What's been happening here

It has been cold here for the last few days.  I went to the boat to spend the night in the worst of it.  And there was ice on the inside of the V berth bronze porthole when I awoke on Thursday morning.  I fired up the propane heater and the oven which helped to bring the temperature up to 70 F.

The cold would likely have killed a little puppy that I picked up off the highway when I was heading home on New Year's Day.  I had been to the gym in the early evening.  As I was turning onto our dirt road from the tarmac, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye.  It was a puppy, scared and a bit wet from coming out of the field ditch.  I brought the little one home, fed him, and picked about a dozen ticks off.  We both thought that he was the smartest pup because he did not once use his crate for pooping or peeing.

I sent emails to the local vets and rescue groups with his cute photo.  Several people called about him. Last night, he was adopted by a couple who seem to be a good fit for the puppy.  As with any animal, I told them that if he didn't work out, to bring him back.  He definitely is adorable and very smart.

Sadly, there is tragedy already started so quickly in 2015.  Sickening world news of senseless killing, martyrdom, and all the other crazy happenings that make me want to retreat to the island, boat or barn and isolate. 

And locally, a man who I have known for over 30 years lost his only son to suicide on January 6.  The young man, age 22 was a senior in college, and had been distraught because of a breakup with his girlfriend.  I cannot begin to imagine this kind of pain for the parents or the kind of despair that the son felt to want to die.  

And I keep thinking to myself that I am lucky to be here. To have survived this long in spite of so many things that might have also taken me down.  I hope that my luck in living continues.  And I hope that those who are in despair today will find some comfort eventually.  I remain upbeat today.  Happy to be healthy and to have a lot of living to do.   

Here at the Pacific

We arrived in Cabo San Lucas around noon. It took a while to get baggage and make our way to the shuttle past all the hucksters. Competition for tourista dollars makes for a lot of land sharks. We were polite but not interested in a timeshare. 

After getting to the resort, we got something to eat and then walked to the nearest store to buy a few items for tomorrow. We plan on doing some cooking for breakfast and then eating out at local restaurants for a few meals.

This is a stunning place with the Pacific waves incredibly strong. So many sailing yachts of all kinds were out near sunset. And it was interesting to watch the boogie board competition going on. I have taken quite a few photos with my big camera but am sharing a few taken with the iPhone for ease of posting. 

Tomorrow we plan to go on an excursion into town. And there may be zip lining, horse back riding, historic tours planned as well. We will take each day and see what unfolds.

It seems alcohol casts its shadow every where. The screams, curse words, and door slamming coming from the room next door were cut short when I called security. I'm not willing to listen to people screaming all kinds of trash at each other. Now it's quiet. 

I have to say that the staff have been wonderful. They remember who we are and seem to truly want us to enjoy being here. I want this to be a place we can come back to again. I am definitely intrigued with the sail boats at the nearby marina. Any where with water makes me happy.

Before we left home, I learned that a fellow I know died suddenly. He was a bad alcoholic who would take in drinking buddies. Evidently, he took in a guy for a few days and got into a fight with him. The police were called and the fellow who beat up Larry was arrested for assault. Larry was found dead the next morning. 

And his dog, who is a sweet Labrador mix named JuJu, was taken to the animal shelter. When I heard about that, I drove to the shelter to rescue her. Fortunately, she has been adopted by a friend who has a yellow Labrador. He met me at the shelter and was able to take JuJu home that afternoon. It was a great relief to know that she has a good home.  So at least some part of the sad tale has a happy ending. 

It's time for us to take an evening walk. More from Cabo later.

What a week

Well, we had a glorious time on the boat over the weekend. My sweetheart had a great birthday dinner on Thursday evening followed by a play at one of the city theaters. On Friday, we cast off lines and headed up the coast to one of the more beautiful barrier islands. It is noted for its "boneyard" of trees that have fallen due to storms and the shifting sands of a barrier island.

