Whew!

Yesterday was the Al-Anon Fun Day which turned out to be a great event.  I was incredibly inspired by the speakers who shared their story.  One was an alcoholic, in AA recovery for 23 years.  The other was an Al-Anon father who took all of us through his journey of the 12 steps. It was powerful stuff.

I think that having these opportunities for people to come together for most of a day, enjoy a great lunch, and listen to inspiring speakers is a great thing.  I got to meet so many people that I hadn't talked with before.  And there was a little memorial set up for a couple of long-timers in the program, including my friend, who died this year.  In fact, the day was dedicated to them which touched my heart.

Because of teaching sailing, going to the gym, sailing, riding and attending meetings, I haven't had much time to be as current on blogs as I would like.  I sometimes think that my heart isn't in this anymore because I stay so incredibly busy.  It's not the running type of busy that I once did, but I am passionately enjoying just about everything that I do.  However, I have to say that I will be glad when I have a few less things on my plate. I am juggling a lot of stuff here lately.  And I prefer to have less scheduled activities and more free time.  I know that I am not going to volunteer for any more things to do in the immediate future!

Once again, it appears that the days are slipping past so quickly.  I wish that they would slow down.  Today we have been putting together another green house for all the plants that will have to come inside before cold weather hits.  With temperatures still in the 80's, I don't know when we will have a cold snap, but I don't want some of the beautiful plants to die.  And the garden is still in a state of disarray, but I do have the fall plants that I hope to get in one day this week.  I have been saying that now for two weeks!

I am going to my cousin's memorial service in Virginia in another month.  I am not looking forward to going, largely because he has been dead since June 2013 and having a service now seems a bit late.  I feel badly that he did not have an obituary so few people even knew that he died.  But I will make the drive up there because I think it is the right thing to do.  I suppose this will be more of a celebration of his life which is good.  I hope that his wife will manage to stay sober because she has been drinking quite a bit since he died.  Her drunken phone calls to me were not ones that I liked, but I listened to her until I couldn't anymore and then said good-bye.  I have few expectations for this.  I will keep an open mind and see what happens.

I hope that you are enjoying some of the Fall weather where you are.

Thoughts on a full life and a life gone

Time has once again slipped away here.  I have been nearly consumed with the bathroom renovations, working out, gardening, horseback riding, sailing, working on lectures for a class, and going to meetings. Some days it feels as if I have taken on so many projects that I will not get any of them done.

I don't think that I am running away from anything by keeping busy. I have looked at my motives and find that I have so many interests and not so much time to get to them all.  At any rate, I am having fun with what I am doing. I suppose that's the important thing.

Today is my Al-Anon anniversary.  Eight years ago I walked into my first meeting knowing that if I didn't change my outlook on life, I would not make it. I was thinking that suicide would be a good way to end the turmoil in my life. After all, no one would really care whether I was gone or not.  That kind of thinking is what brings a person to their knees:  wishing that things could be different, wishing that words could be taken back, wishing to stop the anger and the fear but not knowing how to let anything go or make anything right.

Fortunately, a good friend in the AA program told me that I needed to go to Al-Anon.  I had resisted an earlier suggestion years before that I needed it, because I thought that therapy would be the answer.  Unfortunately, therapy didn't make me feel better about myself.  Instead, I felt more angry than ever because I tended to blame my feelings on what others had done to me.

And so here I am eight years later.  My wife is in AA, sober and loves me.  I have friends in the program that I treasure.  I no longer want to end my life but live it to the hilt. I have struck out to do new things, pick up some old hobbies that I gave up years ago, and have learned to not obsess about what others are doing.  I have a lot of joy in my life these days.  Every day is a new adventure and a chance to live as fully as I can.

I do have moments when I worry.  I sometimes feel sad that we have no family left, except for cousins.  I fully admit that I don't know what I would do without my wife.  She is my heart.  My fear of losing her is kept at bay for the most part. But as we age, it gets harder to ignore the ticking clock.

Her depression remains a concern.  For the most part, she is happy and stays busy. But then there are the quiet days in which I know instinctively that she is depressed. Alcoholism and depression are so often companions in destruction.

Occurrences like the suicidal deaths of Robin Williams yesterday and so many others, including friends of mine, remind me of just how fragile our psyche is. When my friend, K., decided to end her life a few years ago, I was distraught. She had 26 years of sobriety, died sober,  but had suffered terribly over the past year with severe depression which had occurred on and off throughout her life.

People are taken to the depths of despair by depression.  I watched my own mother struggle with deep depression. There is no way to know when a person has run out of options and has decided to make the final decision to end their life.  Most of us wonder if there was something that we could have done.  If any one of the people who decide to end their life had reached out, a dozen or more hands would have been there ready to grasp theirs. But would that make any difference?  I don't know.

Lots to think about today.  A full life, a life gone, and the circle repeats again and again.  Hope that you are all in an okay place today.

