Gardening time and giving back

It has been a beautiful Sunday here--bright blue skies, low humidity and warm temperatures.  Neither of us felt like doing much yesterday when it was overcast and blustery.  But today, we broke out the tiller, hoes, and rakes and got most of the garden ready for planting.

The garden--a lot of work!

Some good earth with compost added ready for planting. 

Strawberry plants with some ripening berries. 

Raggamuffin, the kitty, checking out what's happening in the garden. He follows me around like a dog. 

The strawberries are ripening, and a few other plants are in the ground. I'm glad that we held off on getting everything planted because the cold snap a few weeks ago would most likely have killed off some of the tender plants.  Today, Ragamuffin, one of our cats, decided to sneak outside and help out in the garden. He stays very close and watches everything that goes on.

We are having a 21st birthday party for a member of the fellowship next week. This young lady has worked the steps, is doing service work, and is a great example of Al-Anon.  Some of you know her story because you donated to her college fund. The great news is that she has aced her entrance exams and will be starting school in early June.  She doesn't currently have enough money to pay for a semester so she will be taking classes while she works.  She is determined to be the first from her family to have a professional career. I think that those who know her understand her determination to succeed.

I have heard it stated over and over in Al-Anon that the groups and people need to be self-supporting through their own contributions (Tradition Seven).  I know that this came about so that groups wouldn't ask for outside contributions and that alcoholics would not be enabled through family and friends giving them money. What if someone is really deserving and needs a little help?  I see no problem with helping someone out who is in need.  And I don't expect to be repaid. I have a philosophy about money that it is to be used for comfortable living and if one has enough, then it is to be shared to help others.  Philanthropy is a great thing, because even small amounts can help others.

I know people who hoard their money, keeping account of every dime. Most of these people are elderly and quite a few are millionaires.  I imagine they are hoarding to give to their children because they don't appear to be spending it on themselves. Somehow I like the old bumper sticker that said "I'm spending my children's inheritance."

I remember how my parents saved their money. I learned from them to be cautious about spending. I didn't worship money but had concerns about how to pay bills and to be self-supporting. It took a few arguments and some deep soul searching with my wife to get over being afraid to spend money. She taught me to be generous. I didn't realize that generosity was uplifting to the spirit. Relaxing my grip on the household finances was an important part of recovery for me. And a huge stress reducer.

I don't plan to die a wealthy person.  But if my some strange coincidence I do, then a fellowship has been set up to help out Ph.D. students who are in need of funding at one of our alma maters. One way of giving back. There are many other ways to help out those in need. It's important in so many ways.

Rainy Easter Weekend

I have been off the grid for about four days on the boat.  My wife and I decided that it was a good time to spend a few days away.  The weather wasn't good with small craft advisories.  We decided to go anyway and enjoyed relaxing anchored at one of our favorite secluded spots.  The magic of being on the water never ceases to amaze me.

I went to see my first sponsor on Thursday. He was doing well that day and was waiting for me to arrive.  We sat outside for about an hour before going into the elegant dining room for dinner. He seemed to enjoy the visit. I have to say that I am dreading the day when he is gone from my life.  I can accept that his decision is to not continue with chemotherapy.

I re-read some of Dr. Sherwin Nuland's book on How We Die.  I need to read the words: “The greatest dignity to be found in death is the dignity of the life that preceded it. This is a form of hope we call all achieve, and it is the most abiding of all. Hope resides in the meaning of what our lives have been.” And then this: “But the fact is, death is not a confrontation. It is simply an event in the sequence of nature's ongoing rhythms. Not death but disease is the real enemy, disease the malign force that requires confrontation. Death is the surcease that comes when the exhausting battle has been lost. Even the confrontation with disease should be approached with the realization that many of the sicknesses of our species are simply conveyances for the inexorable journey by which each of us is returned to the same state of physical, and perhaps spiritual, nonexistence from which we emerged at conception. Every triumph over some major pathology, no matter how ringing the victory, is only a reprieve from the inevitable end.” I needed the reminder that treating a metastasized disease like stage 4 lung cancer is not an option for some people whose quality of life isn't good on chemo.

