tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post6239244325452012631..comments2024-02-05T11:32:25.407-05:00Comments on I'm just F.I.N.E.-- Recovery in Al-Anon: I'm just not willingUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-81689956304153026352010-01-11T22:57:30.765-05:002010-01-11T22:57:30.765-05:00Thank you for this blog. It helps me as I am very...Thank you for this blog. It helps me as I am very new in al anon and am somewhat isolated. It's hard at first to pluck up the courage to talk to people at meetings and so it's nice to have this other place where i can learn. I know all about people without boundaries as I seem to be surrounded by them! I hope that I can some day be as honest and straightforward as you were. Peace, SarahSarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00487547706500122389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-49254529859166562712010-01-09T17:29:28.082-05:002010-01-09T17:29:28.082-05:00Thanks Syd for sharing this. Boundaries are still ...Thanks Syd for sharing this. Boundaries are still something I am learning about with my sponsees.Smittyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12681768755769989964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-41698900246100307192010-01-07T22:12:24.460-05:002010-01-07T22:12:24.460-05:00Thank you for sorting that out in front of us. I ...Thank you for sorting that out in front of us. I learned.Cindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00224437485326110451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-27221913678236932010-01-07T08:51:50.743-05:002010-01-07T08:51:50.743-05:00Ah. The plight of the tragically unique. I remem...Ah. The plight of the tragically unique. I remember being that person. <br /><br />You did the right thing, Syd. Now, I'm praying for your recovery from the brain drain that this has caused :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-67992250099581427262010-01-07T00:21:59.245-05:002010-01-07T00:21:59.245-05:00My question to myself is "Am I caring more ab...My question to myself is "Am I caring more about their recovery than they are?"<br /><br />If the answer is yes...it's time to let go until they are willing.<br /><br />12 step program hopping...now that's an interesting idea!Tall Kayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06278195551060786353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-1029810226563050252010-01-07T00:00:03.806-05:002010-01-07T00:00:03.806-05:00The drama is the merry go round of alcoholism. It ...The drama is the merry go round of alcoholism. It took me 3 months in Al-Anon to decide to work the steps, and then a solid 3 months to work step one. But when I completed it I knew that being on that merry go round had contributed to my life becomming unmanagable. I felt my first glimmer of peace at admitting my powerlessness. I'm all the more motivated to invest in myself and work the steps!!<br /><br />Kathy SAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-52426428629485738482010-01-06T22:13:40.907-05:002010-01-06T22:13:40.907-05:00Oh, it's SO much work. You guys get much more...Oh, it's SO much work. You guys get much more work than we do because you're forever on call. Talk about needing boundaries, right? And there are so many people who haven't any idea, and then there are the ones who have impermeable boundaries who can't let anyone in. Glad you've got a nice balance, working on it, at least.therapydochttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05088184676439578876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-83697181505836739112010-01-06T21:57:51.293-05:002010-01-06T21:57:51.293-05:00I absolutely agree with you.
My feeling is that ...I absolutely agree with you. <br /><br />My feeling is that we didn't work the steps and we don't work the program to be abused. Being "used" is not healthy, it's abusive (in my opinion).<br /><br />I'm sure you handled all of this in a kind way. <br /><br />PGOne Prayer Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17455437909918314217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-38441731554452505352010-01-06T21:34:38.140-05:002010-01-06T21:34:38.140-05:00I think you demonstrated to him what healthy bound...I think you demonstrated to him what healthy boundaries are, hope he noticed.Bar L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/11100008292699584336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-85482970087363782632010-01-06T17:31:59.022-05:002010-01-06T17:31:59.022-05:00Good for you Syd, can't help those that aren&#...Good for you Syd, can't help those that aren't ready.The neverending battle of child's opiate addictionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04138779247145438268noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-41598390793601584742010-01-06T17:27:49.069-05:002010-01-06T17:27:49.069-05:00i watched a freind of mine today deal with the ins...i watched a freind of mine today deal with the insanity of no boundaries and no respect from those she is trying to 'help'. i know exactly what you are talking about, and i keep my distance as it is hard to not say anything while i am there and it is easier to keep my sanity when i am not in the middle of their insanity.<br />i lose more sponsee's this way, but i truly believe it is not my job as a sponsor to fix anyone's life, i just share experience, strength and hope of the steps of my program. and i always try to keep them on the subject of recovery and not of being a victim of their lives.clean and crazyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09156586299182570611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-57523304215451595712010-01-06T15:28:39.493-05:002010-01-06T15:28:39.493-05:00great post.
