Reunion time

It has been a stunningly beautiful day in eastern Virginia. I drove up here last Thursday to attend my high school reunion.  My good friend from elementary and high school flew in from New Mexico.  Today we spent most of the day being a tourist in our home town.

One of the sites visited was Rosewell ruins, reputed in its day to be one of the most elaborate homes in the American colonies.  I remember seeing Rosewell as a child and climbing through brambles and brush to climb on the ruins. Today, the structure has been shored up and the brush cleared away. Archaeological studies are ongoing to unearth artifacts from the 1700's and later times.

After we did sightseeing, we had a chance to sit and talk for a long time.  He came right out and told me that he was the adult child of an alcoholic.  I had no idea that his dad drank heavily.  He told me about his struggles with being a perfectionist and not feeling good enough.  Amazing after all these years, he tells me about the difficulties he had with an alcoholic father.  Once again I am reminded that there are so many of us affected by alcoholism.

I have taken many photos since I arrived.  The reunion was a good time. The ones who were drunks in high school are still drunks.  But they are getting a little worn around the edges after years of drinking.  And 18 classmates have died from various causes including suicide. Some people actually looked better than I remember them.  Several of the fellows I didn't recognize because they had no hair.  Genetics and hard living definitely have a lot to do with how we age.

I really wish that C. could be here.  I've talked to her many times each day, but it isn't the same as having her here. The animals definitely make it difficult for us to go on an extended vacation together.  I don't really know what I'll do for the next few days.  There are more sights to see as the area is historical.  I've been to most all the places at one time or another in my life, but I didn't photograph them.  So I'll have my camera and do as much photography as possible while I'm here.

Here are a few images from my hometown:

My tribe

Last night, I went to a meeting at the 12 step club.  One of the ladies who was at the meeting on Monday night was there, and she gave me a big hug.  As Ms. Moon commented, no matter where I go, I can find my people--members of a tribe that "understand as few others can".  It surely is a comfort to know that.

I got a comment yesterday from Cris who said that she needed help.  Cris is in Spain so I'm hoping that she will find an AA meeting nearby.  The fellowship of AA and Al-Anon are worldwide so if anyone needs help, that help is available.  And if you cannot travel to a meeting, there are phone services worldwide where you can talk to someone who understands and can share their experience, strength and hope with you.

Not coincidentally, the topic last night was on facing your fears and taking steps to move in a positive direction.  Even if those are little steps, each one added to another is an accomplishment.  Just like sailing, a slight shift in direction can change the course to a destination.  If I don't think that I am moving in a positive direction, maybe it is time for me to make a shift, take a risk, and see what happens.  You may be amazed.

I will be leaving here tomorrow.  I am looking forward to getting home.  It's time for me to rejoin the tribe where my heart is.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." ~Lao-Tse

Hoppin' John

I made it to my destination in Florida.  Traffic was surprisingly light.  I was driving 75 mph and people were flying by me like there was a firecracker up their butt.  People in Florida sure do put the hammer down.

My main concern on the drive was getting some collard greens and Hoppin' John.  Hoppin' John is the Southern US version of a traditional rice and beans dish eaten throughout West Africa.  It consists of black-eyed peas or field peas and rice, with chopped onion and sliced bacon or ham hock. Smaller than black-eyed peas, field peas are used in the Low Country of South Carolina and Georgia; black-eyed peas are the norm elsewhere.

Throughout the coastal South, eating Hoppin' John on New Year's Day is thought to bring a prosperous year filled with luck.  Collard greens, kale, turnip greens, and mustard greens eaten along with this dish are supposed to add to the wealth since they are the color of money.  Another traditional New Year's Day food, cornbread, also represents wealth since it is the color of gold.

I was getting worried until I found a diner where they served up the money and good luck as part of a vegetable plate along with some corn bread. I was happy! So if you missed out on some peas, greens, and corn bread, there is always next year.

Today, I'm going to mosey around a bit.  Maybe check out the marinas.  I'll help my friend get settled in his accommodations where he will be studying for the next few weeks.  I've already checked the Al-Anon schedule and will be going to a meeting tonight.  I'm going to call the local AIS to make sure of the meeting schedule.  We will probably also hit some open AA meetings as well.  There is a 12 step house not far from here.