We shared the island with about 35 Scouts from a nearby troop.  They were camped in a tent city on the windward side of the island, while we were anchored away from the inlet and a bit in the lee.

We had walks on the beach and cooked Saturday night's dinner over a campfire. It was so relaxing to be there and enjoy the view and the rocking of the boat.  I have said this before--I could spend weeks on end doing cruising, dropping the hook whenever I am ready, and exploring new places.

Things got a bit more complex after getting home.  My wife had eye surgery yesterday.  It was scheduled, and she is doing well.  My first sponsor was admitted to the hospital again with breathing difficulties. He has a serious diagnosis so sending good thoughts his way would be much appreciated.

The complications came about because he has his beloved dog and cat living in his apartment. It has been a terribly hard decision for him, but he has decided to give up his animals because he can no longer take care of them due to his illness. Many phone calls and text messages were made to find homes for them. I am amazed at the wonderfully supportive network of people who love animals. It warmed my heart to know that people were willing to drive for 5 hours to get the dog, a greyhound that he adopted through a rescue group.  I needed some restoration of good will in fellow humans.

I am feeling a lot of concern about my sponsor.  But I know that he is being taken care of in the hospital. Things happen so quickly with illnesses.  One day a person is doing okay, and the next there is some life-threatening illness occurring. I have learned how important it is to have all affairs in order.  One never knows.

I had my own appointment yesterday.  Last week, I had a "thunderclap" headache after doing a Cross Fit workout. It came on so quickly and was so stunningly painful that I could barely move.  Thankfully, the terrible pain subsided after about two minutes. And gradually the headache went away after an hour.  The trainer thought that the episode needed evaluating, so I saw my doctor yesterday.  I am getting a CT scan next week. I am sure that I am okay, but it doesn't hurt to check. Thunderclap headaches can be associated with blood leakage in vessels in the brain. Nothing to mess around with.

Today, my wife goes in for her post-operative checkup.  She is tired from the anesthesia.  But we hope to have lunch after the appointment and then come home to relax.  Both of us are ready to sail away again!

I am thankful for the calmness that I have learned through Al-Anon.  So many of these things would have had me in knots years ago. I still have concerns but realize that panic isn't an option.

Hope that your week is stress free. Or at least the stress is manageable. Later....

Sunday on the island

More stream of consciousness happenings in Paradise City and my little piece of paradise:

• Saint Patrick's Day madness has gripped the town this weekend.  It all started on Friday with a continuous party going through Saturday. Peace has returned to the land and the villagers are happy once again. The streets are now clear of drunken partiers.  The drunken crackers, drag strip officials, NASCAR losers, vacant fratboys, vapid sorority chicks, dudes that have a Budweiser as an appendage, and loutish jerks are now a thing of the immediate past.  This town isn't as crazy as Savannah, but the streets still smell like a frat house after a wild beer bash.  I was glad to get away from the city yesterday and head back to the sublime silence of the island, punctuated only by the sound of waves breaking on the sandbars and birds singing and performing their morning concert. 
  
• The blue glow of the moon has ushered in a new day that promises to be beautiful and peaceful. The seabirds fly in the sea breeze and dolphins cruise just beyond the breakers that gently lap the shore. There is a hint of rain coming. Today will be an inside day to work on furniture in the workshop. And at noon, I am meeting an old friend from college that I haven't seen in many years. We are going to catch up on life. 
  
