Getting By

The events of the past month have been unsettling. So much tragedy that I can't wrap my head around it.  So I do what I can to stay insulated by not watching the news, reading the paper, or doing outreach in the community.

I know this isn't good, but the feeling of being overwhelmed is real. Somehow, if I stay in my world, it feels better than constantly rehashing mass murders and the lack of our elected officials to do anything about it.

That the Orlando massacre nearly coincided with the anniversary of the Emanuel church murders in this city was difficult.  And I ask myself, "How many more?". I did not participate in activities planned to honor the dead. I worked on my boat, went to meetings, met with my sponsor, rode the horse and gardened. I feel jaded and tired of the arguing about guns, politics, religion and racial injustice.  Maybe we are moving forward in inches.  I can't see that, and it certainly feels as if we are moving backwards when it comes to giving up hate and divisiveness.

The summer heat has moved in and feels unrelenting.  I do most of my work in the mornings and evenings, otherwise it is unbearable.  Last night, I had terrible leg cramps which I tend to get when I have sweated to the point of dehydration. Irrigation is saving the garden which is producing well.  We are picking blackberries, tomatoes, cucumbers and green beans.

I have learned in recovery to not take things personally, yet I still do that on occasion.  I fight with the notions of rejection and abandonment.  Probably this will be a life long struggle for me.  My father comes to me in dreams. I wait for him and he does not show up. Instead, I find him drinking in a bar, or I walk home and find him drunk at the kitchen table.

In my last dream, I was pouring out bottles of booze while saying the Serenity Prayer.  I awake from these nightmares, shaking and disoriented.  It is PTSD, and I know that the best thing for me to do is to get busy and remember that the dreams are feelings that are coming up, flashbacks to pieces of events from long ago.

Am I happy?  I believe that I am optimistic and reasonably happy.  Some moments are filled with such joy that I feel incredible gratitude.  Other days, I am getting by.  Today is one in which I am getting by.  But that can change if I take some action to make the day better.  I plan on having a good dinner with C. after riding this evening.  Then we will pick blackberries and maybe watch a movie.  I have the ability to make the changes needed to have happiness.

 

This day in time

Well, today I am securely into middle age.  I slept late this morning. The rain has been pouring since the wee hours.  Now, the skies have cleared, but the wind is strong and cold coming from the north.

C and I had a nice breakfast together.  I am going to head to the barn for a while to see my horse. Later, I am going to roast some oysters for my birthday, have some ribs and celebrate with our handyman who comes out every Sunday to help out. We have known him for over 25 years, and have come to see him as family now.

I thought about how much I miss my parents, C's parents, and all my other relatives who aren't here, except in spirit.  I'm not sad today, just reflecting on the happy times of past birthdays.  And I heard from some of my oldest friends whom I have known since elementary school.  It is a source of comfort to know that some of my long-time best friends are still around, running half marathons, celebrating grandchildren, and working their farms or businesses.  There is stability in that knowledge.

I am planning for this to be a lazy day. I am one year older.  I feel the same.

"Try to imagine a life without timekeeping. You probably can’t. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie. Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays. Man alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out." — Mitch Albom (The Time Keeper) 

Wedding anniversary and giving thanks

Tomorrow is a celebration for us--our wedding anniversary.  I won't tell you how many years,  but suffice to say that most people did not give us great odds in lasting as long as we have. I know that most of our friends in graduate school have been divorced at least once and yet, here we are together.

I'm not being smug because it has not been a smooth journey.  And I thought about divorce many times over the years. In fact, after every drunk episode, I wanted out.  I did what most people do who live with alcoholism, I keep hoping that things would change--that she would change.  And in the morning after a drunken night, I would believe the promises that she would be different and meant to quit drinking this time. And the years went by.

Even for a while after my wife joined AA, I did not give us much of a chance. But through patience, respect and growing love for each other, we are still together.  I am at the point in my life where I cherish every day with her.

A lady at my meeting last night has been living with a dry drunk for many years. They basically have little communication.  And she had been in tears at last week's meeting because she did not have the kind of relationship that she wanted. So I shared then that what I began doing that first year in recovery was hugging my wife and telling her more and more that I loved her.  And from there, we began to heal. That is how we interact now--lots of hugs and kisses and "I love you"'s.  It made a huge difference in our attitudes.

