What about speaking at open AA meetings?

Another blogger recently posted about her experience and opinion on sharing at open AA meetings.  I thought that this was a great topic because many Al-Anon's do attend open meetings and sometimes aren't sure what to expect or to do.  So I thought that I would give some of my thoughts here.

I have attended open AA meetings since I began Al-Anon.  I was encouraged by my sponsor to go to open meetings to hear the stories of alcoholics and to better understand the disease.  These open meetings remind me that hope never dies; that sobriety is possible; and that in many ways, we share the same fears. And every single speaker I hear says they wanted recovery for themselves, not because they were being nagged by a family member.

The two programs were closely allied in their origins and are naturally drawn together by their family ties. Yet the Twelve Traditions emphasize that each works more effectively if it remains separate. Thus, there can be no combining, joining, or uniting which would result in the loss of identity of either fellowship. Separateness rules out affiliation or merging, but it does not exclude cooperation with AA or acting together for mutual benefit. And I totally agree that there are so many mutual benefits gained by going to open meetings.

Some of the open AA meetings I attend are speaker meetings where I get to hear someone's "story" of what it was like, what happened and what it is like now.  The first open AA meeting I attended was a speaker meeting.  I was so moved by what I heard that I developed a great awe for the miracles that can occur in recovery.  I was moved in that meeting to tears.  There was no blaming of the family, just a focus on their recovery through the steps.  I realized then the power of those steps because if they could help someone who was in such dire circumstances with alcoholism, then they surely could help me.

I also go to an open Big Book study and some open discussion meetings when I can.  I will say my name and state that I'm there to listen.  I learned from going to those meetings that I don't share at open AA meetings because of AA's primary purpose which is for alcoholics to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.  I can't do that from my non-alcoholic perspective.  It would be equally inappropriate for an alcoholic who isn't affected by someone else's drinking to share at an Al-Anon meeting. Or for a friend, who is along to just lend moral support, to share.

I have been asked to share a few times. The most memorable for me occurred during my first year in Al-Anon.  I was out of town at a work conference.  I was having a tough time--I was away from home, screwed up in the head, and an  unmanageable mess.  I couldn't find an Al-Anon meeting to attend, so I went to an open AA meeting within walking distance of the hotel.

I walked into that mid-day meeting and introduced myself to an elderly gentleman in a wheelchair. I told him that I was in Al-Anon but needed to be at a meeting.  I think he could tell that I was a mess.   He asked me to chair the meeting which I declined because I told him that I was Al-Anon.   He then told me that it would be okay and would help the other alcoholics.  I felt unsure about this,  but decided that if I was being asked to do something then I needed to go ahead with it.  God knows, I needed to be at that meeting. For some reason, I felt that I was being guided to do this and just trusted that it would all be okay.

So I read How It Works and then he asked me to tell my story.  So I gave about a 15 minute share about what I was feeling and how I had gotten into Al-Anon for help in my own recovery. There were about 10 people present at the meeting and each one who shared indicated that my story reminded them of why they needed to stay sober and of the pain that they had caused others. One fellow said that he had committed crimes on a daily basis during his years of alcohol and drugs, had been to thousands of AA meetings but had never heard an Al-Anon speak.  He said that the honesty and courage that I expressed were to be commended.  These people made me feel welcome.  I left that meeting with a sense of well-being that put me at peace.  My sharing may not have been the best thing for a beginner in Al-Anon to do, but I appreciate that the elderly man in the wheelchair recognized a fellow lost soul and reached out to help.

I have also been asked to share at conventions and round-ups.  But in general, unless I am asked, I don't share. I am mindful of Tradition 3 in AA which states the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. I'm not a member.  And I need to allow those who are members their time to share.

I find that the same logic applied in Al-Anon where I hear people say, "Please share from the Al-Anon perspective only".  I take that as meaning at Al-Anon meetings, even if one is an addict/alcoholic or in other programs, they should speak as an Al-Anon person (not as an alcoholic/addict). I do have a great deal of respect for the primary purpose of 12 step meetings.  Here is the position of Al-Anon about attending AA meetings.

I don't forget the kindness I have been shown by the AA fellowship at their meetings.  I know that I am welcome.

Hating the disease: a story from a reader

Occasionally, I'll get an email that resonates with me because the writer shares such an honest part of herself.  I can identify with hating the disease while I desperately love the person who has it.  The following was sent to me a couple of weeks ago.  I have the writer's permission to include it here.

Dear Syd - 

I stumbled upon your blog a few weeks ago, and it has become a permanent "go to" site on my phone. I often pick topics that are relevant to me that day, and your writing has provided me with a lot of peace and hope. 

I have been in a ten year relationship with an addict (not alcohol) who I love deeply. It has been both my greatest joy and my deepest heartbreak. 

If you'll allow me to share, here's the background on our story: 

I was a good two years in the relationship before I realized there was an actual drug problem and the full extent of it. He was highly functioning and ambitious and although there were signs, I chose to believe him that everything was "fine".

Following the admission were three solid years of him trying to "beat it" on his own. The sixth year was a stint in rehab, from which he came back in full recovery. For that year he stayed clean and worked with his sponsor. In year seven, we were happy and hopeful and got engaged. We were finally putting all the plans and dreams we had put on hold so many years into effect. Things seemed promising until year eight. 

We visited his family with whom he has a complicated relationship (they are all active alcoholics), his sponsor passed away, and he stopped working the program. Almost immediately he relapsed. It started as once every few months he'd use. All the while saying he'd get it under control again. Of course it slowly escalated, as I feared it would, as he wasn't working a program. 

