It is warm today, nearly 75 F. It still feels like fall to me. But I will take it over the long days of cold weather that would permeate whatever I put on in Virginia. Yesterday at the marina was picture perfect--blue sky, light winds, warm temperatures. I watched the boats going past looking for the body of a young woman who jumped from the bridge over the weekend. Her body has not been found.
She was described as her room mates as cheerful, vivacious, beautiful, athletic, and from a loving family. Yet, for some reason, she decided to scramble over the barricade that separates the walkers and runners from the precipitous edge of the bridge and jump over 160 feet into the water below. A passerby said that she saw the young woman standing there, and she turned to smile. A smile of resignation? A smile of happiness at her decision? I don't know, but I wonder what can be so awful at 20 years of age that makes you end your life.
The view from the top of that bridge is spectacular. The harbor is before you, the church steeples in the city, the masts of sailboats at the marina--all of it makes a breath taking panorama. Maybe she was so caught in pain that she didn't really see. But somehow I hope that she did ultimately see all of it rushing by as she took that plunge. And maybe it made her feel peaceful for a split second.
So sad. Last Monday my 20 year old called me and said he was about to jump off a bridge. I called the police. This led to me petitioning for an involuntary hospitalization. I just got a call From the social worker. He is getting released Saturday. He refuses appropriate help and instead is moving in with a petty criminal friend of his. He will probably be back at the bridge before long but I'm just trying to think about today. I may have to cut off his phone. I definitely have to give him the dignity of his own choices. I pray for the parents of the girl who actually jumped. I pray continually for God to guide my son and allow him to make safe choices.
ReplyDeletemaybe the scene did give her some sence of peace if even for just a moment.I'm saddened to hear that she decided to take her life by jumping off the bridge.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad when you can't see a way out. I have felt that many time in my life and don't really know why I never gave up.
ReplyDeleteThe intensity of emotions felt in my younger years were many time unbearable. I am older now with experience to tell me this too shall pass and it does. You don't have that at twenty.
When your trapped in emotions and despair anything can happen. Very sad.
man so sad...i hope she at least enjoyed a last bit of beauty...it is 75 here as well crazy for dec 15
ReplyDeleteI think Grace was exactly right- intensity of feelings when one is young can be unbearable and there is no real experience that things can get better.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me so sad, Syd.
This is so sad. I'm going to hug my son so hard when I get home. I don't understand this choice. I can't imagine the pain. I'm so sorry for her parents. This breaks my heart and it's almost Christmas.
ReplyDeleteI read this and I'm just sitting, wondering. Wondering what the answer is. My own sense tells me the answer is somewhere in being acknowledged and in ordinary community and ordinary goodness. Something in us dies without them. Lack of such things play into my own sickness and my gratitude for Al-Anon. Being dismissed and social fracture and isolation are killing us inside and often 'outside' as in this case. In prayer.
ReplyDeleteIt must be unbearable pain for some people. I have watched people take their lives slowly with alcohol.
ReplyDeleteI have compassion for those of us still suffering in and out of the rooms.
I have just been involved with a 22 year old who chose a horrible violent way to die. It is so hard to understand. But I do remember being a suicidal 22 year old myself. Grateful I was not successful.
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts at this post. Pittsburgh guy, I am grateful you were able to stop your son, this time.
ReplyDeleteWhen I see nature's beauty around me, I want to think it might startle someone into WANTING to live.
But that, alas, is between them and their Higher Power. I can only pray that the obsessive focus on an end, might be broken by an intervention.
Terribly sad when someone so young takes their life. I went out on countless next-of-kin calls when I worked in Victim Services, and the suicides were by far the worst; they leave a swath of devastation behind them.
ReplyDeleteSo sad. How can you be so young and feel so lost and like suicide is the only option.
ReplyDeleteOh Syd, this is so haunting. I remember how unhappy I was at 20, but somehow (without therapy or Al-Anon or anything else), I always had a sense there was something "bigger". People who commit suicide really don't see any other solution to their problems...it's heartbreaking. You wrote something in another post that really stuck with me--"living life on life's terms." Yes, this is something I am learning during some very challenging times. And that takes faith. This poor young woman who looked so good on the outside must have felt so empty and so alone. She only had faith in a very wrong answer. I don't know her obviously, but am sending her and her family love and prayers.
ReplyDeleteDamn, the holidays can be tough.
Monica
This is so sad, I have no words for this. I don't know that any person who actually does take their own life really even knows why they do it past what they feel is going wrong. It goes so much deeper. The mystery of it.
ReplyDeleteEven if she didn't find her peace as she plunged, no one will ever know or if they do will tell why she went to suicide.
ReplyDeleteYet now, though she be dead to this place of ugly and beauty n both extremes, she sleeps peacefully in the house of her ancestors and will find her life again, in more than them who will never forget her.
The saddest part is on them who will never forget her.
I also hope she found peace.
ReplyDeleteWhat I feel after reading this is a deep gratitude for the mystery and miracle of hope. Those of us who have known despair owe a great debt to the Universal God and whatever fanned the tiny spark of hope in our hearts, for giving us the opportunity to stand on the bridge and see the beauty.
ReplyDelete