Book list, classes and parallel universes

I am back from class, and it's late.  I signed up for another course--this one on Seamanship.  It's basic information but helpful in preparation for Sea School which I plan to attend some time in the near future.  I am going to go for a Master's license of as much tonnage as I am allowed with my qualifying sea time.  Most probably, that will be a 50 ton vessel.  One would think that after so many years of school, that I would be sick of it by now.  But it seems that I am a born student of something, whether it is marine science, marine piloting, seamanship, or the Twelve Steps.

Tonight, we talked a bit about the recent Costa Concordia wreck on the reef off the coast of Italy.  It seems to eerily echo what happened with the Titanic.  A misjudgment and human error resulted in a terrible tragedy, although the Concordia incident was not nearly as horrible as that of the Titanic.  I've read a few books on the Titanic sinking, and every one sends chills through me.

Reading starts my day and also ends it.  I read a few blogs and read the newspaper (which takes all of 15 minutes in this town) in the morning.  In the evening, I read more blogs, read class material, and finish up the day with the latest book.

Reading has been a great escape for me over the years.  I still lose myself in books, just as I did as a kid.  Back then, it was a good way to avoid having to go to the dinner table.  It was a way to separate myself from my father when he was in his cups.  Now, it's a way to learn about people, adventures, and life experiences that I find fascinating.  Maybe there is still the escapism in books.  I don't really care.  All I know is that in the few hours a day that I spend reading, I come away a better person for it.

Here's a list of what's stacked on our bedside tables:

Pack of Two: The Intricate Bond between People and Dogs by Caroline Knapp. Ms. Knapp lost her parents, sobered up and adopted Lucille who provided not only companionship but love.

Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson. An honest look at a genius who changed so much in technology.  A revolutionary of a different ilk.

Inside of a Dog by Alexandra Horowitz.  You can tell that we like reading about dogs.  Knowing how dogs view the world gives me hope that humans may one day be as civilized.

Fabric of the Cosmos by Brian Greene. Here is the question of this book: "What is reality?". Lots of information on physics for the non-theorist. That's good. String theory and its hypotheses of ten spatial dimensions and one time dimension, parallel universes, and time travel make me aware that "Beam me up, Scotty" may indeed be possible.

The Essential Rumi by Coleman Barks.  Passion, sadness, love, rage, sex--lots to think about and to quiet the mind.

Greedy Bastards by Dylan Ratigan.  Bank bailouts, outsourcing, corporate greed, oil, health care--I need to read Rumi after reading this.  And also think about a parallel universe.  Che (see below) had a solution but not one that I like.

Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs.  Another type of parallel universe that isn't pleasant. Heavy stuff about an adolescent who was passed from one dysfunctional family to another.

Blue Nights by Joan Didion.  Not as good as the Year of Magical Thinking, but another look at death and the fears of getting old.

Che Guevara: A Revolutionary Life by Jon Lee Anderson.  After 800 pages, I will know more about Cuban history, the revolution,  and the enigmatic Che than I want to, but social injustice is something that interests me.  I am ploughing through it, even though the sociopathic behavior and the mass murder of so many is hard to take.  Not a parallel universe to Steve Jobs. And not the solution to the Greedy Bastards.

I'm getting ready to head off to read for an hour.  It feels like a good night to read about dogs.  Here's hoping for insight.

What books are you reading? Give a little synopsis if you want. 

A sanctuary

Christmas day has come and gone.  My father used to say that "it's as far away now as it will ever be." He was full of those kinds of sayings that would make the child Syd sad.  Now I realize that he was just being real.  And I remember a lot of those sayings now and smile.

It was a quiet Christmas day.  My wife went to her parents' house on Christmas Eve night and just got home this morning.  I went over there yesterday to have Christmas Day dinner with the parents.  We ate leftovers and watched them open Christmas cards.  It's interesting how they get a hundred cards every year.  Sending cards has become somewhat of a lost art.  I remember how carefully my mother would choose the cards and address them.  We haven't sent cards in years. Somehow, e-cards just don't quite have the same effect as getting a handwritten note from someone in a card.

