've come to have a more spiritual feeling. It isn't Nirvana for me yet but I'm at least not suffering as much as I used to.

I have looked for enlightenment throughout my life. I thought that I'd find it in books and was enlightened in many ways. I gained intellectual knowledge but not necessarily wisdom.

Gaining wisdom doesn't come easily and lasting enlightenment in the sense of Nirvana isn't something that many of us achieve. I think that my enlightenment comes as moments of clarity. I know that the journey that I'm on is moving me further along the path to enlightenment. Even though I still have those times when problems and crises arise, those can be seen as preparation for moving another step along the path to enlightenment.

Pitfalls

"The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant. " from the AA 12 x 12

Reading this from the AA 12 x 12 makes me realize how much my character defects have affected my interactions with my alcoholic. It doesn’t work that way with others that I interact with. I can hear what they say and not feel rejection. But with my SO I seem to feel insecure and that a "no" can be negotiated.

On Friday, I asked her to go to dinner. She had just gone to a meeting. She said that she needed her time alone. I know this about her. I understand this because I need my time too. But I felt rejected and wanted to push her to go. I felt filled with self-righteous anger.

It’s like a compulsion to sabotage my program at these times. My insecurity comes through with self-pity, resentment, anger and remorse. If I lean heavily on people, they fail me because they are human and can’t meet my demands of time or love.

And when I try to manipulate others to my own willful desires, they resist. Then I get my feelings hurt. I seem to want closeness at times that don’t necessarily fit the other person’s time frame. And what helps is for me to respect the other person and their wishes.

We talked it out and let it alone. And in the end we went to dinner anyway…..at her suggestion. I think that the acrimony and hurt convinced us that we both needed to put our self-will on hold and accept our differences. These broaching of boundaries are a clear indication of how much I need this program.

Harbor Fest weekend

This weekend was great, with good weather and a lot to do. The District meeting on Saturday was filled with a lot of interesting Al-Anon business. Lots of good things being done to get the word out about the program.

After that meeting I went to Harbor Fest and participated in doing public rows for people attending. Two of the rowing teams' boats were there. It was fun to take kids out for their first row in a big boat and to show adults what team rowing is about.

There were neat aerobatic shows over the Harbor that amazed me. I've never wanted to fly a plane but am impressed by the aerobatic maneuvers that the pilots did--4 and 8 point aeleron rolls, hammerheads, tailslides, and other dangerous looking things that are likely to turn your stomach over and make you understand the force of gravity in a new way.

The tall ships were great and there were pirates on hand to thrill (and scare) the kids. I couldn't help but think of the irony of the sea shanty being sung, "What do you do with drunken sailor?". And what do you do?
1. Put him in the long boat till he's sober,
2. Keep him there and make 'im bale 'er.
3. Shave his belly with a rusty razor.
4. Put him in bed with the captain's daughter.

Thankfully no drunken sailors showed up for rowing. And nobody got his belly shaved. I'm taking a few more Ibuprofen and going to bed.

Alcoholism as a disease

The meeting topic last night was alcoholism as a disease. The person who brought up the topic shared that it is both a physical craving and a mental obsession.

I know that accepting the disease description helps me to better understand the individual. I can accept and have compassion for a person who has this "cunning, baffling, and powerful" disease.

I have learned that no matter how hard I try, I will not be able to help the alcoholic. If I were to devote my life to "fixing" the alcoholic, I would only harm her and myself. I would harm through enabling and doing for someone what they have to do for themselves. Instead I have chosen to help myself through the Al-Anon program.

I don't need to go back to asking the question of why the person I love is an alcoholic. I have to accept that is the way it is and that my SO has a disease that can make her sick. I've also accepted that she isn't a bad person.

I have learned that having a compulsion to drink is a terrible thing. I've listened in open AA meetings about how hard it is to not pick up a drink. Have you ever had a compulsion to eat ice cream or pizza, even though you were on a diet? What did that compulsion feel like to you? How much did you struggle with it? What did you feel like when it bested you? What did it feel like when it didn't and you were able to withstand the compulsion? What does it feel like to know that you can never eat another piece of pizza or have any more ice cream...ever? If I think about those things, then I can better understand the territory of the struggling alcoholic and addict.

