Adventures

All was quiet last night when I got back to the dock. I talked to friends in other states who had cell phones. They have no power but had little damage from Irene. Although things were uneventful here from the storm, there was nonetheless adventures and drama.

The rip currents were strong this weekend. Friends came over in their dinghy to visit while I was at anchor. They are engaged and wanted to get back to their boat to talk wedding plans. I advised them to stay for a while until the ebb tide slacked a bit.

They opted to take the dinghy back to their boat. Beth tried to grab their boat, slipped on the ladder, and fell out of the dinghy as it sailed away. Her fiancé, Bob, yelled for me to go help her. When I got to their boat, she had her leg caught in the ladder and was barely able to hold on. I got on the boat and pulled her on board. She was badly shaken, convinced that she would have drowned.

After making sure she was okay, I rowed my dinghy to shore where Bob was. We walked both dinghies up the shore so that we had a better chance of getting to our respective boats in the fast current. Bob had no oars and took off sailing the dinghy. He grabbed hold of his boat but the current and wind tipped the dinghy over and it capsized.

He and the dinghy were being swept around the point and out into the harbor. I went after him, caught up to him and threw him a line. I tried rowing against the current, towing him and his dinghy. I made no headway and told him to let the capsized dinghy go. I was then able to row to shore with Bob in tow.

We stayed on the shore, waiting for the ebb tide to slack. We talked and got around to talking about all the drinking that happens on boats and on the beach. He told me that he quit drinking because it almost killed him. It turns out Bob goes to AA and has been sober five years. We passed the time talking about our experiences and how we were both brought to our knees for different reasons.

After a couple of hours, we walked down the beach. There was a power boat near the beach, and three people were standing on shore. It took me a while to realize that the two men and the woman were naked. I don't know if Bob recognized that or not, but he asked if they would mind giving him a ride to his boat.

Later, he called me to tell me he was safe aboard and to thank me for saving their lives. He said the people in the boat asked him if he knew they were nude. He said he figured it out but was glad for the ride anyway.

I was in the right place at the right time and then my HP threw in a bit of humor. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Truth is often stranger than fiction.

PS: And to add to the strangeness, I had dinner with my sponsor after my home group meeting tonight.  We ate at a the Little D, which is a Chinese restaurant out in the country.  I was telling my sponsor the story when we heard chuckling at the table behind us.  The fellow sitting there turned and said, "I was one of the naked fellows that gave your friend a ride back to his boat." As he walked out, he shook my hand and said, "Be safe."  Call it cosmic energy or something, but it is all too weird and surreal.  

Unity

I guess that everyone remembers what they were doing on September 11,  2001. I had taken my mother for an ECT treatment for her depression and was sitting in the family lounge at the hospital when the TV announced that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. Then the second plane flew in and the rest is history, as they say.

I didn't know the repercussions of what had happened and how far reaching the aftermath would be, but I felt a sick feeling that this act would bring about a war, more bloodshed, and perhaps threaten the world as no other conflict had. Some of my earliest thoughts weren't off the mark. We have a war, we have more bloodshed. Although our world continues to revolve around the sun, I feel restless about the well-being of this country and the state of the world in general.

I thought that the days immediately after 9/11 were ones of unity for the country.  It was as if the tragedy brought us together.  We didn't really care whether we were Democrat or Republican.  I thought that spirit of unity would continue but alas, it seems that the unity has become replaced by separatism.  Many are suspicious of others because they have a different religion or a different skin color.  The years of spending on war have come at great cost to the social, educational, environmental, and health conditions of the country and world. Our fabric has begun to unravel.

I was hoping that the tragedy of 9/11 would be the kind of wake up call to this country that would bring about something positive in the world. That we would be looked upon with respect because we had learned to take care of each other here so that people would be better educated, have better health care, housing, and a feeling of connection to the other nations in the world.

Yet, now we seem more divisive as a nation than ever.  I don't understand the hatred that we exhibit towards others who think differently or act differently.  I think that the real tragedy these years after 9/11 is that we haven't learned real lessons about the rest of the world and how to take the best of this country and use it to the benefit of our own people and other nations.  President Kennedy, in his speech inaugurating the Peace Corps, said something like: "Those who have so much will not be able to keep it if they are unwilling to share with those who have so little." In other words, we have to give it away, in order to keep it.

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Genuine, national self examination would be a tribute to those who tragically died on 9/11. Perhaps we need to think about what unites us together and not what our differences are.  Maybe if we each do our best to understand and not condemn, to speak our own truth and not what we are fed by entertainers, and to pull together with compassion today, it will be a small but powerful start.

Terminally unique

I have heard the expression of being "terminally unique" which is often an attitude that is used to exempt a person from some of the principles of Al-Anon and the twelve steps.  I experienced that attitude of uniqueness for years.  I thought that I was different from others and that no one else could possibly have experienced the rotten things that I had.  I realize that thinking I was different from others not only isolated me in life but kept me away from the benefits of recovery. 