Staying busy

We have been busy with a lot of different things.  Mostly, we have been divesting ourselves of a lot of "stuff" that we no longer need. Going through chests and cabinets, sorting out the clothes to go to Good Will. Opening boxes and deciding what to sell at a garage sale.  We still have a long way to go on the fifty or so boxes that we packed up after my wife's parents died, but some progress is being made.

The good news is that the parents' house sold as did the car. I also sold my old rowing shell and have put my first sail boat up for sale as well.  I have the great desire to get rid of a lot of superfluous things that I don't foresee we will use or need again. And somehow, I'm not feeling sad about it nor am I wanting to hold onto things that I no longer need.

We are painting the interior of the house, going room by room and changing the colors.  We are also renovating the mudroom, putting down new tile, new countertops, lights and sink.  After the downstairs is done, hopefully by Thanksgiving, we will tackle the upstairs where the original bathrooms will be renovated to make them more modern, yet still in keeping with the traditional look of the house.  I think that this will be our last renovation---hopefully. Thankfully, none are as daunting as the kitchen redo.

The renovation work will keep us busy for a while.  I plan to go on the boat when I can.  In December, we plan to take some time to go cruising.  There won't be anything to really keep us around over the holidays.  It seems that it will be better to spend time on the boat and make some new memories rather than thinking about who we have lost over the past year.

I hope that each of you has had a good weekend. We did manage to have a dinner and movie date, going to see the movie, "Captain Phillips", which was one of the best that I've seen in a while. I read the book about the Somalian pirates hijacking the Maersk Alabama but have to say that the movie was better than the book.

I'm off to go cook some dinner for a tired wife.

Heading to the mountains

We are getting ready to head up to the mountains for a week.  The weather here has been rainy and humid.  The wind that has been blowing since mid-February has become calm which adds to the feeling that the dog days of summer are here.  The forecast for the mountains looks to be chilly at night with the highs for the day around 70.  I can tell you that will be a welcome respite from what we have been experiencing lately.

I am taking along photography gear, of course.  There will be new terrain to photograph and hopefully some waterfalls will provide interesting and beautiful photos.  Hiking, relaxing and visiting sites in the area are definitely something we want to do as well.

Although I live on the coast and consider myself a coastal person, I do like the old Smoky Mountains for their weather beaten beauty.  I haven't hiked in the Rockies so I know that I would like their spectacular majesty as well.  There is something about the Smokies though that brings back many good memories of childhood vacations--a chance to get away from the coast and get into some cool, crisp air.

And their geology is fascinating.  Here is a summary from the National Park Service:
Between about 310 and 245 million years ago, the eastern edge of the North American tectonic plate collided with the African tectonic plate becoming part of a "supercontinent" known as Pangaea. Continental collisions take place at a rate of a few inches per year over many millions of years and are the result of continuing global-scale plate tectonics. Evidence of earlier plate tectonic geologic events are found in rocks of the Great Smoky Mountains, attesting to an incredibly long and active geologic history in this area. During one of these earlier continental collisions, tremendous pressures and heat were generated, which changed or "metamorphosed" the Smokies sedimentary rocks. 

The last great episode of mountain building uplifted the entire Appalachian mountain chain from Newfound-land, Canada to Alabama. These mountains probably were much higher than today, with elevations similar to today's Rockies. As the African tectonic plate gradually pushed against the edge of the North American plate, the original horizontal layers of the rocks were bent or folded and broken by faults. Huge masses of older, deeply buried rocks were pushed northwestward, up and over younger rocks along a large, nearly flat-lying thrust fault, known as the Great Smoky Fault. 

Following this final episode of Appalachian mountain building, the supercontinent of Pangaea broke apart, and the North American and African tectonic plates gradually moved to their present position. The new rugged highlands, the ancient ancestors of the Smokies, were subjected to intense erosion from ice, wind, and water. As mountain valleys were carved, tremendous quantities of eroded sediment were transported toward the Atlantic Ocean and Gulf of Mexico by rivers and streams. 

As the mountains were worn down, the layers of rock most resistant to erosion were left to form the highest peaks in the Smokies........ Most of the beautiful waterfalls in the park were formed where downcutting streams encountered ledges of very resistant metasandstone that erodes more slowly than the adjacent slate or metasiltstone. Today, geologists estimate that the mountains are being eroded about two inches every thousand years.

Several of you asked about the movie that we saw.  It was Kon Tiki and was excellent.  I read the book many years ago and saw the old documentary film at some point when I was a child.  But this newly released movie is really worth seeing.  What an adventure to travel nearly 5000 miles on a raft! I could feel an urge to do something similar with my boat.  And there may be an opportunity for me to sail from the Dominican Republic back to SC later this fall on a friend's catamaran.  More will be revealed with that adventure.

Not much else is going on, except we are making plans to create an outdoor cooking and dining area in a wooded area near one of the outbuildings.  It will have a stone fireplace, with a wood fired oven, a fire pit, teak furniture, and containers of plants.  We are designing it now and that should provide some interesting DIY opportunities beginning in September, once we are finished with the staging of the parent's home for real estate listing.

