One Thing

I thought that this was particularly appropriate as we approach the New Year:

What if you could do one thing that would
change your mind
change your attitude
change your day
change your life
change the world—would you do it?

Wondering what that one thing might be?
The answer is amazingly simple.
That Onething is whatever you want it to be.

And, what if that one person were joined by thousands-even millions-of other one persons, each doing just ONE THING toward creating a healthy planet? Guilt, fear and helplessness won't save us, but rolling up our sleeves and pitching in will. Avoid the overwhelm, participate in ONE THING, and experience how good it feels to make a difference.

Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, each and every moment of the day there is one thing you can do to honor life, one thing that will honor you and the world you live in. It might be using cloth bags at the grocery store, not driving one day a week, reading a story to a child, or smiling at a stranger. We live in one world. Nothing can happen to you that doesn't happen to me. Nothing can happen to them that doesn't happen to us. For better or worse, we are in this together. Let's make it better.

What will you do?

I'm going to do a random act of kindness every day.

Have a Happy New Year's Eve.

Reflective day

I am in a reflective mood today. I've been thinking about all that I have been given, all that I am grateful for, and all the ways that I could have made decisions that had irrevocable consequences. But for whatever reason I'm still here, still working the same job, still living in the same house, still married to the same person. There could have been other outcomes thus far in my life. But for today these things are my reality, and I'm glad for that.

I thought about my home group meeting last night. It was just me and my sponsor, just like when we worked the steps together. It was nice to talk and discuss Step 12. I especially liked this part from the AA 12 x 12:

"When a man or a woman has a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he could not do before on his unaided strength and resources alone. He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being. He has been set on a path which tells him he is really going somewhere, that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured or mastered. In a very real sense he has been transformed, because he has laid hold of a source of strength which, in one way or another, he had hitherto denied himself. He finds himself in possession of a degree of honesty, tolerance, unselfishness, peace of mind, and love of which he had thought himself quite incapable. What he has received is a free gift, and yet usually, at least in some small part, he has made himself ready to receive it."

It is a free gift that I've been given. And what a gift it is.

I'm passing that gift along to another this evening when I meet with a new sponsee to start working on Step One. I'm looking forward to that and to finishing up chairing the Beginner's Meeting for the Tuesday night group. I can now work with the sponsees during that time. I'm just moving from one kind of service to another. No doors are shut but a lot of them are open to me. Thank goodness for that.

Real life

I read on Gabriella Moonlight's blog that on Christmas Eve Liquid Illuzion (Suzanne Horne) committed suicide. She had posted comments on my site, having found a link via Shadow. I read more about her by going to Cliff's blog.

When I read her obituary I was smacked in the face by the fact that this wasn't just a person who wrote on the computer. This was a real person who was having a lot of difficulty and who continued to wish people Merry Christmas on the very evening that she decided to end her own life. I felt profound sadness that she thought there was no other way to work through whatever was bothering her.

Even though Suzanne was not a person that I knew, I felt as others have expressed that perhaps there was something that could have been written to her that would have sparked a bit of hope in her heart. And I felt guilty for having written about Christmas traditions and my happiness when another was obviously suffering so, even though I know in my head that is irrelevant to what happened.

I understand Suzanne's sadness, having contemplated several times during my darkest hours that life was hardly worth living. Now I see that there is so much to live for. And I realize that I am not alone because my Higher Power is there with me even during the dark times. I wish that Suzanne had known that there is a way to get through a day, an hour, 15 minutes. I'm sorry that she gave up before the miracle happened in her life.

Out for a stroll

I've been out for a walk on the beach this morning.

It's another warm and sunny day.
Lazy time for us.
Just walking and watching the dog play.
Ruffling each other's hair,
Linking our fingers together,
Laughing as the waves chase us away from the water.
Smelling the salt in her hair,
Kissing full lips,
Encircling firm hips.
Loving these moments when
There is nothing for us to worry about,
Nothing to take away
This special time together.

Calm Saturday

It's a quiet and calm Saturday. I like the early morning when not even the birds are up. There's no wind, no rustling of branches, no ripples on the water.

I don't have much planned for the day. I haven't decided whether to go out on the boat or not. Right now, I just feel like being still and enjoying the silence around me.

I think that this road of self-discovery that I'm on has many different avenues. I started out thinking that inner peace and serenity were the destination. Concentrating on myself is a path that I'm traveling, but I've found that my connection with the world and my fellow human beings has been heightened too. Sometimes I tend to get too wrapped up in the sorrows of the world. That's where my heart "thinking" comes in. As long as I have my head and heart in sync then I feel more balanced. And I find that I'm walking this road of recovery with an increased sense of humility, acceptance and wonder.

Hope that you are traveling the road that takes you to where you want to be this Saturday.

The day after

Well, as my father used to say, "Christmas is as far away as it will ever be". This was his comment for the day after Christmas. Today does have that "day after" feeling about it.

