The Great October Flood 2015

It has been an interesting couple of days here. The city and state have been all over the national news because of the flooding from days of constant heavy rain. If you’ve seen any news report or watched The Weather Channel, you’ve seen our devastation.

We were very fortunate on the island. The road to our house is severely damaged. But our house and property remained un-flooded. Other parts of the area were not so lucky. The damage in some areas is tremendous.

Our major concern was getting to the horses at the barn to make sure that they were okay. I walked ahead of the truck to check for sink holes and gullies. The road has been eroded by sheet flow coming off the farm fields. In some places, the holes were several feet deep. 

After we got to the barn, we found some of the fields were flooded.  I moved horses around to put them in un-flooded pastures. Water in a couple of pastures was up to the horse's knees. 

Once the horses were moved, we went about feeding them their hay. They were glad to get it and a bit frantic because horses are creatures of routine.  I have attached a few photos so you can see their happiness at being fed. 

I feel as if my story is so minimal compared to those people who have been displaced, losing their homes and everything they own, aside from what may have been thrown into a bag or two and what they had on their backs.  I saw people with babies being raced into boats to escape the flood waters that took over their homes yesterday.

So it has been a surreal few days. I hear that the sun is supposed to peak through the steel gray sky tomorrow. I am looking forward to seeing it. 

One of many road wash outs

A small lake in the big ring

Driving along the flooded road

Pond overflowing into the barn

Overflow of pond

Horses waiting on hay

My boy eating his hay

What I have learned in the last month

The weeks have flown by for me. It is nearly October and still muggy and warm here. We are still harvesting from the garden, but the fall vegetables are in and summer plants are just about done.

I have been involved with the group that is dealing with race relations in the aftermath of the Emanuel 12 atrocity (although 9 people were murdered, there were 3 others who survived but were traumatized).  We have regular discussions at lunch once a week, and I hosted another evening event at a restaurant.  Next week, I invited the City Police officers to join us to discuss how to improve relations between the police and the community.

It has been an interesting and enlightening time.  I have met men from the Nation of Islam and have heard about their views on how all white people are "devils".  It is hard to deny our violent past when it comes to Native and African Americans. However, I am also becoming a student of world history in which I realize that so many atrocities have been and are being committed by asians and africans too. Looking at history, the worst mass killings have been done by Asians. Ghenkis Khan: 40,000,000 people in the 13th century, all over Asia and Europe; Mao Zedong: 40,000,000 as well between 1949 -1976. He had people worship him as a god. They thought he was immortal. What a surprise when he died. World War II was also 40,000,000 -- and Japanese people are a significant part of the reason for that number -- both as instigators and as victims.

Certainly, in Africa, tribal wars have been occurring since we became Homo sapiens. However, because they were relatively small and within a smaller area, these are not well known. We DO know that in modern day, post-colonial African, some of the most savage wars known to man have occurred: The Biafran War (1966-70) -- 1,000,000 dead. The nightmare that was the Rwandan War -- within 4 months, the Tutsis had killed 800,00 of their fellow citizens, the Hutus. The horror in Liberia, where tens of thousands of people now live with only one hand: punishment if they wouldn't join the rebel army. The hellish Boko Haran, currently operating in Nigeria. The terrors of South Sudan, now spilling over into Ethiopia (primarily the Muslims killing the Christians). And let's not forget the Middle Easterners: Saddam Hussein -- 1,000,000; Ghadaffi -- probably nearly the same number. And the amount of TORTURE beyond comprehension by the instigators of most of these mass murderers is, unfortunately, well-documented. There is NO single "good" race. So what I have learned is we ALL have the potential for good... and, unfortunately, for evil...

And then I have been involved in more Al-Anon service work at the area (state) level.  That has been an eye opener. I know that we all have character defects, but let me tell you, getting involved in service work on committees at the state level has brought me to a whole new level of understanding.  I keep telling myself: Principles above personalities.  And I stay out of the fray when the emails go flying back and forth with unkind things being written.  I took on a task and am focusing on that, rather than on getting into a pissing contest.  But I can tell you that I have no further aspirations to do further service work higher up than the District.

And so when I feel my serenity slipping away, I take a short vacation on the boat. I returned a couple of days ago from a relaxing time on her.  I go off the grid, read and reflect.  And when I return, I feel ready to get back into this other life I lead in which I deal with people.