So far, we have moved over 70 boxes from their house to a storage unit. Gradually, we will go through those boxes to decide what to sell and what to keep.  Much of what they had are antiques, including china, glassware and collectibles.  It has seemed like an overwhelming task in the beginning, but every day we are making good progress.  In about two weeks, we expect the house will be ready to list.

I have found great comfort in going to meetings and working with those I sponsor.  I have a list of meetings to attend next week.  I enjoy going to meetings out of town and find that most people are friendly and welcoming.  It's another way to practice the principles of the program in my life.

I had an opportunity to do that last week when I had a meetup with about 20 sailors at the marina, taking half the group out on my boat for a two hour sail. We also hosted a group of about 16 photographers from around the area at the house following a photo shoot in the historic village nearby.  Both events went well and gave me an opportunity to socialize with other people with whom I share a common interest. But now, it's nice to know that I don't have any further obligations for a long time.  I can retreat back to some relative solitude and look forward to enjoying time with just the two of us in the weathered mountains.

Being engaged in life

A friend that greets me every morning and says "Feed me"

In the midst of all the sadness and loss of loved ones recently, I can say that a saving grace for me has been to stay busy and engaged in the things that I like to do.  There have been plenty of moments when I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning, but I had to take care of the animals.  So I get up and let the dogs out, feed the cats, change water, and then walk down the lane to get the paper.  It's a routine, but one that is necessary when I am struggling with sadness.

The other routine that I have is working in the garden, harvesting the vegetables,  and taking care of the flowers.  Lately, there has been a lot of rain so I haven't had to worry so much about watering. The garden has a great irrigation system on a timer so no worries there. But the vegetables have been plentiful, and the blueberries ripening each day.  So once again, I feel that sense of responsibility to get going and get outside.  No matter how bad I feel, there is just something about digging in the dirt or eating a fresh tomato or blueberry from the vine that makes me happy.

And then there is my life saver--the sailboat.  I have visited her every other day, had a few trips out to the anchorage and am planning to go out again next week for 3 days.  I've joined a Meet Up sailing group locally and hosted a couple of events at the boat.  It's amazing how meeting new people with a common interest can be stimulating and take away unhappy feelings.

I've also been participating in a couple of local photography clubs and been pushing some new avenues with them.  Again, I'm meeting new people, trying new techniques, learning, and staying focused on something I am passionate about.

What these activities mean to me is a release from pain, sorrow and anxiety.  As long as I sit and am sunk in a pit of self-pity, I'm not doing anything productive. I'm not getting better, feeling happier, or letting go.  But what I have found is that the sadness has lessened every day.  I go for hours without thinking about the loss of Mom and Pop or my cousin.  I am coming to terms with acceptance of what is.

In the opening for Al-Anon meetings, there is a line that says, “In Al-Anon we learned to keep the focus on ourselves”. Sadly,  many of us came to Al-Anon with a compulsion to focus on other people.  Many of us had a clear idea of how everyone should behave in every situation and felt very self-righteous when others didn’t follow our rules of conduct. Or maybe we felt sorry for ourselves because our lives basically were all about someone else.  A major turning point came in recovery when I realized that my life was being neglected because all my attention was on someone else.  I knew at that moment that I had to make some major changes in how I was living and thinking.

I'm still learning how to keep the focus on me and not on what others are doing. I don’t have the answers for other people. I don't make the rules for the behavior of others or any facet of their life. If I start getting caught up in what they should or should not do, I have ceased to pay attention to myself.  I know that I generally relate to others better when I allow them to be exactly as they are and keep focusing on what I'm doing.

It is necessary for me to stay involved in the living, be active in those things that I enjoy, and not dwell on my shortcomings or what I've lost.  Finding a passion for something, venturing forth to try something that you've not done before, learning a new skill, giving back to others through volunteering....the possibilities are endless.  And every day, by doing, I can feel the joy coming back into my being.

Need for present joy

I am enjoying not being in school, sitting at a desk and listening to lectures about the Federal Code of Regulations on inspected passenger vessels.  The instructor for the Master's course was not as knowledgeable as my first instructor.  He also read the book out loud to us.  He made remarks during the class that indicated his particular take on society and the government.  During one of the exercises, he blurted out, "What do ya'll think will happen to Sandusky in prison?".  I have an idea, but wondered what that had to do with the course I was taking.

Anyway, now the class room lectures are over, and I have an exam this week and two next week to take.  Then I will turn in all the paperwork to see what size license I can get.  I will be very glad when all this is done.  I am glad that I went through with it but am tired of using my brain.  I actually want to vegetate for a while.  I'm finding it hard to divert attention away from material for the exams.  Thankfully, July fourth holiday will keep me busy doing happy things that have nothing to do with exams or school.

My wife and I had a discussion this morning about the caregivers getting a puppy.  It's a done deal that they are getting a border collie puppy.  My wife gave her approval.  I don't think that a puppy, especially a high energy puppy like a border collie, is appropriate to be around my wife's 90 year old mother who has difficulty walking.  She asked what I thought, and I told her.