But I can't do anything about anyone's alcoholism because I don't know how. I don't have that compulsion that would kill me. My alcoholic can only get help with another recovering alcoholic and by practicing a program of honesty and willingness.

Because I need to work on my own issues from living with alcoholism, I focus on my own program. Getting through the affects of alcohol requires a lot from me. It requires detatchment, patience and humility. It requires being teachable and allowing room for great successes and great failures. It requires serenity, courage and wisdom. It requires honesty and the willingness to change.

Seafaring week

Today, a grand ship the Freedom Schooner Amistad will sail into the Harbor. This ship serves as a reminder of the history of the Atlantic Slave Trade. The ship has sailed more the 14,000 miles and has been visited by thousands of school children and conducted more than 50 public ceremonies and sailing events to tell the story of resistance waged by black and white abolitionists.

There are other tall ships that will sail out to meet the Amistad, in a show of respect. I hope to get photographs of that this evening. Tomorrow and all weekend there will be tours of the tall ships and various maritime activities. I am missing Compass Rose at the moment because she has been in the yard for a couple of weeks to be repainted and have some "cosmetic" work done. I'll probably be rowing and taking people for public rows with the team during Saturday's events.

I think that it's great to have these activities and for people to see the Amistad so that they will realize how horrible the slave trade was. What a long way we have come to have an African-American as a Presidential candidate. I'm glad that the times have changed.

Well, I'm off to the noon meeting. I've been feeling good this week. I realize every day how powerless I am over other people. And that my trust is much better placed with my HP than anyone else.

What if.......

What if it truly doesn't matter what you do but how you do whatever you do?

How would this change what you choose to do with your life?

What if you could be more present and open-hearted with each person you encounter working as a cashier in the corner store, a parking lot attendant or filing clerk than you could if you were striving to do something you think is more important?

How would this change how you want to spend your precious time on this earth?

What if your contribution to the world and the fulfillment of you own happiness is not dependent upon discovering a better method of prayer or technique of meditation, not dependent upon reading the right book or attending the right seminar, but upon really seeing and deeply appreciating yourself and the world as they are right now?

How would this effect your search for spiritual development?

What if there is no need to change, no need to try and transform yourself into someone who is more compassionate, more present, more loving or wise?

How would this effect all the places in your life where you are endlessly trying to be better?

What if the task is simply to unfold, to become who you already are in your essential nature - gentle, compassionate and capable of living fully and passionately present?

How would this effect how you feel when you wake up in the morning?

What if who you essentially are right now is all that you are ever going to be?

How would this effect how you feel about your future?

What if the essence of who you are and always have been is enough?

How would this effect how you see and feel about your past?

What if the question is not why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be, but why do I so infrequently want to be the person I really am?

How would this change what you think you have to learn?

What if becoming who and what we truly are happens not through striving and trying but by recognizing and receiving the people and places and practices that offer us the warmth of encouragement we need to unfold?

How would this shape the choices you have to make about how to spend today?

What if you knew that the impulse to move in a way that creates beauty in the world will arise from deep within and guide you every time you simply pay attention and wait?

How would this shape your stillness, your movement, your willingness to follow this impulse, to just let go and dance?

From Prelude to The Dance by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

These are thought-provoking questions for me. To discover just who I am and to enjoy being that person is something that I have wanted. Now I think that is happening.

I went to see my therapist yesterday for the first time in over a year and a half. It was a "catch-up" visit. He commented on how content I seemed. I suppose that I am more content than I was before or perhaps my contentment was just covered up by all the "stuff" that was running my life. Maybe now I want to be the person that I am. Something to think about.

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer from The Invitation

I read this poem today and thought that it captured a lot of things that I've thought about. Some of these things have become evident to me since being in the program. And some are things that I've thought about but could not express well. What she writes about fear in the book, "We are afraid that we will not be enough", is something that I've thought about. It's a good little book for meditative reading. Just wanted to share it here.

Tornado

I live on a rural island. It's a beautiful place to live with lots of old live oak trees. Last night, a tornado ripped through a part of the island and left a swath of destruction that is nothing like I've seen. I was on the island during Hurricane Hugo but the tornado appeared to be much more destructive.