By year nine, the wedding had been put on hold, and his finances were in a mess. Year ten came this july. He went back to meetings. Found a temporary sponsor. And started seeing a psychiatrist in the genuine and high hopes that he would help him further. The psychiatrist, to my utter amazement, prescribed him about 4 different types of pills, two of which are highly addictive. His personality has changed to the point where he is a dull shadow of his former self. The pill intake has steadily gone up. And the drug use persists. 

I am in Al-Anon. I have a sponsor. I do three meetings a week. And I am determined to find my sanity one way or another. 

That said, there are many dark days and heartbreak as the happy (albeit imperfect) ending I whole-heartedly believed in has not ever come. 

I am now 39 years old. I pretty much may have lost my chance to have children because I decided to stay in this relationship. I have accepted that, but sometimes it makes me incredibly sad. 

I can honestly say I don't blame him. I know he has a disease. I know I chose to stay. But I feel I am realizing I can't stay much longer. I simply don't know how to co-exist and find serenity with active addiction. Last night he relapsed, after a month sober. He said he was going to the gym, and didn't come home until 6 in the morning. 

During that endless night, of which I've had many, I tried to use the tools I've learned in the program. I tried to take care of myself, read some literature, prayed, took a bath, tried to sleep... but it's too much. I just can't do it. Not knowing if the person you love is okay or if this is the time that they don't make it home is too much to bear anymore. As the morning hours creep in, the feeling of despair and panic rise to almost unbearable levels, and I start to prepare myself for the worst. Would the police come to our door? Would I have to go to the morgue? How could I stand it? How could I bear it? 

Tonight I think he may have used again. He should have been home by now. The feeling in my stomach is familiar. I want off this merry go round. And yet he is the great love of my life. What a pickle, is it not? 

I hate this disease. I hate what it's done to him. And to me. And to the life we both dreamt of so many years ago. 

I don't know how this story will end. But I know I am powerless over his disease. And I know I need to get better somehow, whether he does or not, because as utterly hopeless as I feel right now, I have not forgotten that this life is a gift. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my words. Thank you for sharing your journey with me and so many. I am so glad your wife is sober today and I wish you continued peace and recovery. 

Borders

I have finished the classroom part of the Captain's license for un-inspected passenger vessels.  This coming weekend I'll be in the classroom for the Master's license.  This license will be for either a 25, 50 or 100 ton vessel, depending on the amount of sea time that I have and the size of the vessels on which I've worked.  I think that I'll probably have enough time (360 days) on board to get the 50 ton license.

I have five exams to take.  The first two, Navigation General and Deck General, will be taken this Thursday.  I hope to take the next two, Chart Plotting and Rules of the Road, on July 6 and July 7.  After those are done, then I will take the exam for the Master's.  Rules of the Road is the subject that requires a lot of memorization. It is also considered to be the most difficult because out of 30 questions, only 3 may be missed.

I have spent my time studying. I've also found that, while my memory is good, it is not nearly what it used to be.  All the little day shapes and lights and sounds for each vessel type are starting to come together but not at the point where I feel as if I can just reel them off.  I study them for a few hours each day, while also studying for the other exams.

I am not having much fun with this since there is so much material.  It is like being back in college on finals week.  But I keep telling myself that in another couple of weeks, it will be over.  Maybe then, I won't be driving down the road and see two white lights in a row vertically and be thinking "Those are lights for a tug whose tow is < 200 meters".

I have mentally been bemoaning that I haven't been having much fun lately.  And just when I do this, I get a reminder that what I'm doing for these few weeks isn't bad, not dangerous, not going to hurt me.  That reminder came in the form of a share at my home group meeting last night. It was the one year anniversary of J.  I remember when she first came to Al-Anon last summer, a shy young woman who just graduated from high school.

Last night, she told her story of being born in Mexico and at age 9 crossing the U.S. border with her mother and two brothers.  They had been told by the "coyote" to bring enough food and water for a day's walk.  After getting what belongings they could carry, the group of people started walking towards the border.

The walk across the desert turned into three days and four nights during which all ran out of water and had very little food.  J. told of seeing dead bodies as they walked, of people on the journey who became sick and were left behind, of the heat and thirst the group endured.

The group eventually arrived at a house where people brought over by other "coyotes" were staying.  There were perhaps forty people in each room.  The "coyotes" carried guns and threatened to tie concrete blocks to the legs of the children and sink them in the river unless they were paid.  J's mother was waiting on money to be sent from her sister in Florida, but it didn't arrive right away.

After several days with threats from the "coyotes" and with violence among them as one group tried to take guns away from others, the police arrived.  J. and her family escaped from the house during the commotion and found their way to a 24 hour convenience store.  They had no money but thought that they would be safer there than in the woods.

During the late afternoon, a woman and a man drove up in a van.  The woman bought something in the store, came out, and kept looking at J. and her family who were a road worn and sad group.  She eventually came over and asked them if they were okay.  J's mother told her what had happened.  The woman went to the van, said something to her husband, and came back to invite the four of them to their house.  They stayed with this kind couple for three weeks until the money finally arrived from Florida.  The family then boarded a bus that took them to pick oranges in Florida.

After the orange harvest, they traveled to South Carolina to pick tomatoes.  J.'s father arrived here after his border crossing.  The family decided to stay in SC and were offered work on a farm where the mother cleaned, the father and sons worked in the fields, and J. took care of the animals.

Not long after their arrival in SC,  J. was raped by her step-brother who had come to visit.  She was raped later by a cousin as well.  She didn't tell anyone immediately because she had been told that she would be killed if she told.