Last night the lady shared that she went home and hugged her husband after the meeting and gave him a kiss on his head.  She said that it made her feel good. She was learning that her pride kept her apart from her husband.  I suppose for me it was lack of trust that kept me from sharing my feelings. Sometimes it is okay to "fake it until I make it" to get those feelings back that have been so eroded by alcoholism.

So I have much to be grateful for as we celebrate our anniversary. It is Thanksgiving day too.  I hope that the day will be a good one for you no matter where you are or who you are with.

Are you happy living with alcoholism?

I have heard a lot of people complain about living with an alcoholic. New comers come into a meeting, and most of what is shared is how terrible their life is because they live with a drunk.  And they are right.  Living with a drunk is pretty terrible.  In fact, it is sometimes like being in a living Hell depending on how abusive the drunk is.

If those who come into a meeting are lucky enough to hear something that is akin to peace in the midst of turmoil, they might stick around for more than a few meetings. The problem all too often is that the ears are closed and the mouth is open.  Listening is not something most of us do when we find an ear of another who is living with an alcoholic.  We want to tell war stories, talk about how awful we have had it, and generally unload all of our anguish and anger on others. And when no one tells us how to fix the alcoholic, we leave to head back to the salt mines.

I know how hard it is to listen when a person is in so much emotional anguish. And blaming the alcoholic is really easy and convenient. After all, aren't they really the cause of our unhappiness?  Would not life be better if they did what we wanted? We who are long suffering would then be truly free and happy in our own skin, right?

I don't know about you, but I don't know that I really ever felt comfortable in my own skin.  I am much more used to who I am now.  I still struggle though with awareness and acceptance of myself.  And because I am in a program of recovery that teaches me to take my own inventory and clean up my side of the street, I have gotten better.  I no longer beat myself up for my short comings on a daily basis or get mired in the self pity that would last for weeks, months, years.

I read blogs in which people struggle deeply with the alcoholics/addicts in their life.  They believe that the alcoholic is to blame for their unhappiness. I thought the same thing, until one day I realized that I was actually at fault also.  I was expecting everyone else in my life to do as I wanted because I had the answers for them.  I believed that I knew what was best for my wife.  "If only, she would stop drinking. If only she would love me like I love her. If only.......". Ad nauseum.

It took me quite a while to realize that my ticket to happiness was not about her. I stubbornly refused to embrace the idea that I was contributing to unhappiness in my life.  I thought that I was blameless until I finally got to a place where I could not longer deny my culpability in our failing relationship.

I know that people have to reach a point where the tipping point occurs. It is that point where you finally are so broken, sad, demoralized, and unhappy that you realize you are the one that needs help.  And that's when the alcoholic ceases to be the center of your world.  That's when you finally surrender and start working on your own life.

Plenty of people, like me, go for decades refusing to admit that they are the ones needing help.  I wasn't ready to stop trying to control and change another.  No way was I going to stop beating my head against a wall, even though it hurt like Hell.  So if you are still out there trying to change the alcoholic and are focusing all of your energy on him/her, then keep on doing it.  Eventually, one day if you are lucky you will finally realize that it isn't going to work.  Until then, you can keep recanting the same old stuff over and over about how awful life is with an alcoholic.  And have the pity parties with other people who are in the same sinking boat.

Keep on with that and see how things end up for you after a few decades. One thing that I am glad for is that I did surrender, and I did finally get into a program of recovery.  And so did my wife.  That is the miracle of the whole thing.  And what has happened for us is an incredible change in how we treat each other.  It took us a while to understand that changes don't happen overnight. But with almost a decade in recovery, we know that each day is a gift.

I know that there are other ways to find peace and happiness in your life.  Use every tool at your disposal.  I didn't happen to find what worked until I got into the rooms of Al-Anon.  I do a lot of service work and am willing to help those who want to work the steps or share their solution.  But if you decide that you have a load of caveats to recovery, then I suggest that perhaps you aren't willing enough yet.  I am working on myself every day.  And I am willing to help you along this journey of self-discovery too. I have found happiness living with an alcoholic. And I believe that the happiness is a daily reprieve from the sadness and anxiety that we experienced before we began our journey of recovery.