• Two of our dogs, Deacon and Tobias, decided to take off around 11 PM on Wednesday night.  He and the rest of the dogs were out for their evening pee. The rascals must have gotten scent of something so they decided to head down the drive.  We live a mile down a dirt road--lots of things to smell.  So C. and I drove the road calling for him until 2 AM.  I found Tobias walking along, looking sheepish.  But no Deacon.  Early on Thursday morning, we put flyers in mailboxes in the area, called people, put up a large sign on the front fence and drove the roads every couple of hours.  I think that we both gave up by Friday morning. We knew that it was going to be a body recovery, looking for buzzards in the sky to give us a clue.  Our hearts were leaden. Neither of us could eat much.  I thought--here we go again with death and grief.  On Friday night around 10:30 PM, we got a call from a neighbor at a nearby plantation telling me that she thought she had our dog. I had called them on Thursday, and they kept the information.  Evidently, Deacon had followed their beagle Woody through the short cut wooded trail to their plantation.  He was happy relaxing with Woody in their house when we got there.  None the worse for wear, we hugged Deacon and the good people who took him in and called us.  Extra precautions are being made to make sure that Deacon and Tobias don't go out for their evening walk without a leash on.  After getting the wayward boy home, we slept soundly for the first time in a couple of days.  
  
• The anniversary of my father's death passed without sadness. I thought of him many times that day. Now, I am concerned about my first sponsor who has been diagnosed with lung cancer. I am hoping that it can be treated. More will be revealed for him. For now, he is accepting of the diagnosis. 
• At the District Al-Anon meeting yesterday, I volunteered to do additional service work for the District.  I was really motivated by a speaker at the convention who was inspirational in what she does. After the meeting, a group of us went out to lunch.  It was great fun to have a meeting after the meeting and enjoy some great discussions.  
• Friday is my wife's birthday.  We are going out to a play on Thursday evening.  Friday we leave for a cruise up the waterway to another favorite anchorage.  Some other boats will be joining us there. 

Hope that you are enjoying your Sunday.

Dogs and sea glass

We had a nice weekend out on the boat.  The weather was warm but breezy.  It's unusual to have temperatures in the mid to upper 60's in February.  Even the plants are befuddled because the azaleas and the tulip magnolias are already blooming.  The hyacinths and tulips are coming up and budding.  Crazy El Nino weather this winter.

This weekend we took our newest boat dog, Amelia, out with us.  She is the daughter of our old girl that recently died.  Amelia is an English Labrador who seems to enjoy getting in the dinghy and going to shore.  Getting back in the dinghy for the return trip was not her favorite thing, generally resulting in my having to coax her to get close enough so that I could lift her into the boat.  She weighs about 80 pounds and would go limp when it was time to transfer her from the dinghy to the boat.  And that lifting was upward!  Whew, what a workout.   It may take several more trips before she gets the hang of it.  I am posting this photo next to her sleeping berth so that she will get the idea of what some dogs do.  Maybe this handsome Newfoundland will be her hero!

It was surely good to have some time to ourselves.  Having cheese and crackers for a snack, fixing pancakes on Sunday morning, flounder and Spanish rice for dinner on Friday evening--reminders of having good food after walking the beach for much of the day.  We found several nice shark's teeth to add to the collection and a beautiful piece of aqua sea glass.  I would like to have the sea glass made into a necklace for my wife.  Here is what I think would be creative and attractive:

Maybe it is something that I can create myself from the wave-worn glass that we find on the beach.  She is much more of an aquamarine spirit, than that depicted by a shark's tooth wrapped in silver.  The color of the sea becomes her, wrapped with thin strands of silver.  

Our weekend, however brief, brings to mind a poem by the sad but brilliant Sylvia Plath. 

Two Lovers and a Beachcomber by the Real Sea


Cold and final, the imagination
Shuts down its fabled summer house;
Blue views are boarded up; our sweet vacation
Dwindles in the hour-glass.


Thoughts that found a maze of mermaid hair
Tangling in the tide's green fall
Now fold their wings like bats and disappear
Into the attic of the skull.


We are not what we might be; what we are
Outlaws all extrapolation
Beyond the interval of now and here:
White whales are gone with the white ocean.


A lone beachcomber squats among the wrack
Of kaleidoscope shells
Probing fractured Venus with a stick
Under a tent of taunting gulls.


No sea-change decks the sunken shank of bone
That chucks in backtrack of the wave;
Though the mind like an oyster labors on and on,
A grain of sand is all we have.


Water will run by; the actual sun
Will scrupulously rise and set;
No little man lives in the exacting moon
And that is that, is that, is that.

