Drinking in the New Year

I hope that you had a good beginning to 2016.  It seems that a lot of people are struggling with the aftermath of the holiday season. The rooms have been fairly packed with people who have found that living with alcoholism is a struggle. Just about every meeting is filled.  People come in and are lost from a holiday season filled with drinking and out of control behavior.  They feel lost, angry and are struggling in their relationships with problem drinkers.  Sadly, this happens every year.  Some of the newcomers stick around for the miracle of recovery while others decide that they can control the drinking of another.  The merry-go-round continues.

I received an email from someone who was saying that it was difficult to live with active alcoholism.  And how hard it is when our culture seems to think that drinking to excess is okay and socially acceptable.

First off, living with active alcoholism was a nightmare for me.  And I know that even with Al-Anon, it would be impossible for me to stay in a relationship with active alcoholic drinking.  My struggle to rescue and enable is still very real. And that does more harm to the alcoholic in many ways.  I can feel the anxiety as I type this, thinking about what it used to be like.  If I were to have any peace, I would not again live with an alcoholic who is not serious about recovery.

As far as our society glamorizing alcohol, I see it a lot in social groups, although most of us now have realized that drinking every day is not only unhealthy but not sustainable. That being said, the young people I am around seem to revel in partying and drinking.  This is a college town so there are plenty who get sick from alcohol toxicity.  And I think to myself that there will be a place for them in the rooms of AA someday if they don't stop.  Sadly, because alcoholism is a progressive disease, they may not be able to stop.  Those who can't will keep it up until they are real alcoholics.

I remember what my wife's sponsor said: "If what you hear at a meeting drives you out, alcohol will drive you back in." I believe that is true for both programs of AA and Al-Anon.  I am glad that I stayed and have continued.  It isn't a solution for everyone, but it was one that I could embrace and where I found peace of mind.

Sending good thoughts to you.

Party time of year

"The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power. "

It's a partying time of year. The problem is that most of the parties are inundated with alcohol. It seems that socializing has to include alcohol as the main way of celebrating. I have no problem going to these, having a beer, and then stopping. But for my wife, the parties aren't appealing. I have to admit that once people start becoming sloppy, I cease to enjoy the party and take my leave.

She avoided the annual laboratory Christmas party this year because there is a lot of drinking and a lot of pressure from those who she used to drink with. She doesn't want to answer questions about why she isn't drinking. A good friend of mine who is a recovering alcoholic has a great response when asked to have a drink. He simply says: "I've had enough". And in his day, I suppose that was the truth!

We did go to a wine and cheese party on Friday night and took along some non-alcoholic sparkling cider. The couple who hosted know that C. doesn't drink. But I remember the first time that we went to a party there at Halloween and one of them said, "Oh that's right, you don't drink." Unfortunately, that kind of comment generally comes out being insensitive even though it isn't meant to be. I'm thankful though that no one was pushing alcohol which can happen. I know that at one time, I just didn't get it either. I would actually say to someone, "Oh come on, have just a little wine." What an idiot I was!

So on Friday when the conversation inevitably turned to the excitement of drinking and people were starting to get bleary eyed, we said our polite good byes. C. said that she doesn't feel the need to drink but that she no longer wants to be around people who are drunk. We both enjoy socializing and have no desire to isolate. I'm glad that we can have fun during the holidays but can also make a decision that once the socializing becomes an excuse to get drunk, neither of us want to hang around for that.

Tuesday's thoughts

I woke up with a headache today that made me feel nauseous. I wasn't even tempted to have a fresh baked oatmeal raisin cookie. Instead, I took some sinus medication and went back to bed.

I had a meeting yesterday at work that made me wonder about leadership, authority, small minds and narrow vision. It's a chicken or the egg sort of thing---did the small minds and narrow vision come as a result of leadership and authority or is it the other way around?

I can't think of anything that I want or need for Christmas. I would just settle for having a house full of people in recovery that have no family nearby and treating them to a great homemade Christmas dinner. Instead, it will be my in-laws and us. It's times like these that I wish for a big family and children running around.

Tonight is the 20th anniversary of a meeting I regularly attend. There's going to be some festive food. Several of us have been going for ice cream after the meeting, and it's been fun. However, last week, a fellow I know pontificated the entire time about how to work the program of Al-Anon. I chose to join in a conversation about rebuilding an old Mustang. I don't enjoy pontification.

The fall colors are at their best right now in this section of the coast. So far there hasn't been any frost and most of the summer flowers are still doing well. The fall garden is going to yield some collards, kale, and cabbage. Hopefully the collards will be ready by New Year since they are a New Year's Day tradition.

We decided to put up all the decorations again this year because the squirrels, deer, foxes, opossums, and rabbits enjoy them. After all these years, we finally got everything organized into boxes labeled by room. We used to pull a "whatchamacallit" out of the box and wonder where it went.

I'm no longer in search of aluminum Christmas trees since I now have 2 little ones and one large one from childhood that goes on the library table. It even has the color wheel that I thought was so dorky as a kid. Now I think that it's pretty cool.

Since I've been writing this, my headache has gotten better so I'm going to take a shower, get dressed, and head into work. I am glad that writing a few thoughts down works better than Head On. It ranks as one of the worst commercials in my opinion. It's right up there with The Clapper and I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up (Life call).

Have a good Tuesday.

Meeting after the meeting

Prior to going to the Al-Anon meeting last night, I went for a walk on the beach and was thinking about how solitary I was feeling. It wasn't exactly self-pity, but it was getting there. I pulled myself out of that slippery slope by thinking about the sunset and how nice it was to be on a virtually deserted beach, yet not alone at all with the evidence of so much natural life surrounding me.

So I went to the meeting and the topic was expectations. The sharing was good and I got a lot out of the meeting. There was a newcomer sitting next to me who seemed very glad to be at the meeting and shared her thoughts on the topic. A person from one of the other Al-Anon meetings that I attend was also there and seemed glad to see me. And there was a fellow who I can identify with because his wife is an active alcoholic. He shared that he would be going home to a drunk and that he really didn't have much to look forward to. So, after the meeting, I did something that I've wanted to do for a while. I asked several individuals standing around if they wanted to go to a nearby restaurant and have coffee.

Surprisingly, the newcomer, the fellow with the alcoholic wife, and the regular from the other meeting I attend jumped at the chance. Several others said that they thought that it was a great idea and would do it next week. I've always thought that the Al-Anon folks are much less social than the AA gang. After an Al-Anon meeting, things clear out quickly while the AA's stand around, talk, drink coffee, or go out to eat. I've always heard that the Meeting after the Meeting can be a great opportunity to get to know people, share if you want, and just have a good time in a social setting. Everyone seemed to enjoy the get together and the newcomer seemed so pleased to be asked. She said that it made her feel welcomed.

I think that this first step at being sociable worked well. Who knows, maybe we'll have another Meeting after the Meeting next week.