By this time, she was enrolled in school, being tutored in English and making excellent grades.  The first rape happened on a Sunday.  Because she didn't want to miss school, she went as usual on Monday.  At school, some of her friends knew that she was troubled so she confided in them about the rape.  Soon the teachers knew and J. was taken by a counselor to a hospital where she was examined and evidence collected.

After the rape, she became despondent. She couldn't concentrate in school.  Her grades slipped.  She kept going to therapists but mostly they would ask, "How do you feel today?".  Finally, she was assigned to N. who really listened to her.  J. began to trust N. and talked to her not only about the rape but about how both her parents were alcoholics.  It was through N. that J. got to Al-Anon and the little meeting that I call "home".

J. is a remarkable young woman.  She graduated in the top five of her class in middle school and in the top ten of her Senior class in high school.  She has been verbally and emotionally abused by her father, yet she feels compassion for him.  Her full brother who is a drug addict stole all of her saved money from her.  She called the police who deported him.  She works whenever she can taking care of animals and babysitting.  Her hope is to become an American citizen, go to college and become a nurse.

I know that there are so many people like J.  She has come a long way since struggling across the desert.  She shared that she has found people to trust in Al-Anon, people that she can call, people who won't judge her.  And that she has found her own Higher Power who gives her comfort.

I heard just what I needed to hear from this young person at the time when I needed to hear it.  Amazing how that works.

For the first time, on the road north of Tampico,

I felt the life sliding out of me,

a drum in the desert, harder and harder to hear.

I was seven, I lay in the car

watching palm trees swirl a sickening pattern

past the glass.

My stomach was a melon split wide inside my skin.

"How do you know if you are going to die?"

I begged my mother.

We had been traveling for days.

With strange confidence she answered,

"When you can no longer make a fist."

Years later I smile to think of that journey,

the borders we must cross separately,

stamped with our unanswerable woes.

I who did not die, who am still living,

still lying in the backseat behind all my questions,

clenching and opening one small hand.— Naomi Shihab Nye

If you attend an open AA meeting

I have attended open AA meetings since I began Al-Anon.  I was encouraged to go to open meetings to hear the stories of alcoholics and to better understand the disease.  These open meetings remind me that hope never dies; that sobriety is possible; and that in many ways, we share the same fears. And every single speaker I hear says they wanted recovery for themselves, not because they were being nagged by a family member.

The two programs were closely allied in their origins and are naturally drawn together by their family ties. Yet the Twelve Traditions emphasize that each works more effectively if it remains separate. Thus, there can be no combining, joining, or uniting which would result in the loss of identity of either fellowship. Separateness rules out affiliation or merging, but it does not exclude cooperation with AA or acting together for mutual benefit.

Some of the open AA meetings I attend are speaker meetings where I get to hear someone's "story" of what it was like, what happened and what it is like now.  The first open AA meeting I attended was a speaker meeting.  I was so moved by what I heard that I developed a great awe for the miracles that can occur in recovery.  I was moved in that meeting to tears.  There was no blaming of the family, just a focus on their recovery through the steps.  I realized then the power of those steps because if they could help someone who was in such dire circumstances with alcoholism, then they surely could help me.

When I go to open Big Book studies or open discussion meetings, I know to not share but say that I am a grateful member of Al-Anon who is there to listen.  I learned that at AA meetings, even open ones, it is only appropriate for alcoholics (or people there because of their own drinking problem) to share (unless specifically asked to be a speaker).  The primary purpose is for alcoholics to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.  I can't do that from my non-alcoholic perspective.  It would be equally inappropriate for an alcoholic who isn't affected by someone else's drinking to share at an Al-Anon meeting. Or for a friend, who is along to just lend moral support, to share.

Several years ago,  when I was in the first year of Al-Anon,  I was out of town at a work conference.  I was having a tough time--I was away from home, screwed up in the head, and a co-dependent mess.  I couldn't find an Al-Anon meeting to attend, so I went to an open AA meeting within walking distance of the hotel.

I walked into that mid-day meeting and introduced myself to an elderly gentleman in a wheelchair. I told him that I was in Al-Anon but needed to be at a meeting.  I think he could tell that I was a mess.   He asked me to chair the meeting which I declined.  He then told me that it would be okay and would help the other attendees.  I felt unsure about this,  but decided that if I was being asked to do something then I needed to go ahead with it.  God knows, I needed to be at that meeting. For some reason, I felt that I was being guided to do this and just trusted that it would all be okay.

So I read How It Works and then he asked me to tell my story.  So I gave about a 15 minute share about what being me currently felt like and how I had gotten into Al-Anon for help in my own recovery. There were about 10 people present at the meeting and each one who shared indicated that my story reminded them of why they needed to stay sober and of the pain that they had caused others. One fellow said that he had committed crimes on a daily basis during his years of alcohol and drugs, had been to thousands of AA meetings but had never heard an Al-Anon speak.  He said that the honesty and courage that I expressed were to be commended.  These people made me feel welcome.  I left that meeting with a sense of well-being that put me at peace.

I may have committed a breach in the traditions, but I will not forget the kindness I was shown by the AA fellowship there. And for some reason that made me feel better about a lot of things. It may not have been the best thing for a beginner in Al-Anon to do, but I appreciate that the elderly man in the wheelchair recognized a fellow lost soul and reached out to help.

Hard to put into words

Yesterday,  the meeting topic was about the spiritual experiences that we have.  I listened to all the shares but kept silent.  I know that I have had numerous spiritual experiences. Sometimes the words just don't seem adequate to describe the intensity of those I have had.  I've written about one here and another here on this blog. These events were clearly ones that showed me there was a connection in spirit with my parents as they were dying.  I believe these were spiritual experiences.  

