Today I found out that my father-in-law is well enough to be discharged tomorrow. I visited him last night which made me realize how much I love the old guy. It hurt my heart to see him so weak and wanting to be home. But today he was much improved and will be going home.
And with that good news, my mother-in-law's spirits are lifted. After being married for so long, they are joined at the hip and the heart. They have grown old together, experiencing the joys and the sadness of a lifetime. That is something that I think about more and more: the comfort of being together for so long. But with that comfort comes the sorrow of knowing that one day the pair bond will be broken by death. That is part of the risk of loving for so long and so deeply.
I found that in the midst of all the stress that attenuated yesterday, I could feel my body reacting as well as my mind. My muscles were tight, my head felt achy, and my emotions were raw. I could feel how the anxiety was affecting my energy. I was bone tired but could not sleep until I had gone to the hospital and then checked in on my mother-in-law who was alone. After that, I simply crashed and slept soundly until 8 AM this morning.
Just reading your words has a calming effect on me. I think you are a perfect testament to living right, alcoholism involved, or not. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHave a very happy Thursday. :)
After reading your previous post, I can "hear" the healthy you in this post. It is natural to care about people but you listened to how you were reacting to the stress and you took care of yourself.
ReplyDeletenice..glad you are feeling more calm syd...hope that today is more of the same...
ReplyDeleteI want you to know that for women like me, who have had a history of bad relationships with men, you are a bit of sunshine. http://wp.me/p1lmv2-1v is a blog I wrote about how AA has shown me there are a lot of wonderful men, I was just choosing the wrong type. Thank you for talking about your feelings and being so transparent. It is an encouragement to others.
ReplyDeleteYes, yes and yes. Peace and sleep. These things are healing to your soul. And feeling fearful when someone you love is in danger, is NORMAL. Sometimes, what people do with that fear is not. Sleep well Syd.
ReplyDelete"But with that comfort comes the sorrow of knowing that one day the pair bond will be broken by death. That is part of the risk of loving for so long and so deeply."
ReplyDeleteThat says it all.
I know that's not what your message today was, but for me, that said everything.
I love a man that can use the word attenuated! Big words = SEXY. Laugh.
ReplyDeleteGlad your father-in-law is on the mend.
its so cool that you do not demonize any of your feelings and instead get busy looking after yourself so u get back to yr usual self. You'd be surprised how many people on various spiritual paths just can't handle some emotions. usually messy ones like anger and sadness. acceptance should apply to everything, particularly the uncomfortable internal states. theres no need to reject them as they serve a very useful purpose. imo anyway.. yr message re these uncomfortable periods is very instructive to those that remain afraid of their feelings.
ReplyDeleteJust to throw a bit of light and humor on the end of your blog - - - I immediately recalled the song from long ago - "What A Difference A Day Makes" - - - don't remember who sang it, but it's a nice song.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is refreshingly ordinary and forward-looking.
Hugs,
Anonymous #1
Hey Syd,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to tell you that reading your blog helps me with my own recovery.
Glad your FIL is doing better and that C. is on the mend.
Monica
24 hours can make a world of difference. Glad it did for you and those you love.
ReplyDeleteTaking care of yourself is the only way to bring your best self to the table.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it amazing how quickly we recover from the down days when we are actively working a program?
ReplyDeleteI am pleased to hear that everyone is on the mend. You included :)
Do you remember that old song, Syd, "What a difference a day makes" and the line "24 little hours" ? It always amazes me how those hours can hold either misery or relief...depending how I relate to them!
ReplyDeleteSo glad that you are back on the serenity track...all the best to C and the inlaws.
My Al-Anon sponsor is fond of saying, "This is not a Pollyannish program. It's difficult." Many double winners I know say Al-Anon is much harder than AA... It's good for me to read you being strict with yourself, Syd. Strict but loving. They key to healing and good self-government. x/G
ReplyDelete