I missed a week of meetings. I've noticed that some of the meetings which were filled up last year have fewer people in attendance.  Some meetings lose their flavor over time and attendance drops.  I received an email recently from a person who was concerned about one of her meetings dwindling in attendance. She wrote: "We are sometimes too small a group, and although we talked about this at a group conscience, the only change was that someone new agreed to do some service, but we just have so few people attending regularly. And I'm starting to feel overly responsible. I think the group is not being self-supporting, in a way. Those who do go regularly have told their own stories a lot, and it's starting to feel stale, to me. If you have any experiences with working through this in a group or suggestions about changing the format to make it work better for a small group, I'd really like to hear about them."

My home group is small, with about 6-8 people on average each week. We use a format of a step of the month study, a tradition of the month study, a literature topic, and an open discussion meeting each month.  It doesn't seem to get stale because we use a variety of conference approved literature.

In meetings that need rejuvenation, it's a good idea to have a group representative who attends the district meetings and can report on the health of the group.  If a meeting needs some help, other member groups in the district could attend and perhaps add an influx of new topics.  I am an advocate of being the change that you want to see in a meeting. Chairing meetings, bringing in guest speakers, and having the district representative attend are ways to add new life to meetings.

When I think about how many people are affected by someone else's drinking, it would seem that meetings would be overflowing.  That isn't often the case. For the past few days, I've been taking calls on the Al-Anon information service phone line.  A lot of people are calling in to find out about meetings and wanting to know how to get help for their loved ones.  The idea that Al-Anon is going to provide help in curing the alcoholic is a pretty common one. Explaining that Al-Anon is for those affected by another's drinking seems to be something that is hard for some to grasp.  But one of the great things about Al-Anon is that our changed attitudes towards the alcoholic can aid recovery.

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday.  We have been invited to brunch by a sailing friend. The rain continues to come down.  It has made the trees and bushes burst out in full leaf flush.  The catkins have been washed to the ground along with the oak pollen.  Spring has arrived here.

Pain

We spent yesterday morning at the cancer center in town where my wife got her biopsy for a suspicious "something" in her breast. When she came out, she was pale and nauseous from the pain. She had no idea that the procedure would be so painful.

She was given one shot of Lidocaine and then a 200 lb. nurse pressed on her breast as hard as he could. This was followed by four cores being taken and finally a clip put into the suspicious area found by ultrasound. One of the cores and the clip placement caused her to almost levitate off the table from pain.  Modern medicine has come a long way, but it would seem that pain management still needs some work, especially because some areas of the body are more sensitive to pain, such as those with more nerves. And the breast is certainly one of those sensitive areas.

Anyway, she got through all of that but was in a lot of pain on the way home. She wasn't given anything for the pain but told to take Tylenol which she bought at the pharmacy and promptly took.  The pain continued on the way home. At home, she was miserable. Finally, after putting an ice pack on the area, she was able to sleep. She will not have results until later today or tomorrow.

Today, she is busy working in the backyard, putting in perennials around the various beds.  It is a beautiful day.  Spring is glorious here in this part of the world. So many green sprigs, so many azaleas and flowering shrubs, and days that are warm with cool nights.

Please keep my wife in your thoughts. I honestly don't know what I would do without her.  And also think of my first sponsor who is having a hard time with the chemo treatment for his lung cancer.  He is now being helped through Hospice and has decided to not continue the treatments because of how sick he feels.  I haven't fully grasped the outcome of this.  Right now, all of us are taking this one day at a time.

Where is spring?

Where is spring?  I see the leaves opening, the shades of green appearing in the woods and fields, the azaleas in bloom.  Yet, the winds are chilly, with temperatures more like February than late March.  We have stuck close to home, making soup, taking care of estate and tax things for Pop, going to the boat to make sure all is okay there.  We intersperse our time with trips to the store, to see Pop, and to meetings.