The reading of amends to my parents during my ninth step was another spiritual experience. We were in a cemetery at the old church where my home group meeting is held. It's a peaceful place with many old live oak trees.  The letters that I read were those that I had written to my parents and a couple of other relatives. After reading, I put each letter in a pot and my sponsor set fire to each one. We watched the smoke rise up and waft about on the wind.  As I read the letters to my parents, the wind shifted and the smoke surrounded me.  It was as if they were letting me know all was okay.

I have described these experiences in meetings before.  They affect me in a profound way.  Yet, every day there are other "Ah-ha" moments of enlightenment.  The people that I meet, the conversations that I have with those I sponsor, sharing the steps, living with alcoholism, having the sailboat--these are all experiences that I think were meant to be.  Each experience opens me up to be more receptive and more alive.  I am so much more aware and appreciative of life. Every day is an opportunity to be clearer in what's important and what can be let go.

I know that not every day or situation is one that I am fully awake to yet.  My awakening is an evolving process.   I liken the feeling of spiritual awakening to the tide.  It rolls in and carries me in a wave of good feelings.  And then it also may depart, leaving me behind,  feeling vulnerable and stranded.  But I know that the good tide of feelings will return.  And with those moments when I am awash in the wonderment of life, I know that my spirit is awakening, little by little, one day at a time.

Good questions

Well, I received more questions after the "deadline" and will answer those soon. I hope that you will visit Lou at Subdural Flow II, Mary Christine at Being Sober, and Ron at An Addict in My Son's Bedroom to ask them questions, also.

I said that I would say what the "winning" question was. That is difficult. I will say that the one that was most thought-provoking and that you made the most comments about was that asked by Irish Friend of Bill. It's easy to think unkindly of alcoholics because most of us have been hurt in some way by them. So to be asked to look at where they do themselves a disservice made me mindful of my part too. And I am not devoid of self-centered ego. So to write an answer that balances my part with the inventory of the alcoholic was tricky. I felt a huge "Whew" escape my lips after reading Irish's question. So, Irish, I will be sending you a gift of appreciation.

One of the things that I learned from your comments is that Al-Anon WSO will be publishing a book on Intimacy in Alcoholic Relationships. Here is what WSO wants to include:
"The 2011 World Service Conference gave conceptual approval for “a new piece of literature on intimacy in general, including sexual intimacy, in alcoholic relationships.” The Literature Committee is seeking sharings from Al-Anon/Alateen members for possible use in this piece.

Alcoholism is an illness that warps and seriously damages our ability to form and maintain intimate relationships. In recovery, we find many ways to connect to others, and learn to replace fear of intimacy with a healthy set of boundaries. We hope this piece can reflect the wide variety of experiences our members have faced regarding intimacy, in many different types of relationships. Intimacy takes many forms, including emotional, physical, and spiritual. Sharings do not need to be limited to sexual intimacy. However, we do want this piece to cover issues around sexual intimacy more thoroughly than any other previous Al-Anon literature, without being either too vague or too explicit and offensive. Please share your struggles as well as your successes.

Intimate relationships, or the lack of them, can be connected to feelings of shame, insecurity, fear, and guilt. Other topics that could be covered in this piece include sexual compulsion, abuse, infidelity, and promiscuity, as well as hope, trust, safety, joy, emotional and physical closeness, and a sense of feeling cared for as well as supported.

Some questions to consider:
• How have the dynamics of the family illness of alcoholism affected my perceptions of all types of intimacy, including sexual?
• To what extent, if any, do I accept responsibility for the loss of intimacy in my relationships?
• In what ways have issues of intimacy within an alcoholic relationship affected my other relationships?
• When, if ever, have I used sex as a substitute for real intimacy? What was the result?
• How did I feel when someone I cared about tried to use sex to control or manipulate me? How did I feel
when I did the same to others?
• Describe the impact that issues of self-worth or other character defects have had on my intimate
relationships with my Higher Power, the alcoholic, family members, friends, or myself.
• How has building a relationship with my Sponsor and learning to trust helped me expand my capacity
for intimacy?
• What other Al-Anon tools have I used to rebuild trust and intimate relationships?"

This should be a good read! And it is a topic that needs to be written about and discussed. I am submitting several of my writings to it. I hope that you will consider doing the same.

More will be revealed

I took my mother-in-law for her doctor's appointment today.  In the car, she began to tell me about the tests being done on her husband, who is still in hospital.  I have written here before that he has cirrhosis of the liver.  The doctors are doing a liver biopsy and some other tests as well.

I asked her if she thought alcohol was a factor in his liver disease.  And she opened up to talk to me as she has never done before.  She told me that my father-in-law would go on binges for days.  She said that she has been called every name in the book by him, been yelled at and belittled.  She also told me that her own father drank.  And she said that he did not want her to marry another man who drank.

All of this came as a huge "Ah-Ha" for me.  I could understand her anger over the years, her need for a perfect house,  her changeable moods.  It all made sense to me when I knew that she was a kindred soul--an adult child of an alcoholic who married an alcoholic.

I have been around my mother-in-law for all of my married life.  Yet, I never had this kind of conversation with her.  She kept her distress from her sister and from close friends.  And she kept it for all these years from me.  Now, I see her through different eyes.  I feel a level of compassion for her that I have for newcomers who arrive in pain.

She has persevered through a marriage of over 50 years, carrying around a secret that so many of us, who are affected by alcoholism, do.  She told me that the reason she stayed in the marriage was because of her daughter, my wife. And that decision no doubt had its ramifications for C.  Probably, what she isn't aware of, is that she stayed for other reasons as well--hoping to change the alcoholic,  fear of abandonment, economic fears, pride, and a host of other emotions that keep us bound in an emotional prison.

