I talked to a good friend who is in recovery today. He said that today he was just "mad at God". It was a day that was stressful, filled with self-pity and envy for him. I've had too many of those days but never felt angry at my Higher Power. When I get into those kinds of moods, I am generally very angry at myself for once again being the one who apologizes or forgives when I haven't actually done anything wrong. I also have found that writing down prayers to my Higher Power helps a lot. One of them might go, "Help me to take care of myself, to let go of my fears and resentments, to recognize what a unique and creative person I am, and revel in taking another breath and having another day to live. Let me appreciate my talents, the beauty of my surroundings and the ability to make good choices. Let me learn from my mistakes, yet treat myself with kindness for my misgivings."
If I am angry at something, it won't be at my HP. It will be at myself for sinking into the swamp again and getting mired in self pity, resentments, and all the other garbage that runs around in my head. I think that my friend needs to revisit his steps and take his inventory.
When i get angry with the higher power its as if i have sent god down to earth and taken his place.but god in his infinite compassion does not seem to mind it as no recremanation of punishment has followed by mood of mind and when that massive cloud of anger which has seized my brain slowly goes away. As the say in the programme 'this too shall pass'.I start to realise that i was born human being on earth not god and have a right as a human being to make mistakes and cut myself on the back and try not to do it again .
ReplyDeletewe are a group of addicts running a blog from a centre in India
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http://addictionrecoveryworld.blogspot.com/
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I love that prayer you wrote.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like something we could all use reminding of for ourselves..daily.
I thought of you today when I read a blogger buddies post today.
Here is her blog.
http://alanonlifer.blogspot.com/
Keep taking good care of yourself this way Syd.Self care takes practice ...I mean the real deep self care stuff from the heart and soul much like what you wrote in that prayer.We live one day at a time so we can learn without having to leap with out looking.
Awesome post,your friend is lucky to have an example like you:)