Christmas Day itself was a day filled with some ups and downs. The early morning of Christmas Day started with watching the Christmas mass from St. Peter's basilica. I'm not Catholic but the beauty of that mass, the little children from around the world, and the celebration of the birth of Jesus is the best way to start Christmas day.

Later in the morning, we took three cakes to the AA clubhouse where my wife attends meeting. I met some of the people that she knows. And there was a fellow sitting with his own thoughts. I heard him say that his family was driving him crazy, and it was a choice of going to a bar or coming to AA. He said that he already felt better after 20 minutes at the clubhouse.

For some reason, I found being there sad. It is a sort of dilapidated place in a rough neighborhood. There wasn't a tablecloth to put on the table. My wife commented that next year, we would bring red paper tablecloths, and a couple of poinsettias to make it more festive. But I think that the man who looked so despondent made me the saddest. Before my "let's fix him" thoughts got going, I realized that he isn't in a bar. He's where he needs to be. And he is among people who understand and will help because of that.

After getting back from AA, we finished up cooking. There was enough food for an army, even though we didn't make large portions. My wife's parents came over. They are in their upper 80's and have noticeably slowed down. Her dad enjoys sitting in a chair and reading the paper. Her mother has difficulty relaxing even at this age in life. I won't take her inventory but suffice to say that she is best taken in small doses.

We opened presents and had a nice meal. I was aware of the two empty chairs at the dining room table. My mother used to sit in one and my wife's aunt in the other. Once again, I thought that I want to have a house full of people who can share all the food that we prepare.

But then, I found that by the late afternoon of yesterday I'd had enough of people for a while, so I went for a ride in new Blue. It was a beautiful day with warm temperatures so it was nice to just drive.

Later, I visited some friends and watched a short movie that they are producing. One fellow is an actor and quite a good one. We had a lot of laughs over his role in the movie.

It was nice to come back to a quiet house, sit with my wife, and just reflect on the kaleidoscope that was Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas to all

Light a candle

Candles are in every window here. I've heard that the lighted candle in the window was put there to welcome Mary and Joseph as they sought shelter in vain on that first Christmas Eve. So now we welcome travelers through this tradition of the candles in the window.

I think that this practice dates back to the 1800's in America. I remember going as a child to Williamsburg, Virginia to see candles in every window. I've read that the real candles were placed in a bowl of water at the base to try to avoid fire.

We like to light the real candles in the house on Christmas Eve. It is symbolic for us of the real meaning of this holiday.


The other candles that are in the window are the Julstake type from Sweden. I thought that seeing these in every window when I was in Sweden really was beautiful. My friends in Sweden told me that they leave the candles up during much of January to give light and an air of festivity during the darkest days of winter. I found these candles in a store in Gamla Stan and brought several home.

No matter what light that you have in your house, I hope that you carry the light of Christmas in your heart. Have a peaceful Christmas Eve.

Coal and switches

The above photo is of the Christmas tree is our parlor. It's a 9 foot fir tree that smells great. The tree is decorated with antique ornaments as well as many hand made by various relatives. And there are the bubble lights that I was fascinated with as a kid. One of my favorite ornaments is an old one that has little blades that rotate based on heat given off by a bulb placed underneath it. You can see this unique ornament in the center of the photo below.

I remember how exciting it was to wake up on Christmas morning--usually about 5 AM or earlier. It was hard to stay in bed, but I was taught to wait until my parents were up and about.

My dad, ever the realist, would tell me that for his Christmas he was happy if he received some oranges and pieces of hoar hound candy. This made me feel terribly sorry for him. In fact, I would feel guilty about receiving anything when he was so deprived. He also told me that if a child misbehaved they will find coal and switches on Christmas morning instead of the toys that they wished for. I would then work diligently to be as good as I could be so that I wouldn't come down to a sack of coal or those dreaded switches.

I suppose that as I look back on this bit of guilt that was heaped on my head, I could have built up a lot of resentment. Instead, I think that what my father told me made me appreciate how lucky I was and that there were children who got little or nothing for Christmas. His stories made me realize over the years that it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Christmas wreaths

The photo above is of Arlington National Cemetery. The wreaths are placed on 5000 graves by the Worcester Wreath Co. of Harrington , Maine. The owner, Morill Worcester, not only provides the wreaths, but covers the trucking expense as well. He's done this since 1992.
In 1992 he was faced with a surplus of wreaths and hearkened back to a memorable trip he'd taken to Arlington National Cemetery when he was 12-years old. He took the wreaths to Arlington from his business in Maine and laid them on the graves of 4,000 who are laid to rest there.

The next year he decided to plan on taking 5,000 wreaths and has been doing it ever since. He said that there were only a few volunteers the first year and it took them five or six hours to place the wreaths. Now, however, he has so many helpers each year that the work is done in about an hour.

