And then the copperhead showed up while the landscapers were working. We had a couple of these venomous snakes in one of the paddocks last week. I generally capture them and put them in a bucket to take to the wooded area across the road from the house. What to do with two of them made more aggressive due to mating? Well, those two were dispatched, while the one today was captured and left to slither away into the woods across the road. The landscapers were warned about the snaked earlier in the day and laughed. Now, they are bit more cautious--this isn't suburbia but the country with an assortment of critters, some of which are dangerous.
But here's what's really on my mind. I have been concerned lately about my wife's anxiety that comes and goes. Most days are good, but then there are times when she is more anxious. She clenches her jaw and has begun to grind her teeth. Sometimes words don't come as easily to her in a sentence. I am hoping these are related to depression/anxiety and not any kind of progressive aphasia. Because of her mother's dementia, I have concerns when she can't remember a word or seems forgetful and distracted when talking to me. Because this only happens occasionally, I haven't worried. This morning, I think it happened because she was anxious about the credit card situation, the landscapers being here, and the snake hubbub. I am trying to figure out a way to gently ask her about it and perhaps ask her to discuss it with her physician who she will see on Thursday. It is a delicate subject.
I know that when it comes to the love of my life, I want her to be safe and free of worry. I naturally want to protect her. Knowing that I may not be able to is indeed difficult. So I will wait for the right moment to broach the subject and see what she says. There's not much more that I can do. I am leaving a lot of this up to a power greater than me.
Of course I have no idea but I can report that when I am in my very bad anxiety state, my brain seems to go into a reptile mode, completely refusing to do much more than keep me breathing and moving. My cognitive abilities really do plummet.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mary. I think that she may be doing the same thing. Everything points to anxiety being the culprit.
DeleteHow old is C Syd? You don't have to really tell me....but I'm 49 and I lose a word here and there and forget why I went upstairs and am often distracted....I think it's the menopausal brain! Stress and anxiety certainly compound it for me but those are all variables...not concrete situations. I hope that's all it is for C also. You are such a good partner.
ReplyDeleteShe is done with menopause and didn't have a rough time with it, other than some of the hot flashes. I think it is related to anxiety and depression and the medications she takes for those. Distracted is a good way to describe it. I like that rather than "spacey" which is how it seems.
DeleteI think she might be too young but when I was in the early stages of menopause this exact thing happened to me and it scared me a lot!...I thought maybe I was having little strokes. A good book is The Wisdom of Menopause by Dr. Christine Northrup...explains how our brains are actually re-wired during this time.
ReplyDeletePassing on the information but think that she is past that stage. She does say that her thermostat is broken now. I believe it's anxiety and some of the medications she takes that make her spacey.
Deletesounds like today gave her a bit of a reason for that anxiety....its hard too because we feel that need to protect our ladies...talk it out, you know...and give it up...
ReplyDeleteWe talked and she seems touched by my concern. Looking after our loved ones is important.
DeleteSounds direct from the Wizard of Oz! SNAKES, CREDIT CARDS, ANXIETIES, OH MY. SNAKES, CREDIT CARDS, ANXIETIES, OH MY!!!
ReplyDeleteAll things we poor humans must manage. I admire your scientific nature in trying to preserve the copperhead snakes (live-birth critters - producing 10 to 12 little ones per season - as in right now) for our progeny, be it kids, deer, dogs, et al. The credit card issue is a bit more serious; however, you fortunately took necessary and appropriate action in solving that problem; then there are the anxieties about and for our loved ones. I was told many years ago by a long-time Al-Anoner to say a prayer, give the anxiety 'over' and let go, as in try to NOT tell the Higher Power to do His job.
I know I know - - - some things definitely do need a bit of worry or grieving - - - but the nice thing is being able to process these feelings, meditate in order to hear what HP has for you to do - then do it.
Syd, I did not mean to minimize the problems; I just got a bit tickled when the Wizard of Oz jumped into my brain and did his little two-step dance.
I wish for you and C a day of sunshine, joy, peace, and happiness; however, do keep in mind that the babies of pit-vipers have twice the strength of Mom and Dad, so please be careful.
Happy Summer! (Sailing, too)
Hugs,
Anonymous #1
Turned a lousy start of the day into a new day of happiness. Meeting last night with anniversaries for 21 and 2 year members. Dinner afterwards to celebrate. Happy times.
