I got back home this evening from a trip to Georgia. It was a nice get-away for the weekend. I attended several seminars so much of Saturday was spent in those. However, I did get to reconnect with some old friends.
I didn't get to take as many photos as I had hoped but will post some more when I am less tired. The little backwater towns are interesting, although most are passed through in about a couple of minutes or less. Stately old homes with nice large lawns still line the streets of most of these small towns. At one time, the trains would stop, and I can imagine a much more bustling place then.
As I was driving at dusk, I couldn't help but feel a bit sad. I often have the Sunday afternoon blues. I suppose it is a carry over from so many years of working. There is something about Sunday afternoon that makes me dread Monday, even though I don't have to get up at 5:30 AM any longer or make the drive into the office. My body and mind are probably still conditioned for the work world.
I think that tonight I am going to catch up in my journal. I have been keeping a journal for several years. It contains entries on what happened that day. It isn't very philosophical but mostly just a bunch of facts about the day. A long time ago, I kept a diary as a kid. And in it, I would gauge how the day was going by the mood of my father. It was a good day if he hadn't been drinking. The bad days were those in which he was. Even at such a young age, I was letting alcoholism dictate what kind of day I had. Later, my days were also measured by how well I was getting along with a particular girlfriend. I wrote very little about what made me happy or what my passions were.
I can see in retrospect, how much power I gave to others in my life. It was all about how I was reacting to what they were doing. I find it interesting how my entries now are about what I am doing and the things that I enjoy. I still write about feelings for others. But I am less and less concerned about the power that others have over me. I find that to be a direct result of how I have shifted my focus in recovery. I am indeed fortunate to be keeping the focus on me and what I am doing, rather than on what others are doing to me. What a change!
I've also kept private handwritten diaries most of my life Syd -- a good way to notice in hindsight some of my patterns in relationships.
ReplyDeleteI learn so much from you, Syd. Your posts have a way of bringing me back to the core truths. Giving power away is something that I need to work on today. All days, in fact. I so easily allow other peoples moods dictate how my day will go.
ReplyDeletedude nice journal....i have a shelf of mine and it is neat to look back and see the changes in my life over time as well...
ReplyDeleteI have old journals that I have abandoned since I bought my first computer in 1997. I am probably going to burn the old journals. I do love to go back through my blog though.
ReplyDeleteAlcoholism turns people into tyrants. I am watching this in my family now and it makes me sick.
Areas you've touched on are having a stabilizing effect on me that I'm appreciating and enjoying.
ReplyDeleteYour journal is a great idea. You make me want to go out and get one. Your post made me realize that I haven't journaled because I didn't ever write about my likes and dislikes but my reaction to my life based on others and circumstances. Thank you for the eye opener.
ReplyDeleteI was always a clean out the closet, and throw away person. It comes from moving so much as a child. You had to make decisions about what you would take with you when you move every two or three years. Now, of course, I wish I had kept a lot of mementos. At least I have the last 6 years or so on the two blogs.
ReplyDeleteI can still recall quite clearly, the first time I was ever able to maintain a good mood in the face of the alcoholic's raging - that's the day I began to have a glimpse of what I was being offered through the 12 Steps.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could journal. There is something so concrete about a journal. My husband has kept a journal our entire married life. I started blogging as a way to journal, but it isn't really the same.
ReplyDeleteOh, bless you Syd. You always have a word that seems to resonate for me. With me.
ReplyDeleteLovely pictures, too.
Glad you're home.
Giving away my power is giving me lots of heartburn this past few days. But it lead me to offer to volunteer at our local Al Anon office, due in part to Syd's often mentioning the power of service.
ReplyDeleteYou have a great blog! Coming back for more!!
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it! Its all about how I am doing, not my alcoholic.
ReplyDeleteI have kept a journal on and off for most my adult life. Once in awhile I come across some of my early ones and laugh at how childish I sound complaining about my life.
ReplyDeleteDistance makes me realize how much I have changed. I am sure I will think the same thing 10 years from now when I read things I am writing now. Always moving forward.
I find it fascinating to reread my old journals. Apparently I had some system of logic before Al Anon, but looking back, it seems like a fairly illogical form of logic. Some good poetry, though. And it was nice to look back on my enthusiasm about my son growing and changing and gaining new skills. And it was also interesting to read stuff about myself I had forgotten and make connections from that to how I feel about things now. I often wish I was younger, but I do really appreciate the wisdom I've gained from Al Anon, and that I continue to gain from what I learn in meetings and from reading these blogs and 12 step literature and from sharing and practicing what I've learned.
ReplyDelete