The wreaths that I grew up with are the traditional "della Robbia" style inspired by Eighteenth-century engravings. Typical materials included apples, lemons, limes, oranges, pineapples, pomegranates, cranberries, bayberries, holly berries, chinaberries, rose hips, sumac berries, magnolia pods, lotus pods, milkweed pods, dried flowers, cotton bolls, rosemary, laurel, okra pods, dried cayenne peppers, mistletoe - as well as red cedar, red oak, boxwood, pine, fir, mountain laurel, magnolia, ivy.







The linking of fruited "della Robbia" wreaths with Christmas and front doors seems to have started during the early years of this century in America's wealthier homes. It has become the popular wreath in the tidewater area of Virginia where I'm from. So my wife and I have continued to use these wreaths at our home in SC.

We don't use real fruit because that would rot quickly or be eaten by squirrels. Maybe even a deer would venture up the steps to take a bite of a real apple. We use holly berries, seed pods, pine cones, magnolia leaves, and oyster shells as well as some artificial fruit. I like these wreaths because they are made from mostly natural things and their simplicity to my eye is beautiful. Keep it simple works with decorations too.

Just sharing some Christmas tradition with you today in the spirit of the season.

Anonymity

The photo above was taken at the St. Augustine Lighthouse and shows the Christmas tree in the center of the lighthouse.

Here's some humor for you on this Sunday.

This guy dies and finds himself at the gates of heaven with St. Peter. He tells St. Peter that he wants to come into heaven.

Peter reviews his record and says "Well that should be possible, but you need to decide what group you want to be with."

So Peter proceeds to take the candidate on a little tour. The first place they stop at, they can smell frankincense, and they find people on their knees, praying ardently to the Virgin Mary.

"These are the Catholics," Peter informs him, "Would you like to go here?"

"No, I don't think so," replies the guy. So they move on.

At the next place they find people standing up and singing hymns. "These are Protestants," informs St. Peter. "Would you like to join them?"

"Nah," says the guy, so the move on again.

The next place they come to they can smell the aroma of fresh coffee and cookies. There are a multitude of people gathered in groups, smiling, laughing and joking."

"This is more like it," says the candidate to St. Peter. "What group is this?"

"We don't know." replies St. Peter, "They won't tell us."

Iluminated

This photo is of Compass Rose, all decked out with her twinkling snowflakes and her strings of blue lights. She is the only boat decorated in our corner of the marina. Somehow leaving her all dark and alone didn't seem right. Now she just seems happy to me.

And I'm feeling happy and content too. But I don't want to get complacent in that place. It's easy for me to let the decorations of the lights pretty up and mask some of the stuff that lurks beneath the surface.

I know that this is the season of high expectations. And those expectations can easily be shattered. I think that's particularly true with visits to family or keeping in touch with friends. I called a family member the other day to tell them that their present had been mailed, but that I received notice that UPS didn't leave the package because no one was home. Instead, they dropped it at the nearby post office. I received some criticism about why I shouldn't use UPS. And that they would have to go to the post office now. I thought WTF but said "Well, I hope that you enjoy it and have a good Christmas".

So it's easy to slide back to old indignations and self-pity behaviors. I laugh when I think about what Eckhart Tolle writes: “If you think you’re enlightened, then go and live with your parents for a week.”

So what I'm doing is not attaching too much importance to the good times or the bad times. Rather, I'm seeing if I can keep an even keel. I'm limiting expectations, minding my own business and staying with in the middle of the road without reeling off into the ditches.

I'm going out on the boat this weekend. The forecast is for warm temperatures with breezy conditions. I don't imagine there will be many people on the island, probably just a few campers. And the weather will be nice for long walks on the beach.

Enjoy your Saturday!

Happy Friday

The photo above is in the entrance hall. I'm going to post a Christmas photo every day. I guess that I'm in the spirit!

Yesterday there was a good meeting on "Let It Begin with Me". This was a timely topic for me, especially in view of my thoughts about service work this week. I know that getting honest with myself about what I can realistically do and what I can't is an essential part of the slogan.

If I want things to change in my life for the better then it will need to begin with me. When I first came to Al-Anon, my marriage was just about dead. This was a last ditch effort for me. I didn't want to live with alcoholism, I wanted to get away from the anger, shame and humiliation that was the fall out from the disease.

After I began to finally hear what was being said in meetings and through the help of my sponsor and the steps, I began to shift my focus from the alcoholic to myself: my attitudes, my actions, my thoughts, my emotions began to be clearer. I began to see who I was and who I could be.

And I've come to learn that it can begin with me when I'm wearing my program right. I can be of maximum service to others when things are okay in my head. And that means that my motives are right, my expectations aren't clouding my vision which allows me to share what I have with others. Becoming a part of the beginning of recovery for others is a great gift of the program.

Thursday comes after Wednesday

Today is my noon meeting. I haven't been to it in a couple of weeks, so I'm looking forward to seeing the regulars there. It is the oldest Al-Anon meeting in this town. And since it's at noon time, that means that I will get home tonight right after work.

I took the day off yesterday and did some Christmas things. I wrapped presents for my wife. I took a nap. And I bought a new Blue.

