I included a link to a treatment resource website yesterday. I looked at the site and decided that it was about resources and information rather than allying with a particular facility. That being said, I would like to hear your thoughts on whether inclusion of the link or indeed whether my blog breaks any tradition or principle of Al-Anon. I encourage you to express your views.
I believe that we each have a right to express ourselves. When I write about my experience, strength, and hope here, it is my opinion. In no way do I represent Al-Anon in any official capacity. "The opinions expressed are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you like and leave the rest".
The Internet has opened up many ways to share our lives. I remain anonymous to the best of my ability. What I write mentions no one by name. And I try not to be too specific when I write about experiences. I want in no way to harm the program that has given me so much. Let me know your thoughts.
Showing posts with label Tradition Eleven. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tradition Eleven. Show all posts
Friday, August 27, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Press, radio, TV and films
I opened the local paper the other day and read an article by one of the reporters about celebrating his 30th year in sobriety. This fellow is a well known columnist and author of a couple of books. I knew that he was in recovery because he had written about it before. While I understand the message, I immediately thought about Tradition 11.
I believe that the reporter's intent was to do no harm. Yet, the article could just as easily have been written in an anonymous fashion, thereby leaving ego out of it. I am not a member of AA but read the AA books and pamphlets. I pulled out the one on Understanding Anonymity and read:
"As public awareness concerning alcoholism increased, the stigma decreased, and soon some A. A. members began to publicly acknowledge their affiliation in the media. One of the first to do so was a famous ballplayer whose comeback was so spectacular that newspapers lavished attention on his successful struggle against alcohol. Believing that he could help A.A. by revealing his membership, he discussed it openly. Even the founders of A. A. approved his actions simply because they had not yet experienced the costs of such publicity.
Then other members decided to break their anonymity in the media — some motivated by good will, others by personal gain. Some members devised schemes to tie in their A.A. affiliation with all sorts of business enterprises, insurance, sales, drying-out farms, even a temperance magazine, to name a few. It did not take long for those at A.A. headquarters to realize that overzealous and self-serving anonymity breakers could quickly jeopardize the Fellowship’s hard-won reputation. And they saw that if one person was made an exception, other exceptions would inevitably follow. To assure the unity, effectiveness, and welfare of A.A., anonymity had to be universal. It was the guardian of all that A.A. stood for.
In stressing the equality of all A.A. members — and unity in the common bond of their recovery from alcoholism — anonymity serves as the spiritual foundation of the Fellowship. Back in 1946, Bill W., our co-founder, wrote: “The word ‘anonymous’ has for us an immense spiritual significance. Subtly but powerfully, it reminds us that we are always to place principles before personalities; that we have renounced personal glorification in public; that our movement not only preaches but actually practices a true humility.”
I am glad to have read this pamphlet again. It applies as well to Al-Anon where our anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our principles. A member broke my wife's anonymity, not realizing what a breach of trust that was. And many think that the traditions were simply there when the fellowship first began but aren't important anymore. In the age of internet and TV where celebrities shout their affiliation with AA and rehabs are de rigueur, anonymity seems to be something that is broken on a regular basis. One person said that "these are like driving 5 mph over the posted speed limit. Everyone does it and it doesn't hurt anyone." I don't agree with that at all. To break anonymity in the media, in the name of helping others, is undermining the fellowship with ego being front and center.
Here is more on this topic from Al-Anon:
Why is anonymity so often a topic at meetings? We guard the anonymity of all Al-Anon/Alateen and AA members. This means not revealing to anyone what we hear or whom we see at meetings, not to our relatives, friends or other Al-Anon/Alateen members. Our free expression – so important to our recovery – rests on our sense of security, knowing that what we share at our meetings will be held in strict confidence. While each member has the right of decision regarding personal anonymity within the fellowship, the use of first-names-only reminds us that we are equals in Al-Anon. This
keeps us humble and enables us to develop spiritually. From page 5 of Al-Anon Spoken Here (Pamphlet 53)
Anonymity. The experience of our groups suggests that the principle of anonymity – summed up in Tradition Twelve as “the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions” – has three elements: There is anonymity as it applies outside Al-Anon, governing our contacts with non-members and organizations; anonymity within the fellowship; and anonymity as it contributes to our personal growth. From page 83 of the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual
Anonymity in Al-Anon is a sacred trust, basic to our fellowship and its survival. The principal of anonymity is essential for the newcomers to assure the confidentiality of their identity and all that is shared at the meetings, and with other members. From page 50 of the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual
Anonymity Within Al-Anon. Members uses their full names within the fellowship when they wish. The degree of anonymity a member chooses (first name, pseudonym, or full name) is not subject to criticism. Each member has the right to decide . . . Anonymity goes well beyond mere names. All of us need to feel secure in the knowledge that nothing seen or heard at a meeting will be revealed. We feel free to express ourselves among our fellow Al-Anons because we can be sure that what we say will be held in confidence. From page 83 of the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual
Anonymity Within Al-Anon: Dual Members. “I am a member of another anonymous program. Recently I was asked not to discuss it at our Al-Anon/Alateen meetings. Why?”