Love the "I hear you clucking but...great post.<br />Love the "I hear you clucking but I don't see any eggs." <br />I say a LOT, when people refuse to 'play', "Its not for people that NEED it, its for people that WANT it"<br /><br />I refuse to persist when someone just wants a 'friend', or someone to RANT at, or complain about their 'problems'<br />I will persevere for a LIMITED time if I think they are a bit slow or difficult, but I feel it does the other, more willing people a disservice if I waste time with someone who 'cannot take direction'<br /><br />The 2 ? questions I ask at the beginning are<br />'Are you willing to go to any lengths'<br />'Are you able to take direction'<br /><br />I give em the 6 things. If they cannot even do those for 7 days or 14 days, I will not go further. In other words, I 'test' em from the off, to see how receptive they are. I f they cannot do 6 very short, simple things every day, then it is going to be !!! very exasperating trying (!) to DRAG them through the steps..An Irish Friend of Billhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15781376087404079818noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-8126937798648291442010-01-06T14:20:03.269-05:002010-01-06T14:20:03.269-05:00You are doing him a favor, not just yourself. He s...You are doing him a favor, not just yourself. He sounds like someone I once was close to. Who used to tell me how special he was and how others were ruining his life. I was in way over my head. <br /><br />He has been in AA for years now and I hope is still there.Glimmerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02085124664342701611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-62450331477963547212010-01-06T13:12:23.893-05:002010-01-06T13:12:23.893-05:00Great post, Syd. I have two mothers calling me all...Great post, Syd. I have two mothers calling me all the time asking for advice. They only pay lip service to AlAnon, and when I tell them my opinion, they tell me why it won't work in their situation.<br />I'm trying to be patient by repeating my message over and over (admit you are powerless), but don't know how much longer I can keep it up!Louhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09496172669599418214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-41619707695978096532010-01-06T13:03:52.062-05:002010-01-06T13:03:52.062-05:00Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your ol...Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-23298416657948181002010-01-06T12:51:28.483-05:002010-01-06T12:51:28.483-05:00sometimes when we set our own boundries, it helps ...sometimes when we set our own boundries, it helps others to set and keep theirs.<br /><br />great post.indistincthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15729719239472085619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-5200724417426990632010-01-06T12:25:20.224-05:002010-01-06T12:25:20.224-05:00you will show him in practice how to make a bounda...you will show him in practice how to make a boundary, and keep it. Perhaps that's what he needs.Anybethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01193999238104640590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-22515854798254415992010-01-06T12:25:12.800-05:002010-01-06T12:25:12.800-05:00Just as potent as your post are the comments after...Just as potent as your post are the comments afterwards. I always wish that people would speak the truth, as you did to him. It's a good practice and one that sharpens people more than the absence of boundaries. I could use hearing it from people and feel thankful when I do--even if it stings at first--I heal better in the long run. =)The Second Roadhttp://www.thesecondroad.org/tsrnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-37679821897314917402010-01-06T11:33:04.345-05:002010-01-06T11:33:04.345-05:00I've never had a sponsee, and I'm not in A...I've never had a sponsee, and I'm not in Al-anon, so I'm not sure my comments should mean anything, but it sounds to me like you have the AA equivalent of a recidivist relapser. There's no requirement to help those that don't want it.Dr24Hourshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10212511946268980294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-38936019375765503782010-01-06T11:10:06.279-05:002010-01-06T11:10:06.279-05:00I don't know much about boundaries - a long st...I don't know much about boundaries - a long story and probably not relevant.<br /><br />I do know that I've never yet helped anyone by simply buying into their drama and assuring them of the validity of their drama. For some, my sober experience seems to be useful. For others, I can support them in finding the solution they need/want.<br /><br />Blessings and aloha...Ed G.https://www.blogger.com/profile/15063291064985198651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-40249413303019667762010-01-06T10:34:06.666-05:002010-01-06T10:34:06.666-05:00You sound like a great sponsor to me. Good work.You sound like a great sponsor to me. Good work.MonsieurMonsieurhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00488124558041251702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-33727889003216108422010-01-06T10:22:23.652-05:002010-01-06T10:22:23.652-05:00I appreciate this post very much. I am always rem...I appreciate this post very much. I am always reminded of "not doing something for someone they can do for themselves". It seems easy, but people do complicate the process of recovery making even the program or a program a source of difficulty for their lives.<br /><br />I have recently had to enforce some of the toughest most restrictive boundaries of my entire life, somehow I know this is the only part I can do anything about, the rest is left to the other person and their life choices. It is hard to balance it all, isn't it?Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07270178527947291611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-62380673760675524282010-01-06T09:56:57.291-05:002010-01-06T09:56:57.291-05:00I agree with MC. Somewhere it says we don't wa...I agree with MC. Somewhere it says we don't waste time with those that are not willing, it's taking away from our time to help others that are.<br /><br />I have a sponsee that dances around the steps, trying to intellectualize them while not even having read the literature. I told him to either shit or get off the pot. I like the clucking comment Kim made.Scott Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06361224878660334532noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-68289300306760988082010-01-06T09:05:41.153-05:002010-01-06T09:05:41.153-05:00Al-Anon helps me ask and answer 'What's my...Al-Anon helps me ask and answer 'What's my part in it?' It's still not easy, though, to step away from someone who is turning to me for (their idea of) help. It sounds like you have that figured out, just right.Garnethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11734142123169684500noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-31335828280228298362010-01-06T08:52:58.781-05:002010-01-06T08:52:58.781-05:00I used to really believe my probs were somehow dif...I used to really believe my probs were somehow different from everyone else at the AA...<br />I now know that I am just the same but its taken me a long time to start off to chip away at my "specialness".<br />I still get feelings of grandiosity (as u can prob tell from some of last yrs posts)<br />So much to learn but gradually I am starting to enjoy my life for the first time since I was a young kid.<br />You have given me so much inspiration Syd in 2009, like a voice of reason in my chaotic thought patterns.<br />I am sure if I search hard enough I can find a label for the psychological condition I have got but I guess focusing on the prob takes u away from the solution.<br /><br />I have started reading loads on Global warming on the net, it seems our civilisation has maybe only evens chance of surviving the next 100 yearsMichaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16204327191044441383noreply@blogger.com