Blue who was wrecked on November 26 has been the subject of much discussion between the insurance adjusters and the body shop. The body shop wants to total Blue because she has a bent frame. The adjusters are wanting to go over every inch and hope for a fix. So I made a decision (sounds like step 3) and decided that if the frame is bent, I won't be keeping Blue. Structural integrity is something that I want in a car. A bent frame doesn't fill me with much confidence.

So I looked at what was available in the pre-owned (nice fancy word for used) certified listings. And there she was: a 2006 Monaco Blue 330 ci with 6 speed manual. Too good to be true I thought. So I made an appointment for us to go "look". One look and I was sold. Kinda atypical for this Capricorn. But with all the incentives being offered, it seemed like acting now instead of later was the best idea. So now there is a new Blue. Merry Christmas to us.

And if that isn't enough, after the meeting on Tuesday when I said that I was rotating out of service for the Beginner's Group, I was approached by a fellow who asked me to be his sponsor. God is sending me a message here. Service is where He wants me.

Christmas spirit

Shadow graciously gave me this award about Christmas Spirit. Thanks Shadow! I do like Christmas.

I'm posting the "rules":
*the person to whom you give the award must also be in love with christmas
* you must link back to the person who gave you the award
* you must list 5 things that you love about christmas. if you can’t limit it to 5 things, then keep going till you run out of space!
* pass the award along to as many people as you like. that can be 1 or 50. it’s up to you. but, you must pass it one to at least one person in order to keep the christmas cheer going!
* let your recipients know that you have tagged them by leaving them a comment


So I'm going to post some things that I like about Christmas.

1. I like the candles in the windows and the lights on the trees. Because it's a dreary time of year, it's nice to come home to see the tree lights on and the candles lit.

2. I like the idea of having time off to relax and be lazy. We can snuggle, watch movies, read books, and do just what we want to do.

3. I like the feeling of doing something special for others. It's what it's all about: to surprise others with something nice, to say I care, to give without expectations. It's just a warm feeling inside about everything.

4. I like the food and preparing a good meal. Turkey, cranberry sauce, oyster stew, ham, cornbread stuffing, crab casserole, shrimp and grits--all are staples for a Christmas dinner that incorporates foods from Virginia and those from the Lowcountry.

5. I like the music and the parades. Christmas music is special and reminds me of my grandmother singing to me. And the parades are just plain fun. Everyone loves a parade.

I'm going to pass this on to:
Jess--http://christianchickblog.blogspot.com/
Trailboss--http://ilovehorses-trailboss.blogspot.com/
Pam--http://sobriety-is-exhausting.blogspot.com/
Mary Christine--http://marychristineg.blogspot.com/
Findon--http://therapaciouscreditor.blogspot.com/

Inventorying myself

Thanks to all for your comments regarding getting out of the doldrums with regard to meetings and service work. This is a great group of people who step up to share their thoughts. I greatly appreciate what you have to say.

I shared last night at my home group meeting that I have begun to feel as if I am taking on more and more service work with Al-Anon. And the feeling that I get is similar to those pre-program years when I took on more and more things at work and at home, only to feel trapped and resentful that I had taken on too much.

I inventoried what was going on and find that I'm not wanting to take on anything else. In fact, I'm wanting to rotate out of service on chairing the Beginner's meeting that I've been doing for three months. I'll still go to my meetings and be the GR for my home group, but I am going to ask that someone else take over with the beginner's starting in January. On that night, I have 2 hours of Al-Anon and don't get home until nearly 10 PM. I just need a break and more flexibility with my time.

I've found that service work is a great thing. Maybe some of it at first was ego based. I've always been one to step up out of a feeling of responsibility, especially when no one else volunteers. But a lot of why I have done service work is to give back to the program what has been so freely given to me. And I appreciate that there were people at the meetings when I was new that took the time to share their experience, strength, and hope which was exactly what I needed to hear at the time. And I have gotten a lot from working with the newcomers who keep coming back.

So maybe it's time for me to step back, go to meetings, listen to the sharing of others, absorb and think about how the topic relates to my life and situation. Last night's home group meeting was a good example: the topic was on the Al-Anon "Bill of Rights". These were excerpted from the ODAT for January 13.

• I have a right to free myself from any situation that interferes with my having a decent life and pleasant experiences.
• I am entitled to life without fear, uncertainty and discomfort.
• I have a right to help not only myself and my family, but the suffering alcoholic as well.
• I have a right to stand firm against constant wavering, which can only hinder me from breaking out of my present thinking pattern.
  

And I would add the following ones to this:

1. I have the right to ask for what I want

2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can't meet.

3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.

4. I have the right to change my mind.

5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.

6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.

7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe or it violates my values.

8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.

9. I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings or problems

10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.

11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.

12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.

13. I have the right to feel scared and say 'I'm afraid."

14. I have the right to say 'I don't know'.

15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.

16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.

17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.

18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.

19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.

20. I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.

21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.

22. I have the right to change and grow.

23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others

24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect

25. I have the right to be happy.

"God guide me to make the right decision and give me the fortitude to cling to it against all pressures and persuasions."