In the midst of a torrential rain and wind storm before dawn on Sunday morning, one of the giant water oaks gave out, its heart rotten, and its base no longer able to support the mighty limbs.  After the shock of seeing this beautiful tree down, we began the work of cutting it up to clear the drive way, making piles of brush and logs that will be split and stored for some future cold days.  And we make plans for what to plant to replace the loss, a live oak of some height, and an oak seedling that we have grown for two years.  Neither will mature in our life time, but perhaps one day, they will be admired in all their magnificence. 

I go to meetings, listening and sharing the message, yet I feel some kind of sea change within.  It's as if a spark has been buried under some kind of ash and dank wood.  I am hoping that spring and being on the boat and at the beach will rekindle the spark.  I find I have little patience with myself or others.  It still feels like winter within, and I wonder when the little shoots of joy will burst open again inside.

A fellow I sponsor has decided that he doesn't need to go to meetings because the alcoholic is no longer in his life.  I wish that it were so simple.  I would like to think that I would not resort to irritation, anger, resentment, expectations, and bitter disappointments if I were to walk away from meetings and the fellowship.  The truth is I know that I need to be going to more meetings right now.  I need to share, do more service work, stay in touch with friends, and sponsor those who do want what I have to offer.

I know that spring is here. I just have to see my way through until it flowers in my heart.

Weekend update

The weekend was quiet and filled with working on the boat, between reading and napping.  I continue to update the boat with 90 feet of chain and 120 feet of rope anchor rode.  These jobs keep me busy and give me a good work out physically.

The weather keeps flirting with spring.  Azaleas are blooming, the yellow jessamine is hanging from the limbs of the oak trees, and the spring tulips are blooming.  But the wind continues to push white caps on the harbor.  I know people who have been trying to sail down the coast and make a crossing to the Bahamas. They remain in port waiting for the wind to be favorable.

My wife has been busy with the estate of her mother.  The attorney is working on this as well.  Because I want to help ease things for her, I put together the readings and the music for the funeral mass which will be held this Saturday.  I believe that it will be something that Mom would have liked: Bach, Schubert, Franck, Beethoven; and the reading of the St. Francis prayer.  A bouquet of spring flowers will be on the little table with a couple of photos.  Because of lent, most likely green sprigs and ferns will be placed on either side of the altar. It's fitting that her caregivers will provide a eulogy.  I have learned a lot about Catholic funeral mass in the last week.

Pop continues to have good days and bad ones.  He fell yesterday trying to get from his chair to the bed.  No injury, but a worry because he doesn't want to ask for help even though his legs no longer support him.  His attitude remains depressed.

Both my wife and I are coping though.  We have had moments of laugher and joy, and those are becoming more frequent.  Time is a great healer and going to meetings has helped us enormously.  I realize that I can practice the principles in my life and do the next right thing.  It's my way out of feeling sad or having self-pity.

Finally, here are some photos from the weekend.

We had a wonderful Vietnamese dinner on Saturday. 

A few ducks enjoying a swim.

Sailing school at the marina

Masts at sunset

Another beautiful sunset over the river

Spring is here

I seem to be in photo blog mode over the last couple of days. So here are some photos of what is springing forth in the Lowcountry.

The house was bathed in early morning light. 

Azaleas are blooming along the trail through the woods. 

The planting area is getting filled with flowers and herbs. 

Spirea is starting to bloom. 

Some of the garden statues---a toad abode and the guardian angel. 

African daisies and some ivy in a pot.

Cabbage ready to be harvested.

The potatoes are coming up nicely. 

The first rose of spring. 

Nothing like lying on freshly mown grass. 

The trees towards the back of the property near the fields. 

Lady Banks rose blooming. 

Tomorrow is my wife's birthday.  She doesn't want a present.  Instead, she wants to go fishing so that is what we'll be doing.  We are taking the skiff and going to our favorite spot.  I am going to fix a picnic lunch.  I would like to get a gift to surprise her because I've learned that saying you don't want a gift, often means the opposite!

Life continues to roll along.  Every day has something to offer.  Later today, I'm meeting up with a fellow I know who is planning to cycle across country and back to help out a friend and raise awareness for his illness.  I am interested to hear more about his proposed adventure.  He is planning to do a blog about his trip experiences.  We each have our calling to do something.  I am glad to not be a passive partaker.