I shared with her about my father.  I didn't mention my wife as I won't break her anonymity, even to her own mother.  I told her that I don't know whether my dad was an alcoholic but that I also had a lot of unresolved emotions carried over from childhood.  And I told her that I have learned to detach from the belligerence of others by physically removing myself.  She said that she tunes out her husband's yelling as best she can.

How I wish that she could have gotten into Al-Anon.  The conversation we had  made us both feel better.  As she put it, "We now know something about each other that we didn't before." How very true.  More will be revealed.

Each of us has our own share of truth, waiting to reveal itself to us. Each of us has our own share of the light, waiting for us to stand in it, to claim it as ours. ~ Melody Beattie

No experts here

It has been a relaxing day.  We stayed around the house, got a few things done, made some pesto from the basil we grew and took a nap.  It was actually too hot to go outside to do much.  August truly is rough down here.  The dog days of summer for sure.

Tonight I went to my home group meeting.  This little meeting is held out in the country and by water would be close to home.  But driving distance is about 25 miles.  It is a lovely drive though through country roads with trees forming a canopy overhead.

We talked about how none of us are experts in Al-Anon.  There are people in the program who might think that they are, but it is a level playing field where no one sets themselves up to have the answers or give advice to others.

I remember my first meeting where I was told to leave my wife and divorce her.  That sort of advice giving isn't supposed to happen but occasionally there will be a person who seems to have all the answers for every one else.  I am glad that I chose not to listen to the advice, went with my gut feeling to weather the storm, and listened to others who said that making radical changes when first getting into recovery was not a particularly good idea.

What is it about us that makes us want to tell others what to do and to set ourselves up as experts on everything?  Ego certainly comes into play.  And that fear driven need to get attention and to be the one that others go to because their own fear is telling them that they can't make any decisions on their own.  Alcoholism strips away self confidence.  It tells us that we are lost and need someone to tell us what to do.  And there are those who are more than willing to control and take charge. 

I am glad that I now realize that I don't need to listen to the advice of others.  I can listen to their experience, strength and hope which is their honest sharing about what worked for them.  I am not an expert on alcoholism, recovery, or relationships.  I listen to what others have to say, read a lot of recovery literature, and get a deeper understanding of myself through writing and working with others.  I learn from so many people.  And that fills me with a great sense of comfort.

Cunning, baffling and powerful

Laura R. sent me an email and wanted to share her experience with the loss of a dear friend who died from alcoholism.  I have known quite a few people who have died from alcoholism, including my father's sister and her daughter.  I thought that I would post this in several segments.  I did some editing of this but the gist of what Laura wrote is here:

I'm not usually a writer, but I hope that by writing my memories of my dear friend's battle with alcoholism, it might give others an understanding of the seriousness of the disease and that even with the best treatment and prayer support, the alcoholic may not be able to fight off the disease. If this happens, it runs its inevitable and horrible course. Although in her deepest heart, she was a lovely person, she has left behind destruction and pain for her family and friends. 

My prayer is that someone will read this and think, “that could be me” and stop their destructive behavior. The pain left by the progression of alcoholism is severe. The people hurt both physically and emotionally is tremendous. I do believe that alcoholism is a disease, but unlike cancer or other illnesses, it can be managed by a choice. Not an easy choice if you are predisposed to addiction, but in the end, a choice. Please make that choice. For your family, for your friends, for anyone or anything that you love, make that choice.

I have changed all the names here because I would not want her family to be pained in any fashion with my recounting of this sad story. They have suffered enough over the years without me contributing to their anguish.

Good beginnings

I distinctly remember meeting Daria in the summer of 1991.  A good friend of ours, Carl, had met her at a college reunion event. It turned out that she was moving to Maryland and so was very happy to meet someone who could show her around the area. Carl had a crush on her because she was so lively and beautiful so he offered to help her out.  She came over to my house where my first husband and I lived and I remember being so impressed with her. She seemed to be everything I am not. She was very outgoing, tall and slender with reddish hair. You couldn't help but like her immediately. She was beautiful in every sense of the word. She cooked for us during the first few times we met and was an absolutely amazing cook. She could make anything taste like a gourmet dinner.  I had no idea at the time she would become like a third sister to me and the rest of my family.

Flash ahead a couple of years and my first marriage fell apart. My parents were living in Australia and my oldest sister had been living in their house. She and my brother in law wanted to buy a house next door to my parents so it was fortuitous that I needed a place to live and my parent's house was available. Daria also needed a place to stay so it was decided that she would move into the house with me and my son. 

I may have been an innocent but even after thinking about it, I had no idea she had a drinking problem even though we were living in the same house. I'm not suspicious by nature, and our schedules were quite different so wherever she hid the alcohol, I never found any. We would have social events where everyone drank, but I can't say I ever noticed that she drank more than everyone else or was staggering drunk. 

She was working as a pharmaceutical representative and took many classes and exams to make sure she was qualified. She seemed extremely good at her job and I thought everything was going well with her. She had a parade of boyfriends because she was so beautiful and outgoing but none were very serious until Sam.

Daria met Sam and they seemed well suited to each other. He was outgoing and  fun to be around. He had a beautiful daughter named Katie. Daria and Sam were both athletic and enjoyed biking. Sam and Daria moved in together and seemed fine. The only odd thing that happened in that period was that Daria was cited for child abandonment because she left Katie in the house to go running and Katie called her mother. Daria thought it was ridiculous that she got a citation for that, but I personally thought it was odd to leave a young child alone without supervision. Other than that, they seemed fine, but eventually broke it off. 

