The day started out on a downer and went down hill from there. I was stuck in the gloom of sadness. We found notes from Mom and photos of her and Pop on fishing trips with us. They were fairly young and vigorous then. She also saved every single letter from C. when she was in the Peace Corps. Every one that came from that little village in Ethiopia were right there in a labeled folder. And the one that I picked up to read was about her drinking on Christmas Eve. I put that letter away and didn't bother to read any more. Reading about drinking and trying to find Christmas carols on an old radio didn't help my frame of mind.
But as I know only too well, I can start the day over. So I went to a meeting in the early evening. The topic was on expectations and how to have relationships that aren't filled with pre-meditated resentments based on expectations. It was just what I needed to hear.
My expectations have crept back in lately. I keep expecting that every day will be filled with joy. I keep expecting that people will not disappoint. I keep expecting that some semblance of sanity will return to the world. I keep expecting that I will be able to get all the tasks done that I need to do in a day or two. I keep expecting that people will be givers and not takers. With so many unreal expectations, it's no wonder that I feel overwhelmed and a bit lost.
I know that feeling sad and disappointed will pass. I simply have to sit with the feelings for a bit and then move on to do something else. This life has its joys and sorrows. And all I can do is ride them out, one day at a time.
Today is a new day. We are going to lunch and then to see a movie. Time to take a break from the seemingly endless packing of the parent's house. Time to take care of ourselves, hug and be together.
“joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you . . remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”― Kahlil Gibran
Thank you for this post. It came when I'm feeling overwhelmed and like I don't want to get out of bed to face the day.
ReplyDeletewhat a loaded title on this....and so true...sorry it started rough but glad you got it back together...and are aware as well so you can watch your expectations...i def get that...enjoy the day together man
ReplyDeleteOh Syd, it seems so many are carrying heavy burden right now. Looking through and finding all of those old signs of life and what used to be is bittersweet.
ReplyDeleteWhat movie are you going to see? Molly took me to see The Heat and it was hilarious...raunchily so lol but it was good to laugh at Melissa McCarthy flinging the F-word all around and talking about little balls.
I've never heard that quote but as of right now, it is my favorite.
ReplyDeleteTake care. Of yourselves, each other. Take care.
I love that quote, and like you I feel the same way about people and the world and it leaves me frustrated and upset. I hope your having a better day!
ReplyDeleteBearing so many losses makes us more fragile for awihile. Now I understand what you mean by starting the day over.
ReplyDeleteWow that is an amazing saying! Phew it is OK for me to feel sad! I want to bad to be happy all the dang time that I lecture myself on "letting things" get to me.
ReplyDeleteI love your title by the way lol. No one ever talks about that. No one ever takes about how we can have a resentment by projecting what we "think" another person will say or do.We hold a resentment before actions take place out of assumptions. Wow I do that all the time! Crazy isn't it?
Those darker feelings sound so familiar Syd -- but as you say, we can start the day over. I find walking with dogs a great boost and I have also found, as the old cliche says, that giving is its own reward. If I expect gratitude or closeness, I'm setting myself up for disappointment.
ReplyDeleteI love that! "Expectations as pre-meditated resentments" This post is so timely for me and makes such good sense. All those expectations you mention is what I have been doing to myself and those around me. No wonder my days are filled with resentment and bitterness. Wow, light bulb moment, lol. Such a great post, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI hope you had a lovely day together.
I hope the lunch and movie were wonderful. Would love to hear what movie you saw.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I also hope you are feeling better.
For me, it's when I am stressed that I feel this way. Everything seems too much, too hard, too crappy, too unlucky, too unfair, too sad. When I stop and add up all the things that are stressors, I realize how many there are, and that I'm expecting too much of myself, not just of other people and life in general. That realization alone can help, but it's more effective in the long term if I can realize it and then slow down and give myself a break.
ReplyDeleteHope your break helps, too.
I hope you're feeling better now and can't help but wonder what movie you chose. To my taste there are few movies on the current circuit that would get me out of the doldrums !
ReplyDeleteWhat movie? How was it? I am grateful that my sadness doesn't cover me like the blanket it use to be. I know that it will pass and it does. No fun while it is there though, I know.
ReplyDeleteWonderful. I'm going to repost it on my Emotional Sobriety. There are 2 kinds of loneliness we have to overcome. By that, I mean, once we have walked through both teachings, those sad feelings become less prominent. I don't believe in closure and suspect it is a word created by therapy to keep us coming back when we don't reach it. If you have loved someone, they are always there or here with us.
ReplyDeleteI love Thomas Wolfe--""Loneliness is not the experience of what one lacks, but rather the experience of what one is. In a culture deeply entrenched in the rhetoric of autonomy and rights, the song of God's lonely man so often goes unvoiced and unheeded. It is ironic how much of our freedom we expend on power -- on conquering death, disease, and decay, all the while concealing from each other our carefully buried loneliness, which if shared, would deepen our understanding of each other."
This too shall pass... both joy and sadness are but fleeting feelings in the ebb and flow of our existence. Sometimes it is hard for me to remember that one follows the other. Enjoy your new day.
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