I went over to visit some friends early last evening.  They had their family for Christmas dinner.  It was nice to enjoy their company and the lively conversation about politics, books, and movies.  My old girl, Stella, who died on November 27 was in a short movie that they filmed.  I'm going to be getting a copy of the movie and the raw footage of her.  I could feel the tears in my eyes when I saw her in the movie.  It was her first and last time on a couch.  Her part was to be on the couch and be called into the kitchen by one of the characters.  She had never been on a couch before so I had to coax her up on the couch.  She must have thought that I'd lost my mind--"A couch, really?? What is he doing??" She was such a trooper.

Later, I came home, turned on the Christmas lights, took the dogs for a walk in the rain, and read some more from Hemingway's Boat by Paul Hendrickson.  It's about his sport fishing boat "Pilar" that he had custom built, fished on through three wives, the Nobel Prize, and his ultimate ruin.  "Pilar" was his sanctuary which I can identify with in so many ways.  In Hendrickson's words, "Pilar" was:

"A place to weather the storms of professional criticism and escape the anxieties of broken marriages and ruined friendships. On her deck, he entertained celebrities, propositioned women, wielded his firearms, saved swimmers from sharks and relaxed with his children.  Pilar represented this little encapsulated existence where for a long weekend, or just an afternoon, he could get away from the pressures of the writing desk."

I think we all need something like "Pilar", whether it is a boat, the woods, exercise, meetings, rooms filled with people or just sitting in meditation.  A sanctuary.  Yes, we all need that.

It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.  ~Ernest Hemingway

Rain, Pesto, Caterpillars, and Parents

Finally, some cooler temperatures have come to this part of the coast.  There was a front that came through bringing rain and dropped the temperature by 10 degrees.  The garden is about on its last legs.  There are still a few tomatoes, peppers, and egg plants left.  But the other beds have been prepared for fall.  Now, I am waiting on the plants to come in so that I can get them in the ground.

We made some pesto from the basil in the garden.  It was wonderful.  Here is the recipe:

Put hand fulls of basil leaves in a food processor,  add garlic cloves and olive oil and pine nuts.  I don't know the exact amount but put about five cloves, 2 cups of olive oil,  and a cup of toasted pine nuts in the processor.  Then I add in a cup and a half of parsley and about 2 cups of fresh grated Parmesan.  I don't add any salt, but if added it will bring out the taste of the basil.  All of this is then pulsed in a food processor.  Serve it over whatever pasta you like.  Orzo is one of my favorites and makes a nice pesto dish with fresh tomatoes added and shrimp, if you like.  

Interestingly enough, the parsley was mostly eaten by the caterpillar of the black swallowtail butterfly.  I grew enough for the hungry caterpillars who can easily strip a plant in about two days.  But they are so beautiful, and the butterfly that eventually results from the metamorphosis of the caterpillar is also wonderful so I leave them alone as they eat. 

We are preparing for a weekend excursion on the boat.  Some of our friends are going to meet us at the mouth of one of the rivers down south.  It is a longer run for us, but the location seems to have good water depth for anchoring and a sandy beach nearby for walking and exploring.  We will have a picnic lunch on Saturday along with swimming and floating on rafts. 

All is well with the parents-in-law who have decided to hire live in help.  This is a couple who will cook and clean as well as maintain their yard, do the shopping and other errands as well as take them for doctor appointments.  We were both surprised at their decision to do this.  But I think that it is a good one because it will hopefully allow them to stay in their house which is what they want to do.  And it greatly reduces the time we spend cooking, cleaning and doing other errands for them.

The couple are currently in Lebanon where they have managed a large estate and will be coming back to the US in October.  I am hoping that it will work out for all concerned.  I just wonder how the couple will react to my father-in-law's political views which are pretty far to the right.  That will be for them to sort out.  I simply don't stay around when he starts his political rants and running commentary on the news.  "I have to go wash the cat/dog" is one of my favorite lines when the ranting reaches high decibel levels.