Granted, it only touched down in a confined area but where it did touch down, there isn't much left standing. Oaks, pines, gum trees, fences were toppled. Some houses are completely hidden by the downed trees. Luckily, no one was hurt.

We were fortunate to have escaped the path of the tornado. I guess one never knows what forces of nature are going to change the landscape. Hopefully, power will be restored soon to those without it. And the debris will be cleared away. It's hard to take the loss of those big old trees though.

Somebody's Mother

The woman was old and ragged and gray
And bent with the chill of the winter's day.
The street was wet with the recent snow,
And the woman's feet were aged and slow.

She stood at the crossing and waited long
Alone, uncared for, amid the throng
Of human beings who passed her by,
Nor heeded the glance of her anxious eye.

Down the street with laughter and shout.
Glad in the freedom of "school let out,"
Came the boys like a flock of sheep,
Hailing the snow piled white and deep.

Past the woman so old and gray
Hastened the children on their way,
Nor offered a helping hand to her,
So meek, so timid, afraid to stir,
Lest the carriage wheels or the horses' feet
Should crowd her down in the slippery street.

At last came one of the merry troop,
The gayest laddie of all the group;
He paused beside her and whispered low,
"I'll help you across if you wish to go."

Her aged hand on his strong young arm
She placed, and so, without hurt or harm,
He guided her trembling feet along,
Proud that his own were firm and strong.

Then back again to his friends he went,
His young heart happy and well content.
"She's somebody's mother, boys, you know,
For all she's aged and poor and slow;

"And I hope some fellow will lend a hand
To help my mother, you understand,
If ever she's poor and old and gray,
When her own dear boy is far away."

And "somebody's mother" bowed low her head
In her home that night, and the prayer she said
Was, "God be kind to the noble boy
Who is somebody's son and pride and joy."--Author Unknown

I am grateful for the mother who gave birth to me and loved me unconditionally on this day. Hope that you have a peaceful day.

Control

It never ceases to amaze me that I can go to a meeting and hear what I need to hear. Tonight's topic was about control. Whether it is the alcoholic trying to control us or us trying to control the alcoholic, the end result is one of resentment that grows into anger.

After the meeting an older fellow who is living with an active alcoholic told me that he understood exactly what I was saying about the difficulties that arise in relationships with the alcoholic. He said that he'd been asked many times why he didn't just leave his wife. His answer was "Well, you see, I love the old girl."

And those who love others often are willing to forgive and try to forget. I can remember how I would be swayed by the words "I'm sorry" after drunken episodes. I would believe those words and kept believing them until I finally realized that maybe the words were sincerely spoken at the time but the follow through wasn't there.

A few words of love or promises can spin us into denial. Sometimes, belief in those words can keep us denying that we are being lied to, mistreated, or abused. But I've learned the hard way that if behavior doesn't match what a person is saying, then I'm allowing myself to be controlled and deceived. A person not only has to talk the talk but walk the walk.

Just like the fellow at the meeting, I also love my alcoholic. I can't control what she does, but I also don't have to accept her words as being the truth. I get to work my program, take my own inventory and communicate with my HP. I've let myself be harmed by words, both kind and unkind. But I know that through my HP, I will eventually know the truth.

I know I'm controlling, but so is my husband. Possibly more controlling than I am. Each time I set out to leave him, each time I started to walk away, he knew exactly what to say to pull me back in. And he knew I'd respond. He knew how to say exactly what I needed to hear to keep me where he wanted me. He knew what he was doing, and he knew what I would do. I know, because after we began recovering, he told me so.
--Anonymous

validation

I was reminded yesterday of how difficult sometimes it is to have relationships. Things can go along just great for a while and then WHAM, there is an impasse that happens. I have had difficulties with relationships over the years because of looking to someone else to give me what I never received as a kid.

I think that things have improved a lot through Al-Anon. I have lessened expectations and have felt happy doing those things that I like to do. Yet, there are times that I know that I look for reactions from another in order to validate feelings about myself. I enjoy closeness and intimacy but know that too much of that can seem smothering.

But like all things in recovery, I'm still a work in progress. I believe though that loving someone doesn't have to be like walking a tight rope. Being around someone too much can be irritating and not allow them to have their own life and things that they want to do. I never thought that displaying affection had to be measured.