It isn't unusual to hear someone talk about how difficult their situation is.  Their misery is much greater because they have a child who is on the streets whereas others have a much less burdensome situation with an alcoholic spouse.  I don't have children so I can't identify.  I am sure their pain is a harsh and hard thing.  But I have also heard in Al-Anon that we don't compare our burdens and pain.  To me, living with an alcoholic for many years was very painful. 

Fortunately, when I went to my first meeting I heard others talk about their alcoholic spouses.  I could tell that I belonged.  I didn't think that I was so different because of education, financial situation or any other reason.  I could identify with what I heard. 

Last night, a couple at the Beginner's Meeting shared about how difficult is was for them to let their addict son go.  He is active and living with them.  The father said that having a child who has problems with drugs or alcohol is different from having a spouse who has those problems.  Yes, I suppose it could be.  But isn't the end result the same--that if I keep doing the same things over and over and those things don't work, that perhaps I need to consider other options?

I believe in the end, we have far more similarities than differences in our desire to help those we love.  I think that each of us who come to Al-Anon are there because we are desperate.  Some are desperate to help the alcoholic, while others are desperate to save ourselves from what has become a miserable existence.   I am glad that I was at the point of being desperate enough to save myself.  I had reached my breaking point and knew that I was beaten by alcoholism. 

I suspect that the couple whose son is still actively using were there to save him.  They left half way through the regular meeting.  I was sorry to see them go but perhaps they haven't reached the point where they realize that fixing their son isn't possible.  There is one thing for sure, we are each unique--just like everyone else.

When Hugo came to town

Twenty years ago today, I crawled out from the closet under the stairs and opened the front door of the house that we had just built. What I saw made me catch my breath. I couldn't find the front yard because there were limbs and debris everywhere. The smell of ripped wood and torn leaves permeated the air. Hurricane Hugo had come to the Lowcountry.

My wife and I had decided the day before to stay even though there were dire warnings to get out. We boarded up the windows of our newly built home. I thought "This house is built like a fort with hurricane clips and earthquake rods. It can withstand anything." It sits on relatively high ground for this island with 23 ft. at the first floor elevation. I knew that storm surge from the creek could flood the property.

We had all the supplies that we needed. We did all the hurricane prep stuff. We listened to the head of the County Council tell everyone to evacuate. And we listened to the final statement that we were to hear for 23 days because of having no power. That message stated that if you were still in your home, it was now too late to leave.

As the day turned to night, we listened to the radio until finally that went off the air. When water started coming through the ridge vents and running down from the ceiling fans, that's when we moved to the closet under the stairs. The lights went out and with our cat and dog we listened as the wind howled and limbs hit the house.

It was a night that seemed to go on and on. And finally, when it was over and the dawn came, we realized that we had been lucky. Yes, every leaf had been stripped from the trees, there were broken limbs everywhere, but there had been no storm surge here and no damage to our house.

We later learned that others had not faired so well. There was massive destruction north of the city. The beach communities were ravaged. The beautiful national forest suffered major damage. Trees were snapped like twigs. Lives were lost, lives were changed.

But there were advantages from such a tragedy, as there inevitably are from all such things. People helped each other. We worked together to clear the downed trees from our road. We shared a generator with neighbors to have water from our well. We had community suppers where we all cooked something from our defrosting freezers. There was a sense of community, survival, and gratitude.

Since Hugo, there have been other hurricanes with greater destructive power: Andrew and Katrina wrought much more damage and suffering. Those storms hit highly urbanized areas whereas Hugo's path took it through a less populated area of the coast.

At the time, I didn't think that I would see things return to "normal" in my life time. The forest is still healing through new growth. The trees have leafed out. The houses were rebuilt. The spirits of the people returned. And the sense of community that pulled us together gradually dissipated. Some of the neighbors moved away because they didn't want to face another hurricane. The man who loaned us a generator died four years ago. Times have changed and many don't remember or know what it was like.

But today I reflect briefly on that storm. And I'm mindful of how quickly the material possessions can be gone. But what is left is our indominable spirit and a great sense of pulling together for the good of all. And gratitude for just this one day when the sun is shining and the breeze is light.

Needing support

Doris (RiverPoet) over at Poetic License lost her only daughter yesterday. I know that such a loss is beyond words. Yet, I also know how supportive you bloggers are. Please stop by and write a few words to her.

My gratitude list for today:
1. that I feel compassion and caring for people, even though those things can also be my Achilles heel.
2. that I have another day and another chance to do God's will.
3. that I'm having coffee with a young man this morning who reached out for help the other night.
4. that I like to listen more than I like to talk.
5. that I'm not tempted to think that I have anyone else's answers.

"You are not the momentary whim of a careless creator experimenting in the laboratory of life. . . You were made with a purpose." Og Mandino

It it doesn't have my name on it....