Well,  time to go read a bit before sleep comes on.  We both have our piles of books on either side of the bed.  I am mostly through Keith Richard's book Life.  I think that it is interesting but find that he  romanticizes the drug use a bit.  He is definitely not afraid to write what it was like, what happened, and what he is like now. 

Good bye until tomorrow. 

Fireflies and reading

I saw the first fireflies last night.  They were flashing their lights in the back yard.  I am glad that where I live hasn't been sprayed with pesticides and that these insects can enchant me as they did when I was a kid.  I would catch a few and put them in a jar to keep beside my bed at night and then let them go the next morning. 

I realize now that I was holding up the course of nature.  Those fireflies in my jar were actually flashing to communicate with potential mates. They were magical to me and seeing them last night took me back to that time of summer when I would stay out doors until way past dark, hating to finally be called inside.  I wonder if sprayed pesticides have taken their toll on the little lightening bug in my home town. Back then, there were no spray trucks that came by in the night, hissing out their poison.  And thankfully,  where I live now, there are no spray trucks either.  We live with the mosquitoes, the gnats, and the fireflies. 

I was too tired last night to post.  It was a busy day of putting new lines on the boat.  I whipped the ends which gives a really finished look to the line.  I will have to review how to do eye splices with double strand line as it is not the easiest thing in the world to do.  I ordered a book on splicing which will help as I practice on some discards. 

I am gathering up quite a few good books to keep on the boat.  Reading is something that most of us take for granted.  Yet, there are still those people who have great difficulty with reading.  A new fellow who came to a meeting the other night was so embarrassed by his inability to read that he cried.  It was so touching.  He said that he had worked all his life with his hands and never really learned to read well.  I thought that it took a lot of courage to share as he did. 

Because this was a step meeting, there was a fair amount of reading to do.  So I helped him through a few paragraphs.  He actually did well, only stumbling on a few words.  He said that he had been to one Al-Anon group where he felt looked down on.  I know that some groups are healthier than others, yet it still bothers me to hear that someone doesn't feel comfortable in a meeting.  I hope that he will come back.  He needs the program as he is struggling with active alcoholism in a relative.  Perhaps he will see that our meeting is a safe place where no one is judged.

“We can do no great things, only small things with great love.” - Mother Teresa

Sun day

It's another glorious day on the boat. We woke up late and are having a good breakfast. We didn't eat the octopus so will make do with yogurt and an omelet.

We read about Bill and Lois this morning. This is a book that clearly describes the hell of alcoholism and how cunning, baffling and powerful it is. I suppose that most of us know that though.

After breakfast we'll walk on the beach and then sail up one of the nearby rivers to explore. It seems like a good day for new adventures. I hope that this day provides new opportunities for you.

What I have been trained to do

I enjoy reading. It's one of the things that I have always enjoyed, from childhood through adulthood. Many of the modern writers that are considered creative geniuses were alcoholic. Take for instance Sinclair Lewis, Hart Crane, Eugene O'Neill, William Faulkner, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Ernest Hemingway: All were alcoholic. Sinclair Lewis once asked, ''Can you name five American writers since Poe who did not die of alcoholism?''

There are about thirty writers who were seriously knocked around by drink, and seven or eight killed by it. One of the interesting semi-autobiographical novels about alcoholism was written by Jack London. In John Barleycorn, he writes: "I achieved a condition in which my body was never free from alcohol. Nor did I permit myself to be away from alcohol. If I traveled to out-of-the-way places, I declined to run the risk of finding them dry. I took a quart, or several quarts, along in my grip. I was carrying a beautiful alcoholic conflagration around with me. The thing fed on its own heat and flamed the fiercer. There was no time in all my waking time, that I didn't want a drink."