Some glorious days

Indian summer here with warm days and cool nights. We had a glorious time on the boat. All the usual things of relaxing, cooking, long walks on the beach, and dancing to some good music. 

All thoughts of anything bothering me go away when I am out there. I have long thought that I was made to be a wanderer in my soul--a sojourner looking for the next adventure. But my occasional days on the water will suffice. And when I am back on land I long for the simplicity of the boat. Nothing but the sky and water and sand between my toes. 

I am sharing some photos from this trip out. Short post here. Happiness of spirit. 

A companionway door that I found washed up on the beach. It belongs to a beautiful wooden boat that sank in the summer. Her name was One Love. Sad for such a brilliant piece of Hugh Angelman's handiwork to be lost. But I have a small piece of her safe at home ready for restoration.

The dinghy used to row to shore.

Sun setting on a glorious day.

Night falls

At anchor

Cozy and warm inside

Pain and desperation

My little home group that has been struggling with attendance lately suddenly had three newcomers show up the other night.  A mother and two daughters came through the door looking for help for a husband/father and son/sibling who are active alcoholics.

The first night they didn't say much, but all of them indicated they were in a crisis.  Last night, the wife shared about the husband's DUI and fears that he is going to kill himself or others driving drunk.  The daughter shared about her brother who has severe health issues resulting from alcoholic drinking.

This sad story is repeated over and over again in countless rooms every day.  The sad part is that the people who come to Al-Anon as newcomers think their story is unique.  They are so demoralized and beaten down by their situation that they can't understand why any of the other people in the room could be smiling and actually enjoying life.  All the newcomer feels is pain and desperation.

I know that when I first went to a meeting, I didn't want to hear the laughter or see the smiles. How could anyone possibly be happy when I was so miserable? Long before going to Al-Anon, I called the AA hotline hoping to get help for my wife.  We had a particularly bad evening that night.  Most evenings were bad when she drank, but this one was particularly volatile.

We had gone to a party and that meant there was no way to control her drinking. My whispers of "Don't you think you've had enough?" were ignored.  She drank more, and my anxiety increased.  When I was able to eventually get her to leave, she was angry, and so was I.  The anger boiled over after we got home. Arguing with a drunk is pointless.  I know that now. But back then, I didn't know anything except how to provoke the situation.

So I proceeded to tell her that she needed help; that she had a problem; that I was embarrassed with her drinking.  She began to talk about wishing she was dead. She cried and ripped her silk blouse open, mumbling that she could see that I didn't love her.  It was a terrible night.

After getting her to bed,  I sat for a while in the dark.  And then I decided to call the AA hotline.  I explained what had happened and that my wife needed help.  I remember the person on the line told me that my wife had to make a decision about going to AA--she couldn't be forced by me.  And I was told that I was the one who needed to get help in Al-Anon.  I could hear laughter in the background. That was the last thing that I wanted to hear.  How could anyone be laughing when I was in such pain?  And why would anyone suggest that I needed help?  I just needed my wife to get sober, and I would be fine.  I was more despondent when I hung up the phone.  Feeling utterly alone,  I remember sitting up until well after 4 AM, feeling as if my heart was being ripped from my body.

Today, so much is different.  My wife has been sober for over 8 years, and I have been in Al-Anon for that long as well.   I can laugh now.  The lonely days and nights aren't filled with the anxiety of alcoholism.  My situation wasn't unique. The common denominator was the fear and self-loathing that alcoholism creates.

I know that these newcomers will come to find happiness and will laugh again if they keep coming to meetings.  It is a safe place where we are all equals and are on the same journey.

Fast Approaching New Year

It's New Year's Eve. I have lots of plans but am under the weather with a cold. I may just stay by the fire today and perhaps take a nap. 

The past year was good for us. No major upheavals. We are missing those who are gone, while we celebrate our own lives. I am still here, not broken in spirit but filled with compassion and love for all of us who have made it to this day, the last one of 2014.