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.~ Maya Angelou

To build or to plant

I am hearing the chirping of crickets and night insects this evening.  It has been near 80 F today.  That is amazing for February.  I'm resigned to the fact that the back of winter may be broken.  The spring flowers are blooming.  Tomorrow is going to be rainy, followed by some cooler weather--to 60 F.  I've hardly used a sweater this year.

It has been a busy day. I drove the boat to the yard for bottom painting.  Hopefully, she will be done and ready to be put back in the water next week. We also worked in the garden, planting potatoes.  The green house has all kinds of plants that we grew from seed--tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, herbs, and flowers.  My wife ordered several of the strip lights for plants so we have tiers of those lights and trays of plants on tall shelves.  We also brought home two truck loads of composted manure for the garden. We are amending the soil--changing its composition and making it better for growth.  This is  not so different from those amends made in recovery.

I'm lost on what to do for the weekend without the boat.  Maybe we will go on a field trip to the Birds of Prey center and take a look at all the raptors.  We had talked about going tent camping but with rain coming tomorrow, it sounds like a wash out.  I also looked into going to a rustic cabin at one of the state parks, but those were booked.  So this may have to be one of those spur of the moment times when we just do what sparks our interest--no plans, just spontaneity.

Meanwhile, I am going to soothe some aching muscles in the whirlpool.  Both of us have been working out hard at the gym and in the garden.  Time to just chill.  Tomorrow will be here soon enough, bringing whatever magic it has in store.  Here is a bit of the magic that was around here today:

In life, a person can take one of two attitudes: to build or to plant. The builders might take years over their tasks, but one day, they finish what they're doing. Then they find that they're hemmed in by their own walls. Life loses its meaning when the building stops.


Then there are those who plant. They endure storms and all the vicissitudes of the seasons, and they rarely rest. But unlike a building, a garden never stops growing. And while it requires the gardener's constant attention, it also allows life for the gardener to be a great adventure.


Gardeners always recognize each other, because they know that in the history of each plant lies the growth of the whole World.―Paulo Coelho

Growing things

 It's that time of year to show off a bit of the spring garden.  The potatoes are coming up nicely.

 The cucumbers are coming along.  Today we planted okra.  Tomatoes, peppers, squash, eggplants and beans are in the ground.  The herb garden is coming along. 

 The flower beds are being filled with salvia, coleus, and marigolds.  Other annuals will go in soon so that there will be a riot of color. 

 The iris have bloomed, sending out their light, sweet fragrance if you get close enough.  These were the old bearded iris brought down from Virginia.  It is hard to know how many years these tubers have been around.

And finally there is something growing inside this little bird house.  A mother wren has been sitting on her eggs and the little ones are about to hatch.  I am sure soon that there will be all kinds of babies being born around here.  I never know what I'll see as I walk around the property. 

That's the good thing about living in the country.  There is ample land with good soil to have a big garden, enough woods and fields to provide a sanctuary for the animals, and enough room for all of us to co-exist.  Pretty cool. 

Rain falling

It has been a rainy week here. Everything has popped out from being drenched. The pollen has been washed away and the woods are green with a hundred hues. There is something magical and relaxing about these rainy days.

I am definitely planning on relaxing today. Last night, I took the marine communication systems exam. It was not particularly easy and the class was extraordinarily technical. I came away with some practical knowledge, but there was a lot of minutia that I found difficult to focus on. If I wanted to fall asleep, what I would do is start reading the book. It was a guaranteed knock out. I think that I passed the exam which is a good thing.

I decided that after this course, I am taking a long break from courses and testing. I don't know how I did it in college and graduate school. I would take 21 hours of courses and manage to make the Dean's List. Now, I am lucky to be able to make it through ten pages of text without feeling bored out of my mind (at least on this last course). Somehow, my brain is telling me that I will comprehend those things that I am interested in and all the other stuff....well, it just shuts down.