London also writes about the hopelessness of his drinking: "I have decided coolly and deliberately that I shall continue to do what I have been trained to want to do: I will drink--but oh, more skillfully, more discreetly, than ever before." For the next three years he tried to do that. He decided to go on drinking because he decided he had a right to; that this right derived from his having "been trained to want to."

Jack London rationalized his drinking. He thought that the problem was totally one driven by a "habit of mind". His need was mental and social: "When I thought of alcohol, the connotation was fellowship. When I thought of fellowship, the connotation was alcohol. Fellowship and alcohol were Siamese twins. They always occurred linked together."

He tried to drink "more skillfully" and perhaps for a while his attempt at controlled drinking may have seemed to work. But Jack London was almost as consumed with his drinking problem as he was with the drink itself. Eventually though, drinking got the best of him.

For him, there was no 12 step program. The book John Barleycorn tells 'what it was like'. But there was no 'what happened, and what it is like now.' He became comatose early in the morning of November 16, 1916. By seven that evening he was dead. His death was from a lethal dose of morphine sulphate with complications from uremia and kidney failure. Jack London was just forty and world-famous. The book is a chilling portrait of what alcoholism did to London.

Food for thought

Election day at last. The lines in my little community have been long, much longer than I ever remember. My wife talked to an older lady who has lived on the island all her life. She said that the lady can't remember a voter turnout such as this. Even though there is a long wait, the turnout makes the feeling that we are on the verge of an historical moment even more exciting.

All of this got me thinking about the right to vote and how so many people take it for granted in this country.

The island that I live on is predominantly African-American in terms of demographics. It is one of the remaining Gullah settlements in the region. So I did a little research on voting rights for African-Americans in this country. Here are some of the facts that I found:

• Blacks actually didn't have the right to vote at the end of the Civil War. Southern states put together governments excluding Blacks from voting.

• In March 1866, angry leaders of the United States Congress passed a civil rights bill saying a citizen in the United States is anyone born in the United States, except Native Americans. The bill also guaranteed equal rights to all citizens no matter what race, and allowed the federal government to step in when the states failed to protect those rights.

• About a month later, the legislature issued the 14th Amendment to the Constitution. It stated that all people who were born in the United States, including African-Americans, are considered natural citizens and have the same rights as all other Americans. It also prohibited any state from making or enforcing any laws that took away or hurt an individual’s civil rights.

• In 1867 and 1868, the southern state constitutions during this period favored Blacks and gave them voting rights without the earlier voting rules. They could also hold public office. This equality didn't last long. The Ku Klux Klan formed in the South to threaten Blacks and take away their power.

• From the 1870's through most of the 1900's, Blacks were blocked from voting by threats of violence, being made to take reading and writing tests (some Blacks couldn't read or write so they couldn't pass the tests), and many other voting rules designed to keep Blacks from voting. Some states passed laws that required people to pay a poll tax before voting. This tax did not involve a large amount of money, but many blacks (and poor whites) either could not or would not pay it.
  

• It was not until the Voting Rights Act of 1965, signed by President Lyndon Johnson over 100 years after the Civil War ended, that it became illegal to stop Blacks from voting. Blacks were finally guaranteed their voting rights in 1965.

I'm grateful that on this day that the times have changed from repression to renewal.

I'm grateful that I have a room full of books and resources where I can check facts, be informed, and grasp what freedom truly means in terms of the Constitution.

I'm grateful for being able to have my own opinions about something without fear of reprisal.

I'm grateful that there is a feeling of hope and change in the air.

I'm grateful that the healing after a long divisive campaign can begin.

Rising water

I went to a lecture last night on the impacts of sea level rise to the East coast. The panel consisted of a number of experts on energy conservation, sea level rise, and eco-justice. There are data showing that sea level has risen 1 foot since 1922 along South Carolina's coast. A sea level rise of 5 feet by the end of the century could inundate Charleston, unless levees like those in Holland are built to wall in the peninsula on which the historic city is built.