DeleteYou're a thoughtful husband to be thinking of her anxieties and whether her behavior is due to that or another condition. I hope it is just a temporary thing due to present circumstances.
ReplyDeleteMe too, Judith. I love her.
DeleteSyd it may be anxiety and depression combined -- when I am stressed, I mumble to myself and get 'stuck' in blank spots. I have ways of working through that with meditation techniques and therapy. If it is another condition setting in, that needs an accurate diagnosis and great honesty in seeking the way forward. But menopause may be at fault too --
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to both of you --
Thanks, Mary. She is going to talk to her doctor on Thursday. It may just be anxiety.
DeleteSyd, I will echo what Mary said. When I had the terrible depression with anxiety last year, I felt that I was unable to think. The simplest things became too challenging to me. I would become silent because I was terribly embarrassed and fearful. I am so glad she has you by her side.
ReplyDeleteI asked my OB-GYN if after menopause ( or more technically when I officially entered menopause) my memory would return and she said," ugh no.....it will simply get worse." Also, with anxiety ( or when I get on the crazy train as we affectionately call it in my Al Anon group) it is hard to focus on anything but the worry of the day, even if I haven't meditated on where that worry is coming from. My Dad called it Sometimers...as in sometimes he remembered and sometimes he didn't. All of this is not to minimize if there is a real problem, it is simply to point out that it seems to be common for a person of our age and situation so I hope that you will find peace in that until you can talk with a professional.
ReplyDeleteDepression/anxiety can be a snake slithering over the landscapers boots. He doesn't want to but he knows has to move and risk the bite if he is not fast enough. I have the feeling you two are each others anti-venom Syd. Man that CC deal is gaarbaage. we just went through that with all of our cards and bank accounts everything. Really is a bummer and my wife is also anxious about it.
ReplyDeleteYour post reminded me that I had a nightmare last night about poisonous snakes. I just remember encountering one after another, and almost getting bit, and having to kill one with a shovel. It was a lot. And scary.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read all the comments above, but I am sure many people have shared their experiences with anxiety and depression and loved ones. I know what it is to worry about someone you love. I think you are a genuine person and telling her your worry the way that you would naturally do would probably be a good way to open a conversation about it. Maybe even asking her, does it bother you when you have to search for a word? Do you think it is because of all the stress with all of this going on this week? I'm not sure, but I know you'll handle it well.
You catch the snakes? WOW! I'm impressed...I can't be around them.
ReplyDeleteI am very concerned about Dementia - My Grandma had it, my Aunt had it and now my Mom. I started to forget more than usual and there are times I can't speak the word that my brain is thinking. I was thinking today I really need to see a Doctor about it. It is quite frustrating but I really do think it is the stress. There is more going on here than normal.
You are a very caring and loving Husband and I hope that everything will be fine.
If I saw what is in that picture in my yard or garden I'd faint dead away. Ugh !!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that C knows you only want the best for her but we alcoholics can be very brittle ...my poor husband never could seem to get it right, but that was my fault, not his. My advice would be to hold her tight and let her know you accept all and everything just as they are.
Hi Syd, I'm new to your blog and have just started reading. I love your part of the country. We always spend a week in Sept., in the Myrtle Beach area and have gone further south to Georgetown. It's a beautiful area and I hope to retire there.
ReplyDeleteI'm a recovering Alcoholic, with under a year of sobriety and I'm also having concerns over anxiety and some memory loss. I'm 57 and still working as an Accountant. I’ve noticed for the last couple of months, that I'm having occasional memory lapses and difficulty in pronouncing simple words. I can be having a conversation with my boss, using some big words, when suddenly I will slur across some easy word having a problem with my diction/pronunciation. Others times, I have to grasp to remember even simple word and names of people that I work with, on a regular basis. Anxiety has also been a problem for me but I've been prescribed valium, to deal with it. My concern is that I've been taking it for a while and can't seem to reduce the dosage. I will be discussing this with my doctor, at my next visit in July. I've done some research on the web and there is mention of the brain re-wiring itself as the sobriety process evolves. I’m hoping it is temporary and part of the normal process of recovery.
I hope it is temporary too, Mike. Congratulations on your sobriety. Come check out Charleston. It is the jewel of the coast.
DeleteProud of you for keeping Alanon a big part of your life as it will help with these hurdles and emotions. Take care!
ReplyDeleteProud of you for making recovery an integral part of your life. You are an inspiration.
ReplyDelete