tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49049901758858510412024-03-13T13:07:30.171-04:00 I'm just F.I.N.E.-- Recovery in Al-AnonTelling what it's like to work on recovering from the effects of alcoholism through Al-AnonUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1841125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-65587436052467989032019-08-02T17:46:00.001-04:002019-08-02T17:46:44.678-04:00Just checking in It's been a long time since I posted anything here. For some reason, I was thinking about the blog and that I needed to show up here. <br />
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First, all is going well with us. We are a bit older and have the aches and pains that go with staying active. All is going well with the boat, two horses, a new dog, cats, and the garden. Life in the country continues to be good.<br />
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We are both still in recovery. My wife celebrates 13 years of sobriety tomorrow. I have my Al-Anon anniversary on August 13. It is a way of life that keeps us filled with much love and respect. I go to healthy meetings and do service work. I lead a balanced life between community, recovery, and home.<br />
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I am involved with some community issues, especially those about social justice. South Carolina is a backwards state with much that needs to be done in education, health care, racial and economic justice. Sometimes it is tempting to want to move to a more enlightened state, but this has become home.<br />
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I think that I might want to start a closed group on FB that would provide a better way to stay connected. Maybe I will, but the nastiness on social media is not something that I like.<br />
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I hope that you are doing okay.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-57548290217738492992017-05-29T11:25:00.001-04:002017-05-29T11:25:17.422-04:00Hello out thereI hope you are all doing well. Everything is good here. We are in the throes of summer in SC. The garden is great, the blackberries and blue berries have been picked, the flowers in the gardens are beautiful. The only problem is the high humidity and high temperatures limit time outside. <br />
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We are now dogless, as our last old dog died a couple of months ago. We talked about getting another dog but decided that we cannot take more heartache when they die. And we have adjusted to not having our lives revolve around care of a dog. So I suspect we will remain dogless, unless one decides to come to our door. And we don't ever refuse to care for an animal. <br />
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Sailing, horseback riding, working out at the gym, community activism are all things that I have been doing. We still go to our meetings. My sponsor has been coming over on Monday mornings to do some literature study. That has been really helpful and has helped us to grow closer. <br />
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Life just moves too quickly anymore. There is no way to slow it down. I am sending good wishes to each of you who are still faithfully blogging. It makes me smile to know that you are still out there sharing your life and story with people. <br />
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We send you our love.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-6689946646673479302016-12-25T12:05:00.001-05:002016-12-25T12:05:35.341-05:00Merry ChristmasI want to wish all of you a Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday. We are in the process of cooking dinner. But I would be remiss without saying that I miss you. I have not written a blog post since August. The time has flown by. Maybe it is time for a bit of a catch up here.<br />
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All has really been going fairly well. In September, I sailed and rode. I started painting again which has been an incredible experience. I began drawing when I was a child, took private lessons for a number of years and continued to dabble in oils into graduate school. Now, I am back at it again. This time I am specializing in equestrian art as well as some seascapes from the island. I made a corner of the furniture workshop into a painting area. <br />
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In October, hurricane Matthew came to visit, strafing the coast from St. Augustine north. We had a lot of debris but no damage. C. and I drove the horse and another to Aiken, along with 20 other horses in a caravan. Also going were 6 dogs and 5 chickens. We came back home to deal with the boat which I took up river. Other than a blown out Yankee, the boat was good. Most of October was spent on putting things back together in the yard, cutting up fallen trees, and having massive burn piles. <br />
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November was a warm month. We celebrated our marriage anniversary which was a miracle to have made it these several decades. We also had to have one of our old dogs put down due to multiple organ failure. Joy and sadness. And then there was the election. Suffice to say, we were grieving for a while. Stunned actually. But I realize that I am powerless over other people, places and things. So after realizing that I have done all I know how to do, I have surrounded myself with positive action. C is going to the March on Washington in January. And I will continue with my efforts for social justice in this city and county. <br />
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And here we are at the end of December. Hard to believe as time has just flown by. All seems right with us today. We remain in love and practice our programs of recovery. <br />
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I do think about each of you. Forgive me that I am busy with living life to the fullest. No matter whether I post or not, comment on your blogs or not, you remain in my heart. Love to each and everyone.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-34986779310168312712016-08-15T09:24:00.000-04:002016-08-15T09:33:14.447-04:00These daysI am okay. Still here and doing relatively well. Between gardening, riding, sailing and going to meetings, I stay busy. Life has a familiar groove to it.<br />
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Getting through the worst heat of the summer has been difficult. The humidity is stifling. I have been going to the barn to ride in the evening when the sea breeze comes up and no one else is around. I prefer the quiet times there and going to the ring or to the fields when the sun is setting. <br />
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The garden is in the waning phase so I'm getting ready to plant some fall crops. It produced well, but the heat eventually beats down everything, except for egg plant and okra. We put up over 75 quarts of tomato sauce for winter. It was a two day long ordeal but we managed to get through it, although both of us did not want to see another tomato. <br />
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Sailing is still the most fantastic getaway for me. I go out for several days a month, dropping the anchor and staying overnight. It is relaxing in a way that's hard to describe. I sleep better on the boat with the gentle rocking. Even though it's hot on land, the island near the ocean where I anchor has a great breeze. I sleep comfortably with the ports and hatches open.<br />
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I celebrated ten years in Al-Anon on August 13. It is hard for me to remember all the turmoil of the years before I went and the moments that propelled me to attend my first meeting. I don't dwell on that time much. I have a core group of two meetings I attend each week and have been adding a third on as often as I can. We all remain imperfect, struggling to get along with others and especially with the alcoholic.<br />
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One of the greatest things that I have learned is to have compassion and empathy for all who are struggling with the disease of alcoholism, whether it is the alcoholic or the person affected by someone else's drinking. And the same for those who are struggling with life and the circumstances of it. I don't judge others for their choices or struggles. And I have learned to not take what others do or say personally. My hurt feelings about something unkind said to me have diminished from days to an hour. I hope to get that to a millisecond, as the feeling flows through me. Resentments are killers of happiness. No need to hold onto someone else's bad feelings.<br />
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I don't feel much of an urge to write anymore. But I am going to keep the blog going, perhaps only visiting once in a while. All that I have written about here with such urgency in the past seems much less so now. <br />
