It hurts sometimes

I talked to a lady recently whose best friend had gone back out and was banging on her door at 3 AM. This lady has gotten back on her own feet, owns her own place, and was afraid that the police would be called if she didn't let her friend in. She described how afraid she was and how she breached her own boundaries out of fear. The friend was drunk, incoherent, and a mess.

After a weekend of almost no sleep, the lady asked her friend to leave, took him to a meeting where he picked up a white chip, and then to a motel to drop him off. When she called him yesterday, she could tell that he was drinking.

She expressed her anger at herself and at God. She said that she no longer trusted God enough to let go. Her friend was drunk and possibly suicidal and yet she knew that she had to detach for her own sake. She simply didn't know whether she could trust that God would take care of him.

These are tough things to think about. We have to let go before we lose who we are. But in the process of letting go, we want to believe that there was nothing else we could have done to help. This requires a lot of faith and working through our feelings of powerlessness. I would like to think that what happens to the people I love is not my decision. I can't protect them from themselves. If I don't let go, then I hold on and lose myself in the process.

Who am I to think that I'm so special?

I stayed up way too late last night watching the VP debate. I found that I was riveted by the brilliance of one candidate and the incoherency of the other. I'm not going to make any other political comments here, but I was struck by an emotional moment during the debate.

And that moment came when Sen. Biden talked about the loss of his wife and child during an accident. I knew that Sen. Biden had lost his wife and a young daughter during a tragic auto accident early in his senate career. His two sons were critically injured in the accident, but both eventually made full recoveries. What I hadn't realized was that the accident left Biden filled with both anger and religious doubt: "I liked to [walk around seedy neighborhoods] at night when I thought there was a better chance of finding a fight ... I had not known I was capable of such rage ... I felt God had played a horrible trick on me."

Supposedly what helped break his rift with God was a cartoon his father, Joe Biden Sr., gave him. It showed "Hagar the Horrible" blasted by lightning. The bubble read, "Why me, God" - and the answer: "Why not." Biden says: "I realized, who am I to think that I'm so special?"

I've read that in the aftermath of the accident, he had trouble focusing on work, and appeared to just go through the motions of being a senator. A single father for five years, Biden left standing orders that he be interrupted in the Senate at any time if his sons called. In remembrance of the accident, Biden does not work on December 18. It was clear from his emotional mention of the tragedy last night that such an event was life changing for him.

I've also read that he has never taken a drink in his life because alcoholism is so prevalent in his extended Irish-Catholic family. In these times when everything is so scripted and the political stakes are so high, I find it refreshing to see a man express honesty and emotion over his loss and have enough understanding about alcoholism to realize it's disastrous effects.

Mad at God

I talked to a good friend who is in recovery today. He said that today he was just "mad at God". It was a day that was stressful, filled with self-pity and envy for him. I've had too many of those days but never felt angry at my Higher Power. When I get into those kinds of moods, I am generally very angry at myself for once again being the one who apologizes or forgives when I haven't actually done anything wrong. I also have found that writing down prayers to my Higher Power helps a lot. One of them might go, "Help me to take care of myself, to let go of my fears and resentments, to recognize what a unique and creative person I am, and revel in taking another breath and having another day to live. Let me appreciate my talents, the beauty of my surroundings and the ability to make good choices. Let me learn from my mistakes, yet treat myself with kindness for my misgivings."

If I am angry at something, it won't be at my HP. It will be at myself for sinking into the swamp again and getting mired in self pity, resentments, and all the other garbage that runs around in my head. I think that my friend needs to revisit his steps and take his inventory.