May each of you have good things happen in the New Year. 

THE NEW RULE

It's the old rule that drunks have to argue
and get into fights.
The lover is just as bad. he falls into a hole.
But down in that hole he finds something shining,
worth more than any amount of money or power.

Last night the moon came dropping its clothes in the street.
I took it as a sign to start singing, 
falling up into the bowl of sky.
The bowl breaks. Everywhere is falling everywhere.
Nothing else to do.

Here's the new rule: break the wineglass,
and fall toward the glassblower's breath.

~ Rumi

July in the Lowcountry

It's a rainy day with thunder in the distance.  Everything is refreshed from the downpour of yesterday and today.  It's the kind of day to relax, read, write a little and take a nap.  I have to say that the rain is a relief from the 90 F days we have had over the past week.

I was out on the boat when Tropical Storm Arthur decided to become a hurricane. I had planned to come back in on Thursday afternoon but pulled up anchor on Wednesday and came back to the dock. It was a wise decision because the rain bands, winds and seas from the storm would have been unpleasant to ride out at anchor.

Then July 4 came on Friday. It was a bright sunny day that could have used a bit more wind. We sweltered at the marina where some friends gathered to watch the evening fireworks and have a pot luck dinner.  But the sea breeze came in later in the afternoon and cooled us down.

We had a nice evening. The fireworks were good. The conversation was thought-provoking. A British lady and a couple from France were there to give thoughts on the American Revolution.  We talked about how the French were our great allies in defeating the British. And we joked with our British friend about whipping up on Cornwallis, leading to the surrender at Yorktown. We talked about so many things until the wee hours of the morning--dangers of processed food, compromised auto-immune systems, medical care in the US compared to Britain and France, and how good it is to be able to have these discussions without rancor, without the animosity that seems to pervade the news and labels a person as being right wing or left wing.  I believe these were open-minded people, willing to listen and discuss.  Good times, good food, and intelligent conversations.

My wife has a head cold that she is nursing.  And I am nursing her as much as she will allow.  The coughing makes me concerned because a sponsee has pertussis, Whooping Cough, and has been very sick. Evidently, Whooping Cough has reached epidemic proportions on the West Coast where he recently visited. I am protective of C. and don't want her to do too much.  But it is hard for her to not do.  But I suspect today we will take a nap together and snuggle next to each other.  It is one of those days where not much can be done, except relax.

I talked with my first sponsor who has stage IV lung cancer.  He is moving in with his son and his family because he can not stay at the retirement home where he has been living.  He is accepting of what is to come. I have accepted it also. But I can imagine how hard it must be to give up personal freedom and know that a sick diseased body is what is left. I sincerely hope that his remaining life won't be difficult with prolonged suffering. He says that some nights are hard because he is afraid. I understand and ask myself if any person can be fully accepting of death.  Do we not still hold out hope that some miracle will happen to restore vitality to our body?  I don't know but hope that he is content surrounded by his children and grandchildren.

So I'll leave you with some photos from the past week. This is early July in the Lowcountry.

All is okay

Thank you for your positive thoughts! The results for my wife's biopsy indicated all samples were normal. We breathed a huge sigh of relief over this.

She has a history of breast cancer so it was especially scary to have a biopsy done. Now we can dismiss concerns. Both of us were fully aware that no matter what we would deal with the results. To not have a huge fear and to take yesterday a few hours at a time was huge. 

So we are on the boat at the marina this weekend. It is Race Week through Sunday which means a lot of crazy stuff happening. Racers come from all over, and I have found that it's best to be on the boat to watch over it. 

I have a few photos to share. Hope you are having a good weekend. 

Catching up

We are still heavily involved with painting and renovating at the house.  The tile is down in the butler's pantry and has been grouted. Next will be installation of the new cabinets, counter tops, back splash and sink. Today, we are painting the dining room. It seems like the first floor is just a big mess, but we know it will come together soon.  At least, it won't be a four month mess like the kitchen renovation was.