Our meeting discussions do not include any other program or fellowship. When we talk about our experiences of becoming sober, drug-free, or how we stopped overeating or gambling, we take away from the Al-Anon focus. In Al-Anon, we focus on our common experience – having been affected by someone else’s alcoholism – and our recovery by giving and receiving mutual aid based only on that common experience. Those of us who are members of other anonymous programs avoid openly revealing this at meetings, concentrating instead on the Al-Anon approach to the family illness of alcoholism. From page 8 of Al-Anon Spoken Here (Pamphlet 53)
Anonymity Within Al-Anon: Professionals. “As a psychotherapist – and an Al-Anon member – I feel that my professional experience can enrich our group’s discussion. Why have I been discouraged from sharing my knowledge at meetings?”
Those of us in the helping professions may be especially sensitive to the pain of others. We may sense the pain of fellow Al-Anon members and wish to share the benefits of our professional expertise. In Al-Anon, however, we meet and share as equals: no one is an expert. Our success comes from maintaining a nonprofessional approach, and from adhering to the principal of anonymity. We all have something to give and something to take from our meetings regardless of our educational, social or professional backgrounds. From page 8 of Al-Anon Spoken Here (Pamphlet 53)
Anonymity Outside Al-Anon. Tradition Eleven gives a specific guideline: “We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV and films.” This gives potential members confidence that their identity will not be revealed when they join Al-Anon. Also, personal anonymity at the public level guards the fellowship from the Al- Anon/Alateen member who may be tempted to seek public recognition . . . From page 83 of the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual
I am thankful that these programs have in place principles to protect those who attend. Maybe the message will get through to those who need a reminder.
I believe that the reporter's intent was to do no harm. Yet, the article could just as easily have been written in an anonymous fashion, thereby leaving ego out of it. I am not a member of AA but read the AA books and pamphlets. I pulled out the one on Understanding Anonymity and read:
"As public awareness concerning alcoholism increased, the stigma decreased, and soon some A. A. members began to publicly acknowledge their affiliation in the media. One of the first to do so was a famous ballplayer whose comeback was so spectacular that newspapers lavished attention on his successful struggle against alcohol. Believing that he could help A.A. by revealing his membership, he discussed it openly. Even the founders of A. A. approved his actions simply because they had not yet experienced the costs of such publicity.
Then other members decided to break their anonymity in the media — some motivated by good will, others by personal gain. Some members devised schemes to tie in their A.A. affiliation with all sorts of business enterprises, insurance, sales, drying-out farms, even a temperance magazine, to name a few. It did not take long for those at A.A. headquarters to realize that overzealous and self-serving anonymity breakers could quickly jeopardize the Fellowship’s hard-won reputation. And they saw that if one person was made an exception, other exceptions would inevitably follow. To assure the unity, effectiveness, and welfare of A.A., anonymity had to be universal. It was the guardian of all that A.A. stood for.
In stressing the equality of all A.A. members — and unity in the common bond of their recovery from alcoholism — anonymity serves as the spiritual foundation of the Fellowship. Back in 1946, Bill W., our co-founder, wrote: “The word ‘anonymous’ has for us an immense spiritual significance. Subtly but powerfully, it reminds us that we are always to place principles before personalities; that we have renounced personal glorification in public; that our movement not only preaches but actually practices a true humility.”