Monday's child

It was a nice weekend on the boat. I didn't get out to the anchorage until nearly 5 PM on Saturday. The tides were extreme highs and lows due to the full moon. I anchored the boat a bit too close in though and by 2 AM, I found myself sliding down the V-berth because the boat had heeled over in shallow water. I had to laugh because I hadn't done that but one other time. It makes for snug sleeping since two people are crammed against the bulkhead.

Once the tide came in, I moved the boat out further. We then rowed to shore in the dinghy. The dog had a good romp in the surf. We met some other people who were camping on the island. They had a good fire going but were trying to decide whether to all stay in the same tent for warmth. Nice and cozy with four adults, a child and a wet collie.

We got back to the marina in time to clean up the boat and to put the decorations up on Compass Rose. There were quite a few boats at the marina that had lights up. It just didn't seem right not to have the boat with a few lights on her. I wanted her to feel special this time of year because the time is special.
Tonight is my home group. The old nursery rhyme says that Monday's child is fair of face. I think that I have a feeling of being fair of face today. Although I also think that my face may show the tired feeling that I have after a sailing weekend. The time just goes by too quickly.

And to be honest, I've felt a bit disconnected from some things with the program lately. I go to meetings, but I seem to hear a lot of the same stuff over and over. I give calls to people who are in the program but seldom get a reciprocating call. I see people absorbed with their own stuff, their own business, and wonder if I'm keeping the focus too much on myself. I reach out but get mixed messages. These are all things that get my cynicism stirring. And these are sure pitfalls to launch a resentment. I don't believe that this is a program of rhetoric. So today I'm going to open up my ears, stop taking inventory and just listen. Maybe I'll hear what I need to hear.

Streaker

Just a bit of humor on this Saturday. What's not to love about animals acting like us silly humans. I really like those Clydesdales and got to see and touch them a couple of years ago.

I'm off to spend a very chilly weekend on the boat. And here's my blues rendition of how I'm going to stay warm (with apologies to J. J. Cale and Eric Clapton--sung to the tune Cocaine):

If you wanna be warm you've got to fire it up.
Propane.

If you wanna lie down, and have heat all around.
Propane.

It will fry, it will fry, it will fry;
Propane.

If you got stew and you wanna eat it too,
Propane.

When your sail is done and you wanna warm your buns.
Propane.

It will heat, it will heat, it will heat.
Propane.

When it's cold outside and you wanna get warm.
Propane.

Don't forget this gas, it takes up little mass.
Propane.

It will heat, it will heat, it will heat.
Propane.

Have a good Saturday. Mine is filled with a lot of gratitude for so many things. Here are just a few:
1. Having wet noses of the dogs and lots of kisses to wake me this morning.
2. That the house smells like pine, there are fires going in the fireplaces, and cookies being baked in the kitchen.
3. That my family never threw away anything and most all of it has become valuable to me in many more ways than monetarily.
4. That I'm going to decorate the boat with blue lights and lighted snow flakes after my sail
5. That nothing is terribly wrong in my life at the moment and I'm equipped with the principles of the program in living my life.

What I hated is cool again

One of my co-workers stopped me in the hall yesterday and asked me if he could buy the Evergleam aluminum tree and color wheel that my parents had. He knew about it because I'd mentioned to him how tacky I thought it was and how much I disliked it when I was a kid.

This tree was a legacy from the early 1960s. For some reason, my parents decided that having a real tree was not "progressive" so they decided to get an aluminum one.

Now to me at that time and still to this day, I love the smell of a real Christmas tree. We go out each year to the local tree farm to look for a good specimen. Heck, there are even hay rides to take you to go get your tree.

But the tree that I remember that took the shine out of Christmas was the one that came in the big flat box that said "Evergleam" on the side. It was a 4 foot model and would be placed on top of the Chippendale chest in the living room, right in front of the window. And to add insult to this, my father would plug in the color wheel that would rotate to color the tree with red, green, blue and gold.

I remember that the tree was decorated with red ornaments. No longer were the old glass ornaments from my earliest memory used. Nor were the cool bubble lights that I liked so much.
And the tree lived up to its advertising as being really durable--because it has lasted to this day.

I would go to other kid's houses, and they had real trees with colored lights and a great pine woods smell. I was ashamed that we had to have this metal thing in the window. But my father wasn't at all bothered by the Charlie Brown Christmas saga about how uncool metal trees were (Lucy sniping at Charlie Brown to get a pink metal one).

After I had my own place, all the trees were real. But my mother and father continued to use the aluminum one. After my dad died, my mother put it up every year until she finally went into assisted living. The aluminum tree in its box was relegated to closet storage. I was glad that I didn't get to see it. Until now....

And all of a sudden it seems that these vintage metal trees are much sought after. They have some kind of art deco charm. So after my colleague asked about buying the tree, and I replied that it had a kind of weird sentiment (surprising!) for me, I went home and found the old Evergleam in its box.