So school is out for me. I am going to enjoy giving some ecotours, take more photos, go cruising and work in the garden. I have a book that was sent to me to review. That is on a subject that interests me so it won't be a problem. Maybe I am at the age where I am not as receptive to spending time on trivia. I want to understand the practical usage of things, and not just acquire facts that don't seem to have much purpose.

Anyway, I am off to a meeting with a couple of people I sponsor and then to a regular meeting. After that, I am going to change the oil on the boat. That is practical. Recovery is practical. I am all about that.

"Why not give myself an A now, rather than waiting for someone to give me an F later?"--quote from today's meeting about being good to myself.

Vernal

Spring has really sprung here.  In the two days that I was gone,  there is more green in a thousand hues.  I am glad to be back home.  Home is truly where the heart is. Travel was a nightmare, but all of that is over now.  What matters is being here today.

This is my wife's birthday.  She said that the greatest gift she has gotten on this birthday is recovery--both health wise and from alcoholism.  I am grateful for all that we have together.

Today we are going to have lunch, visit her mother and enjoy spending some time together.  I have my home group meeting tonight.  I know that I need a meeting and can tell when I haven't been to one for a few days.  I don't know what else the day will hold but am okay with whatever C. wants to do.  Birthdays are special.  I know that she is special in my heart.

I want to share some of what has blossomed and sprung out over the past few days.  It is a beautiful time in this place I call home. Here are a few photos of what spring has brought to the Lowcountry:

Hope that you have a good first day of spring.

Signs of spring

There are some signs of spring now.  I have heard the spring peepers for several nights in a row.  The daffodils are coming up, and there are buds on some of the trees.  The raccoons have been mating like banshees in one of the large trees near the wetland.  I suspect that I will see little ones in time.

This has been a chilly winter, but I can't complain because there hasn't been piles of snow or blizzards or even a significant ice storm.  Just windy and chilly.  I am hoping that we at least have turned the corner on winter.  My cold frames are filled with plants for spring.  I am looking forward to getting into the garden and tilling up the raised beds, turning over the soil. 

I am working on a couple of small grant proposals that deal with cleaning up waterways and recycling at marinas here.  I see how many aluminum cans and bottles are thrown away at the marina where my boat is.  Not a single recycling container in sight.  I have talked to management about it but get the same tired answer--too much trouble, too much money.  Anyway, it is worth a shot to write a grant to at least post signs that encourage people to remove their recycled materials and not throw them in with the other trash.

I went to my home group meeting last night.  It was a step study on coming to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.  What a revelation it was for me to realize that there was a power greater than me.  I thought that I had all the answers, could solve things through sheer will power and determination.  It was a great relief to not have to try to solve the problems of others or to try to turn them into who I wanted them to be.  I wonder sometimes why I didn't realize much earlier that by doing the same things over and over and expecting different results, I was getting no where.  I was simply digging myself deeper into anxiety and despair (=insanity).

Ego is such a driver in so many ways.  It plays tricks with me, making me think that all is well and that I am in control.  So many times that has been proven to not be the case.  Yet, today with the sun shining and the buds on the trees,  I feel ready to meet the challenges of the day.  I simply remind myself that I can only change the things that I can and accept that there is much beyond my control.

Under the weather

Spring has sprung here. And the flowers, trees and shrubs are all dressed in their best finery. Unfortunately for me, they are all pollinating like crazy which is causing some major sinus headaches for me.

Today, I feel pretty bad so I'm going back to bed in hopes of going into work later. I don't like to be under the weather, especially when the weather is great and the out doors beckons. But today I'm going to do the H.A.L.T. thing and take care of myself.

Enjoy the photos. And enjoy whatever the day brings your way. It's all good in one way or another.

Here are some things that I'm grateful for today:

• That I realize that whatever unpleasantness is happening to me today will eventually pass
• That I can look out the bedroom window and see a riot of color and the beauty of the woods in a thousand shades of green
• Having the dogs put their wet noses on my face this morning
• Having my wife put her warm lips on my face this morning
• Knowing that there is nothing so pressing waiting for me that it can't be put off until tomorrow.