I've heard this saying in several meetings: "If it doesn't have my name on it, then I won't pick it up." This is a great saying to remind me that I can only deal with things that are my business.

Since being in Al-Anon, I have lost the desire to pick up those things which do not belong to me. It is a very freeing feeling to go about life and not interject myself into the middle of what is going on in other's lives.

I know that I care when things happen to others. In fact, I've spent much of my life caring more about others than I really cared for myself. The difference now is that self-care has become a priority. I can so easily let my compassion for others take me into their world and out of mine. So I am mindful of that.

My wife has had a blow to her serenity lately because her sponsor is dying from lung cancer. This woman has been the back bone of one of the city's AA groups. My wife is dealing with this and has no desire to drink over it. She is planning to "take shifts", along with other AA members, at her sponsor's house as her sickness worsens. She lives alone and the AA community is rallying around. Bless them and bless this woman who has helped my wife through these last two and half years of sobriety.

Have a great Saturday. I'm working on the boat and then going for a long weekend sail. I'll check back when I get back on land and near a computer.

Uncertainty and resilience

My thoughts are with blogger friends and colleagues who are under the gun of the massive storm heading their way. It's a time of great uncertainty.

There are times like these when we simply do not know what to do, or where to go next. And there's the fear of losing what material things that we have. It's hard to imagine that life is peaceful one day and the next there is the potential for destruction of those things that we hold dear.

So I'm keeping all those in the path of this storm in my thoughts. I hope that they will do what is necessary to keep themselves safe.

"Well if we can't plan for it, and we can't let it distract us 24 hours a day every day, what can we do?

Beats me, is mostly my response.

But I have fallen deeply in love with a word that may be of use ... Resilience.

To deal with the absurdly unlikely, we can find resilient people ......... to be more or less able to respond to a knockout blow—right out of left field." Tom Peters

Labor Day

My thoughts are with the residents of the Gulf Coast as Hurricane Gustav heads their way. I know that evacuating and preparing for a hurricane aren't the way that many planned to spend their Labor Day. May God bless and keep each and every one of you.

Opportunities

The meeting topic last night was how we make the most of opportunities in the face of dealing with alcoholism. For me, I've had lots of opportunities in life. I was fortunate to grow up in a household where education was stressed. I had material things that made me happy in the moment, but I didn't have much emotional happiness. My opportunities have been primarily those of professional achievement, investments, and other material things. Those things seemed important before things came crashing down one day last August.

The crisis that brought things to a head is something that I'll discuss at some point, but just suffice to say that after many years of feeling empty inside, I finally could no longer continue on. So on that day, I finally let go and expressed what I truly felt about my marriage and the emotional emptiness. This time there was no equivocation. I had reached my limit, much as an alcoholic reaches a limit where to continue drinking is insane. I don't know what the events are that bring your mind to that point, but I was there and ready to call it quits.

I talked to my good friend D. who told me to get to an Al-Anon meeting. I went and through going to those meetings and working with my sponsor, I've been given the greatest opportunity of all--to make myself truly happy and to finally feel alive inside. I no longer hold back on things that I want to do. I'm involved in life and living for the first time in many years. The opportunity to take care of myself emotionally would likely never have come about if I hadn't gone to Al-Anon and recognized that the people there had experienced the same things that I had. Some were at the same place where I was, while others appeared happy and content with their lives.

The other opportunity that I've been given is to experience spirituality. I was never a religious person and really was apathetic about organized religion. Through Al-Anon, I've come to believe in a Higher Power and know that I can turn to my HP when things get really rough. It is something that I never thought would happen to me who is always so analytical. But the opportunity to feel spirtual is one that I have grasped onto like a drowning person does a life raft. I think that if we are willing to be open minded and give the program a chance, all kinds of opportunities that allow us to really live will come our way.

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."

From Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 83-84

Reaching Out

Why is it that when we need people the most, we don't reach out to them? I think that what I feel is that I don't want to bother them, or perhaps I'm even fearful that I'll be rejected if I reach out. One of the things that Al-Anon says is that "When anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, let the hand of Al-Anon and Al-Ateen always be there". That's a comforting thought. I have reached out when I've had some tough times. I call my sponsor when I need to be brought back to focus on myself. I've called my good friend D when I've been in crisis mode over things at home. I called one of the people at one of my meetings but after getting a lecture, decided not to reach out to that person again. Maybe what was said was right but I didn't want to hear it at that time.

My sponsor is a wonderful person who isn't about control but about wisdom and logic. I put a prayer in my God box for my sponsor who is having some serious health issues at this time. We are there for each other whenever and wherever we need to talk, get past a crisis, share a happy moment or just to know that someone is on the other end of the line. So, if you are feeling a need to share, just pick up the phone and call someone in Al-Anon that you trust and with whom you feel comfortable. It will make both of you feel good.