I still feel as if something is gnawing at me, not letting me feel fully at peace. I have a sense of foreboding, as if something is going to happen. I listen to these intuitive feelings because they have proven to be true in the past. I realize that it's foolish to project so I turn my thoughts to fixing dinner together, reading a book, commenting on blogs, walking on the beach.
I don't want to tell my wife that part of what worries me is her. I nearly lost her to a heart attack last year. I honestly cannot imagine my life without her. And I know that she seems happy but the situation with her parents has been a strain over the last 8 months. I want her to feel carefree but realize that I can't make that happen. Her sponsor is dying, and she hasn't been to see her in a couple of months. I don't think that she wants to see the deterioration in body and spirit. I hate seeing her worry, so I do enough for both of us which is not a good solution.
One of the things that I have heard in Al-Anon for years is that by staying busy, I get better. But as in everything, there is a need for balance. Being frantically busy is not what I want to do. I did that for many years, running from my problems by juggling so many things. So this weekend, I will do the usual things that bring me comfort. And that includes getting more rest.
Hope that you are having a peaceful Friday.
