Those in peril on the sea

Sad stories and images of the damage inflicted by Hurricane Sandy continue on news channels here.  The wind continues to blow and small craft warnings are still in effect.  I see the images of the flooded tunnels, subways and streets of New York and New Jersey, yet I can't get out of my mind the story of the sinking of the HMS Bounty off Cape Hatteras.

Cape Hatteras, the graveyard of the Atlantic, and the watery depths off the North Carolina coast have gripped the sunken relics of 1,000 ships for more than four centuries.  And now the masts of the Bounty are what can be seen rising from the water.

Of the sixteen crew members on board,  14 were rescued by the US Coast Guard swimmers and helicopters.  One of the two lost crew members, Claudene Christian, a distant relative of Fletcher Christian who led the mutiny on the original bounty, was found on Monday afternoon but was pronounced dead that evening.  Captain Robin Walbridge remains lost at sea.

The heroes in all this are the United States Coast Guard who put themselves  in situations that give most people nightmares.  My respect for them is enormous as they rescue people from the sea.  The following video is a bit long but shows what they did during the rescue of the Bounty's crew members.



I enjoyed touring the ship when she was in town in May.  I wrote a little bit about my fascination with the ship and the story of the original Bounty here.  I want to share a few of my photos from my visit to the ship.

And finally this comes to mind:

Eternal Father, strong to save,

Whose arm hath bound the restless wave,

Who bidd'st the mighty ocean deep

Its own appointed limits keep;

Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee,

For those in peril on the sea!

Storms and intimacy

The weather here is unsettled, windy and humid.  A tropical storm is moving up the coast and will bring much needed rain, along with rough seas and more wind.  I am planning on staying on the boat tonight and tomorrow to make sure that she rides well on her lines at the marina.

The men's meeting was held Wednesday on the boat.  We didn't get but 2 pages read because each of us had a lot to share.  But they concurred that sitting on a sailing yacht on a brilliant fall day was completely awesome.  We shared about intimacy in relationships and how it is hard to maintain over the long haul because it morphs into something different.

"It is only in long-term relationships that we are called upon to navigate that delicate balance between separateness and connectedness and that we confront the challenge of sustaining both...." (Lerner, 1989).

Two of the men are divorced and not married now.  Both, who are recovering alcoholics,  are struggling with intimacy in new relationships. Three of us have been married to the same person for at least a couple of decades.  We struggle with how to keep the intimacy present in our relationships that have been affected by alcoholism.  And I know just how difficult it is to not sacrifice myself for another or resent them for their emotional absence.

"An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way." (Lerner, 1989).  Learning how to achieve such balance is not easy.  It requires honesty and courage to be together without overpowering or suppressing another.  It also means awareness when apathy begins to creep in.  And so we are exploring the application of recovery principles in our most intimate relationships.

And isn't love really at the root of being with another person?  I don't think that I realized at the onset of my relationship with my wife that I was really seeking a best friend.  Now I know that besides the physical attraction and intelligence, I was seeking someone who would be my life partner regardless.  But the give and take, the expectations, and eventual disappointments can cause a lot of damage.  I didn't have the self-awareness or communication skills to cope with the problems that ensured.  And I didn't have knowledge of the 12 steps to deal with alcoholism.

But togetherness feels much less confining than it was in years past.  We know that we are life partners.  I'm hoping that by meeting with several other men, we will learn from each other about how to make the life partnership happen and get better.

Tropical storm

We are out at an anchorage near the deserted island, tucked away on the lee side. Last night, the lights of the city were pretty as we passed by. The day was overcast but little rain fell.

Today, it was another overcast day with a brisk NNE wind. The round the world sailors left this morning for France where they will be given a hero's welcome. Little did we know as they departed that they would be sailing into a tropical storm. At the moment, the storm is about 130 miles off where we are anchored. The coast is under a tropical storm watch.

We are going to stay here until morning and then head back going with the tide. The only effect we will feel is a bit of wind, some increased swells, and possible coastal erosion.

After a walk on the beach, with heads down into the wind, I rowed us back to the boat. We fixed egg plant parmigiana and garlic bread with spaghetti for dinner. The eggplant was from the garden and was delicious! C. baked bread before we left, so we had quite a feast.

This has been another day in our lives. It has been peaceful. I am grateful for no anger, gripping fears, or obsessive thinking. It has been an ordinary day, but I have come to appreciate the ordinary. It is often under rated.