The discussion opened with a film that showed the impact of sea level rise to South Carolina's coastal communities. You can view it here or below. The Google Earth maps used in the film showed that a 5-foot rise in sea level would swamp the barrier islands, leaving only thin slivers of sand. There have been projections of a 3 to 5-foot sea level rise by 2100 in places like Rhode Island and Miami.

Duke University geologist Orin Pilkey was on the panel. Dr. Pilkey has been a champion of using geology to demonstrate that building houses on barrier islands is sheer stupidity. He said barrier islands have been shrinking worldwide for a century.

With global warming comes the likelihood of more severe hurricanes. And as Gustav moves into the Gulf of Mexico, I can't help but think of the grim future that coastal communities will have unless we change our behavior about use of energy.

I would like to see all the wonders that surround me continue to exist long after I'm gone. My hope is that people will read, become informed and take action before it is indeed too late. And if you don't believe in global climate change, then read about the shrinking polar ice caps and draw your own conclusion.

Rising Seas: Challenges and Opportunities for the Lowcountry from Open Dome Studios on Vimeo.

Discovering Choices

Al-Anon has a new book out called Discovering Choices. I haven't read it yet but have read a few excerpts on line. It's about relationships, something that I'm always interested in since that seems to be one of the major stumbling blocks for me in recovery.

It's the whole idea of having healthy relationships and not the co-dependent ones of the past. Anyway, the book states that "Wherever we may be in our search for healthy relationships, we
have to begin where we are today. It may be painful to think how much better our relationships could have—or should have—been. There’s no point in criticizing ourselves when we did the best we could with what we had. We can gain peace of mind by putting aside what we could or should have done and by accepting who and where we are right now."

It's an important point for me to get through my head that I don't need to constantly be criticizing myself for the way I've handled relationships in the past. They are over with. I can just concentrate on how I handle things on this day, hopefully with respect for the other and with love.

The book explains that at meetings we find people who have discovered that happiness is a choice they can make at any moment. I can choose to be happy or I can choose to let my fear take hold and be miserable. Being content is not an accidental mood created when someone else does what I want. I just need to keep the focus on what is within my power to change and what is up to my HP. I think that way I'll be able to achieve the peace of mind and healthy relationships that the book talks about.

reading

Beware of the man of one book.
~ Thomas Aquinas ~

I've been reading a lot of books lately. Some are about sailing and stories of single handers going around the world. Others are self-help type books such as Co-Dependent No More. In this one, I'm learning that I definitely have those co-dependent ways. I knew that before reading the book but maybe I just needed to read about the recovery part again. This book incorporates the 12 steps in dealing with co-dependency and has good chapters on topics like Detachment, Anger, Acceptance, Communication.

Others that I'm reading are biographical books on addiction such as Augustine Burroughs Dry and David Sheff's book Beautiful Boy. The latter is about a father dealing with his son's methamphetamine addiction. It is a sad book, yet I can't seem to put down. It feels like I'm standing too close to a fire when I'm reading it. It hurts, but I'm transfixed and can't move.

And then I've also read about commitment phobia in Steven Carter's books. That's one of those topics that seems to hit close to home also. I don't think that I'm phobic about commitment but have suffered the consequences of being involved in a relationship with someone who exhibits the "symptoms". And reading about this helps me understand that once again I'm powerless over what the other person does. And that it isn't about me.

And then my "in the car" book on tape is Deepak Chopra's Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions in your Life. It's soothing to listen to as I drive to and from work.

Reading is comforting to me. I've always used it to help me through the best and worst of times. These aren't bad times now but ones that are thought provoking. I'm hoping that I'll discover something in my reading that will help me understand myself in relation to the world and those around me. I don't know whether it will but I'll keep trying.

Some thoughts on this Friday

Here are some more thoughts from reading The Dance by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. Here are some quotes that I particularly liked.

I am less interested in people’s articulated spiritual beliefs or political philosophies and more interested in whether or not they are true to themselves even when it costs them something, whether or not they can be kind when it is easier to be indifferent, whether or not they can remember that to be human is to be flawed and spectacular and deeply compassionate. (p. 15)

I think to just be yourself when everyone is looking is an accomplishment. And being compassionate is something that I find to be a good trait.