We did take a few days to go out on the boat last week and went off the grid with regard to the computer. It felt good to not check email.  I did read a few blogs in Reeder. Other than that, nothing with the iPad other than watching a movie.  The crew was working at the house and the supervisor made sure that everything was going well. It was a good time to get out and away from the confusion while the old tile floor was being torn up.  Too much noise to stick around!

All else is going well.  We have emerged from the summer heat to enjoy the beauty of fall in the Lowcountry. The weather has been cool at night but warm during the day. Even though the outside beckons, we are not going away until the first floor painting and decorating is done. The goal is to finish up all of it in two weeks or less.

On Saturday, we are going to a black tie wedding. It has become quite the event in town.  So we will be dressed to the nines for the evening ceremony and reception.  A tuxedo and formal dress occasion probably means that both of us will be really uncomfortable by the time the ceremony is over.  We are planning to take some more comfortable clothes to wear for the party after the reception.  I am much more comfortable in worn jeans and a sweat shirt, but it might be fun to see how a group of us friends look when we clean up a bit.

The greatest news of the week was that a young man I sponsor just received notice that he and his parents have official visas and are documented residents of the U.S.  He will now be able to get a driver's license, get his bank account, and start applying to colleges.  It has been a long and difficult path to get to this point.  I am incredibly happy that the visa came through.  Muy feliz por ellos.

I'll be wielding a paint brush until I check back in again.  I'll leave you with some photos from the week.

A blur of days

We have been working hard to get the parent's house ready for listing with a local real estate agent. The time has flown by, with most days filled with packing up and moving boxes to storage. Yesterday was the culmination of getting it ready.  There was a showing at 3 PM so we had a blitz to finish "staging" the house.  Finally, it is done.  We can get back to some semblance of normality around here because all the effort has been going to getting the other house ready for sale.

Today is lovely.  The north wind came in overnight, so the temperatures are cool.  We've had breakfast on the porch.  I have read a few blogs and am now taking time to do a post here.  My wife is at home and not planning on going to her parent's house. Progress.

I told my story at my home group for my Al-Anon anniversary.  It felt good to share some about my past and where I am now.  The past year was one that has been so difficult due to the deaths of the parents and my cousin,  their sickness and terrible decline.

To be honest, there were times when I didn't even want to get out of bed in the morning.  I had no energy and realize that grief takes a heavy toll on me.  My wife struggled with her own sadness. Both of us were processing the losses in our own way.  She focused all her energy on packing up the house.  She wouldn't stop no matter how exhausted she was.  The handy man and I would carry the many boxes to storage. But she wanted to go through everything, sorting out those things that could be given away and those that would be saved.

I felt that separateness and loneliness returning, just as it had when her focus was on alcohol.  There was no room for me at the moment.  The difference now was that I let her be.  When she came home tired and exhausted, I would hold her close.  I would draw water in the whirlpool bath for her, pour in the bath salts, and sponge her tired body.  I cooked dinner, even if it was late in the evening.  I struggled with not asking her to stop for a few days, take a break, and relax.  I did tell her that I was concerned that she was overdoing it.

And now we are done with the house. There are a few things left to box up in the garage.  And somehow in the packing up of scrapbooks, photo albums, dishes, collectibles, linens, and all the other accumulation of 90 years of life, we have moved through grief to acceptance and joy.  We have turned the corner.

Today is beautiful so we are going to enjoy it by reading the paper, writing, picking vegetables, and going to the boat.  Emerging from sadness feels so good, like walking out of a dark cave into the light.

Being engaged in life

A friend that greets me every morning and says "Feed me"

In the midst of all the sadness and loss of loved ones recently, I can say that a saving grace for me has been to stay busy and engaged in the things that I like to do.  There have been plenty of moments when I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning, but I had to take care of the animals.  So I get up and let the dogs out, feed the cats, change water, and then walk down the lane to get the paper.  It's a routine, but one that is necessary when I am struggling with sadness.

The other routine that I have is working in the garden, harvesting the vegetables,  and taking care of the flowers.  Lately, there has been a lot of rain so I haven't had to worry so much about watering. The garden has a great irrigation system on a timer so no worries there. But the vegetables have been plentiful, and the blueberries ripening each day.  So once again, I feel that sense of responsibility to get going and get outside.  No matter how bad I feel, there is just something about digging in the dirt or eating a fresh tomato or blueberry from the vine that makes me happy.