I took out all the branches from their waxy sleeves and put the tree up in the landing going up to the upstairs library. I must be in that nostalgic part of my life. Because for some reason, I think that the Evergleam needs to be out of its box. I have a 9 foot real tree in the parlor complete with bubble lights and all the handmade and antique glass ornaments that have been in the family. But I also have that old aluminum tree to remind me of a time when my parents were young and enjoyed the color wheel as it shown its light on a gleaming silver tree.

Have a great Friday everyone.

the gutting of science

I'm going to put on my scientist hat for this post. One of the things that has come up in many states and in the federal government is how to keep scientific progress moving forward with huge budget cuts. But there may be a more insidious problem that is "gutting" science.

With the current administration, there has been a movement away from a science policy that looks at data on how things really are. Instead science policy has been more aligned with fitting ideological preferences on how the world should be. There have been journalistic reports on intimidation of scientists in government posts, suppression of scientific evidence and perpetuation of misinformation.

There apparently isn't any field that has been spared. Everything from climate change to public health has seen a decline in funding and staffing. Many of the staff losses were those who resigned their posts in despair.

There was an excellent post entitled "Back to Reality" by Olivia Judson, in a blog in the NY Times. She indicates that the distortion and suppression of science is dangerous. It's dangerous because science is a method of thought and inquiry on which our modern civilization is based and which has been hugely successful as a way of acquiring knowledge that lets us transform our lives and the world around us.

She points out that the facts and equations that are taught in schools are but a consequence of scientific activity. Science itself is something else. It encompasses a method for measuring, evaluating and describing events, the environment, and the world based on investigation and evidence. Scientists seek to understand how things really are, based on empirical observations, not on anecdotes or biases. To acquire such an attitude takes training and a desire to be unbiased--to let the data lead to results that can be discussed and presented for review.

I know that there are scientists here where I work and around the world who have bias, ambition and great egos. I think that it's the case that when one conducts an experiment or does a study, there is an idea that the null hypothesis will be refuted. And sometimes as Olivia Judson points out, erroneous conclusions are reached because 1) the study wasn't designed correctly, 2) the interpretation of the data is erroneous, or 3) the data are fraudulent.

But because of peer review and the scientific method, there is a framework within which the truth will eventually come forth. Scientists may argue over data, but to change data, ignore results, or limit access to the "truth" is dangerous and actually threatens the core of knowledge.

I hope that striving for the truth and to uncover facts will be something that scientists always do. And maybe we will be able to engender the trust of the public as we go about our work of discovery.

December 10

Today is my father's birthday. When I was a kid, my mother and I would surprise him with presents and a home made card. After I was out of the home and married, my wife and I would take him presents. He seemed to always enjoy this special day.

He was born in the big farm house on a snowy morning in Virginia. I talked to a very elderly lady many years ago who remembered how my father's elder sister ran across the fields to tell the neighbors of his birth. It was a happy occasion that a son was born. It gave me a lot of pleasure to hear about his birth from someone who had been there and seen him when he was a baby.

My father would share a lot of stories about growing up on the farm. He told me about getting up on cold mornings and running down the stairs to stand in front of the fire in the dining room to get dressed. He told me about mornings that he and his father would ride on horseback for several miles to meet up with other riders for fox hunting. He told me about hog killing time and curing of meat in the smoke house.

He lived in another time. He never forgot the community though and would go to visit old neighbors whenever he can. At Christmas, he would take gifts to those old timers that lived near his birthplace.

The farm was sold and the old farmhouse fell into disrepair. At least I have photos of it. And I did an oil painting of it when I was a teenager. I remember going in the farm house and seeing my father's room upstairs. The house was empty then, with only the echoes from his past still present. I always thought that was sad and developed a feeling at that time that houses have souls too. I still believe that.

Many of the people that he grew up with have died. All of his siblings are dead. One died from alcoholism. I don't know what happened along the way in life for her or my father to have decided that drinking was a source of solace. It's a question that everyone asks who has an alcoholic relative. How did the child born in innocence become tainted by life?

Anyway, I guess all this rambling is to tell you that I still miss my dad. I would like for him to know that I'm thinking about him on his birthday. I like to think that his spirit lives on in me.

Inspiring

I really enjoyed the Christmas festivities at the AA and Al-Anon meeting last night. The food and fellowship started at 7 PM followed by the meeting at 8 o'clock. I never seem to tire of hearing How it Works. It sends chills down my spine every time that it's read.

I enjoyed sharing my story with the group. I don't think that I ever tire of sharing the recovery part of my story. From my first Al-anon meeting, I heard people who were telling my story. I came to understand that I wasn’t alone.

And the most remarkable things began to happen. I learned that through acceptance the best things in my life can be realized. I also became less judgmental of others. I realize that each of us has to live our journey in our own way and in our own time. We all can support each other but need not walk the same road. Each of us has our own path.