And that for tonight is that.

My girl is gone

My beloved old girl, Stella, who spent many an hour out on the boat and the beach with me slipped away quietly this evening.  She was such a trooper, always cheerful and willing to ride.  She knew what to do on the boat, would get carried in and out of the dinghy, and spent many a night and day as a faithful companion.  I could tell you all the things that we did, the trips that we made, the happiness of having this beautiful animal, but suffice to say that she was pretty much my heart--one of those special ones that comes along and steals your heart but holds it tenderly.

I will tell you that I knew she was going to die a few weeks ago. I tried to convince myself that she would be okay.  The vets said that she was not in danger, but I knew. I knew but wanted to hope that she would be well.  But the other night, she looked in my eyes, and I felt that she was telling me that she could not follow me any more and that I was to go on ahead.

And today, I knew that she would not last long. She lifted her paw, even though she could not lift her head.  I carried her out to the grassy lawn where she played as a puppy.  We sat there for a while in the sun.  Then I took her back inside, called the vet to tell him she was near the end, and when I walked in to check on her, she was gone.

I can't write much else now.  We suspect that she was taken from us by a water borne spore Pythium insidiosum.  If you want to know more, you can read about it here.  She went quickly and didn't suffer.  Most likely her age had something to do with her susceptibility to the spores.  I don't know.  And right now,  thinking like a scientist is holding me together to get through this post. 

I have a million photos of her.  I chose one of us together at the beach.

Spoofy Halloween

There was another giant Halloween party at the marina this year.  Last year, the rave hooked in a bunch of young people who spent most of the night looped out of their head.  This year, it is another bunch of young people, who for the most part were not dressed for the 54 degree temperatures and NE wind.  I didn't stick around long enough to see if they were getting looped.

This year, the marina put a large fence up around the stage and grounds to keep the party folks from wandering around the marina.  There were a lot of police in uniform and under cover, so I suspect that crowd control won't be a problem. 

But then there are these poor little animals who were subjected to the whole indignity of Halloween.  

One of the favorite goofy things for Halloween are the Bubba Teef which you can order on line or get in some stores locally.  There are a lot of styles of Bubba Teef.  The ones with  glow-in-the-dark green worms are pretty cool, as shown below.

I do think that it is advisable to pack the teeth with peanut butter when enticing the dog to wear them.

No ghouls and goblins showed up here.  Just some squirrels running about.   Wishing you the best Halloween from our neck of the woods.

Thank you

Our old dog, Timmi, slipped away easily with just a few deep breaths at the end.  All of us, including the veterinarians, shed tears.  I don't think that anyone, no matter how professional and how many times this is done, can be devoid of such full feelings.  He will be cremated and then buried along with all the other animals that we have loved on the property.  The pet cemetery is a special place. Another good dog will be put there.

Thanks for your kind comments.  There are times when I write that I wonder what the purpose is to keep posting.  But this community comes through in comments and emails.  I used to think that it didn't matter about the comments.  I used to write because it was for me.  I still do, but something has changed over the years that I have been doing this blog. Your comments do matter to me.  Honestly, I like to hear from you, read what you have to say.  I do my best to reciprocate.  If you make comments and have a blog that I don't know about, please send me an email or let me know in a comment.  It is the back and forth sharing that we have that makes this a community.  I treasure that.

Today I have two barrier island tours to do back to back.  That's a good thing.  I will be on the water, talking to school children.  Some may be interested and some may not.  But just reaching one child who says to me, "I want to be a scientist too", is a success.  Stimulating their interest in the water, in nature, in being a part of the environment is so important.  I will do my best today to make them feel apart of something special. 

I hope that you know that you are special.  You are.

Time to let go

Sadly, today we have put the call in to the veterinarian to have our old fellow, Timmi, euthanized. He had been doing fairly well with getting fluids every day and eating a bit on his own.  But this morning, he is not wanting to get up.  His tail is no longer wagging.  And I can tell in his eyes that he is uncomfortable.

