In years past, we didn't have a large crowd, but there would be my mother, C.'s aunt, and the parents-in-law. One year, we had some of my wife's distant relatives over and their children. It was a wonderful meal, with little printed up menus for people to take home. We outdid ourselves. And what happened was that my father-in-law got drunk, fell asleep in his chair, and everyone left him to sleep it off. I ended up taking him home, during which he was angrily telling me that he should not have been left. After that Thanksgiving, we decided to not have any more large family gatherings. That day left us pretty shell-shocked.
This year, I am just tired and feeling down. There is no joy over at the in-laws, even though the new caregivers will be there. Perhaps they will be joyful and happy to be around. I am going to keep an open mind about the day. We are invited to have a second evening meal at the home of some friends on Thanksgiving. We are going to that. Yet, I wish that our home were filled up with happy people who could enjoy this house and the food that we cook. Would you like some self-pity served with that turkey?
It seems sad to have the table set and no one to sit down at it. I know that it is up to us to take action. I would like the Normal Rockwell version of Thanksgiving but that is not what will happen. Most people are with their family, and ours has dwindled to a minimum. Even contemplating Christmas is just too much as well. It seems that the pressure to do something, to get "things", to force happiness out of material goods is overwhelming. I don't want to do that.
I want the happiness to happen because we care about each other, we want to be together, and we are the best gift to give another through our love. That is something to be thankful about. It can still happen with an attitude adjustment by me.
I think that you and your wife SHOULD take off for Christmas. Break all the rules and traditions and go be somewhere together alone.
ReplyDeleteWhy not, Syd? Why not?
I guess that change is hard to accept sometime. I look at this stuff as the evolution of life as I know it. Nothing stays the same.
ReplyDeleteAcceptance is the answer to all of my problems today.
Remember, Syd....one day at a time. Its not Thanksgiving day yet. I learned many years ago when thanksgiving day wasnt going to be what I wanted, or what it used to be, when Jacksons father had left us, that some years, Thanksgiving day just has to be another Thursday.
ReplyDeleteMaybe try to accept a new tradition this year...thanksgiving breakfast for just you and the lovely C? at the beautiful table you have set.....just a thought. Hang in there, this too shall pass.
man sorry you are down right now syd...dont let yourself stay there...much to be thankful for even in the hard times...
ReplyDeleteI dislike Thanksgiving--all the overeating and football. Not my thing. I'm going to Canada over the holiday, it's not Thanksgiving there.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your post. The Holidays are often challenging for me. My husband goes into working triple. I have begun a gratitude list each morning
ReplyDeleteto shake up my world!
do you have ant AA or Al-anon "orphans" you can spend thanksgiving with? like we're having comedy orphans? I find if we look hard enough there are people out there who want to spend time with us.
ReplyDeletehope your holiday is not too down. wish you could be here.
This year at Christmas, we're having dinner with a bunch of newly sober men. I like the idea of sharing our home and our turkey with fellow travellers in 12-Step.
ReplyDeleteYou and C should take the boat out and have Thanksgiving by yourselves on the water. Thinking of you....
ReplyDeleteWhat SHOULD Thanksgiving be? The holidays are tough for those of us remembering the drunken fights after dinner. God knows I remember them well. I've found joy in the holiday when it is just me and my son. Husband decided we were too boring for him. The bar was WAY more fun. I find my happiness within myself. :) Come to my house Syd and C. I'd love to have you. Life is much better here now. :)
ReplyDeleteExpectation run a muck at the holidays. The thought that some where someone is having a great time makes us feel bad that we are not.
ReplyDeleteI experience sadness at Thanksgiving because the busy family gatherings of the past are gone through the attrition of death and loss. With age, a generation is no longer with us. Each year is a reminder of dwindling traditions.
ReplyDeleteIt challenges me to find new ways of experiencing thankfulness. When I compare my gold standard to the new, things don't measure up. That tells me that I'm the source of the problem and I need to adopt a new attitude. And that is something I've learned how work on, using the tools given to me in recovery.
I have no family near, and my husband's family blames me for his death, but I am not feeling sorry about anything. I have been invited to friends' for Thanksgiving (more than one in fact, but I am going to the one where they have been like surrogate family for years) and an annual Thanksgiving open house on the weekend hosted by an Al-Anon mate's in-laws. I have friends who celebrate at the Alano Club every year, whether they have a formal family gathering or not.
ReplyDeleteShow me a Norman Rockwell Family, and I'll just show you a painting. It's only in our minds that such a thing exists.
Y'all come to my house!
ReplyDeleteI'm feelin you Syd. How about volunteering to serve up a Thanksgiving at a homeless shelter ? I promise you, your day will be joyful:) Give. You are so good at giving. Kris B
ReplyDeleteAm I invited to Pam's too...does y'all mean all of us? :o) because I am feeling like you Syd. My son will be with his gf's family, I don't know where H will be, both D's mom and mine died this last year, so no g-mas will be around. It will be Molly, Little Lu, Do and I. What fun! Not. So I think we are going on a family hike and I am cooking a simple turkey dinner.
ReplyDeleteIs that really your table? That is beautiful! I should take a picture of mine right now and show you. I have egg cartons stacked up that I am saving for a friend. Lu changed from one set of pajamas to another and at the last minute before bed and left her pair of fuzzy pj pants with monkeys on them laying on the table, there are a couple of amazon boxes stacked up and stacks of school books for Lu. So there. Your table is exquisite and just getting to see it made me smile.
This time of year is hard for me -- although we don't have Thanksgiving out here. I like what Ms Moon said about you and C taking a break. Alone together.
ReplyDeleteIf I had a table set and no one coming I would be weeping all day long.
ReplyDeleteMy daughters and I have decided to go to a movie this thanksgiving. I may cook a small turkey breast and make sandwiches. I am not going to make a big dinner and pretend these are not days when my son is in Afghanistan and my older grandchildren are in the custody of my ex-husband who has taken them to Montana.
We will have the best Thanksgiving we can have and not try to pretend it is something else.
It's not because one of my sons is in Thailand and the other Connecticut or my daughter will be working in the back of an ambulance as will the wife at her desk on the holidays that i don't particularly think i am missing out on anything...but rather i just have no affinity for any holiday...just another page on the calendar Syd.
ReplyDeleteI am more sorry for your sorrow at things not being as you want them but Norman Rockwell was a realism school painter not a realist.
P.S.
ReplyDeleteThe dishes on your table ... Johnson Brothers Thanksgiving edition?
My old family china is their red/white Historic America edition. I spent two hours today at an antique shop looking for additions to our collection.
Love the dishes, Syd.
Thank you! I shall set the table and enjoy the memories. Whatever "guest" visits, I shall welcome and embrace. With this post you have given more than you can ever know. Blessings to you and yours.
ReplyDeleteThe last couple of years I made the choice to not plan the "whole" family Thanksgiving at our house. What a relief it has been to take that pressure off the T-day holiday and enjoy whatever comes along. Going with the flow has been quite enjoyable for me. Even if it is not the "traditional" way of doing the holiday. I find that happiness I also yearned when I invited both sides of the family and friends. It always turned out ok, but there was always the drunk, etc, etc... but I like this new tradition/change and think I'll stick with it for now.
ReplyDelete