Through all this, I gained gratitude for what I have is this life, the good and bad. I learned a lot from my mistakes. They taught me more about life than all the triumphs that I experienced. I feel such gratitude that I have been able to learn the tools to deal with living life. I feel gratitude for the deep friendships. I can step out of myself and truly be happy for others. My relationships are much richer because of what this program has taught me.

And perhaps the most remarkable thing was that I became a spiritual person. I began to feel the presence of a Higher Power. And to learn about a God who not only wanted the best for me but also wanted me to learn and grow. I learned about his will and how things happen in God's time and not mine. The promises of Al-Anon have begun to come true for me.

Experience, strength and hope

Monday has rolled around again. I'm healed enough to be back at work which is a good thing in many ways. I've got some catching up to do from missing a few days last week, but it all seems doable.

Tonight I get to share my experience, strength and hope at one of the AA meetings as the Al-Anon speaker. It's this group's annual Christmas party which means that there will be a lot of great food. I was honored to be asked to say a few words. I remember going last year and listening to a couple of great speakers. I thought then that it took a lot of recovery to be able to get up and share in front of a group. Now I realize that it takes willingness to show up and just speak from my heart.

My story isn't a horror story. It's probably rather tame. I didn't get molested, I didn't get arrested, I didn't go through a bunch of wives, I don't have any children who make my life miserable, I didn't lose my job, I didn't try to kill myself--well, you get the drift. I'm just your plain vanilla Al-Anoner who decided that there was something more to life than feeling angry and hateful.

I realize that my journey continues. But I can also look back and see how far I've come. I now have a sturdy foundation on which to build the rest of my life. I realize that God has done for me what I could not do for myself.

Sunday happy

This parade of boats was really fun last night. We sang carols, punctuated by lots of Ro-Ho-Ho cheers. There were a lot of boats in the parade and all were decorated in creative ways. It was really a great start to getting in the Christmas spirit.

We did a 2.5 hour row and then went to a local seafood restaurant for some great oysters. Nothing like the first oysters of the season. My father taught me to eat mine raw, but now I prefer them roasted or fried. It cuts down on any zoonotic diseases. I don't fancy getting hepatitis at this point.

Today we're going to go Christmas shopping, watch the downtown Christmas parade, and get some decorations for the sailboat. It should be a fun day.

I'm happy and filled with a great deal of peace today. I can choose to look for the good things in each day or I can be stuck in worry and frustration. I would much rather take the uplifting approach. There's a lot to be grateful for. And most of it is right there under our noses, in front of our eyes, and sitting beside us. Have a great Sunday.

Row Ho Ho

Tonight is the Christmas Parade of Boats. I'm going to be with fellow rowers on the pilot gigs, rowing past the "adoring fans" as we stroke our way around the Harbor. Our oars will be decorated with lights and there will be lights along the gunnels. We generally tow a dinghy with a Christmas tree and Santa Claus. And in the past, we've carried a sign that says "Ro Ho Ho". The crowd usually loves us because we are powered by our arms working together and maybe the simplicity of these wooden crafts is appealing. It is to me.

The original purpose of the pilot gig was as a general work boat, and the craft was used for taking pilots out to incoming vessels that were heading to port. Races were often held to see who would be the first gig to get their pilot on board a vessel, get the job, and hence the payment.

Today, there are numerous racing clubs that have pilot gigs. These 34 foot wooden boats are rowed by team of six generally with a coxswain. We don't race here but go for long rows in the Harbor, sometimes with five to eight rowers. Each person has a single large oar.

The other use of these boats in the local area was as fishing vessels that were rowed or sailed by African Americans. The boats were part of the Mosquito Fleet. The crew would row or sail the boat out to the nearshore fishing areas to bring back blackfish for sale in the streets or at the city market. The use of these vessels for fishing is no more. But we crew these boats at festivals around the state so that people have a reminder of the way that it used to be.

This morning, we're going to meet up at the Maritime Center, get the boat decorated, make a few repairs to the thule pins and get everything ready for tonight's festivities. After the parade of boats, I'm going to an oyster roast. First of the season--can't wait to suck down those succulent molluscs.

Have a peaceful Saturday doing what you enjoy.

an Honest Award

Thanks to Mary Christine for naming my blog for the Honest Award. I am appreciative for getting an award that indicates progress on one of my character defects. This award is my affirmation for the day.

The rules for this seem simpler than they are:
I'm to list 10 honest things about myself (no weazling room here)

I'm to pass the award on to 7 bloggers (I have no idea who already has gotten this)

So here goes:

1. I like computers and have six of them in the house--four of them are Mac's.

2. The most exciting aspect of my work has been going to the bottom of the ocean in a submersible.
3. I would rather write on my blog than work on scientific papers.
4. I like animals a lot and have several dogs and cats
5. I don't like to hear the telephone ring and would rather not answer it. And sometimes I don't.
6. I'm sick of the holiday stuff already and would rather that it be over.
7. I don't like to go into grocery stores. I find them boring and claustrophobic.
8. I am not a meat and potatoes person.
9. I like to stay up late at night but not get up in the morning.
10. If left to my own devices I would cook very little and could subsist on frozen pizza and BBQ wings.

