I realize that a kind of reconstituting of self is needed during stressful times. One of the men I sponsor asked me what I was going to do for myself today. I knew that I would go to the boat if I had time.
I do believe that there are those who enjoy care taking. Having errands to run every day seems so easy. Yet, it is not. I have become accustomed to having free time. And lately I have longed for the care free days.
I am mindful of those who don't have the level of freedom that I do. Many are trapped with failing bodies, have family needs, work at demanding jobs. I know that my spirit craves freedom. So much of what brings joy and peace in my life is unscheduled time.
My sponsor has said I am a free spirit. And I think that I finally have become one. It has taken me years to feel free inside. At last, I realize how important it is to not stifle those feelings. I empathize with those who are trapped in body and spirit. I realize that how I spend my time now is about balance. I can do for others and yet not take over. I have a responsibility to make careful choices not just about my attitudes and approach to life, but how I spend my time. Choices and balance do bring peace.
i feel you on this one syd...i am a rather carefree spirit myself..and there is great wisdom in that last line...
ReplyDeleteI can feel the balmy spring breeze in your words, Syd. It's as though your spirit is soaring, unchained through life, touching each experience lightly and continuing to look forward - always. Your words are a sigh of peace, contentment, and rest.
ReplyDeleteHave a beautiful evening.
Hugs,
Anonymous #1
I think for me learning how to accept and appreciate peace is learning a new art. I am so used to stress, and love it, and hate it, that I have to practice, practice, practice peace. It gets better.
ReplyDeleteBalance is tricky. There is always the veering too far one way or the other. I pray you find peace and strive for balance.
ReplyDeleteTold ya.
ReplyDeleteYes, yes, I too think just the way you are thinking right now. It is good that we still have bodies that allow us the ease of freedom. As we age, we need to learn to feel that freedom even when the body is less subject to our beck and call. To your health and to C's speedy recovery, so that you can both have your freedom and your unscheduled time....
ReplyDeleteAs long as you can pretty much come and go as you please without fear and worry waiting your return then you have found a good path. Walk it in gratitude for most are not as fortunate as you have said.
ReplyDeleteI was talking to an old friend last night and he said that at this age (fifty-six) he wakes up every day either worrying about nothing or worrying about everything.
ReplyDeleteIs that balance?
Ha!
As always, thanks for the reminders, Syd. Enjoy spring. I am.
I love spring, and somehow, along with this change in season, the budding of new life and fresh perspectives it's congagious throughout nature, flora and fauna.
ReplyDeleteI find that freedom comes in measures, as I become more willing to accept I am more free of the measurements that used to bog me down.
I do however still need to work on that in the people who are closest to me, acceptance is not enablement and I'm still learning the difference.
Thanks for this Syd. I retired recently and I too am finding that my hearts desire is stillness and solitude. Unscheduled peaceful time.
ReplyDeleteBefore the program when I spent time alone I was isolating. I didn't want anyone interrupting my obsessive thoughts. These day I rarely go to the crazy place and if I do I give myself a time limit. I spend time alone now to meditate and just be quiet. I love you super imposed picture. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteIt is a luxury and a blessing to have choices.
ReplyDeleteRight now, working a job I find tedious, I have to try and enjoy little moments of freedom. I am happy for you that you were able to retire while still young. Great stuff, that.
When I work my program, and be of service, I feel serenity, and that serenity gives me my freedom. For me, freedom is more a state of mind, than anything to do with my circumstances.
ReplyDeleteFree spirit...choices...balance how very well said. Long time age someone asked if I ever had a boat what would I name it and I said free spirit. Your message gives hope that maybe one day I can get there. Glad to hear your family is healing and doing better.
ReplyDeleterecoverywfaith
Going to the boat "if you have time"... This made me think again about how many times I've gotten to the end of a day and said, "I didn't do X because I didn't have time." I've learned I have to make time... Also, my Al-Anon sponsor is very fond of asking me, "What are you going to do to take care of yourself today?" She encouraged me early on that it only takes $3 to buy a small bunch of flowers. Small things really count.
ReplyDeleteBalance is what I've learned from AA and didn't even know I'd lost it. What a difference it makes in my daily life.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand. (And enjoy the weather, it still stinks up here in the cold!)
ReplyDeleteLove, Sarah