I do not seek perfection. I simply seek to remember who and what I am everyday. I seek the people and places and practices that support the expanding of this awareness in my day, in my life, in my choices. Our lives are the story of how we remember. (p. 29)

Always progress and not perfection in my life. And to be reminded of who and what I am keeps me humble and makes me realize that we are all flawed.

There is a difference between being the determiner in your life and being the controller. We often confuse the two. The desire to control is a normal human response to fear. The ability to determine is the ability to remember who and what you are…(p. 80)

I know that I don't want to be the controller, yet I lapse into the fear that controls me at times. Not letting my ego control me is a struggle.

To live deeper we have to go to the places that help us find a slower rhythm. But simply going to these places is not enough. We have to let these places touch us, change us, speak to us. (p. 117)

I'm go to those places as often as I can. I seek them out. And they provide me with comfort and help still my anxieties.

There is a difference between happiness–offering who you are to the world and knowing it is enough–and pleasure and ease. (p. 140)

I am still working on this. I think that being surrounded by so much that promotes ease and pleasure makes me forget that it's just enough to be happy. There are only few things that I really need as opposed to those things that I may want.

Hope that you have a great weekend. It's a holiday weekend here so I'm going to make the most of that.

No assholes allowed

It was a beautiful weekend, one that held that promise of spring being just around the corner. I took advantage of the weather to take Compass Rose to one of the deserted islands along the coast. Besides walking on the beach and having a great campfire on Saturday night and morning, there isn't much else to do but sleep, eat and read. For the latter, I took along Robert Sutton's book, The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t.

It's an interesting read. I think that I found it particularly enlightening because Sutton comes from academia and isn't a lawyer, a CEO, or Hollywood celebrity. He's a Ph.D. and professor in the Dept. of Engineering at Stanford. One of the things that he lists is how to spot an asshole. Here's his dirty-dozen list of everyday asshole actions:

1. Personal insults

2. Invading one’s personal territory

3. Uninvited personal contact

4. Threats and intimidation, both verbal and non-verbal

5. Sarcastic jokes and teasing used as insult delivery systems

6. Withering email flames

7. Status slaps intended to humiliate their victims

8. Public shaming or status degradation rituals

9. Rude interruptions

10. Two-faced attacks

11. Dirty looks

12. Treating people as if they are invisible

If you recognized yourself in any of these, then maybe this book is for you. But a few slips, doesn't make you a certifiable asshole. It has to be continuity in these traits that makes you one of those.

I liked the section on how to avoid being an asshole. Here's a summary of what Sutton has to say:

1. Face your past. The past is a very good predictor of future behavior. For example, were you a bully in school? If your parents and siblings were assholes, you may have caught the disease. Knowing that you’re an asshole is the first step towards change.

2. Do not make people feel oppressed, humiliated, de-energized, or belittled. If you find yourself having these effects, it’s time to change your behavior no matter what you think of yourself.

3. Do not mistreat people who are less powerful than you. One of the sure signs of an asshole is treating people who are in less powerful positions in a degrading manner.

4. Resist assholeholics from the start. The easiest time to avoid becoming an asshole is at the very beginning. Don’t think that you can do “what you have to” to fit in and can change later. It won’t happen.

5. Walk away and stay away. Don’t be afraid to leave a bad situation. It’s unlikely you’ll change the assholes into good people; it’s much more likely that you’ll descend to their level.

6. View acting like an asshole as a communicable disease. If you have any sense of decency, when you’re sick, you avoid contact to prevent spreading the disease. So if you act like an asshole, you’re not just impacting yourself; you’re also teaching other people that it’s okay to be an asshole.

7. Focus on win-win. Children (young and old) think that the world is a zero-sum game. If another kid is playing with the fire truck, you can’t. As people get older they should realize that life doesn’t have to be a win-lose proposition--unless, that is, you’re an asshole.