So here are the bloggers that I want to give the award to:

Cedrorum at Mutual Casualty

Findon at the Rapacious Creditor

Michael at the Continuing Adventures of a Jedi Master

Jessie at Journey of the Spirit of Hope

Judith at Vicarious Rising

Mantra at Mantramine

Kristen at Progress not Perfection

If I get a chance to visit the above and let them know about the award, I'll have fulfilled my duties. And if anyone has already gotten the award, I'm sorry for having a bad memory (honest fact no. 11).

Happy Friday all.

Active alcoholism isn't pretty

Alcoholism can present itself in so many ways.  The alcoholic can be a happy drunk, not really bothering anyone.  Then there are those who have a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality change. Violent rages can flare to the point that one feels in danger.  I will never forget seeing a woman who had been beaten by her alcoholic husband.  She was terrified, embarrassed, and confused. 

In the worse part of those years when my wife was drinking, we had our share of horror shows. I would start to nag about the drinking and she would reciprocate with a lot of anger. From there the whole thing would escalate. We never struck each other--thankfully. But the emotional strikes from the things that we would say were terrible. She would threaten suicide, I would threaten to leave. She would throw plates, I would say that I wanted to die. It was a dance of two sick people going round and round with our hurting words and deeds.

As I look back on that drama, it seems surreal that I ever tried to bargain or reason with an alcoholic. And I would do it when she was drinking. I would purposely go at her when she was drunk with the idea of venting all my pent up anger, driving things to escalate, hoping to confirm just how miserable I was, as if I didn't already know that. I had so much anger that I wanted to lash out at her and took a form of perverse satisfaction in the following morning's apologies when she would be remorseful.

What a sick person I was. I'm just thankful that I'm no longer dealing with active alcoholism and that as a consequence of alcoholism in my life, I've learned a better way to live. I think that the peace of mind that comes from understanding how powerless I am over another has been a turning point for me. And having a God of my understanding who is with me during the good and bad times has kept me from feeling alone and lost.

I know that I won't live with active alcoholism again. It's a choice that I've made. I also know that there is nothing that can be said or done to "fix" the alcoholic. It's been a painful but valuable lesson in life. I hope that those who live with active alcoholism will find their way to a better way of thinking and living. And that it won't take them as long to do so as it did me.

Good news

I heard from the insurance adjuster yesterday. Blue is fixable and has been towed to the body shop where the work will be done. I'm really glad about this. She is a great car, and I'd just as soon not have to buy another right now.

I remember reading about Shadow's much loved car after the accident. I guess that I also get attached to the familiar--to those "things" that I have. I'm not a creature who likes to toss aside those inanimate things that are familiar. I'm a sucker for animals and would have a herd if I could. And I'm a soft touch for people too.

Maybe all this is the "fixer" in me. I don't want to give up on things, animals or people. I want to make things right. That's been a life long issue. I recognize that I'm powerless. And I fully accepted with the car accident that Blue was likely to be totaled. So when I heard from the adjuster, I was glad to have good news.

I'm grateful for being on the mend with my cold. I still sound bad and am stopped up. But I can tell that this too shall pass.

Thanks for all your kind comments. An accident, an anniversary, Thanksgiving, and a cold in a week has been a good dose of humility.

A croaking frog?

I'm at home today with a wicked sore throat that renders me voiceless. I sound like a croaking frog. The good thing about this is that I don't have the killer headache associated with a head cold. There's always a silver lining....

I haven't heard anything from the insurance adjuster regarding Blue; however, the BMW folks think that she may be totaled. Hopefully, I'll be able to croak out a few words should the adjuster call.

I'm going to get as much rest as I can today in hopes of being able to get out tomorrow. There's more chicken soup to eat, except I have zero appetite. I'm just going to take it one day at a time.

Hope that you are having a good Tuesday.

Chicken soup

We drove back yesterday from Florida. It was pouring rain most of the way. Near Orlando the rain and wind reminded me of a tropical storm: Rain sheeting sideways across the road.

I've felt a cold coming on for a couple of days, and it finally hit full force yesterday. Scott wrote about a rhino virus that had invaded his head. I think that he must have sneezed in Texas and sent that rhino virus all the way here. So today I have a sore throat and cough with a stuffy head.

Anyway, I'm going to try the best recipe that I know: chicken soup. Then, I'm going to go back to bed. I have a lot of bloggers to catch up with. I hope to do that soon. Just know that I'm thinking about you and hope that all is going well in your lives. And that you don't have any rhinos in your head!

I'm grateful today that:

• I drove without any accidents, although I saw a lot of them along the way
• I can stay home and get some TLC
• Work will still be there when I return and there won't be earth-shattering consequences
• Chicken soup was invented as a natural cold elixir
• The bedroom has a nice fireplace in it and a warm comforter on the bed
• I'm content and happy in my life on this day.