This was when Daria began to tell us how much she just wanted to settle down and have children. She was a natural nurturer so we were all sure that she would make a wonderful mother as soon as she found a husband. You could see the longing in her eyes when she saw other people with babies and we believed it was just a matter of time until she found someone with whom to build a family.

Winter 1995

My husband and I were newly married and had been invited to go out to Park City, Utah with Daria to visit with her father and his wife. Daria's mother had died years before when she was a young adult. Her mother died of breast cancer, but from Daria's recounting of her death, her mother suffered from manic depression and had been mentally ill for quite a large part of Daria's life. It was very sad, and although Daria could talk about parts of it with humor, the deeply painful loss of her mother was a constant reality.  Fortunately, Daria really liked her step mother, Carol, and was very happy that we were going to see her father. 

This was the first time I had an inkling that something could be wrong. Whenever she talked to her father, she talked like a young child instead of an adult. Her entire body language would change and she related to him in a very odd way. 

I brought up to her step mom that Daria was very different out in Utah than she was at home. She was confident and mature in Maryland, but on this trip she behaved differently. Her step mom asked if I noticed Daria had a drinking problem. I was floored. I said I hadn't noticed at all. Her step mom said they were worried because they noticed that she had liquor in her coffee cup and that she was relating to her father in a very odd fashion. She had visited them some months earlier and actually baby talked when she would talk to her father. I was a bit alarmed, but believed because she functioned so well in Maryland, that she would get through it.

I will post the next part of Laura's story tomorrow.  

Decorating

We pulled out our fall decorations today and proceeded to decorate the mantles, put some jack o'lanterns about, and add swags of fall leaves to corner cabinets and doorways.  Both of us had a good time, but C. was especially pleased with getting in the fall spirit.  I'm posting a few photos of our efforts. 

Fall bouquet complete with large black spider

One of the jack o'lanterns that we have lit. 

Another group of fun fall stuff on a table in one of the halls

My favorite thing--a rolling eyeball that lights up!

Sparkly purple lights on the mantle in the master bedroom

We also made a couple of cakes.  The one below is a scary pumpkin cake that yours truly decorated. Okay, this was my first time using a pastry bag which definitely in and of itself is a creepy contraption to use.  I thought that the blue bats, spiders and webs was a nice touch.  C. wasn't so sure about my cake decorating abilities.  At least I managed to keep most of the icing on the cake.  Squeezing that pastry bag too hard could definitely have had less than desirable consequences.

Scary ghoul pumpkin cake

We made three of these cakes, each one decorated a little differently.  I took one to a meeting tonight where a sponsee shared his story.  It was his one year anniversary in Al-Anon.  I am glad that he persevered to get through the 12 steps and was willing to share his experience, strength and hope.  He asked what to do with the medallion that was tucked in the card.  I said that I carry mine in my wallet as a reminder of what the program means.  It was a fun day and a good evening. 

It's hard to believe that today is the last day of September.  And some cooler weather is finally coming our way.  I am content with so much today.  I am very grateful.

Chelsea's story

I was contacted by Chelsea Harris who is a Managing Editor at AllTreatment.com. Chelsea wants to give some encouragement for people who are struggling as she has. As she wrote to me: " It isn't very often you see a recovery, and I just want people to know that they are real and someone knows exactly how they feel". She will be graduating from the University of Washington in spring 2011.

So here is Chelsea's story:
"I never fit in with my family. Or, more correctly, they didn't fit in with the rest of the world, and I just happened to live with them. I was an only child and lived primarily with my dad growing up. He and both of his sisters had substance abuse problems. My cousins developed the same tendencies, and I just sort of stopped calling them or answering the phone around Christmas time. I was a little sober black sheep.

I considered myself lucky. Though a little inebriated, my dad held down a job and provided me with a home and the means to participate in whatever activity I wanted so I could spend less time at home. He was never mean, never violent; he was just a little tired and slept through some stuff. I now am entering my senior year in college and firmly hold the title of "waited the longest to have children". I am incredibly lucky he had the wherewithal to see his faults and compensate accordingly.

Mine is not a story you hear often, but you wish you did and I am grateful I get to tell it. However, I am never that surprised when people don't quite understand. My roommates and friends who had seen the heartbreak and frustration of unreturned phone calls and dismal family holidays were shocked at how quickly I forgave him every time he made an attempt to sober up. I always had complete faith in that man and I still do because he gave me everything I have. He blessed me with his wit, intelligence and great vision. And now that he has found what works for him I have had three fabulous years of free meals and loads of laundry when I come home.

That was what I had wanted and now I have it. I have a dad who acts like a dad should. I have a dad now that comes up several times a month to take me to dinner because he knows that I live off of rice and beans and oatmeal. I have a dad that emails me links to blogs he knows I would like because he quickly took the time to figure out my interests and hobbies so that way he could research them. He will listen to me ramble about papers and people he doesn't know when he calls me to check in.

My dad is my hero, he always has been and I make sure he knows that. He stumbled through raising me, for a lot of the time by himself, despite the fact he was young. He gave up his dreams and gambled on me having the skills to make mine a reality and never misses a moment to tell me how proud he is. And now that I am old enough to support myself (most months) he supports organizations that help other people get and stay sober.

I guess all of this is to say that, as Al-Anon teaches me, dwelling (on the past) is neither natural nor helpful. The joy of seeing a successful recovery, at least for me, overwhelmed the bitter feelings and residual anger leftover from missed recitals and soccer games. The best way to help your addict is to love them because there is nothing I could say that my dad hasn't already thought and he has beat himself up, I'm sure, and now I am just excited to be a part of his recovery."