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C. and I have a remarkable love for each other. She picked up her ten year chip a week before I did. We have grown in peace of mind, love, respect and compassion for each other. And we are growing old together. Every day is one to hold onto. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-77091691986090450632016-06-23T16:06:00.002-04:002016-06-23T16:06:45.987-04:00Getting ByThe events of the past month have been unsettling. So much tragedy that I can't wrap my head around it. So I do what I can to stay insulated by not watching the news, reading the paper, or doing outreach in the community. <br />
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I know this isn't good, but the feeling of being overwhelmed is real. Somehow, if I stay in my world, it feels better than constantly rehashing mass murders and the lack of our elected officials to do anything about it.<br />
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That the Orlando massacre nearly coincided with the anniversary of the Emanuel church murders in this city was difficult. And I ask myself, "How many more?". I did not participate in activities planned to honor the dead. I worked on my boat, went to meetings, met with my sponsor, rode the horse and gardened. I feel jaded and tired of the arguing about guns, politics, religion and racial injustice. Maybe we are moving forward in inches. I can't see that, and it certainly feels as if we are moving backwards when it comes to giving up hate and divisiveness.<br />
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The summer heat has moved in and feels unrelenting. I do most of my work in the mornings and evenings, otherwise it is unbearable. Last night, I had terrible leg cramps which I tend to get when I have sweated to the point of dehydration. Irrigation is saving the garden which is producing well. We are picking blackberries, tomatoes, cucumbers and green beans. <br />
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I have learned in recovery to not take things personally, yet I still do that on occasion. I fight with the notions of rejection and abandonment. Probably this will be a life long struggle for me. My father comes to me in dreams. I wait for him and he does not show up. Instead, I find him drinking in a bar, or I walk home and find him drunk at the kitchen table. <br />
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In my last dream, I was pouring out bottles of booze while saying the Serenity Prayer. I awake from these nightmares, shaking and disoriented. It is PTSD, and I know that the best thing for me to do is to get busy and remember that the dreams are feelings that are coming up, flashbacks to pieces of events from long ago. <br />
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Am I happy? I believe that I am optimistic and reasonably happy. Some moments are filled with such joy that I feel incredible gratitude. Other days, I am getting by. Today is one in which I am getting by. But that can change if I take some action to make the day better. I plan on having a good dinner with C. after riding this evening. Then we will pick blackberries and maybe watch a movie. I have the ability to make the changes needed to have happiness.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-36317408711589767542016-05-22T11:37:00.000-04:002016-05-22T11:37:35.370-04:00A few things on SundayI am posting a few thoughts from today:<br />
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Been really torn up over our dog dying. Each one hurts, but two so close together was more difficult.<br />
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I thought that I saw our dog out of the corner of my eye on his dog bed. Felt a keening sadness and then he was gone. And I feel better. Who knows but perhaps that was his spirit moving on.<br />
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I am going on the boat next week. Three days of much needed nothingness except sea and sky and wind. Heaven to me.<br />
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My horse received the silver medal at a show. He is really a star. I am going to the barn to ride him shortly. Maybe a pasture canter today and no ring work. He deserves everything.<br />
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C. has been having stress related restless leg syndrome. So to relieve this, she works in the garden all day, takes a warm whirlpool bath in the evening, and reads. I am rest broken from it so when it is bad I sleep in a different room which I am not happy about. I miss hugging her. <br />
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Two years ago I went to Mexico and still think about going back. I would like to camp in the desert. Maybe soon....<br />
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The garden is amazing so far. Dug potatoes last evening. Been picking black berries and making healthy shakes from them and strawberries. A cool spring has helped.<br />
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My new sponsee gets it. I am grateful for that. So much easier to have someone who is willing.<br />
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Hope that you have a good Sunday.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-69205020930925722032016-05-15T16:58:00.004-04:002016-05-15T16:58:49.396-04:00A small vacationI am writing this while eating freshly picked blackberries from the garden. The fruit is large, and the bushes are heavy with ripening berries. It's a cool spring day, good for being outside. As usual, I have been keeping busy the garden, the animals and exercising.<br />
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Sadly, we lost another dog this week. It was unexpected and quick: osteosarcoma of the spine. Two vertebrae were engulfed by the tumor. So we made the decision to euthanize. I sat on the floor cradling him for about an hour and telling him what a good boy he was. <br />
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Today, I removed his dog bed from the bedroom. I put his toys away, holding them to my nose to inhale the scent of this much loved boy. No matter what I am not prepared for them to go. So we are down to two dogs now, and both of those are seniors. <br />
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C. has been away for a small vacation. I missed her with an ache of loneliness. Things seemed so empty without her being here. Yesterday, when I picked her up from the airport, I felt as if I was emerging from a fog created by my being alone and mourning the loss of our dog. <br />
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We went by the seafood market to get some soft shell crab for dinner. Tossed them in coconut flour and fried in olive oil, they were delicious. Soft shells are a delicacy that many people don't appreciate, but growing up on Chesapeake Bay, I was exposed to them and other regional culinary delights when I was a child. Shad roe fried with scrambled eggs, she crab soup, brined mackerel--all good memories. <br />
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I took the senior dogs for a walk on Friday evening and captured some of the beauty of the place where we live. I hope that you enjoy these.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-66351502153174387312016-04-17T11:23:00.002-04:002016-04-17T11:23:24.174-04:00Spring is hereWe are having blustery April weather in the Lowcountry with cool temperatures. Lots of beach erosion with much of the restored beaches losing most of their sand. A foolish enterprise to try to add sand to beaches on barrier islands. The very definition of insanity is to keep doing something over and over again, expecting different results. Yet that is what happens on the tourist inhabited barrier islands. And then the next northeaster comes along and removes the sand back offshore.<br />
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The catkins are falling from the oak trees. We have moved from pollen season to leafy green spring with incredible hues of green. I wash off the cars and realize that is also insanity because every morning they are covered again with catkins. No need to do anything but let them fall and have the wind blow them off as we drive to town. <br />
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We lost another of our dogs last week. It was unexpected which made it hard on us. He had gone in for removal of a large interdigital cyst, recovered from the operation, and then two days later began to run a fever. He died later that afternoon from an occlusion to the mesenteric artery that cut off blood flow to his intestines. So we have three dogs remaining in our pack. All are elderly, and we are thinking that we won't get another dog. I have had dogs all my life and will greatly miss having one, but perhaps it is time to travel more and not suffer the heartache of watching them grow old. Meanwhile, we love the ones that we have.<br />
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I have begun to attend a new meeting (for me) on Monday evenings. I like it. It is filled with a lot of recovery and good people. I had promised my sponsor, who died a few years ago, that I would keep our home group on Monday going. I did my best. But keeping a meeting going is a collective effort. So my current sponsor and I go to this meeting where there are more people and lots of enthusiasm. I am eschewing "doing the same thing over and over" in favor of branching out and seeing old friends within the district at this meeting. <br />
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C. and I have been busy with the garden and taking time in the evenings to go downtown to some concerts. The blues concert by the sea was great. An outdoor venue on a bright afternoon was just the thing. And then going to hear Joan Baez and Greg Allman was also awesome. We like the smaller venues which definitely make for some great listening and interesting people watching. Sadly at the last concert a woman sitting next to me got very drunk, and her son and husband left early to take her home. Drinking several 16 ounce beers in a short period will do that. I felt bad for her family. I am grateful that I don't have to be the one taking a drunk home anymore. <br />
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It is varnishing time on the boat. I am planning on getting a lot of that done before it gets too hot. This is an annual occurrence--sand, varnish, sand, varnish and then add six more coats of varnish. A labor of love for a classic boat.<br />
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Sending good wishes for your day.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-3671754306054053262016-03-27T12:52:00.000-04:002016-03-27T12:52:16.710-04:00Addictions other than alcoholIt's a rainy Easter Sunday here. The rain over the past few days has brought out every new leaf, turning the landscape into a thousand hues of green. And it has washed away the pine and oak pollen that was coating everything yellow. All seems refreshed. And that is what I love about this time of year in the Lowcountry. It is green and lush and covered with flowers.<br />
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Last time I wrote here about getting a new sponsee. That lasted about two weeks when he decided that he could deal with all of his problems on his own. It turns out that he is a recovering alcoholic which is okay because certainly most alcoholics are qualified to be in Al-Anon. Who hasn't been affected by someone else's drinking? Not many people that I know.<br />
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Anyway, what I want to write about here is problems other than alcohol that seem to plague many who are in recovery. Once the drinking stops, other addictions can be a substitute, such as gambling, eating, or sex. He happened to be using the latter.<br />
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He told me that he had 13th stepped several women in AA. Then when he was married, he stopped doing that. But over the last two years, he was finding himself more and more into on line chats and sexting. Needless to say, this brought about more problems in his marriage to an alcoholic. His wife asked him to move out. And he thought that having a sponsor in Al-Anon would help him with his marriage and in dealing with an alcoholic spouse. <br />
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I know that I can't help someone who has an issue outside of Al-Anon. I suggested that he find a 12 step group that could address his sex addiction. That wasn't something that he wanted to do because he was still focusing on his wife's drinking. It was a convoluted situation for sure. And one that I could not help rectify.<br />
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I know from my own experience that getting honest with yourself, admitting that you are wrong and making amends can be so powerful. So many things that we do in our lives hurt others, cause them to lose trust, and drive people away. I hope this fellow gets at the root of what drives him to make bad decisions.<br />
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"Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substance you are addicted to — alcohol, food, legal or illegal drugs, or a person — you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain. That is why, after the initial euphoria has passed, there is so much unhappiness, so much pain in intimate relationships. They do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you. Every addiction does that. Every addiction reaches a point where it does not work for you anymore, and then you feel the pain more intensely than ever." ~Eckhart Tolle<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-86631067013401755212016-03-06T13:42:00.000-05:002016-03-06T13:42:31.173-05:00Tuning out chaos and hateI have seriously gotten to the point where I am sick of reading and hearing about politics in this country. I once liked to listen to news, but over the past year I have tuned it out. I don't even read the newspaper on a daily basis, but prefer to catch up when I can. Nothing but the same old stuff to read anyway. And the media are like vultures waiting for the next blood letting to occur. So I am shutting it out. <br />
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I know that I don't have to be in the thick of political discussions, but no matter where I go, it seems to come up. Even on a trail ride yesterday where there was so much peace, a friend started talking about Muslims and not knowing what had happened to their religion. I kept my mouth shut. I don't need to get into a conversation that is going to end up polarized. And I know that I am not going to change any minds. <br />
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One of the good things about practicing the principles of Al-Anon is that I can use them as a guide to life outside of the rooms. And now, more than ever, I am glad that I have those principles. Things like "How important is it?", "Never miss an opportunity to keep my mouth shut", "Take what I like and leave the rest", "THINK", and "Live and let live" come to mind. I can tune out the chaos and the hate. <br />
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Since the last time I wrote, I have been asked to sponsor another fellow who just began in Al-Anon. He recently separated from his alcoholic wife and is having a hard time. The same aspects of behavior that I had are there: guilt, shame, anger, fear, obsession, anxiety. But I know that we can work through all of these together. I have seen it happen a number of times. A sad person becomes a powerful person. Willingness and trust is all it takes for us to walk together in recovery over the next months. He seems willing and trust will come. More will be revealed as we move forward in the steps.<br />
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I am seeing signs of spring here. The azaleas are blooming. The garden is looking good. This winter has been mild for which I am glad. I am going on the boat next week. With temperatures in the 70's, it is time to get on the water. I hope that you are all doing well. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-15293339766046657792016-02-14T15:16:00.000-05:002016-02-14T15:16:10.009-05:00Feeling at homeHappy Love Day to you, my friends. It is a cold one here, unusual for even February. We have a good fire going. And some warm soup on the stove. Nothing too special but some time together.<br />
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What I want to write about is my home group. Sadly, few people attend anymore. We were always a small group, but it seems that over the last 8 months, our numbers have dwindled remarkably. If you recall, this was the group that my sponsor started over 20 years ago. It was where I worked my steps and studied the traditions. It was where we did book studies. And now, it feels like a dying group. <br />
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I have driven an hour to this group for nine years. Now, I am tired of driving the distance and have three other meetings within 15 minutes of our house. The other meetings have from 12 to 25 people. Yet, I feel sad at the decline in the legacy of the group where I felt most at home.<br />
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I am not going to give up and plan to be back in the spring. Hopefully, others may come back too.<br />
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Unfortunately, there appear to be a decline in some groups throughout the area. And numbers are down nationwide. As the population ages, it seems that fewer young people are coming to the rooms. And men are definitely rarer in meetings than women.<br />
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I am not sure why this is occurring. Perhaps as problems in society increase, people have less time for "self help" and spend more time just making ends meet. As for lack of men, most of us are less likely to seek any help for any problems, both professionally and in a "self help" format. Maybe it is the mention of a "God of our understanding" that is off putting.<br />
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Having tried therapy years ago, Al-Anon was the place where it all "clicked" for me. It was where I found fellowship and support. I learned that others had the same problems that I had. And I learned to not hide those problems, but to share what I felt in a group of strangers.<br />
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This was hard at first. But I stuck it out and learned to trust, feel safe and be emotionally present to ourselves and others. I believe that the fellowship is probably the reason most people stay. The real work of the 12 steps and doing service work seems to be not as high a priority.<br />
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No matter how long we go to meetings, family relationships cannot always be transformed. I have seen individuals transform though, from angry people to those who have learned to be loving even when our families are dysfunctional. We learn to soothe ourselves, and we learn that we need to be close to others. No longer being a victim is empowering. In the meetings I attend, I experience patience and kindness, especially when we see traits in others that we have looked at in ourselves. As we truly learn to love and accept ourselves, these traits are seen as a reason to love than as an excuse to persecute.<br />
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I will keep coming back. It is where I feel at home.<br />
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Hope that you are experiencing love today.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-51991111487003872072016-01-17T12:09:00.001-05:002016-01-17T12:09:46.779-05:00This day in timeWell, today I am securely into middle age. I slept late this morning. The rain has been pouring since the wee hours. Now, the skies have cleared, but the wind is strong and cold coming from the north.<br />
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C and I had a nice breakfast together. I am going to head to the barn for a while to see my horse. Later, I am going to roast some oysters for my birthday, have some ribs and celebrate with our handyman who comes out every Sunday to help out. We have known him for over 25 years, and have come to see him as family now. <br />
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I thought about how much I miss my parents, C's parents, and all my other relatives who aren't here, except in spirit. I'm not sad today, just reflecting on the happy times of past birthdays. And I heard from some of my oldest friends whom I have known since elementary school. It is a source of comfort to know that some of my long-time best friends are still around, running half marathons, celebrating grandchildren, and working their farms or businesses. There is stability in that knowledge.<br />
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I am planning for this to be a lazy day. I am one year older. I feel the same.<br />
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"Try to imagine a life without timekeeping. You probably can’t. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie. Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays. Man alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out." — Mitch Albom (The Time Keeper) Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-91068426286402632092016-01-12T12:14:00.000-05:002016-01-12T12:14:06.754-05:00Drinking in the New YearI hope that you had a good beginning to 2016. It seems that a lot of people are struggling with the aftermath of the holiday season. The rooms have been fairly packed with people who have found that living with alcoholism is a struggle. Just about every meeting is filled. People come in and are lost from a holiday season filled with drinking and out of control behavior. They feel lost, angry and are struggling in their relationships with problem drinkers. Sadly, this happens every year. Some of the newcomers stick around for the miracle of recovery while others decide that they can control the drinking of another. The merry-go-round continues.<br />
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I received an email from someone who was saying that it was difficult to live with active alcoholism. And how hard it is when our culture seems to think that drinking to excess is okay and socially acceptable. <br />
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First off, living with active alcoholism was a nightmare for me. And I know that even with Al-Anon, it would be impossible for me to stay in a relationship with active alcoholic drinking. My struggle to rescue and enable is still very real. And that does more harm to the alcoholic in many ways. I can feel the anxiety as I type this, thinking about what it used to be like. If I were to have any peace, I would not again live with an alcoholic who is not serious about recovery. <br />
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As far as our society glamorizing alcohol, I see it a lot in social groups, although most of us now have realized that drinking every day is not only unhealthy but not sustainable. That being said, the young people I am around seem to revel in partying and drinking. This is a college town so there are plenty who get sick from alcohol toxicity. And I think to myself that there will be a place for them in the rooms of AA someday if they don't stop. Sadly, because alcoholism is a progressive disease, they may not be able to stop. Those who can't will keep it up until they are real alcoholics.<br />
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I remember what my wife's sponsor said: "If what you hear at a meeting drives you out, alcohol will drive you back in." I believe that is true for both programs of AA and Al-Anon. I am glad that I stayed and have continued. It isn't a solution for everyone, but it was one that I could embrace and where I found peace of mind. <br />
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Sending good thoughts to you. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-2347570589715144262015-12-31T18:33:00.000-05:002015-12-31T18:33:23.803-05:00Thoughts at the end of 2015I don't do New Year's resolutions. A year is too much to contemplate. When one is just about over, as 2015 is, I do like to look back and see where I need to improve.<br />
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My health is good and I ran, walked and exercised my way to 1,193.17 miles thus far in 2015.<br />
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I sailed my boat over 90 days and viewed the time spent on her as sacred, a chance to reset my mind and meditate.<br />
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I bought a horse who is the most wonderful creature I can imagine. I became a re-rider after years of not riding. It was a learning experience in many ways.<br />
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I made new friends, kept my expectations low and was glad that I did. Many of my new friends awakened in me activism that has become part of my life again after too many years.<br />
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I grieved the loss of several close friends and much loved pets. I keep their memory close.<br />
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I read reviling diatribes and insults that made me wonder about humanity. I saw so much tragedy in the news that my heart ached.<br />
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I continued on my path to recovery in Al-Anon through service, meetings and writing here. Although the latter has become less frequent, I know that writing down my thoughts and reading yours has helped me. <br />
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I am not sure what 2016 will bring. But I am going to do my part to stay the course, make things a little better for others and be mindful of love and compassion as I go about each day.<br />
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Wishing you peace in 2016.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-34218630781207890222015-12-23T10:29:00.000-05:002015-12-23T10:29:32.760-05:00Christmas greetings to you<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Downtown fountain lit for Christmas.</td></tr>
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<span style="text-align: left;">Happy eve of Christmas eve to all of you. It seems like Christmas with decorations and sparkling lights, but the weather is warm and filled with humidity. No solstice fire this year and no hearth fire either. But it is all okay here. Warm days to go to the barn and ride. And a good few days on the boat last week were just what I needed. </span>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">On the boat last week with great weather.</td></tr>
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We are having another quiet Christmas this year. Just the two of us. I had a few moments of sadness when I looked at old ornaments and old tags from presents given in year's past. I do miss those who are no longer here. And I know that I will for the rest of my life. They have left a hole that can't be filled. And that's the way it is for all who miss loved ones. So I let the feelings flow through me. And the sadness passed. <br />
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For the first time, we are going to have our dinner on Christmas Eve. And then on Christmas Day we are going to take a ham to the homeless living under the big bridge and gather with other volunteers to feed them. We need nothing this year. We have so much. And for me, doing for others is really what it's all about.<br />
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Later, I will take a meal to an elderly couple that I visit every year. And they will have a good Christmas dinner while we talk about a lot of things that have been going on in their life and mine. They like to hear about the horse and the boat adventures. <br />
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I remember my father going to visit his old friends on Christmas. He would take something, maybe a fruit cake, to the man who ran the store across from the farm where he grew up. All of those people are gone now. The farm is gone too, with the land gone fallow. But I find that the older I get, the more I repeat the things that I remember from childhood--the deeds that I thought were kind and generous. I like to think that I got the best parts of my parents' character. And that connects me to them as I do those things that I remember them doing that touched my heart. <br />
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So I am wishing each of you a Merry Christmas, happy holiday, and season's greetings. Whether you celebrate of not, I hope that you have time to relax and just be.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All is calm, all is bright. </td></tr>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-81022748626389231652015-12-10T10:38:00.000-05:002015-12-10T10:38:11.816-05:00Getting through the holidays and each dayIt's the time of year when so much is going on. I have spent so little time at the computer. I apologize for not reading blogs. And because I am truly moving to a point in life that I no longer feel the need to pour out feelings on here, I have thought about moving to another type of social media. <br />
<br />
I have Twitter that I use sporadically. Maybe it's time to jump into the whole Facebook thing. But then I think about the ugliness that seems to be prevalent there. We don't have it ugly in our blog world--at least from the point that we aren't ugly to each other. This is a supportive community and certainly has given me a lot over the years. I am most appreciative of that.<br />
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My stepping into more of an activist role in the community has absorbed a lot of time. My standing passively by when there is so much injustice happening is not something I can do. I view this as practicing the principles of Al-Anon in all my affairs, having courage to change the things I can and speaking my truth without fear. I don't let the problems I see take over my life though. It is important for me to maintain balance. <br />
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Regarding balance, we have been invited to quite a few parties this year. It is quite a change that I used to be nervous about going to parties where alcohol was present. Now C. and I can go without feeling uncomfortable. Being able to enjoy social settings has made the holidays much more enjoyable than what would happen in times past when I was gripped with anxiety about my wife's drinking.<br />
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So many though are struggling with the whole holiday scene. Here are a few things that we talked about at a meeting this week that will help during the holidays:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Remember the three C's: that you did not cause the alcoholism. You can't control it. You can't cure it.</li>
<li>Detaching myself from the situation. I have an escape plan, a Plan B, in which I remove myself from uncomfortable situations. I may just leave the room and walk away or if a relapse would occur, then I know to call her sponsor. </li>
<li>Doing service work and volunteering to help others. It is an excellent way to get out of your own anxiety and have a good feeling. There are also meetings and often special events around the holidays. Even if you are traveling, there are local meetings that are being held. Look them up and go to a meeting. </li>
<li>Going back to basics when things get stressful continues to soothe me. I remember that I am powerless over other people, places and things. I am powerless over alcohol. I say the Serenity Prayer over and over to quiet my mind. I remember that I may have to break things down to small time intervals by just getting through the next 10 minutes of a bad situation. </li>
<li>Not participating in blaming and recriminations helps. I don't participate in the blame game. Again, the escape plan is useful. If things get out of hand, walk out of the room and calm yourself down so you can go back and enjoy your family.</li>
<li>Plan in advance for activities. Be aware and honest with what the circumstances may be. If you know it will end badly, stay away, leave or plan for different transportation.</li>
<li>Be careful and aware. Staying safe is important. Look out for yourself and seek out friends who are supportive. Refusing to get into a car driven by someone who is alcoholically impaired may save your life. </li>
</ul>
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If you have other ideas on what works for you during the holidays, please post them. I appreciate your thoughts because it is difficult to get through a time of year when expectations run so high. Keeping my expectations low has helped a lot in not building resentment. </div>
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Thank you for being here. If any of you would like to share your experience, strength and hope by writing a post, just email me (sydlaughs@att.net). Wishing you the best. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-8347505366403310272015-11-25T09:06:00.001-05:002015-11-25T09:06:31.100-05:00Wedding anniversary and giving thanksTomorrow is a celebration for us--our wedding anniversary. I won't tell you how many years, but suffice to say that most people did not give us great odds in lasting as long as we have. I know that most of our friends in graduate school have been divorced at least once and yet, here we are together. <br />
<br />
I'm not being smug because it has not been a smooth journey. And I thought about divorce many times over the years. In fact, after every drunk episode, I wanted out. I did what most people do who live with alcoholism, I keep hoping that things would change--that she would change. And in the morning after a drunken night, I would believe the promises that she would be different and meant to quit drinking this time. And the years went by.<br />
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Even for a while after my wife joined AA, I did not give us much of a chance. But through patience, respect and growing love for each other, we are still together. I am at the point in my life where I cherish every day with her. <br />
<br />
A lady at my meeting last night has been living with a dry drunk for many years. They basically have little communication. And she had been in tears at last week's meeting because she did not have the kind of relationship that she wanted. So I shared then that what I began doing that first year in recovery was hugging my wife and telling her more and more that I loved her. And from there, we began to heal. That is how we interact now--lots of hugs and kisses and "I love you"'s. It made a huge difference in our attitudes.<br />
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Last night the lady shared that she went home and hugged her husband after the meeting and gave him a kiss on his head. She said that it made her feel good. She was learning that her pride kept her apart from her husband. I suppose for me it was lack of trust that kept me from sharing my feelings. Sometimes it is okay to "fake it until I make it" to get those feelings back that have been so eroded by alcoholism. <br />
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So I have much to be grateful for as we celebrate our anniversary. It is Thanksgiving day too. I hope that the day will be a good one for you no matter where you are or who you are with.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-12826453193316680302015-11-20T09:31:00.000-05:002015-11-20T12:34:56.205-05:00Life changes in the instantIt has been a week of contrasts. Going on the boat for a few days did as it was intended, putting my mind at ease and getting me into a relaxed groove that has lasted for several days.<br />
<br />
And then last night, I happened to read on line more hatred spewed about the refugees fleeing from Syria and ISIS. The amazing number of fearful people here in the U.S. who worry that they will be targeted makes me wonder how any of them get out of bed, get on the highway and drive to a job. There are so many things that can take our life at any moment. And yet we seem to be utterly terrified at the prospect of people from another country taking asylum in this country. It is baffling to me.<br />
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I heard last night that a friend just found out that he has kidney cancer and will undergo surgery in three days to remove one of his kidneys. His wife was in Africa and flew home to be with him. And so as Joan Didion wrote: "Life changes in the instant. The ordinary instant." This week has been one of lives being changed in an ordinary instant. And all that I can do is go about my life, keeping my days as usual as possible, reaching out to those who are having problems. And loving as best I know how.<br />
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<i>I'm not telling you to make the world better, because I don't think that progress is necessarily part of the package. I'm just telling you to live in it. Not just to endure it, not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it. To look at it. To try to get the picture. To live recklessly. To take chances. To make your own work and take pride in it. To seize the moment. And if you ask me why you should bother to do that, I could tell you that the grave's a fine and private place, but none I think do there embrace. Nor do they sing there, or write, or argue, or see the tidal bore on the Amazon, or touch their children. And that's what there is to do and get it while you can and good luck at it.</i> — <b>Joan Didion</b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-47903194340675967602015-11-08T17:45:00.001-05:002015-11-08T17:47:53.715-05:00Reset my mindWe had to euthanize our sweet greyhound girl this week. I knew it was coming because she had kidney and heart disease. We bought her a lot of time with trips to the veterinary hospital for fluids and medicines. But eventually, the kidney failure was too much for her. We are both sad that she is gone but know that it was time. <br />
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I have been having a lot of flashbacks to childhood. These are not dreams but happen when I am not highly focused on something. All of a sudden, there will be a vision of me standing in front of a bookcase in the old elementary school library, or me running down the dirt path leading to my cousin's house, or sitting on the stairs at my parents house looking out into the large front yard. <br />
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So many of these vivid flashbacks are occurring that I am wondering what it is about. I have read that these can be caused by unresolved anxiety, or some form of PTSD. But these aren't unpleasant memories at all--just very vivid and in great detail. I certainly would choose to be in the present and not have all of these thoughts about the past coming up and rushing through my head. I asked my wife about it, and she said that she has dreams but hasn't experienced the vivid flashbacks that I am having while awake.<br />
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Sometimes I do wonder if I may not have inherited some of my family's tendency towards depression. I hope not because it was a very hard road for both my mother and her father. And it isn't any journey that I want to go on. <br />
<br />
So I am going to stay in the moment by going on the boat this week. The weather is going to be cool. It seems to reset my mind to go on the boat. Right now, I am needing a reset for sure. <br />
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Sharing some photos of my greyhound girl when she was healthy and could run like the wind. I miss her a lot.<span id="goog_992348057"></span><br />
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<span id="goog_992348056"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-6525991795382437992015-10-25T09:00:00.000-04:002015-10-25T09:00:02.639-04:00Are you happy living with alcoholism? I have heard a lot of people complain about living with an alcoholic. New comers come into a meeting, and most of what is shared is how terrible their life is because they live with a drunk. And they are right. Living with a drunk is pretty terrible. In fact, it is sometimes like being in a living Hell depending on how abusive the drunk is. <br />
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If those who come into a meeting are lucky enough to hear something that is akin to peace in the midst of turmoil, they might stick around for more than a few meetings. The problem all too often is that the ears are closed and the mouth is open. Listening is not something most of us do when we find an ear of another who is living with an alcoholic. We want to tell war stories, talk about how awful we have had it, and generally unload all of our anguish and anger on others. And when no one tells us how to fix the alcoholic, we leave to head back to the salt mines.<br />
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I know how hard it is to listen when a person is in so much emotional anguish. And blaming the alcoholic is really easy and convenient. After all, aren't they really the cause of our unhappiness? Would not life be better if they did what we wanted? We who are long suffering would then be truly free and happy in our own skin, right? <br />
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I don't know about you, but I don't know that I really ever felt comfortable in my own skin. I am much more used to who I am now. I still struggle though with awareness and acceptance of myself. And because I am in a program of recovery that teaches me to take my own inventory and clean up my side of the street, I have gotten better. I no longer beat myself up for my short comings on a daily basis or get mired in the self pity that would last for weeks, months, years.<br />
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I read blogs in which people struggle deeply with the alcoholics/addicts in their life. They believe that the alcoholic is to blame for their unhappiness. I thought the same thing, until one day I realized that I was actually at fault also. I was expecting everyone else in my life to do as I wanted because I had the answers for them. I believed that I knew what was best for my wife. "If only, she would stop drinking. If only she would love me like I love her. If only.......". Ad nauseum. <br />
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It took me quite a while to realize that my ticket to happiness was not about her. I stubbornly refused to embrace the idea that I was contributing to unhappiness in my life. I thought that I was blameless until I finally got to a place where I could not longer deny my culpability in our failing relationship. <br />
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I know that people have to reach a point where the tipping point occurs. It is that point where you finally are so broken, sad, demoralized, and unhappy that you realize you are the one that needs help. And that's when the alcoholic ceases to be the center of your world. That's when you finally surrender and start working on your own life. <br />
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Plenty of people, like me, go for decades refusing to admit that they are the ones needing help. I wasn't ready to stop trying to control and change another. No way was I going to stop beating my head against a wall, even though it hurt like Hell. So if you are still out there trying to change the alcoholic and are focusing all of your energy on him/her, then keep on doing it. Eventually, one day if you are lucky you will finally realize that it isn't going to work. Until then, you can keep recanting the same old stuff over and over about how awful life is with an alcoholic. And have the pity parties with other people who are in the same sinking boat.<br />
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Keep on with that and see how things end up for you after a few decades. One thing that I am glad for is that I did surrender, and I did finally get into a program of recovery. And so did my wife. That is the miracle of the whole thing. And what has happened for us is an incredible change in how we treat each other. It took us a while to understand that changes don't happen overnight. But with almost a decade in recovery, we know that each day is a gift. <br />
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I know that there are other ways to find peace and happiness in your life. Use every tool at your disposal. I didn't happen to find what worked until I got into the rooms of Al-Anon. I do a lot of service work and am willing to help those who want to work the steps or share their solution. But if you decide that you have a load of caveats to recovery, then I suggest that perhaps you aren't willing enough yet. I am working on myself every day. And I am willing to help you along this journey of self-discovery too. I have found happiness living with an alcoholic. And I believe that the happiness is a daily reprieve from the sadness and anxiety that we experienced before we began our journey of recovery. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-9892320999338665682015-10-22T09:20:00.001-04:002015-10-22T09:20:55.713-04:00Some glorious daysIndian summer here with warm days and cool nights. We had a glorious time on the boat. All the usual things of relaxing, cooking, long walks on the beach, and dancing to some good music. <div><br></div><div>All thoughts of anything bothering me go away when I am out there. I have long thought that I was made to be a wanderer in my soul--a sojourner looking for the next adventure. But my occasional days on the water will suffice. And when I am back on land I long for the simplicity of the boat. Nothing but the sky and water and sand between my toes. </div><div><br></div><div>I am sharing some photos from this trip out. Short post here. Happiness of spirit. <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPjcBvd0o_BpNGSLOK_d2rvLreC29eQdDbP3unxGr1MS8vyqCBkoQghKOyuAdgqGBZoRAzuibOY3o1ZKTOhLQtYc8gbOdBU7PMt5ioYCGWaytldL973we_DqBLxW7DN0r0ICebXB_LpPI/s640/blogger-image--1754949003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPjcBvd0o_BpNGSLOK_d2rvLreC29eQdDbP3unxGr1MS8vyqCBkoQghKOyuAdgqGBZoRAzuibOY3o1ZKTOhLQtYc8gbOdBU7PMt5ioYCGWaytldL973we_DqBLxW7DN0r0ICebXB_LpPI/s640/blogger-image--1754949003.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">A companionway door that I found washed up on the beach. It belongs to a beautiful wooden boat that sank in the summer. Her name was One Love. Sad for such a brilliant piece of Hugh Angelman's handiwork to be lost. But I have a small piece of her safe at home ready for restoration.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYl4l_oDzLbS9lbCPzBmqvM5ojLnTiSheevvb5dreNfWj4Bbt9ZeZCjpd_nJn8BNSmsALyMSerQoCIbnr9rWSE-tYwHScSw_SfwjYr4kMsGW79Pt0jy_ms1Jec-X6yYrf4Eees9Hmvfig/s640/blogger-image-1660551885.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYl4l_oDzLbS9lbCPzBmqvM5ojLnTiSheevvb5dreNfWj4Bbt9ZeZCjpd_nJn8BNSmsALyMSerQoCIbnr9rWSE-tYwHScSw_SfwjYr4kMsGW79Pt0jy_ms1Jec-X6yYrf4Eees9Hmvfig/s640/blogger-image-1660551885.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The dinghy used to row to shore.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4hD_KwcDzUUXfrO8Ht9gR6NQ_eYG_6TSBS2Psy_3v0oefj4RJnvp9JaEQDKIVT1UIg0QxFtebXcdMWDd1C2kEcINLBq_7wFmclXcTgvuJTyLnP3fIUvR0KvxVHJfl1Z-UfZTWcLSXUrA/s640/blogger-image--860810168.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4hD_KwcDzUUXfrO8Ht9gR6NQ_eYG_6TSBS2Psy_3v0oefj4RJnvp9JaEQDKIVT1UIg0QxFtebXcdMWDd1C2kEcINLBq_7wFmclXcTgvuJTyLnP3fIUvR0KvxVHJfl1Z-UfZTWcLSXUrA/s640/blogger-image--860810168.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Sun setting on a glorious day.<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA1RPOo_qzzh4EZDr-p-tTi63fvv4XC2cigjFYN9GBq8dm5S1VcncKw3oGMMVzZFjSfJL1w8phq19evytCZDvorL7k41DClaiX-fhJd99umo7VOGJr4UHTMCHJ3HdCatvtr_R6a2VlpEk/s640/blogger-image-271204557.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA1RPOo_qzzh4EZDr-p-tTi63fvv4XC2cigjFYN9GBq8dm5S1VcncKw3oGMMVzZFjSfJL1w8phq19evytCZDvorL7k41DClaiX-fhJd99umo7VOGJr4UHTMCHJ3HdCatvtr_R6a2VlpEk/s640/blogger-image-271204557.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Night falls</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCCtlhT77OjDFWbk0EWHqPfkPlLaqMS8sXuTbZZSXs7YHbYvbujFAk3euoWWB3Dosbb1s4Z-KuzOWru9NnI45VCNfMWs2tnHPkA2x2UkIfBh-2Pul93i3E3bGPRdixcenZ5eQWoyLlOEw/s640/blogger-image-1115611584.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCCtlhT77OjDFWbk0EWHqPfkPlLaqMS8sXuTbZZSXs7YHbYvbujFAk3euoWWB3Dosbb1s4Z-KuzOWru9NnI45VCNfMWs2tnHPkA2x2UkIfBh-2Pul93i3E3bGPRdixcenZ5eQWoyLlOEw/s640/blogger-image-1115611584.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">At anchor</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJy35yhDzYqx-h8bwlFiUIBPupPrGCdJqjAaLzEL3bXV1A9I5eLoL8jsNIiukTVL2Y5_cjxHNSVlF6vSK272DVvIKhRdC-Fu0IapZFctOiiPq10X6snubbCl6ao1pBJewizWChYNPim1A/s640/blogger-image--462996756.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJy35yhDzYqx-h8bwlFiUIBPupPrGCdJqjAaLzEL3bXV1A9I5eLoL8jsNIiukTVL2Y5_cjxHNSVlF6vSK272DVvIKhRdC-Fu0IapZFctOiiPq10X6snubbCl6ao1pBJewizWChYNPim1A/s640/blogger-image--462996756.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Cozy and warm inside</div><br></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-21104286894080724562015-10-17T15:49:00.000-04:002015-10-17T15:52:35.839-04:00Courage to ChangeI just returned home from the Al-Anon fall conference. It was an inspiring event with excellent speakers for both Al-Anon and AA. When I go to these conferences, I come away with rose-colored glasses firmly in place. I feel peaceful and thankful for having a program of recovery. <br />
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In one of the workshops I attended, I heard how fortunate we are to be around others who are working on their recovery. This re-affirmed that I do belong in the rooms of Al-Anon. I also know that most of us who are there still have character defects that can arise again and again. In the workshop about Courage to Change, we were asked to list those things that we could like to change about ourselves. I wrote:<br />
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<li>I would like to change my lack of trust in others</li>
<li>I would like to be less critical of myself</li>
<li>I would like to lose my fear of rejection</li>
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These old feelings have been around for a while--probably most of my life. My lack of trust in others is something that evolved over years of deception and emotional abuse. While I have a much healthier outlook today, I am still wary around those who I sense can hurt me through their gossip, jealousy or dissatisfaction with life. I still believe in my intuition about whom I trust. </div>
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Being less critical of myself has been a lifelong pursuit. I have had a lot of success in several pursuits in my life, and yet, I still doubt that I am worthy at times. I make myself step out of my comfort zone, teach myself new skills, pursue new hobbies, and tell myself that is growth. But it also can set me up for a feeling of failure. I am getting to that age where I don't really have to prove anything, yet I keep pushing myself to do new things---maybe because of the third item on my list of things to change.....</div>
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My fear of rejection. This is a theme through all of my life. I have days when I don't feel it acutely. I am good at covering it up. And then there are days when it wants to sabotage everything that is good, pushing me to isolate and fulfill my fear. These thoughts are deep seated. I know that if I am accepting of myself and am spiritually fit, the fear goes away. So I keep working on the Face Everything And Recover definition of FEAR, instead of the F#*k Everything and Run part. </div>
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This is not meant to be a bummer of a post. I am sharing where my head is today. I am grateful, working on my attitude of gratitude, and glad to have many options for my recovery. And it is a beautiful afternoon to get outside and enjoy the sunshine. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-86771338593874351622015-10-05T23:39:00.001-04:002015-10-05T23:51:29.508-04:00The Great October Flood 2015<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 17px;">It has been an interesting couple of days here. The city and state have been all over the national news because of the flooding from days of constant heavy rain. </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 17px;">If you’ve seen any news report or watched The Weather Channel, you’ve seen our devastation.</span></span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">We were very fortunate on the island. The road to our house is severely damaged. But our house and property remained un-flooded. Other parts of the area were not so lucky. The damage in some areas is tremendous.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Our major concern was getting to the horses at the barn to make sure that they were okay. I walked ahead of the truck to check for sink holes and gullies. The road has been eroded by sheet flow coming off the farm fields. In some places, the holes were several feet deep. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">After we got to the barn, we found some of the fields were flooded. I moved horses around to put them in un-flooded pastures. Water in a couple of pastures was up to the horse's knees. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Once the horses were moved, we went about feeding them their hay. They were glad to get it and a bit frantic because horses are creatures of routine. I have attached a few photos so you can see their happiness at being fed. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I feel as if my story is so minimal compared to those people who have been displaced, losing their homes and everything they own, aside from what may have been thrown into a bag or two and what they had on their backs. I saw people</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> with babies being raced into boats to escape the flood waters that took over their homes yesterday.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">So it has been a surreal few days. I hear that the sun is supposed to peak through the steel gray sky tomorrow. I am looking forward to seeing it. </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of many road wash outs</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A small lake in the big ring</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Driving along the flooded road</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pond overflowing into the barn</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Overflow of pond</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Horses waiting on hay</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My boy eating his hay</td></tr>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-63165135659181762122015-09-26T10:02:00.000-04:002015-09-26T10:02:48.429-04:00What I have learned in the last monthThe weeks have flown by for me. It is nearly October and still muggy and warm here. We are still harvesting from the garden, but the fall vegetables are in and summer plants are just about done.<br />
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I have been involved with the group that is dealing with race relations in the aftermath of the Emanuel 12 atrocity (although 9 people were murdered, there were 3 others who survived but were traumatized). We have regular discussions at lunch once a week, and I hosted another evening event at a restaurant. Next week, I invited the City Police officers to join us to discuss how to improve relations between the police and the community. <br />
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It has been an interesting and enlightening time. I have met men from the Nation of Islam and have heard about their views on how all white people are "devils". It is hard to deny our violent past when it comes to Native and African Americans. However, I am also becoming a student of world history in which I realize that so many atrocities have been and are being committed by asians and africans too. Looking at history, the worst mass killings have been done by Asians. Ghenkis Khan: 40,000,000 people in the 13th century, all over Asia and Europe; Mao Zedong: 40,000,000 as well between 1949 -1976. He had people worship him as a god. They thought he was immortal. What a surprise when he died. World War II was also 40,000,000 -- and Japanese people are a significant part of the reason for that number -- both as instigators and as victims.<br />
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Certainly, in Africa, tribal wars have been occurring since we became Homo sapiens. However, because they were relatively small and within a smaller area, these are not well known. We DO know that in modern day, post-colonial African, some of the most savage wars known to man have occurred: The Biafran War (1966-70) -- 1,000,000 dead. The nightmare that was the Rwandan War -- within 4 months, the Tutsis had killed 800,00 of their fellow citizens, the Hutus. The horror in Liberia, where tens of thousands of people now live with only one hand: punishment if they wouldn't join the rebel army. The hellish Boko Haran, currently operating in Nigeria. The terrors of South Sudan, now spilling over into Ethiopia (primarily the Muslims killing the Christians). And let's not forget the Middle Easterners: Saddam Hussein -- 1,000,000; Ghadaffi -- probably nearly the same number. And the amount of TORTURE beyond comprehension by the instigators of most of these mass murderers is, unfortunately, well-documented. There is NO single "good" race. So what I have learned is we ALL have the potential for good... and, unfortunately, for evil...<br />
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And then I have been involved in more Al-Anon service work at the area (state) level. That has been an eye opener. I know that we all have character defects, but let me tell you, getting involved in service work on committees at the state level has brought me to a whole new level of understanding. I keep telling myself: Principles above personalities. And I stay out of the fray when the emails go flying back and forth with unkind things being written. I took on a task and am focusing on that, rather than on getting into a pissing contest. But I can tell you that I have no further aspirations to do further service work higher up than the District. <br />
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And so when I feel my serenity slipping away, I take a short vacation on the boat. I returned a couple of days ago from a relaxing time on her. I go off the grid, read and reflect. And when I return, I feel ready to get back into this other life I lead in which I deal with people.<br />
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This time when I returned I listened to Pope Francis. And let me tell you, if I were inclined to be religious, I believe that this man could convert me. To me, he is a transformative person who is kind, compassionate, and, well--Holy. His humility is to be emulated. What a contrast between Papa and the political candidates we have thrust on us through the news media! I found myself in tears listening to Pope Francis. He is a genuine person of goodness to me.<br />
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In other goings on, I continue to ride and enjoy my horse. He is going to the dressage regional championships which will be a real treat. I am going as his groom and support team--LOL. Perhaps within the next six months, I will be showing him too. The main thing is that we have a great bond. Even my wife loves him. She has little experience with horses but her visits to see him, bearing gifts of carrots, are filled with joy. He licks her and she kisses him. What more can a horse want?<br />
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Hope that you are all doing well. I am way out of date with comments on your blogs. Living the life to the fullest here. And I will catch up soon with each of you. Until then....<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4904990175885851041.post-32159263810276194112015-09-05T20:58:00.001-04:002015-09-05T20:58:12.870-04:00Every day mattersThank you for all the thoughts and comments as both C. and I had our ninth year in recovery. I told my story at two meetings, and each time I have a different slant. In one I start from the beginning and in the next, I am starting at where I am now. <br />
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I remember the first time that I shared my story at a meeting. I had written down a few things I wanted to share. I didn't know how to speak from the heart then. I thought that I needed notes to help me organize my thoughts. I don't do that anymore and haven't for several years. I simply share from the heart, not feeling anything but gratitude for the progress that I have made in coming to terms with who I am and how I was affected by alcoholism.<br />
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The main message that I have is that it is so good to be living life without a huge amount of fear and anxiety. I don't have active alcoholism in my life. It is a blessing. And I don't focus much on the past anymore, not the bad parts of it anyway. There is too much to do in the present right now. I want to hold onto that as much as I can. <br />
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Today, I rode for several miles around the farm and properties near by. It was a good morning, with a hint of fall in the air. I see the cloudless sulfur butterflies as they move through on their migration. Some of the trees are starting to change color as the days get shorter. The garden is still producing, but already we are putting in our fall and winter vegetables. My favorite time of year is coming. <br />
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It seems that every day is one to cherish. And as a blogger friend used to write, "Every day matters." <br />
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