Entirely ready

"So Step Six - "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character" - is A.A.'s way of stating the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job. This does not mean that we expect all our character defects to be lifted out of us as the drive to drink was. A few of them may be, but with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement. The words "entirely ready" underline the fact that we want to aim at the very best we know or can learn. "
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 65

I like step study meetings and last night's home group topic was Step Six. I've shared about this step before. In my early days in the program, I was asked by my sponsor to estimate the number of character defects that I had. I smugly said "about 12". He chuckled.

Later, I understood the chuckle, when I wrote out my list of character defects and found to my amazement that I had 51 on my list. I went over those defects that I'd put on paper and asked myself which ones was I ready to be rid of and which ones I was clinging to. I put 51 small pieces of paper with each character defect listed in my God Box.

Each day as I would pull out a different defect, I would pray for the willingness to let it go. Those that I was still clinging to would go back in the box. And I would ask myself if I was willing to give up that defect in order to be happy. I still have a few of those defects that I haven't gotten rid of. I'm still clinging to them like a security blanket.

I know that one of these days these defects will be ones that I am entirely ready to have God remove. But those defects that I'm not aware of are the ones that will be sticking with me for a long time. That's why my sponsor thought that it was important to be really thorough in listing the defects.

Last night my sponsor and I talked about some defects that still hang with me: fear of rejection, controlling behavior, selfishness, dishonesty. And we talked about how we can choose to either beat ourselves up over these defects or choose spiritual release without self-condemnation.

Here are some positive thoughts about being entirely ready:
1. I'm entirely ready to let go of my self-hate and negative beliefs about myself. I am ready to acknowledge the good things about myself.
2. I am ready to delight in those things that bring me joy and not withhold from myself love, happiness, and enjoyment in life.
3. I am ready to let go of those things that I can't control or that stand in the way of my true happiness.

So this is my take on being entirely ready: when I truly feel that a trait of mine (say, selfishness) has outlived its usefulness, I will do my best to become willing to let go of it. It's an attitudinal shift that's called for; I have to be willing to let go of my old way of doing things, before new ways will occur to me.

The six P's

At a recent meeting, there was a discussion on Step 6. I like Step meetings because it gives a chance to hear different perspectives on working the steps. One of the things that I shared was how the six P's apply in working this step through Al-Anon.

Perspective--This is something that I've gained from having a better understanding of my character defects. These defects were actually traits that I developed over time. This doesn't mean that I'm a particularly bad person to have character defects but indicates my humanness. And just as I have defects, so does every other person. That gives me perspective on understanding others.

Pain--Because the character defects were developed to enable me to adapt to situations in my life, my awareness of them and readiness to have them removed can be painful. I may think that I need to hold on to character defects because I thought that they were a comfort during difficult times. In reality, my defects have caused me a lot of pain.

Prayer--It is important for me to pray to do God's will and not mine as I do Step Six. Through prayer, I let my HP know that I'm ready to have Him remove my defects.

Patience--I didn't acquire my character defects overnight. They have been with me for a long time. It's going to take time for me to become aware of them and to not have them rule my life. They will be removed in God's time, not mine. My job is to be patient and not castigate myself when a defect comes up.

Process--Working the steps is a process. Having Step 6 come after steps 1-5 is a logical process. If I admit that I am powerless, come to believe in a HP, become willing to turn my life and will over to my HP, make a moral inventory, tell my story to another, then I've used the process of the program to become ready to address my character defects.

Payoff--And finally there is the reward of recovery, of having a feeling of freedom, of having my spirits uplifted, and having a great weight lifted from me. I can accept who I am, enjoy being in my own skin, and look forward to this day. What better payoff could there be?

Removing these defects of character

My character defects are getting removed from the God box one day at a time. A couple of them are still overwhelming so I put them back in the box and substitute another that I can address. I can see the ways that these defects have been an impediment in my life. I’ve clung to them in hopes that they would get me through life. Now I’ve found that they were largely the reason that living life never felt satisfactory and happy.

In my readings I find that the key principle of Step Six is readiness. Am I ready to get rid of those things that have cost me dearly? Am I ready to have a new life in which I try to be the best that I can be? I know that I am. I don't want to cling to those things that haven't worked. I can feel now what works. I know that not all of the defects will be removed immediately. They have been entrenched in my psyche for a long time. This is a lifelong process for me.

I don't feel entrenched in the resentments, fear, self-pity, or envy of the past. There are still things that I'm dealing with in my personal relationship regarding dishonesty. I am struggling with how to tell someone who loves me a great deal that I no longer feel the same type of love that I did before. But as this step states, I just need to be entirely ready and willing to have my HP to guide me as I give up the things that have blocked my mind and heart.

The God Box

(photo from http://americanhistory.si.edu/collections/toolbox/machin.html)

My sponsor first told me about the God Box. I had never heard of this and at first it seemed like an idea that I would ignore. I have quite a few boxes around--antique ones mainly. I've always liked boxes and my recent purchase was a machinist's chest from the late 1800's. Anyway, someone had given me a small wicker box that was just sitting on the window seat in the master bedroom.

So when I was having a really bad day about six months ago, I wrote down a prayer for a friend and placed it in this little wicker box that now was the God Box. Since then, I've written down the names of friends when they have troubles. Or I've written down more prayers when I need to just let go and let God. Now this little box holds all my character defects. Each day, I pull out a different one and work on it. The ones that are pulled out are going into a drawer of the machinist's chest. Those defects that I no longer have (from long ago) get examined and then tossed. The ones that I am stubborn about get put back in the God Box.

I like the idea of a random drawing of my character defects. The other day when I was cutting them out into strips to put into the God Box, I dropped a couple of them. I told my SO that I just lost a couple of defects. The look that I got was funny and the retort of "Well, I'm sure that you'll find them again." was even better. I'm glad that I was working on Irritability that day.

Entirely ready

Last night's discussion was on Step Six. It was interesting to hear various view points on this important step. This is the step that Bill W. said would "separate the men from the boys". When I first read about step six, I thought that it seemed so simple. I've done my inventory in Step Four where I've brought out a lot of strengths and shortcomings that I have.

In Step Five, I'm first admitting to God that I have defects of character and what those are. I then admit these to myself and take responsibility for what my inventory revealed. Then I talk to my sponsor or another trusted person in the program about the exact nature of my wrongs as well as the good things about myself. So I couldn't understand the big deal about Step Six.

Last night though, I learned that this really is the step where you "Let Go and Let God". It's a step in which I'm willing to let go of all the things that are holding me back. I'm never going to be perfect but I can make progress towards giving up those things that have blocked me for years. I can't remove these things on my own because that isn't going to work for very long. I've tried to control so many things and been unsuccessful. I know that without the help of my HP I'll not be able to remove the fear, lust, envy, judging and controlling that I do. I need to be willing to let my HP take over and work within me to be the best that I can be.

I think that the key to this step is letting God. I'm glad that we discussed this step last night because it isn't as simple as I had thought. It really means that I need to revisit Step Three and my relationship with my HP. And it makes me realize that as I complete Step Four and move into Step Five, I'll be needing to consider that my defects of character are actually not altogether bad but can help me become more spiritual and be an opportunity for greater recovery.