Thanks Chelsea. I'm glad that you are finding your way in recovery and that your dad has as well. Good luck to both of you!

Note: I thought about whether to include the link to Alltreatment.com or not. Chelsea asked that it be included. After looking at the site, I saw that it was not promoting a particular treatment center but provided resources within each state as well as articles about substance abuse and recovery. I also don't consider my blog as an "Al-Anon blog". I write about my recovery and how the program has helped me. But my blog is not endorsed by WSO and provides only my experience, strength and hope. I also write about a lot of other things that I am interested in. That is the reason i decided to let the link stay.

Learning to listen

Listening is one of the things that now comes easy to me. I'd rather listen to someone else talk than to be the center of attention myself.  That has been the case for most of my life.  I think part of it is being an introvert and maybe part of it is not feeling adequate to withstand the scrutiny in a group.  But if I can simply be one on one with another person, then I don't mind talking and sharing. 

Sharing at Al-Anon meetings has been sometimes easy and sometimes difficult for me.  I used to dread having to share because I felt that I didn't have anything but pain to offer.  Now I see the solutions more clearly.  And I try to stick to the topic so that I don't ramble. I like to get to the point and not be repetitive but simply state what comes from my heart. But being at a meeting isn't so much about what I say but what I get from others who share their E, S, and H. 

There have been many times though that I didn't want to listen to anyone.  I didn't want to listen to my father when I was a teenager.  I thought that I knew best and was sure in my stance and stubborn as a mule.  And there are still subjects that evoke passionate opinions from me, such as politics and conservation ethics.  

With the alcoholic,  I actually listened to the drunken self pity and the morning after apologies.  What I really wanted was to shut out the slurred words and the philosophical meanderings of a drunken mind. Now I've come to realize that it would have been best if I'd not listened to any of that or tried to argue back or even tried to make sense by offering rational advice.  I don't believe that there was anything that I could have said that would have made much of a difference at the time. It was just another way that I was going to try to control an unmanageable situation.

I've learned to trust my inner voice and to listen to it.  When that inner voice tells me that something isn't right, I listen and don't ignore it.  If it tells me to remove myself from an unacceptable situation, then I pay close attention.  If it tells me to keep my mouth shut and sit tight, then I inventory the situation and make a decision.

Listening is a powerful part of the program.  Sometimes by just keeping quiet,  the answers that I seek become clear.

Knowing each other

I just got back from a meeting.  It was a sponsee's first Al-Anon birthday so I gave him a bronze medallion.  There were a couple of newcomers at the beginner meeting so he and I talked to them about what brought them to Al-Anon and how it might help.

Both of the newcomers had children who were having major issues.  One child is 14 years old and anorexic.  The parents have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on getting her treated.  She has manipulated the mother into a near breakdown by telling her stuff like, "If you don't get me a new laptop, then I won't eat."  The other parent who was there has a daughter who is an alcoholic and a sex addict.  The daughter is now pregnant, has stopped drinking but is still a sex addict.

My sponsee and I shared about why we came to Al-Anon.  And as I was listening to what we were sharing, it occurred to me that garden variety alcoholism is getting rarer and rarer these days.  Most of the newcomers are dealing with relatives or friends with multiple addictions--tonight a food (or lack of) addiction and sex addiction.  Although I can't identify with these addictions, it is good that the message of the program is the same--to take care of yourself, to detach with love, to have compassion for those sick and suffering, and to realize that we can't control the behavior of another. 

The regular meeting was good with a speaker who shared her experience, strength, and hope.  Like so many who have come to be in recovery,  we have learned to open up and to share.  She said that this was the first time that she had shared her story.  And it was a rough week because she was fired from a job and had been obsessing about that.  A crisis had come into her life that was requiring her to take it one hour at a time. But focusing on sharing her story had helped her to get out of self-pity and focus on gratitude.  A coincidence?  I don't think so.  I think it was her Higher Power who brought the events together this week--a crisis that was helped by doing service.

Her story made me realize how fortunate I am to have met the people I have and to count them as friends.  We said good bye to a member tonight who is moving out of the state.  She has been a bright light in the program.  I would not have known her, come to count her as a friend, had it not been for Al-Anon.  And the same can be said for all those who I encounter in this program.  I went from someone who felt that I had no friends to a person who can pick up the phone and call any number of people who will be there for me.  And I will be there for them.  That is an awesome thing.

And there are the people who I have met through blogs.  I may not know you face to face, but you provide a way for me to feel included in your lives.  You share things in your writings that make me feel as if I know you.  And by doing so, I feel that I have come to care about you and what happens in your life.  We are all interconnected by what we share.  We dare to put ourselves out here, to lay ourselves bare and express our joys and sorrows.  Do you realize how special that is?  I think that it is really a rarety in society.  But for us in recovery, it is part of what makes us heal.

Now that I have shared my warm, fuzzy feelings for you, it's time to cozy up next to C. She has been reading and listening to me typing away on the laptop.  I think that I'll tell her just how warm and fuzzy she makes me feel too.

Action

I enjoyed the meeting yesterday. The topic was about how we carry the message of the program. I like that topic.

Many don't think that it's possible to carry much of a message when one is new to the program. But I think that there are a lot of ways to carry the message. I think of it as service as suggested in the Twelfth Step. Service which is Al-Anon's third legacy is vital for the fellowship. It means that I strive to do as well as to be.

Anything done to help a relative or friend of an alcoholic is service: a telephone call to a despairing member or sponsoring a newcomer, telling one's story at meetings, forming groups, sponsoring Alateen groups, arranging for public information, distributing literature, and financially supporting groups, local services, and the World Service Office.