I know dogs and have been around them all my life.  A sedate adult dog would probably be a great companion and might spark a lot of happiness in my MIL.  But bringing in a puppy seems a bit much. Only time will tell as to how this works out with the elderly mother and the elderly cat she has.  There are times that I wonder, "What was she thinking?".  But I know to let this go and not lecture or make it an issue between us.  After all, this isn't my business.  These are her parents, and she does a wonderful job in making sure that they are comfortable and watched over.

I am going to home group tonight.  It feels like an eternity since I was there, even though it was just last Monday evening.  I can feel that I need the peacefulness of the meeting.  And the grounds quiet the restlessness that has come to be part of my day since beginning the classes over three weeks ago.  I can tell that my stress tolerance for exams and classes has diminished with age. I want this behind me.  I want to do low key stuff like gardening and sailing.  I like what Helen Keller had to say about going to college:

Gradually I began to find that there were disadvantages in going to college. The one I felt and still feel most is lack of time. I used to have time to think, to reflect, my mind and I. We would sit together of an evening and listen to the inner melodies of the spirit, which one hears only in leisure moments when the words of some loved poet touch a deep, sweet chord in the soul that until then had been silent. But in college there is no time to commune with one's thoughts. One goes to college to learn, it seems, not to think. When one enters the portals of learning, one leaves the dearest pleasures – solitude, books and imagination – outside with the whispering pines. I suppose I ought to find some comfort in the thought that I am laying up treasures for future enjoyment, but I am improvident enough to prefer present joy to hoarding riches against a rainy day.

There will be some whispering pines swaying in the hot breeze tonight.  I want to share these photos of where the home group meets.

Where we meet

Huge pine tree in the Serenity Garden

Statue of St. Francis at the base of the large pine

I will be back to write and comment as time permits.

Commitments to the moment

I have a couple of things on my agenda over the next two weeks.  One is a meeting today to become an advisor for a local non-profit group that is conducting a study of water quality in the Harbor.  I don't have any idea what the work load will be so I want to find out more before I formally accept.

I have to say that I'm enjoying the freedom of not having too many commitments. I generally go to three Al-Anon meetings a week, meet with a couple of sponsees,  workout with a personal trainer twice a week,  and go to a couple of sailing club meetings a month.  I have freed my schedule so that a couple of days a week, I don't leave the property.  It feels good to not have "must do" things hanging over my head.  Sailing and visiting the parents-in-law are things that I do, but without a set schedule.  So, I am cautious about taking on more things.

A major commitment that I have made is to attend Sea School in June so that I may obtain my Captain's license.  I have been prepping for this through other courses over the past couple of years, and now it's time to do the final preparation to take the Coast Guard exam.  This will involve three intense weekends back to back, Friday through Sunday, and will include an upgrade to Master.  I have no idea what I will use the license for as the idea of chartering my sailboat is not something that I want to do.  But that may change at some point.  I know that doing eco-tours is something I enjoy, but dealing with the public on my boat feels like a serenity breaker.

Lately, I've been thinking about commitment with sponsoring.  I called a few fellows I took through the steps and made plans to meet up with one of them next week for lunch. I hear from two others on a regular basis and am working through the steps with another one every Tuesday.  I haven't heard from a couple of the others for months. I know that they still attend meetings, but I no longer feel connected to what they are doing.  A friend suggested that without regular contact,  I am no longer their sponsor.  I don't have hard rules about their calling me on a regular basis.  But I would still like to be connected to them.  So I have called each person.  The rest is not up to me.

Also, I haven't had face to face time with my local sponsor in a couple of months.  He emails and we occasionally talk on the phone. I feel disconnected there as well.  I don't think there is a substitute for having face to face time.  I talk to my original sponsor weekly.  He is adjusting to life on the other coast.  I know that no matter what, I can pick up the phone and give him a call, and he will listen to what I have to say.

Perhaps, the first experience with a sponsor is the one that sticks and is the yardstick for all others.  I don't know, but I often long for those times when we would read and study the steps together.  I feel like I am on my own now.  Yet, I know that there are friends in program I can talk to.  Somehow, it just isn't the same as having a sponsor who knows all about me.

I have often longed for the way things used to be--fresh starts, beginnings in relationships and knowledge.  I see such sentiment as the melancholy part of my personality that doesn't like changes that involve loss.  But I know the solution is to be in this day and this moment.  And to take action that will be positive and progressive.  Every day can be a fresh start.

Friday evening

It's Friday, and we are already out at the anchorage. The garden and flower beds are watered. The grass is cut. The parents are maintaining and being looked after. So the things holding us to the land have been taken care of.

I still feel as if something is gnawing at me, not letting me feel fully at peace. I have a sense of foreboding, as if something is going to happen. I listen to these intuitive feelings because they have proven to be true in the past. I realize that it's foolish to project so I turn my thoughts to fixing dinner together, reading a book, commenting on blogs, walking on the beach.

I don't want to tell my wife that part of what worries me is her. I nearly lost her to a heart attack last year. I honestly cannot imagine my life without her. And I know that she seems happy but the situation with her parents has been a strain over the last 8 months. I want her to feel carefree but realize that I can't make that happen. Her sponsor is dying, and she hasn't been to see her in a couple of months. I don't think that she wants to see the deterioration in body and spirit. I hate seeing her worry, so I do enough for both of us which is not a good solution.

One of the things that I have heard in Al-Anon for years is that by staying busy, I get better. But as in everything, there is a need for balance. Being frantically busy is not what I want to do. I did that for many years, running from my problems by juggling so many things. So this weekend, I will do the usual things that bring me comfort. And that includes getting more rest.

Hope that you are having a peaceful Friday.

Eternal student

I am home after taking my Seamanship exam.  I'm glad to be done with courses for a while.  I will have a few months off before I go to Sea School in the middle of June with the goal of getting my Captain's license.  I don't think that I will use the license in a professional capacity.  It's one of those bucket list things that I want to do.

I seem to be the eternal student of something.  I keep telling myself that I won't take another course and yet, after a few months, I'm ready to sign up again.  After Sea School, then I think that I will take a photography course or two.  Also, I want to become a vessel examiner.  Whew--lots of interests that seem to keep me studying something.  Maybe I am meant to be a jack of all trades or perhaps a dilettante.

One of the great things about having free time is that I get to explore new avenues of study.  I don't have to juggle so many commitments as when I was working full time.  I'm not sure that I have the drive anymore to put all the newly learned things towards a second career.  In fact, I can tell you that I don't have that drive.  I simply want to be learning these things because they interest me.

Next week, on Monday nights,  instead of going to a lecture, I'll be back at my home group meeting.  I have missed being away from the small group of friends that attend there.  I suppose that I will be an eternal student of Al-Anon as well. I keep going back for lots of reasons, not the least of which is my tendency to resort to old behavior patterns and ways of thinking.  It takes a while to change a lifetime of reacting to circumstances.  I am comfortable with the message, and no matter how hard I try to be perfect, I realize that this is one thing that I can't achieve through study.

“Be a Student of the Game. Like most cliches of sport, this is profound. You can be shaped, or you can be broken. There is not much in between. Try to learn. Be coachable. Try to learn from everybody, especially those who fail. This is hard." ~David Foster Wallace

To build or to plant

I am hearing the chirping of crickets and night insects this evening.  It has been near 80 F today.  That is amazing for February.  I'm resigned to the fact that the back of winter may be broken.  The spring flowers are blooming.  Tomorrow is going to be rainy, followed by some cooler weather--to 60 F.  I've hardly used a sweater this year.

It has been a busy day. I drove the boat to the yard for bottom painting.  Hopefully, she will be done and ready to be put back in the water next week. We also worked in the garden, planting potatoes.  The green house has all kinds of plants that we grew from seed--tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, herbs, and flowers.  My wife ordered several of the strip lights for plants so we have tiers of those lights and trays of plants on tall shelves.  We also brought home two truck loads of composted manure for the garden. We are amending the soil--changing its composition and making it better for growth.  This is  not so different from those amends made in recovery.

I'm lost on what to do for the weekend without the boat.  Maybe we will go on a field trip to the Birds of Prey center and take a look at all the raptors.  We had talked about going tent camping but with rain coming tomorrow, it sounds like a wash out.  I also looked into going to a rustic cabin at one of the state parks, but those were booked.  So this may have to be one of those spur of the moment times when we just do what sparks our interest--no plans, just spontaneity.

Meanwhile, I am going to soothe some aching muscles in the whirlpool.  Both of us have been working out hard at the gym and in the garden.  Time to just chill.  Tomorrow will be here soon enough, bringing whatever magic it has in store.  Here is a bit of the magic that was around here today:

In life, a person can take one of two attitudes: to build or to plant. The builders might take years over their tasks, but one day, they finish what they're doing. Then they find that they're hemmed in by their own walls. Life loses its meaning when the building stops.


Then there are those who plant. They endure storms and all the vicissitudes of the seasons, and they rarely rest. But unlike a building, a garden never stops growing. And while it requires the gardener's constant attention, it also allows life for the gardener to be a great adventure.


Gardeners always recognize each other, because they know that in the history of each plant lies the growth of the whole World.―Paulo Coelho

The spice of life

I am going down to the boat today but not leaving the dock.  Her decks are being refinished with non-skid and new Awlgrip will be sprayed on her cabin top over the next couple of weeks.  So far, all has been sanded, faired, filled, masked,  and a coat of primer shot on the surface.

This is probably one of the most costly jobs to do on a boat.  I received three cost proposals, two of which were about $20,000.  The third proposal was from a fellow who doesn't work with a boat yard.  He has been written about in various sailing magazines for his work with Awlgrip, the paint that most people use on boats.  I have seen his work on Le Pingouin which was the most recent winner of the round-the-world Velux race.  His bid was a third of the boat yards.  So with some sweat work from me, we are doing the boat together.

I do miss going out on the water and anchoring.  But it is good to see the progress being made on the boat.  It helps me to keep busy since the last week has been filled with a lot of issues with my wife's parents.  Both of us have felt a bit weighted down with concern over how the parents are doing.  I know that we take each day as it comes which is all that anyone can do.

A load of Ethiopian spices arrived yesterday in the mail.  We are going to be making some traditional Ethiopian dishes including injera, the traditional bread.

This is made with the help of teff flour. The injera is spread with the various dishes and then torn off and rolled.   Berbere is a characteristic ingredient in almost all Ethiopian recipes. This spice is a mixture of chili pepper powder, dried garlic and onions, salt and many other herbs. Ginger and garlic add amazing flavors to Ethiopian recipes.

My wife was in the Peace Corps in Ethiopia.  She spent two years there, teaching school in a small village.  She loves the people and the food.  But this will be our first experience at making injera and the various dishes.  We'll experiment on ourselves and then have some people over to have a taste.  The spices already make the kitchen smell wonderful.

I am meeting with my local sponsor today for lunch.  Tomorrow night, I hope to go see a friend pick up his 21 year chip.  And tonight, maybe it is time to go to the Coastal Carolina Fair!

Steering a course

The acorns are falling from the trees, making pinging sounds as they hit the roof and the deck.  A recovery friend is trying to grow oaks from acorns. He plants them in containers, waters, and checks to see if the acorns have produced a seedling.  His goal is to plant oak trees around his house.  His goal is laudable and his enthusiasm brings a smile.  He has not been successful at much in this life, so I hope that an oak will peek through the soil eventually.

Another recovery friend is once again seeking shelter after having rented a room with a woman who had a couple of months of sobriety.  She has relapsed badly, been arrested several times, and the rent money that he paid was used on booze.  The water and electricity were cut off, so he is in limbo.  He has a talent for writing and photography but can't seem to find a roommate who isn't taken drunk ever so often.

Yet another recovery friend is depressed and brings his fear into a meeting.  People talk about solutions such as religion and therapy.  I inwardly cringe because these are outside the purview of Al-Anon.  My sharing is about service work helping me to get outside of my own sick thinking.  Being alone with the killer who wants me to be filled with fear and self-loathing isn't a good idea.  So he went to lunch after the meeting yesterday which is a start.

I am getting towards the end of a course on advanced piloting.  The exam is coming up soon.  Calculating set and drift is interesting.  I can determine the course a boat needs to take to get to a given location at a given time based on the current and wind.  I wish that we could navigate as well as humans.  So many of us don't correct our course until we are well up on the rocks.

Hoping to make this day one in which I steer a good course.

This is the true joy in life: the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no 'brief candle' to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Under the weather and more for Wednesday

I have come down with a cold.  I don't feel so bad but have lost my voice.  I now sound like a deep croaking baritone.  I hope to not let the cold slow me down but coughing all the time is annoying.  It also makes people look at me with a bit of disgust, probably thinking that I am a smoker who is on his last few bronchial cells.

Today I worked at a friend's house on rebuilding his marine diesel engine.  It felt good to get some grease under the nails and on my hands.  He was my instructor for the marine engine maintenance class that I took last year.  We replaced the thermostat, rebuilt the raw water pump, and did some compression testing on the engine.  For the last few hours, I had to use hand signals because I couldn't talk.  I did manage to croak out a "Thank you" for the great dinner they fixed.

After I got home,  I helped put up some of the fall decorations.  Every season, we enjoy changing decorations.  Spooky spiders, fall foliage, rolling eyeballs, and lit pumpkins are some of the fun things that we use to decorate for fall.  Here are just a few photos of what we do:

Pumpkins are put outside and inside the house. 

This eyeball lights up when you roll it around. 

Pumpkin lights are fun in one of the garage windows. 

And who wouldn't be scared of this!

I'm not sure who gets more of a kick out of this: the wild animals or me.  I don't know what the deer and raccoons think of the skeleton.  It gives me the creeps a bit.

We hope to go on the boat for the weekend.  The weather is supposed to turn cool on Saturday.  The low may be around 49 F.   I can't wait.  Enough with the humidity and a very hot summer.  I am ready for blue skies, crisp weather, and the smell of autumn.

Well, that's about it from here.  I am going to say good night.  Hopefully,  I'll be a bit more coherent tomorrow.

Cold time

I have come down with a cold.  I hung in there today to help C. with decorating the house.  Then I met my engine maintenance instructor at the boat because he wanted to see her.  And after that I went rowing with the team. 

The latter probably wasn't too smart, but it felt good to pull on the oars and to be with this group of people that I haven't seen in nearly two months due to my Wednesday night class.   Everyone is looking forward to the Christmas parade of boats in which we will be rowing the pilot gigs.  Saturday morning we will spend a few hours decorating the boats for the evening parade.  I hope that I am feeling better to do all of that.  

There is a freeze warning along the coast for tonight.  I've covered the plants that are most vulnerable and will move them tomorrow to the green house.  Every year we struggle with getting the huge old hibiscus and geraniums into the heated green house.  But these plants have been around for many years so it's important to keep them from freezing.  I suppose that we are lucky to still have them blooming on December 1. 

I have done all that I can for today.  It has been another full day.  Tonight one of the rowers asked if I wondered how I ever worked at a job with all the things that I do.  I wonder that myself.  I am definitely staying busy.  Not much time to laze around for sure.  Tomorrow promises to be another busy day. 

It is truly amazing how there is so much to occupy my time, when I was worried that I would not feel fulfilled being retired.  I am more than fulfilled.  I am not just in recovery, but I am in discovery of all that life has to offer. That is really an astounding thing.

The day before T-Day

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and we are doing what many people are doing: slicing and dicing, peeling and defrosting.  The work goes much easier when two people are doing it together.  So far we have worked our way through potatoes, apples, turnips and carrots.  The turkey is defrosting nicely.  And all the supplies are basically gathered except for one: oysters. 

So what day before Thanksgiving would be complete without a run on the river to the oyster beds?  Here are some scenes from the morning's trip.  

Having oyster stew for Thanksgiving and Christmas has been a tradition for a long time in my family.  My father would harvest the oysters the day before, shuck them, and make up the most heavenly stew.  I'm including the recipe here for those of you who like oysters.  If you don't and they make you sick, just ignore and make a shrimp bisque instead. 

Tidewater Virginia Oyster Stew from Syd
Ingredients: 
2 pints shucked oysters with their liquid (or liquor as my father called it)
4 tablespoons butter
2 cups milk (a little added cream may be added to make it richer)
2 crisp slices of bacon minced
Salt and pepper to taste
Minced celery

In a large pan over medium heat, cook the bacon.  Shred the pieces.  Then melt butter and saute the minced celery. 

Add oysters, their liquid and milk; simmer very gently for about 2 to 4 minutes or until the gills and edges of the oysters curl.  It's important to not overcook the oysters. No need to boil the milk! Season with salt and pepper.

Remove from heat. Serve in warm soup bowls.  And if there are any pea crabs with the oysters, cook them up too. They are considered good luck if you get one in your stew!

Tonight after several weeks of Wednesday night classes, I will be rowing with the team again.  I feel like saying the infamous Tony Heyward quote: "I want my life back." Well, now that classes are done, I have my life back and can stretch some arm and leg muscles.  I know that it will feel good. Nothing like pulling on an oar for an hour to get some good honest sweat and endorphins moving. 

Finally, a bit of history about Thanksgiving. Supposedly, the first Thanksgiving in America took place in 1619, two years before the colonists arrived in Massachusetts.

Capt. John Woodlief, a survivor of the Jamestown settlement's "starving time" who had returned to England, set sail with 37 other settlers on the good ship Margaret to seek their fortune in the New World. After a violent storm blew them off course, they waded ashore Dec. 4, 1619 at what is now Berkeley Plantation in Virginia. They opened their orders from their backers, which stated that they were to drop to their knees immediately and give thanks. Their landing date was to "be yearly and perpetually kept holy as a day of Thanksgiving to Almighty God."

No one knows if they had anything other than old ship rations to eat. Historians surmise that they might have supped on roasted oysters and Virginia ham. Others say their feast included bacon, peas, cornmeal cakes, and cinnamon water. 

I think that we have part of that covered for tomorrow.  Now to go shuck those oysters. 

Missing something

I have just gotten home from one of the Power Squadron classes that I'm taking.  I have to say that I'll be glad when I won't be taking classes in the evening.  These two classes are enjoyable, but I will be glad when I can get back to going to more meetings and not be on the road so late at night. 

I feel as if I have drifted a bit apart from my meetings.  I miss my home group.  I also have to finish up a service commitment with the Tuesday night group that meets about 45 minutes from me before I can go back to the new Tuesday night group that is much closer. 

I seem to stay busy every day with something. In fact, I am actually busy with many things.  Tomorrow C. and I are going out in the john boat to fish.  It promises to be another beautiful day.  And after fishing, I will head over to make the 7 PM meeting.

I seem to be going through a period in which I am feeling a bit burned out.  I'm sure that this will pass.  But at the moment,  I seem to not have much to write about.  I am feeling that much of what I wanted to say has been written already.  Maybe this is my version of writer's slump.

I also don't seem to have as much time to catch up on what you are writing and that bothers me.  I think that the give and take with this blog thing is what keeps it going.  I read what you write, make a comment, and then you read what I write and make a comment.   It's not a given but just seems like a good way to stay connected. I am feeling less and less inclined to be connected lately.  This will likely pass and energy will be regained. 

Maybe it's time for me to put First Things First and not try to keep up.  I think that if I spend too much time reading and writing, I won't be getting other things that seem necessary completed.  Hence, the burnout.  So if I'm not around here every day or commenting to you as frequently as I used to,  it isn't that I don't care but that I'm getting sidetracked by life.  Maybe that isn't a bad thing. 

What I have been doing

I have been harvesting vegetables from the garden.  Yesterday,  I watered all the flowers and spent time picking produce.  Last night, I fried some potatoes, made potato soup, cooked some green beans, and had a cucumber, tomato, basil and mozzarella salad (insalata caprese).  It was pretty awesome.

I am missing my partner who is enjoying the cool weather up north.  She said that it was delightful with temperatures in the 60's.  She missed her early morning flight on Saturday, thinking that it was at 6:30 AM instead of 5:30 AM.  I didn't say a word about that as I drove as fast as I could to get her to the airport.  It seems that the airlines were nice enough to reschedule her which enabled her to get a direct flight from DC to Nantucket. She got in earlier than she would have on the other flight!  When she called me, she said that God watches out for stupid people and drunks.  I have always loved C's sense of humor! 

I'm off this morning to head to the beach for a memorial service for K.  There will be lots of dogs there as one of her connections was with those who walked dogs at the beach.  I am feeling at peace about this now.

After that, I'll head back to the farm for more watering and garden browsing.  Life is busy but in a good way.  Happy Sunday to all of you.

Nantucket

It is vacation time for C. who is going to spend two weeks on Nantucket Island.  I am taking her to the airport tomorrow for a 5:30 AM flight.  She is meeting up with a couple of friends from graduate school.  It will be a vacation to get away from the heat and enjoy a beach house and the beach. 

I would like to be going but am staying behind to take care of the animals and the garden.  It is very difficult to get someone to watch the dogs and the cats as well as have someone trustworthy stay at the house.  Because we live out in the country, it is necessary to not just let things go for 2 weeks.  Yet, I am hoping in a few years we can make the trip up there together.  It is a wonderful place to visit. 

I am planning to pull the boat out of the water next week, pressure wash and paint the bottom.  That way the boat will be ready to go back in the water by the time C. gets home.

The heat here has been bad over the last few days.  There has been nothing but a hot breeze today.  So maybe it is good to stay in the AC this weekend, pick veggies from the garden, and just relax in doors. I know that the old heart dog is glad to not be going on the boat.  It is just too hot for a thick coated Labrador even with the boom tent.

I will most likely bore you with more photos from the garden and some news from "up North" over the next couple of weeks.  And I'm still planning to get around to all the blogs. You guys have been prolific with your writing, and I have been a slacker with reading and commenting.  Maybe retirement is making me lazy?

A Thursday question

I feel like this needs to be Friday.  I am really tired.  Once again, I have had too many late nights--mostly due to meetings, although last night was a dinner out and some lively conversation instead of rowing.  Tonight I am taking my wife out to a nice place downtown for a pre-birthday dinner.  Her natal day is Sunday so we will have dinner with her parents that evening.  But tonight is our dinner together at a special restaurant.  Hopefully, I'll be able to stay awake through the main course!

I had a good conversation this morning with my sponsor who stays busy in his retirement.  I seem to never stop and was complaining that in retirement one can decide when (or whether) to get up, shower, and leave the house.  But when my alarm rings at 5: 15 AM, I can hit the snooze button a couple of times, after which I'd better get up and get going. The work world calls!

And then there is the time spent on recovery "work". I think that in truth my recovery work takes a lot of time.  I spend 5 hours a week minimum with sponsees, another 3-4 hours a week in meetings, not counting the driving time to and from.  But I consider that this time is the most well spent of my week.  What I'm thinking about are the time sinks that add up during a week.  It’s that sucking sound I hear--of the sands of time, the ticking clock, and the blurting alarm in the morning.  So here's the question:

What was this week’s biggest time sink for you?

For me, it has to be reading and commenting on blogs.  Even with speed reading, it still takes several hours a week to get through the blogs that I like to read and make comments. Even if someone doesn't comment on mine, I like to read theirs. But it definitely takes time.  Oh, and sleeping is another time sink-- but a necessary one!

Taking root

I'm at a conference today on invasive plant species.  A group of us organized this conference because of concerns over plants being brought in by garden centers that are non-native for this area.  We are trying to raise awareness among nursery managers, foresters, and land managers about the issue.  It is difficult to remove invasive species once they have established a foothold in the area.

I am glad to have gotten a good night's sleep last night, although once again I stayed up too late to read the newspaper.  It's going to be a rather long work week for me.  In addition to my work, I have two evening Al-Anon meetings, a couple of noon meetings, and three sponsee meetings. 

I saw one of my sponsees at the oyster roast yesterday. He was walking beside one of his children who was on a pony ride.  He looked happy and the child looked much less than serene on the back of a pony.  I can remember my first pony ride.  I was thrilled for the ride but as I was lifted to the back of the pony, the man burned my arm with a cigarette he had in his mouth.  I never made a sound because even at that young age, I was holding back my pain and not wanting to call attention to myself.  I still remember looking down at the burn spot on my arm, trying to stifle tears and still enjoy the pony ride.

It's amazing how much I stifled my feelings, being afraid that I would make someone angry.  I still have a lot of stoicism, but I am working on expressing my feelings more freely. It takes time to let those old behaviors go once they have taken root.  I am grateful that these memories, although painful, have helped raise my awareness.