This time when I returned I listened to Pope Francis.  And let me tell you, if I were inclined to be religious, I believe that this man could convert me.  To me, he is a transformative person who is kind, compassionate, and, well--Holy. His humility is to be emulated. What a contrast between Papa and the political candidates we have thrust on us through the news media! I found myself in tears listening to Pope Francis.  He is a genuine person of goodness to me.

In other goings on, I continue to ride and enjoy my horse.  He is going to the dressage regional championships which will be a real treat.  I am going as his groom and support team--LOL.  Perhaps within the next six months, I will be showing him too.  The main thing is that we have a great bond. Even my wife loves him.  She has little experience with horses but her visits to see him, bearing gifts of carrots, are filled with joy.  He licks her and she kisses him. What more can a horse want?

Hope that you are all doing well.  I am way out of date with comments on your blogs. Living the life to the fullest here.  And I will catch up soon with each of you. Until then....

Taking action and letting go

I want to thank all of you for comments about my cousin, R.  And I am especially grateful to Mary Christine who offered her suggestion to contact a patient advocate or chaplain.  I did just that this morning.

I have been turning my cousin's situation over in my mind and given it to my HP.  But the feeling I had this morning when I read Mary Christine's comment was that I needed to make a call.  I simply felt it was what I needed to do.

So I called the hospital and talked to my cousin's case worker.  I told him what was going on, explained that he had an advance health care directive (AHCD), and waited for him to say something. He told me that he could not give me any information due to HIPPA and that I needed to talk to R's wife.  I explained that I wasn't wanting information because I had talked to R's wife many times about him. But what I wanted was to give the hospital information that he does have an AHCD.

It is now out of my hands.  I don't feel particularly settled about this.  I suppose I was wanting something more than telling me I could talk to an attorney or his wife. But I did what felt right to me.  I did what I thought I would want done if I were in a situation of wasting away with sores and tubes.  I gave information, and if it is useful so be it.

I will give his wife a call later. And I am going to suggest to her as kindly as I can that she let him go.  What she does is not something I can control.  I can't have this eating at me anymore.

I am going on the boat for a couple of days, leaving this evening.  I will check in with photos of the beautiful weather we are having. Yesterday, it was near 80 here.  And the next few days are expected to be equally as beautiful and warm.

Thanks again to you, the blogging community, for the thoughts and comments and love that you put out there. It is much appreciated.

Fishing photos and update

We had a good day fishing.  It was therapeutic to get out on the water and enjoy a warm day, beautiful scenery, and some seafood.  Here are some photos from our day:

The Sea Island Yacht Club where we launched the boat. An old building and an old club.  

A spot-tail bass that was the object of the day.  We catch and release. 

The fishing "hole" where the spot tails like to feed on the dropping tide. 

An eagle's nest--look for it near the middle of the photo.  

The clamming creek where on low tide we can rake up quite a few. 

Raking for clams which was productive!

Our clam take for the day.  These went into linguine with clam sauce. 

I feel as if I haven't had much to write about lately, except living life on life's terms.  That is a benefit of recovery--not fighting what comes but doing my best to accept and take positive action.  Here are some things that I have been doing:

--Contacting people for the caregiver position.  This is proving to be more difficult than I thought.  Good pay, a comfortable house, all expenses paid--I thought that there would be more people applying.  I was naive because it seems that there is much demand for caregivers.  And this is likely to be a field that only increases as we all age.  We have a couple of people that we are interviewing tomorrow.

--Working on the boat which will likely take 2-3 more weeks before going to haul out at the boat yard.  Lots of priming and filling.  But she is looking good.

--Going to meetings and meeting with those I sponsor.  I find that I can expunge the drama of life by going to a meeting.  I feel the weight lifted.  I am among others who live with drama every day, and somehow, we manage to feel a bit lighter after being together for an hour.  This never ceases to amaze me.

--Walking with the dogs in the morning.  We do about a mile together before any of us have breakfast.  They love it, and we get some time to enjoy the property and look for animal tracks.

What I haven't been doing is getting around to all the blogs that I like to read.  I will catch up at some point.  I have literally felt overwhelmed with the caregiver situation.  But I can see that creativity in thinking--split shifts and other ways to get coverage 24/7--is helping.  All will be okay.

Have a good day.  And if you are a veteran, thanks for what you have done.

Gone fishing

We are going fishing today.  Both of us are struggling a bit because the parents caregivers, Karin and Elias, gave their notice last evening.  They are leaving for London in two weeks to work at an estate.