The first day of 2012 has been good to me.  But it has been hard on others. My wife misunderstood when the caregivers were returning so she spent New Year's Eve at her parents' home.  She got home yesterday around noon and was so relieved.  I know that she won't be doing the night shift for an entire week again.  I told her that I thought it would be too much and now she agrees.

And to the bloggers out there who have been having troubles with family members, all I can say is take care of yourself.  Giving up your own life to try to save someone else's doesn't work.  Two people are then lost.  I know that you love your child, spouse, husband, friend, etc. but you cannot save them.  And meanwhile the "normal" people in the family become less happy and more mixed up in the disease of alcoholism/addiction.  It took a lot of painful reminders for me to finally understand that I was not only harming myself but others when I tried to love them out of their disease.  If you think that you have that kind of power, I have news for you--the disease will kill you from stress, worry, and anxiety.  The martyr role is not going to stop the disease either.  I finally understood the words "keep the focus on yourself" that my sponsor hammered into me.  I get it.

Okay, that's it for now.  Time to find a grocery store.

Wild and free

We are anchored behind Kiawah Island which is one of the high end resorts. At one time, Kiawah was unspoiled and held in ownership by a pirate and a couple of other families, including the Vanderhorst family, who held ownership of the island for 200 years. A lumberman purchased the entire island for $125,000 in 1951. Just 23 years later, his heirs sold the property to a real estate developer for $18.2 million. And in 1988, the island's assets sold for $105 million.

The development is not badly done, nor is the island over developed at 3,300 homes. But I much prefer the idea of having just a few homes.

If it had been my island, I would have kept it as pristine as possible. I can't imagine what it must have been like to live on Kiawah when it was wild, to walk the dirt roads, and sit on the beach with no one else around.

But out here on the water, i don't see any lights. Once again, we are listening to the breath of the dolphins blowing out. I can't see them in the dark but can hear them. I lit a citronella candle to discourage the mosquitoes. The breeze is up now which helps to keep them away.

Some friends are bringing their boat through the inlet which has treacherous shoals and breakers. I hope that they don't run aground. We will stay up a bit longer to watch for them, although I am tired after the full day on the water. It is a good Friday night here. Hope that it is where you are as well.

I made it

I made it to Alexandria last night.  I haven't driven 9 hours by myself in a while, and I have to say that I was pretty boring company for myself.  I listened to the radio but that isn't the same as having a traveling companion.  I had my trusty iPod but to tell you the truth, I didn't feel in the mood to listen to music so I listened to NPR news for about 7 hours. 

The interstate was surprisingly good until I got to Virginia, and there the pot holes were unreal.  What's up with that Virginia? You are my home state and have 2 foot holes in one of the main travel arteries!  But Virginia didn't disappoint on scenery.  It was lush and green with wonderful flowers at every rest stop.  I decided to stop at every rest stop for the last four hours. I needed to get out and walk around.  It helped to keep me awake. 

I stopped off in my old college town on the way up.  I walked to my old residence hall.  I remembered the late night conversations and the years studying there.  It brought back a lot of memories.  The campus is different now. There are key cards on the doors and many new buildings.  But the campus is still as beautiful, if not more so.  The old buildings are venerable.  I may stop on the way back just to walk around again.  I would like to go to the old science building and see if I can find the lecture hall where I sat for so many classes.  Seeing all this made me decide to come back for a class reunion.  I really think that college and graduate school were awesome times.

I didn't stop to eat and was famished by the time I got to the hotel.  It is on the Potomac River.  I had dinner at a Thai restaurant.  It was close by, but there are lots of exotic places to eat in this area.  I like the quaintness of old town Alexandria.  I could probably spend a day going through book and antique shops here.   Maybe tonight there will be some time after the meeting ends.  And perhaps I'll hunt up an Ethiopian restaurant.

Today I feel rested.  I talked to C. and things are good at the farm.  She has been working on the garden and adding more flowers to the English garden that she has started.  I miss her. 

I'm going to get something to eat for lunch and get ready for the afternoon's meeting.  Have a good day.