It is time to let him go.  I knew that he would tell us when it was the end.  He was a good dog.  We are both okay with knowing that we have done everything we could do.  The body simply wears out and his is. 

The vets are coming to the house which will be the best way to let him go.  He will be surrounded by the toys and things that he loves.  We will be there with him. He is just shy of his 13th birthday.  It has been a good long time together.  Knowing that it is the end and that we have prepared for this over the past month has made it a bit easier.  It is never easy, but it would be cruel to hang on anymore. 

If it should be that I grow weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand.
Don't let your grief then stay your hand.
For this day, more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years.
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer so;
The time has come -- please let me go.

Take me where my need they'll tend,
And please stay with me till the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time that you will see
The kindness that you did for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Please do not grieve -- it must be you
Who had this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years;
Don't let your heart hold back its tears.

~Anonymous

Uncondtional love

I've read that it's possible to have unconditional love of self in which you love yourself regardless of external conditions. This means being true to your feelings regardless of those around you. Based on what I know from Al-Anon, the HP loves each of us unconditionally. And if I look outside myself for love, I will not find unconditional love from another human. This has been a tough one to understand in my past but now I know that my demands for love often far exceed what the other person can give. And then my expectations of the other become burdensome and filled with conditions that end up in disappointment and even anger.

It's hard for me to imagine unconditional love in intimate relationships. Maybe after many years together and a lot of insight, one gets to the place where there are no conditions vis a vis the other person. I know that I have lowered my expectations dramatically since being in Al-Anon. But they haven't entirely gone away. My mind will go to the place where I concoct the "what if's" and think about how I wish the one I love would not have an alcoholic mind or selfish behavior. Or if I could just remake them to be the way that I want.... I now realize how dangerous that way of thinking is but sometimes my head just goes there, just as a tongue goes to a sore tooth.

But then I have to say that there is the unconditional love of dogs. They seem to be so happy just to hear the car drive up or hear our voice. They wag, bounce around, and are genuinely glad just to be in our company. A morning at the beach is the best thing in the world. I've had dogs for many years and they have taught me a lot about life and living it in a happy way. Sometimes I think that the HP is manifested in the spirit of dogs and showing us in a tangible form how to love unconditionally.

Dog Trauma

This beautiful fellow above is Mr. Moose.  He has had a badly swollen leg for a couple of days so tonight we took him to the veterinarian.  It appears that he has an infection in his front leg.  The vet wasn't sure what caused the infection, but with antibiotics, a shot for pain, and some prednisone, we hope that he will be up and running about soon.

At first we thought that he had been bitten by a snake as there are plenty of the pesky copperheads on the property.  But we didn't see any obvious fang marks.  One never knows what the dogs run into when they are playing in the paddocks.  There is snake fencing up (small wire to keep the slithery critters out) but some times one will get in with the dogs.  Fortunately, their recuperative powers are incredible.  Wild dogs had to recover quickly as an adaptation to not being left behind but to continue with the pack.  Domestic dogs seem to have the same remarkable traits.

I am hoping that our dear Mr. Moose will be better tomorrow.  It is disconcerting to see a greyhound with one leg twice the size of the other.  He is generally very active so when he isn't wagging and happy, we know that he doesn't feel well.  What great creatures these animals are.  They are dependent on us but yet seem so stoic with their pain.  We could all take lessons from these wonderful animals.

Death and life

Clara slipped away very easily for which I am grateful.  We got to spend time with her and hold her.  The cancer had moved so quickly that she was weak but still had a bit of a tail wag.  I know that it was her time.   I could see it in her eyes.

I wonder sometimes at the wisdom of Dr. Kevorkian who I think has the right idea for people no longer wishing to prolong their pain.  What is the point to be put through so much when the body and mind says that it is time to go?  Maybe at some point we humans will be able to make that kind of choice without a lot of legal consequences. I am not going to write much more on that other than to say that I would hope for a quick death without lingering misery. 