And then there is my life saver--the sailboat.  I have visited her every other day, had a few trips out to the anchorage and am planning to go out again next week for 3 days.  I've joined a Meet Up sailing group locally and hosted a couple of events at the boat.  It's amazing how meeting new people with a common interest can be stimulating and take away unhappy feelings.

I've also been participating in a couple of local photography clubs and been pushing some new avenues with them.  Again, I'm meeting new people, trying new techniques, learning, and staying focused on something I am passionate about.

What these activities mean to me is a release from pain, sorrow and anxiety.  As long as I sit and am sunk in a pit of self-pity, I'm not doing anything productive. I'm not getting better, feeling happier, or letting go.  But what I have found is that the sadness has lessened every day.  I go for hours without thinking about the loss of Mom and Pop or my cousin.  I am coming to terms with acceptance of what is.

In the opening for Al-Anon meetings, there is a line that says, “In Al-Anon we learned to keep the focus on ourselves”. Sadly,  many of us came to Al-Anon with a compulsion to focus on other people.  Many of us had a clear idea of how everyone should behave in every situation and felt very self-righteous when others didn’t follow our rules of conduct. Or maybe we felt sorry for ourselves because our lives basically were all about someone else.  A major turning point came in recovery when I realized that my life was being neglected because all my attention was on someone else.  I knew at that moment that I had to make some major changes in how I was living and thinking.

I'm still learning how to keep the focus on me and not on what others are doing. I don’t have the answers for other people. I don't make the rules for the behavior of others or any facet of their life. If I start getting caught up in what they should or should not do, I have ceased to pay attention to myself.  I know that I generally relate to others better when I allow them to be exactly as they are and keep focusing on what I'm doing.

It is necessary for me to stay involved in the living, be active in those things that I enjoy, and not dwell on my shortcomings or what I've lost.  Finding a passion for something, venturing forth to try something that you've not done before, learning a new skill, giving back to others through volunteering....the possibilities are endless.  And every day, by doing, I can feel the joy coming back into my being.

Home alone

My wife left on Friday for a week long vacation in New England.  She is staying on one of the Cape's islands with some friends from graduate school.  This is a much needed vacation for her.  I've talked to her several times since she left, and she is happy and relaxed.  That is enough to make me so very happy too.

In the meantime, since she left, I have been keeping busy with the yard and garden.  Today I went to the boat for a couple of hours.  It felt good to be on board for a little while, and then I had to get home to take care of the animals.  Pandora is fitting in nicely with the other cats.  She is eating well and purrs every time I come near her.

The blueberries are ripe in the garden so I've been eating them every day for about a week.  I've picked several tomatoes as well, and they are ripening on the window sill. And the eggplant are starting to ripen too.  It looks like a good year for the garden. The drip irrigation system helps a lot, and it's on a timer which makes things easy.

I am going to see my father-in-law tomorrow.  Hopefully, he will feel good enough to be pushed along in his wheel chair outside.  He is so very thin and fragile.  My wife and I can sense that his death is not far away.  I don't think that he ever really got over his wife's death.  But it is father's day, and I want to spend some time with the old man.  

Next week, I will be back at meetings.  I'm chairing one on the newest Al-Anon book Many Voices, One Journey. I'm going to focus on the period from1925-1950, the time of active alcoholism and isolation that started founders, Lois and Bill Wilson, on the road to recovery.  Who knew that Al-Anon used to be called "Non-Alcoholics Anonymous," or that sometimes women whose husbands started drinking again were asked to stop coming to meetings, or that there was a major fight over whether to allow adult children of alcoholics to join the fellowship? 

That's about it from here.  I hope that your weekend is going well. 

Contentment

It has been one of those rare days in late spring when the humidity is low and the temperature cool. I can't remember when it has been this pleasant so late into May. 

I spent most of the day on the boat. I did some walking this afternoon, going to a spot to photograph some wild flowers. 

I have no resentment or anger today. All that was in me seemed to evaporate after writing about what I was feeling, looking at my part, and reading your comments. 