I am glad to have read this pamphlet again. It applies as well to Al-Anon where our anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our principles. A member broke my wife's anonymity, not realizing what a breach of trust that was. And many think that the traditions were simply there when the fellowship first began but aren't important anymore. In the age of internet and TV where celebrities shout their affiliation with AA and rehabs are de rigueur, anonymity seems to be something that is broken on a regular basis. One person said that "these are like driving 5 mph over the posted speed limit. Everyone does it and it doesn't hurt anyone." I don't agree with that at all. To break anonymity in the media, in the name of helping others, is undermining the fellowship with ego being front and center.
Here is more on this topic from Al-Anon:
Why is anonymity so often a topic at meetings? We guard the anonymity of all Al-Anon/Alateen and AA members. This means not revealing to anyone what we hear or whom we see at meetings, not to our relatives, friends or other Al-Anon/Alateen members. Our free expression – so important to our recovery – rests on our sense of security, knowing that what we share at our meetings will be held in strict confidence. While each member has the right of decision regarding personal anonymity within the fellowship, the use of first-names-only reminds us that we are equals in Al-Anon. This
keeps us humble and enables us to develop spiritually. From page 5 of Al-Anon Spoken Here (Pamphlet 53)
Anonymity. The experience of our groups suggests that the principle of anonymity – summed up in Tradition Twelve as “the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions” – has three elements: There is anonymity as it applies outside Al-Anon, governing our contacts with non-members and organizations; anonymity within the fellowship; and anonymity as it contributes to our personal growth. From page 83 of the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual
Anonymity in Al-Anon is a sacred trust, basic to our fellowship and its survival. The principal of anonymity is essential for the newcomers to assure the confidentiality of their identity and all that is shared at the meetings, and with other members. From page 50 of the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual
Anonymity Within Al-Anon. Members uses their full names within the fellowship when they wish. The degree of anonymity a member chooses (first name, pseudonym, or full name) is not subject to criticism. Each member has the right to decide . . . Anonymity goes well beyond mere names. All of us need to feel secure in the knowledge that nothing seen or heard at a meeting will be revealed. We feel free to express ourselves among our fellow Al-Anons because we can be sure that what we say will be held in confidence. From page 83 of the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual
Anonymity Within Al-Anon: Dual Members. “I am a member of another anonymous program. Recently I was asked not to discuss it at our Al-Anon/Alateen meetings. Why?”
Our meeting discussions do not include any other program or fellowship. When we talk about our experiences of becoming sober, drug-free, or how we stopped overeating or gambling, we take away from the Al-Anon focus. In Al-Anon, we focus on our common experience – having been affected by someone else’s alcoholism – and our recovery by giving and receiving mutual aid based only on that common experience. Those of us who are members of other anonymous programs avoid openly revealing this at meetings, concentrating instead on the Al-Anon approach to the family illness of alcoholism. From page 8 of Al-Anon Spoken Here (Pamphlet 53)
Anonymity Within Al-Anon: Professionals. “As a psychotherapist – and an Al-Anon member – I feel that my professional experience can enrich our group’s discussion. Why have I been discouraged from sharing my knowledge at meetings?”
Those of us in the helping professions may be especially sensitive to the pain of others. We may sense the pain of fellow Al-Anon members and wish to share the benefits of our professional expertise. In Al-Anon, however, we meet and share as equals: no one is an expert. Our success comes from maintaining a nonprofessional approach, and from adhering to the principal of anonymity. We all have something to give and something to take from our meetings regardless of our educational, social or professional backgrounds. From page 8 of Al-Anon Spoken Here (Pamphlet 53)
Anonymity Outside Al-Anon. Tradition Eleven gives a specific guideline: “We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV and films.” This gives potential members confidence that their identity will not be revealed when they join Al-Anon. Also, personal anonymity at the public level guards the fellowship from the Al- Anon/Alateen member who may be tempted to seek public recognition . . . From page 83 of the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual
I am thankful that these programs have in place principles to protect those who attend. Maybe the message will get through to those who need a reminder.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Anonymity
Lou's post yesterday and Mary Christine's today had me thinking about the topic of anonymity in Al-Anon. The following is some information that comes from Al-Anon literature and provides a good description of why anonymity is important in our fellowship:
Why is anonymity so often a topic at meetings? We guard the anonymity of all Al-Anon/Alateen and AA members. This means not revealing to anyone what we hear or whom we see at meetings, not to our relatives, friends or other Al-Anon/Alateen members. Our free expression – so important to our recovery – rests on our sense of security, knowing that what we share at our meetings will be held in strict confidence. While each member has the right of decision regarding personal anonymity within the fellowship, the use of first-names-only reminds us that we are equals in Al-Anon. This keeps us humble and enables us to develop spiritually. From page 5 of Al-Anon Spoken Here (Pamphlet 53)
Anonymity. The experience of our groups suggests that the principle of anonymity – summed up in Tradition Twelve as “the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions” – has three elements: There is anonymity as it applies outside Al-Anon, governing our contacts with non-members and organizations; anonymity within the fellowship; and anonymity as it contributes to our personal growth. From page 83 of the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual
Anonymity in Al-Anon is a sacred trust, basic to our fellowship and its survival.