I tell my sponsees to just talk to the newcomers. Get their phone number. I'm always grateful when a newcomer shows up as one did yesterday. She was brought by an AA friend of her husband who is now in detox. She shared that her guilt about "kicking" him out was overwhelming. But she didn't know what to do, how to fix him, how to take away his alcoholism. All of this is a reminder of where I was, how far I've come, and where I don't want to be again. A lot of people stepped up after the meeting to talk to her and encourage her to keep coming back.

Sitting and listening to newbies vent or cry, listening to an older member going through tough times and unable to "see the light" at the moment, can often be sad. But usually another member will share something uplifting, saying what helped them and carried them through the tough times. That is another way to carry the message, and it's a gift that I can bring to a meeting that might just change the tone.

I can remember when I never thought that there would be anything funny at a meeting. There was absolutely nothing to laugh about. This was alcoholism, damn it and it was heartbreaking. Now, I can see the humor in lots of things that I share. More often than not, we begin to learn to laugh again. A lot of that comes from just having gratitude over the small things.

I know that recovery is "a way of life" rather than "a program". I am learning how to live life in a healthy way. For me it means taking what I learn and applying it to everyday life, to everything in my life.

Cross talk

My home group meeting has several newcomers to Al-Anon. And they know each other from their church. So with their familiarity, the meeting becomes a bit dominated by the newcomers who like to cross talk with each other.

Personally, I find the interruptions distracting. Meetings are a sacred place for me. And to have chatter going on about shares is mostly a serenity breaker for me. I guess that I'm a bit rigid when it comes to meeting formats. It's that perfectionist character defect coming up.

Actually, the World Service Organization has no rule against "cross talk" though it is avoided as a matter of custom at most of the meetings I attend. Typically "cross talk" refers to people speaking out of turn, interrupting someone while they are speaking or giving direct advice to someone in a meeting. At most meetings, we each share our own experience and avoid giving direct advice or lecturing a group or individual.

Sometimes the cross talk can take a harmful format though. I've not heard it much but occasionally have heard from newcomers: "You really oughta" or "You need to" or simply not speaking from experience, strength and hope.

Because Al-Anon has no "rules", the ultimate arbiter of the subject is the individual group. I can see that newcomers often need to speak up and are seeing much of what is shared from their own painful perspective. That's really okay as they need to feel safe and just have the courage to speak up in the group.

And if members know one another well, as they tend to in small groups like my home group, they feel comfortable about adding to what another said. Often there will be a crisis situation that will be shared. Last night, a member shared that her son had gone back out and was arrested. She shared her pain and others chimed in to reassure or to share theirs.

But there is a different view point on cross talk too. Having come from a situation in which there was alcoholism, I often felt invalidated and ignored. What I wanted was to be heard and listened to. So giving each other undivided attention and acceptance at meetings is reassuring in many ways. I don't want someone to editorialize my share, belittle what I have to say, or offer advice in a meeting.

For me, cross talk is a fragile balance between being direct and to the point and between interrupting to the extent where I wonder is this helping ANYONE or is this just taking up space and using up oxygen in the room? We are only experts on us. Barring psychosis, we know what we did and where we were and how we felt about it. The "Why" isn't always so obvious and takes a lot of inventorying.

But people who are allowed to analyze other people have to have a degree in psychology and a license. When someone shares in an Al-Anon meeting, the value, besides letting them unload, is in letting us see ourselves through their stories. We may not be in all of them, but we will be in many. And in seeing ourselves through the mirror of another person we can be helped to change ourselves. It is not our responsibility to change that person, and we have no reason to assume we are qualified to point out what they are doing right or wrong.

Another viewpoint about cross talking can be inferred from the Traditions. It may violate Tradition One which speaks of our unity and common welfare. And it also seems that Tradition Twelve which says that we place principles above personalities comes into play. I like the idea of keeping the meetings principle centered and not personality centered.

It is to the particular credit of our program that each group, autonomous yet devoted to the principles of the program is free to develop its own personality and that in many places there are a number of meetings in which each of us can find the group which nurtures us in our growth.

Comfortable at meetings

I received a comment on a post yesterday about not feeling comfortable in meetings:
"Despite attending quite a few different al-anon meetings, I never found one where I felt comfortable. I felt a profound emotional disconnect at all of them. I'm wondering now whether that disconnect was me all along, not the meetings."

I can remember my first meeting really well. I can't say that I felt comfortable because it was difficult to walk into that room by myself. I was at such a low point that I'm not sure that I felt comfortable with anything in my life.

When the chair asked if there were any newcomers, I raised my hand. She asked me to talk about why I was there. I can't remember the exact words but do remember saying that I was at the end of my rope--angry, confused, hopeless, and feeling that my marriage was a failure.

A lot of people told me to "Keep coming back". I wasn't sure that I wanted to. I thought that it might be a mistake that I came at all. But a good friend had told me that I needed to be there. He said that it would help me. I believed what he said. So I went and kept going.

As I continued to go to that one meeting a week, I listened intently when individuals shared on topics and their own situations. I began to hear some of myself in their stories. They talked about things that I had been feeling. Listening to others helped me to learn about myself.

I met my sponsor at my third meeting there. I felt comfortable with this person. I had begun to see the individual personalities emerge after a few meetings. I knew that I wasn't going to mesh well with everyone. I felt comfortable with the fellow with the kind smile and warm eyes. His calmness and composure, and laid back attitude were things that made me know he would be the one that I asked to be my sponsor.

I continued going to that meeting for over a year. Eventually, I found other meetings that I enjoyed. My sponsor introduced me to my home group. And from the Al-Anon schedule I began to go to a number of meetings in the district. