Quieting my head

I've been doing my best to catch up on blog posts.  I still have a long way to go on that but am getting there.  I'm glad that you write a lot because blogs have become a way of gaining knowledge and growth in my program of recovery. And the comments you make help me as well.

I was reading a comment from Mark (The Walking Man) who asked if I ever quiet my mind.  I can do that when I am at peace within.  In fact, a quiet mind is my usual state on the boat.  Sometimes, my mind is so quiet that it is blank--I'm not thinking about anything really.

At first, I wasn't sure that having a blankness was good.   I have been an analytical person all my life.  I was paid to think and analyze.  When the world pushes too hard at me,  I look for a solution.  Most of the time, I don't find one.  But I like the idea of thinking in terms of solutions and not about all that is wrong or problematic.

I don't like to have the wheels going in my head all the time though.  I believe that there is some action on my part that I can do, even if just to observe a situation and learn from it.  After that, I leave things alone and let others be.  I do think that things will work out the way that they are supposed to without my trying to orchestrate them to my liking.  And if my mind isn't necessarily quiet at times, at least I am making consistent efforts at keeping my mouth quiet.

I am still struck by reacting, especially when I am confronted by ignorance, hatred, bigotry, unfairness, and toxic behavior.  I want to reason with those who are unreasonable.  And it doesn't work most of the time.  As an example, it is rare anymore to have a civil discussion about politics.   Engaging in a political discussion is the quickest way that I know to lose quietness of the mind. I either say nothing when the accusations start flying or walk away--most of the time.

I do believe that some of us are born to live inside of our heads.  I was one of those who thinks a lot.  But I also know that it's good for me to talk or write about what I think.  That has been a big improvement for me--to not keep everything bottled up inside or to ruminate over and over on something.  Processing events takes time.  Eventually,  I let go and get back to having quietness and stillness.  Ebbs and flows.  Ebbs and flows.  Light and dark. Quiet.

Be quiet. Quietness is the surest sign

that you’ve died.

Your old life was a frantic running

from silence.

The speechless full moon  

comes out now.

- Rumi