Neither of us has slept well.  I was too anxious to write last night.  I needed to process the information.  I realize that there is a solution.  We are working on that now.

I am looking on the bright side.  But last evening, it was hard to wrap my head around the whole idea of their leaving so soon after they arrived.  But this is what life is about--people come and go.  And now we have to take action to find another couple who are willing to be caregivers.

I do what I generally do.  I got on the internet, wrote up a job description and put it out there.  I could feel the "fix it" rush happening.  I realize that my first reactions of dismay, sadness, and anxiety were pushed away when I did "something".  This is so typical of an adult child of an alcoholic.  By doing "something", I don't have to sit with the bad feelings.  That is part of it.  The other part is that with only two weeks notice, I did need to get a job description out there.

So now, we are going fishing.  It is a picture perfect day.  We both want to be on the water.  After one action, there has got to be an equal and opposite reaction.  Fishing seems to fit that bill completely.

Somehow, I know that all will be okay.  Casting out lines and seeing what rises to the bait seems to be the metaphorical thought of the day.

Showing up for Life

I had a really relaxing weekend.  No frantic calls, no problems to solve--just lots of reading, naps, and even a movie.  The rain that fell both days helped to relax the mind.  There is nothing like a rainy day to trigger the snooze button.

This will be another full week for me.  One of the things that I appreciate is that even in my darkest moments, I still showed up at work, for commitments with family--for daily responsibilities of all kinds. One of the things that I didn't do much of was to show up for my own life.  I let the needs of others dictate what I did.  My wife and I worked in the same place, so we saw each other all the time.  When it came to doing things on my own, away from her, I really struggled.  I thought that it was important to be there for them, putting my own interests on the back burner.

Eventually, I realized that I needed some kind of hobby.  I have had a couple of serious hobbies over the years.  Eventually,  they came to be tiring and a burden.  I kept at them because I needed some kind of outlet from all the drama at home and didn't want to be a quitter.  In recovery, I discovered that I wanted to go in a different direction, one that didn't involve being competitive.  And I needed a hobby that would allow me time for quiet contemplation.

I like the idea of showing up for life to do those things that bring me joy.  With the luxury of being retired, I can devote time to the artistic part of me through photography and writing.  And I also can devote time to sailing which brings me immense pleasure in a non-competitive way.

There are many people in meetings who have no outlet to get away from alcoholism.  Sadly, they have no hobbies or a healthy activity that brings them enjoyment.  I once asked a person I know what they liked to do.  She answered, "I don't know. I can't think of anything that gives me pleasure." I know that alcoholism can rob me of just about everything, including my life.

Even if it is a small thing such as walking, gardening, going to meetings, having coffee with a friend, I found that it is important for me to do something that gives me pleasure, that gets my mind off myself and the alcoholic.  It is important that I show up for my life.  Otherwise, what is the point?

Checking my motives

After several years in Al-Anon, I am finally understanding how crucial it is to look at my motives before taking any action or making any decision. My motives are are the seeds from which all my actions sprout.

Something I have been learning to do in the last couple of years is to think about what I want to say, and then to decide if it is important for me to say it.  I am responsible to take care of myself  by speaking my truth.   I am also responsible for how I say what I say.   I have to decide if I have to say it for myself,  and allow the other person to do or not do whatever they are going to do. I realize that nothing I say will make another do what I think they "should" do.  It is the T.H.I.N.K. acronym--is what I am saying thoughtful, helpful, intelligent, necessary and kind.

For me, my true motives may be unclear in the heat of the moment.  I still have a tendency to want to do things that are unhealthy for my emotional well being.  I used to stick around for unacceptable situations simply because I didn't think that I deserved any better.  Now,  I do know that I can sort out my thinking in time, so that I realize what my motives were at the time I opened my mouth or made a bad decision.  It has helped me to not react until I have asked myself what my underlying feelings are at the moment.  I have done so many things just to please another or because I was afraid of a negative reaction.  I let fear dictate my actions--fear of loss, of abandonment, of worthlessness.

After a few years in Al-Anon,  I can ask myself what my motives are and use prayer, meditation, the steps and traditions, and my sponsor to check whether I am in "right" thinking.  When I find myself with an especially strong urge to do or have something, its particularly important to check my motives to find out what I really want.

Let it be your constant method to look into the design of people's actions, and see what they would be at, as often as it is practicable; and to make this custom the more significant, practice it first upon yourself.   Marcus Aurelius