Today one of the puppies, who we had nursed with a bottle for three weeks after she was born, came to visit. When she was born, she was so tiny and not strong enough to grab hold of a teat and nurse.  I was determined to save her so C. and I began to offer her a small bottle filled with puppy formula.  We called her Pinky because she had such a bright pink tongue.  Pinky didn't take to the bottle immediately but gradually, wrapped in a warm heating pad, she learned to wrap her mouth around the nipple and form a strong suction.  She would nurse until almost the entire bottle was drained and her stomach was bulging. 

We kept up the nursing for 3 weeks, intermittently putting her with her mother to also get milk from her.  It was a happy story because the people who came to see the puppies decided that little Pinky, with her strong desire to live, was the puppy they wanted.  And today, they stopped by as they were driving back to NC to bring her to see us.  She is now seven years old and is beautiful.  She played in the fenced paddock with some of the other dogs.  They love her so much which is the way it should be. It felt so right to have her come to visit on the day after Clara left. 

Thanks to you, my blogging friends, for your comments and kind thoughts.  C. and I read every one out loud and we cried and smiled.  You guys are the best.

Clarabelle

Tonight we learned that Clarabelle has metastatic cancer.  She was not improving on the medication, although the diuretics cleared up her chest and lungs enough to get a good x-ray.  The x-ray today showed a number of large masses in her abdomen and lungs. 

Sadly, her mother died of liver cancer when she was just nine.  Clara is only eight, which is far too young to leave this life.  But she is starting to waste away from not eating.  We have been feeding her through large oral syringes, thinking that the antibiotics were making her have an upset stomach.  Now we know that there is nothing to be done but to let her go tomorrow. 

We have an appointment in the afternoon to have her euthanized.  We did some extraordinary things to keep her mother going, but I don't think it was in her best interest.  This time, we decided not to prolong the inevitable.   I realize that dogs are so special.  I wish that we had more time to have her with us. But that would be selfish. 

This is going to be hard.  It always is.  There is no getting around the pain of making the decision to let a beloved companion go.  And then to deal with the loss of such a happy spirit.  We are both so sad tonight.

Nantucket

It is vacation time for C. who is going to spend two weeks on Nantucket Island.  I am taking her to the airport tomorrow for a 5:30 AM flight.  She is meeting up with a couple of friends from graduate school.  It will be a vacation to get away from the heat and enjoy a beach house and the beach. 

I would like to be going but am staying behind to take care of the animals and the garden.  It is very difficult to get someone to watch the dogs and the cats as well as have someone trustworthy stay at the house.  Because we live out in the country, it is necessary to not just let things go for 2 weeks.  Yet, I am hoping in a few years we can make the trip up there together.  It is a wonderful place to visit. 

I am planning to pull the boat out of the water next week, pressure wash and paint the bottom.  That way the boat will be ready to go back in the water by the time C. gets home.

The heat here has been bad over the last few days.  There has been nothing but a hot breeze today.  So maybe it is good to stay in the AC this weekend, pick veggies from the garden, and just relax in doors. I know that the old heart dog is glad to not be going on the boat.  It is just too hot for a thick coated Labrador even with the boom tent.

I will most likely bore you with more photos from the garden and some news from "up North" over the next couple of weeks.  And I'm still planning to get around to all the blogs. You guys have been prolific with your writing, and I have been a slacker with reading and commenting.  Maybe retirement is making me lazy?

The last walk

This morning I'm taking my old "heart" dog for her final walk. She is now in the final stages of renal failure and there is nothing more that can be done for her. Her weight has dropped by 20 lbs. and she is no longer eating or drinking.

Although I am deeply saddened by this, I have so much gratitude for the time that we shared. We have had an amazing 14 years together. She opened doors for me in so many ways. I met new friends through her, enjoyed time together, and have seen her legacy be passed on. But it is time for her spirit to fly now. She has told me in ways that only a dog can.

I have a feeling that one day our spirits will be reunited. God speed, old girl.