I've read in the book Compelled to Control that controlling can be insidious. The controller doesn't know always when it is happening. That's because it has been a behavioral adaptation that has been around since childhood. It stems from fear of loss and abandonment.

What I've learned is that having too much focus on another or having expectations of affection can be irritating and an affront to another's freedom and space. At worst, it can result in loss of love and damage to the relationship.

In recovery we learn that healthy boundaries are good. And that it is important to respect another's boundaries. It is a question of changing attitudes, not just behavior. It is about a persons attitude of self acceptance. No one can make another feel worthwhile because we have to find value inside ourselves.

I know the progress that I've made but there is always room for improvement. I am going to resolve to set more careful boundaries and enforce them, even when it isn't comfortable or convenient. And I'm going to be respectful of the boundaries of others. I have to deal with the feelings of resentment that plague me when I'm reminded of breaching boundaries. And I have to remind myself that just because there is love in a relationship, there still needs to be space for personal growth.

And in considering boundaries I have to inventory myself about my resentments that stem from my own unreasonable expectations of relationships. No one can make another feel good about themselves. We have to build our own self-image and deal with the distortions that are present due to poor parenting or whatever else had a hand in how we interact with others. This isn't an easy process. But through the program and the help of my sponsor, I am able to see that backsliding into neediness isn't the end but something that I can work on through awareness.

So much of what I call my codependency is fear and panic because I spent so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships.
-- Anonymous

Night at the beach

I got back from my work meeting okay. Last night I had field work to do. It was one of those times where I witnessed something that few people get to see. It was a major mating event for horseshoe crabs.

I got to the site where spawning occurs. It was supposed to be a training event for volunteers so that a routine census could be taken. The crabs started to move into the shallows just after dark. By close to high tide, there were thousands of them, mating and moving through the shallows. It was difficult to walk because there were so many. I have to say that it was one of the most awesome spectacles that I've seen in my career because of the sheer numbers of them.

Horseshoe crab mating is a lot like a bar scene. There is a desirous female who is using the seduction of pheromones to send out a message of availability. There are around 8 males for every one female and the boys hover around, with one being lucky enough to grasp hold of the female and fertilize her eggs. The other males are just "satellites" and often grasp each other because of the drive to fertilize the eggs. We called this a "gang bang".

Everyone there was amazed at this natural phenomenon. Even though we didn't finish up until after midnight, I think everyone was glad to have had this experience. When you consider that these crabs have been around for over 300 million years, it becomes even more imperative that we conserve their spawning beaches.

Hope to get around to visit everyone soon. It's been a busy couple of days.

taking time

If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk.--Raymond Inmon

I will only be walking in an airport today. It's not my favorite place to walk by any means. Trying to get from one place to another in Atlanta is really like putting my head somewhere else. I just try to get through to my gate and hope that I make it in time. Or that the plane is on time.

And it's hard to get much serenity at a work meeting. Most of the time there is about an hour for lunch. But because most hotels are wireless where I meet, I'm able to get on line and read the thoughts for the day on the Hazelden web site. I also take an Al-Anon book on the plane and do some reading before I get to the meeting. There isn't any opportunity to go out for a walk but I can still revitalize my thinking and refresh my mind.

It's just a simple thing for me to do when I'm out of town.

a great time

It was a glorious weekend here. On Saturday, I worked at the open house for the marine lab. There were lots of people who seemed truly interested in what we are doing and how they can help to improve things. It was rewarding to see how excited the kids were about the critters and exhibits.

Yesterday, I got up late and went to the beach. It was a great day for a long walk. I feel lucky to live in such an extraordinary place. And just plain happy at the moment.

Today I leave for a meeting in Virginia. That means that I'll miss my home group tonight. And there won't be time for a meeting tomorrow since it's an all day work meeting with a late flight back home tomorrow night. I'm not looking forward to flying. Hopefully, there won't be any major delays. But I'll just take it as it comes.

Today I'm grateful for:

• Having a chance at another day and doing the next right thing
• Getting enough rest so that I'm functioning and not tired
• Having enough humility to realize that I don't have all the answers
• Feeling joy and happiness at the moment over the smallest of things
• Appreciating all those people and things that are beautiful to me.
  