8. Focus on ways you are no better or even worse than others. Thinking that you’re smarter, faster, better looking, funnier, whatever than others turns people into assholes. Thinking that you’re no better or even worse keeps you humble.

9. Focus on ways you are similar to people, not different. If you concentrate on how you and others have similar goals, desires, and passions, you’re bound to be less of an asshole. How can you treat people that are similar to you with disdain?

10. Tell yourself, “I have enough stuff (money, toys, friends, cars, whatever).” Discontentment and envy is a major factor in becoming an asshole. If you’re happy, there’s no reason to stomp on others.

I liked these and found that a lot of them seemed similar to the 12 steps. I won't comment on how to recognize that someone else is an asshole because if I recognize that, then doesn't that make me one?

Do you remember those days?

Now that kids are back in school here, I was thinking about how great it was to read just what I wanted to read when I was a kid. I would send away for books and eagerly await their arrival. Some of these were ones that I wasn't allowed to check out of the library or weren't available there. I remember my fascination with reading all of Robert Ruark's novels on Africa. I remember reading Gone with the Wind and wondering what the hell was wrong with Scarlett. I remember reading all of Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Steinbeck, and wondering about the meandering sentences of Faulkner's great novels. Just the titles would make me dream: Light in August, As I Lay Dying, Intruder in the Dust, the Sound and the Fury. It was only later after I read the biographies that I learned that these literary greats were alcoholic and had a lot of other issues going on. But at that time, I didn't realize that their writing was linked with their pain.

Reading has always been one of the best ways that I know to relax and stay serene. It is like a journey for me. It was also an outlet for a small town dreamer. After all the years, I still find great comfort in books. There are stacks on the night table. I have the daily Al-Anon readers, the Big Book, the AA Twelve and Twelve, a couple of books on islands in the Chesapeake Bay, and a book on oceanographic discoveries. That's this week's pile.

But in the days when school was out and I could read as much as I wanted, I would collect books for my own library. My tastes were eclectic then as they are now. I had natural history books, art books, and novels. I would open each carefully, smell the pages, drape my long legs across the porch glider, and read until dark would come. It was magic for me. And it pretty much still is.

Reading

Last night I read some in the book Lois Remembers which tells the story of Lois W., co-founder of Al-Anon. In this book she chronicles her life before and after getting married to Bill W. co-founder of AA. I am only part way through the book but can only wonder at the stamina of this woman and all that she sacrificed in her life. One of the more telling passages for me was her statement on pg. 78, "The problem is not about my life, of course, for probably the suffering is doing me good, but about his--the frightful harm this resolving and breaking down, resolving and breaking down again, must be doing to him......."
"I'm afraid I have always been and still am too foolishly idealistic and sentimental. I had hoped Bill's love for me would cause him to stop drinking. For I know that he loves me --but perhaps that is not enough. "

When I read this, I can only think what the anxiety level must have been in this woman. If ever there was a person who needed to practice Step One, she was it. However, without her terrible sacrifice of herself there wouldn't be an Al-Anon and perhaps things would have turned out much differently for Bill W as well. Reading this book points out over and over that the people who love alcoholics have to take care of themselves. Yet, when you love someone as deeply as Lois W. did , it seems almost that detachment could only occur through physically tearing yourself away from the other person. Lois tried that but Bill W. would return to his bottle after she returned. It was only through his spiritual awakening that he was able to quit the bottle, yet he continued in other behaviors and character defects that seem equally as difficult to accept. It seems that Lois W. was determined to sacrifice herself at any cost.

I think that perhaps her attitude reflected that of the times. She stuck by her man regardless or perhaps she was obsessed with Bill. Maybe that will be revealed as I read further in the book. In these more modern times and through programs like Al-Anon and AA, we are able to learn how not to wear ourselves down to the point that we give up everything for another. We learn to take care of ourselves. Her writing practically screams at me that detachment and self-focus have got to take precedent when dealing with the alcoholic.