The principal of anonymity is essential for the newcomers to assure the confidentiality of their identity and all that is shared at the meetings, and with other members. From page 50 of the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual
Anonymity Within Al-Anon. Members uses their full names within the fellowship when they wish. The degree of anonymity a member chooses (first name, pseudonym, or full name) is not subject to criticism. Each member has the right to decide . . .Anonymity goes well beyond mere names. All of us need to feel secure in the knowledge that nothing seen or heard at a meeting will be revealed. We feel free to express ourselves among our fellow Al-Anons because we can be sure that what we say will be held in confidence. From page 83 of the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual
Special Note: Anonymity is a spiritual principle and cannot be used as a legal basis to shield criminal behavior, past or current. It is wise to remember that Al-Anon and Alateen meetings are not above the law. Members need to exercise care in sharing information that could require reporting to local, state, provincial and national authorities. From page 50 of the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual
Anonymity Within Al-Anon: Dual Members. “I am a member of another anonymous program. Recently I was asked not to discuss it at our Al-Anon/Alateen meetings. Why?”
Our meeting discussions do not include any other program or fellowship. When we talk about our experiences of becoming sober, drug-free, or how we stopped overeating or gambling, we take away from the Al-Anon focus. In Al-Anon, we focus on our common experience – having been affected by someone else’s alcoholism – and our recovery by giving and receiving mutual aid based only on that common experience. Those of us who are members of other
anonymous programs avoid openly revealing this at meetings, concentrating instead on the Al-Anon approach to the family illness of alcoholism. From page 8 of Al-Anon Spoken Here (Pamphlet 53)
Anonymity Within Al-Anon: Professionals. “As a psychotherapist – and an Al-Anon member – I feel that my professional experience can enrich our group’s discussion. Why have I been discouraged from sharing my knowledge at meetings?”
Those of us in the helping professions may be especially sensitive to the pain of others. We may sense the pain of fellow Al-Anon members and wish to share the benefits of our professional expertise. In Al-Anon, however, we meet and share as equals: no one is an expert. Our success comes from maintaining a nonprofessional approach, and from adhering to the principal of anonymity. We all have something to give and something to take from our meetings regardless of our educational, social or professional backgrounds. From page 8 of Al-Anon Spoken Here (Pamphlet 53)
Anonymity Outside Al-Anon. Tradition Eleven gives a specific guideline: “We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV and films.” This gives potential members confidence that their identity will not be revealed when they join Al-Anon. Also, personal anonymity at the public level guards the fellowship from the Al-Anon/Alateen member who may be tempted to seek public recognition . . . [At these levels,] use only first names or
pseudonyms. In photographs for publication and in TV appearances, faces should not be recognizable. This may be achieved by back-to the camera or blurring of features in some way. It is, however, important to make Al-Anon known through our public information work with professionals who come into contact with families still suffering the effects of alcoholism. Such contacts, or course, make it necessary for the Al-Anon and Alateen members involved to give their full names. Al-Anon members also give their full names to interested doctors, spiritual leaders, school or industrial personnel. From page 83 of the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual
________________________________________________________________
Maintaining anonymity on this blog has been important to me. There are times that I wonder about whether I have revealed too much information. I also think that it needs to be clear that I don't represent the voice of Al-Anon but merely my own experience, strength and hope.
One of the great things about blogging is that it seems that there is a community spirit. But I also have to remember that the blogging "community" is "open" to everyone who has internet access. And writing is subject to much interpretation by the reader. There has been one instance where something I posted was completely misinterpreted, and I was judged as unfit to be read. And recently there has been mention of a blogger making inappropriate comments to another blogger in our recovery "community".