I continue to do a fourth step inventory on those resentments that come up on occasion. I look at what I am feeling and what's my part in keeping the resentment going.  Usually, it comes down to fear--of the unknown, of being rejected, of not being good enough. I hear my father's voice telling me to stand up for myself, which I equated to mean don't let others take advantage of you. 

Today is just contentment. In reviewing the day, I haven't had anything happen to interrupt my peace of mind. It was a good idea to be on the boat which is truly my sanctuary.

    

The last few days

I have been on the boat since Tuesday morning. The weather has been superb, with temperatures in the mid-70's.

After walks on the beach, naps and a fire, I feel wonderful. My sadness has lifted and dissipated as a fog does from being burned off by the sun.

It's hard to not feel joy in the face of such beauty. Even though tomorrow will see me be a year older, and yes, even old by Mark's definition, I'm aging in a good way. Or at least, that's what I've been told. Thank you for stopping by to say Hello.
Now, I will leave you with some photos from the water and beach.

The good stuff

I am helping out a friend today who works for a towing company. This is enjoyable work--heading out on calls to help those who have run out of gas, run aground or have a dead battery. Anything to do with being out on the water is good. And using my license is also good.

Tomorrow, my C. and I are heading out for three days on the boat. The Labor Day boat craziness will be over then, and we will likely have most of the island to ourselves. We thought that today would be particularly busy because it is considered the last big holiday of the summer. And it is still summer here-- hot and humid. But I will take it as long as the hurricanes stay away.

All else is going well. The parents are well and holding their own. The destruction of the kitchen hasn't started yet but some of the appliances will be delivered this week. We had fun making choices. I hope that this will continue to be a fun adventure.

Having days filled with no drama is wonderful. I am sorry that some bloggers are struggling with family and friends who are in the throes of alcoholism or addiction. All I can say is that I am grateful today for the good "stuff" in my life. I know that it can be gone in an instant.

Dream life

Rain and thunderstorms have been moving through since yesterday afternoon.  When I got home from the boat, we picked vegetables from the garden, baked some bread, took a nap, and then stayed inside for the rest of the day.  The rain poured down which made it easy to rest up from a full weekend with boating friends.

My mind is devoid of creativity today so I'm going to post some photos from the weekend.  I won't be going out for three more weeks because of Sea School. Maybe I'll be able to get out during the week.  I'm unsure about that at the moment because I don't know whether there will be homework to do during the week.

I'm going to see this through with Sea School, although at the moment the last thing I want to do is be in a classroom situation all day for three weekends.  I've gotten spoiled with all the free time since retiring.  And I enjoy not having a schedule to adhere to.  People tell me that I'm living the dream life.  It feels good to me.  I've worked at some job or been in school for so long.  Now I'm enjoying freedom from the clock and filling my days with what I want to do. It's not a dream anymore but the reality of my life.

Coming alongside for a sunset raft up

The Herreshoff Mobjack heading home

Sunset on the water

Helping with lines

The old and new side by side

View from aloft 

And I learned what is obvious to a child. That life is simply a collection of little lives, each lived one day at a time. That each day should be spent finding beauty in flowers and poetry and talking to animals. That a day spent with dreaming and sunsets and refreshing breezes cannot be bettered. But most of all, I learned that life is about sitting on benches next to ancient creeks with my hand on her knee and sometimes, on good days, for falling in love. — Nicholas Sparks

Easter Weekend

It has been a beautiful Easter weekend. On Friday, we took the parents for lunch. They said it was a nice time. It's hard to tell because my mother-in-law thinks that Pop is her brother and that I am her husband. Pop is quiet and not very conversational. But there were cards and flowers and good food.

Yesterday, we met up with a number of other boats for the day. It was nice to hang out with some fellow sailors and have a few hours to spend having good food on the host boat.

Today is Easter, and we are anchored in an inlet near the beach of a beautiful undeveloped island. This is a place of great peace with the wind and surf the only sounds. The trails wind among a maritime forest of live oaks, cedar, and palmetto. Here are a few photos from our Easter weekend:

I hope that you are enjoying the day and all that it means to you.