Working Saturday

Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect. ~Chief Seattle, 1855

There is an open house at the marine lab today. This is one of those events in which we have a lot of displays and information available and the public comes in to see what we do. It's generally a fun event with children and adults alike enjoying seeing critters and going out on the boats.

I think that the best part of my work is getting the message about the importance of the marine environment to the public. I used to think that the best part of what I did was publish papers and do research. I think that my attitude changed when I came to realize that there is a sense of urgency about taking care of the habitats that we have left. With more and more people moving to the coast, there is a real need to impress upon people that the water and marine resources that everyone loves is getting sick from careless development, overpopulation, and generally being taken for granted. Awareness and education are key to getting the message out.

I wish that more academicians came out of the ivory towers of learning and mingled among the general public. Not all but many are simply out of touch with what is happening in the real world. I don't think that I have the luxury anymore of simply doing research because it's something that interests me. I feel that I have a responsibility to do something that is going to make things better.

Off my soap box for today and off to pass the message of "Do no harm" to others or to the environment.

I'm grateful for:

• Being able to pass the messages that I've learned on to others
• Having a chance at experiencing another day
• Doing what I can for a better way of life and hoping that others do the same
• Having seen that nature puts on a better show than Spielburg and it's all for free
• The wonderment of kids over things that many of us take for granted.
  

coming to consciousness

Seldom, or perhaps never, does a marriage develop into an individual relationship smoothly and without crises; there is no coming to consciousness without pain.
--Carl Jung

I think that since I've worked on not having so many expectations of others, I been able to forego a lot of pain. I've learned that there are no perfect relationships but there are ways that we can connect with others in a meaningful honest way.

My wife has been reading the Diana Chronicles and we discussed it last night. From what I gather, the Princess of Wales had a lot of expectations going in her head. There was the fantasy of the Prince and the Princess living happily ever after. And there was the fear of rejection that pervaded the Princess's life. She wanted all to be perfect in picture-book form, but it wasn't real. She didn't count on the fact that such an existence doesn't account for the personalities of others that are beyond our control.

Having a real relationship means that sometimes we will get upset with others, or they will get upset with us. But if we are to stay in a relationship, there needs to be a basic commitment for honest communication and to work at making the relationship better through acceptance and lowering our expectations of others. There will also be a need to work through those crises that come along. If we don't do that, then no relationship is going to grow. One or the other will walk out eventually or become so resentful that the relationship dies.

I don't know whether the Princess ever realized how co-dependent she was and perhaps Al-Anon would have helped her (her father John Spencer was a heavy drinker and her mother an eventual alcoholic so she would have qualified). I think that without a program of growth, I would not have been able to handle the rough spots or stay in my marriage. I knew that things weren't right but I wanted to feel better about who I was. And I realized that there was no way I could change the other person. My life wasn't a fairy tale. It was real and instead of running away from all the problems forever, I eventually had to face them. And by facing them, I finally came back to reality and consciousness.

Mortality

Let us endeavor to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. ~Mark Twain

What would be the use of immortality to a person who cannot use well a half an hour. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was thinking about my own mortality yesterday. Now that's a morbid thing and obviously I was not exactly in the day. Or maybe I was since it was my mother's birthday. I was thinking how different life was when she was born. It was probably less complicated and certainly not as technologically advanced. She was born, lived 95 years and then she moved on. She had a good long life.

What is clear to me is that none of us knows how much time we have. We can be struck by a sudden illness or be diagnosed with an incurable disease. We can be in an automobile accident that kills or leaves us near death. Or we could be struck down by some random and anonymous act of violence. When I consider the horrible things that take place every day such as homicides, kidnapping and violation of children, being struck down in war, or any of a number of acts that kill or maim the body and spirit, I think that my life is relatively blessed. I am just grateful that I've made it this far and am able to wake up and get moving on this day.

And being thankful for having made it this far, makes me realize that I have no control over how long I have. It could be that genetics are on my side and I'll live to be old like my ancestors. Or maybe there's a different plan. Right now though, I'm back in this day and glad to be here. Enjoy it while you can.