I have to remember that blogging is not like sharing in a meeting. It is easy to be preyed upon or to become prey when someone hides behind words. I like to remember that I won't write something to someone that I wouldn't say to their face. And I want to treat people in a manner that I like to be treated and with all the respect that they deserve.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tradition Eleven
Steve and I are completing our interpretations of the traditions this week. We started this project a few weeks ago and have worked our way through them. Steve is providing his views on the AA traditions and I'm writing on the Al-Anon traditions. Check out Steve's blog for some great information.So here we are at the penultimate Tradition:
Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films and TV. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all AA members.
The principle of this tradition is discretion. I practice this tradition by being positive, encouraging, and humble.
The spirit of this tradition is that we accept another person as they are, putting both the Golden and Silver Rules into practice within the relationship. The Golden rule is, of course, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The Silver rule is: "Don't do for others what they need to do for themselves".
This tradition tells me that actions speak louder than words - - - live by example. I speak for myself, but I never presume to speak for another, regardless of the relationship. I am responsible and answerable for my own actions, and no one else is responsible or answerable for mine. I owe my loved ones the dignity of their privacy and the right to grow at their own pace. As my sponsor has said, I owe others the dignity to fail (or succeed) without my intervention.
Anonymity in the program is important. "Whom you see here, What you hear here, Let it stay here". I recently had an experience in which a member of my home group who is a personal friend divulged my wife's anonymity to his spouse. I don't think that was appropriate. It violated a trust. Yet, I also understand his desperate reasoning for doing so--he wanted his wife who drank to talk to my wife who is sober.
I'll let Steve address the importance of guarding the anonymity of AA members but suffice to say that there are many reasons. Alcoholism is still viewed as a stigma, medical insurers find alcoholics (sober or not) a risk, job interviewers don't want to see member of AA on your list of organizations that you belong to, etc.
Finally, anonymity in a relationship is that ability to do something good and not have to advertise it. Anonymity is a positive attitude, not complaining when things are not just as we would have them. Anonymity is keeping silent when our partner makes a mistake. Anonymity is saying encouraging things to our loved ones; showing gratitude for small favors, etc. Anonymity is the ability to do good for goods sake without having to take credit or receive special strokes. Anonymity is being happy doing good without expectations of reward or return.
A nice by-product of this practice of anonymity is the spiritual principle, 'what we sow, so shall we reap.' There is no room in healthy relationships for self-glorification and pride but there is much room for great amounts of gratitude, humility and a willingness to be of service to others.
And as far as Al-Anon goes, I don't have to promote the program. I believe that living the program is promotion enough. This does more to carry the message than trying to force it on others. If people want what I have, then they can come to a meeting.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Attraction not promotion
I was listening to a pod cast on the steps in which there was a discussion of making amends to others who have done harm to us. Basically, the speaker said that we can forgive and accept others who have harmed us because they are sick in their soul. They have their issues too and in many cases they are living their life without the benefit of spirituality.
I think that has been a key to my letting go of the past: accepting that the harms that I did and that were done to me were because we were all shooting in the dark. I find that more and more I'm accepting of what others do. I find that I can let things go that used to bug me. I can shrug off the crazy comments that someone will make. I no longer have to buy into anyone else's stuff. They may be offering it for free but I don't have to own it.
That's the great thing about this program of recovery. I can accept that someone will have different ideas from me. I don't need to convince anyone of how they need to live or think. And as far as Al-Anon goes, I don't have to promote the program. I believe that living the program is promotion enough. This does more to carry the message than trying to force it on others. If people want what I have, then they can come to a meeting.
"When the student is ready, the treacher appears" Zen Buddhist saying.
I think that has been a key to my letting go of the past: accepting that the harms that I did and that were done to me were because we were all shooting in the dark. I find that more and more I'm accepting of what others do. I find that I can let things go that used to bug me. I can shrug off the crazy comments that someone will make. I no longer have to buy into anyone else's stuff. They may be offering it for free but I don't have to own it.
That's the great thing about this program of recovery. I can accept that someone will have different ideas from me. I don't need to convince anyone of how they need to live or think. And as far as Al-Anon goes, I don't have to promote the program. I believe that living the program is promotion enough. This does more to carry the message than trying to force it on others. If people want what I have, then they can come to a meeting.
"When the student is ready, the treacher appears" Zen Buddhist saying.
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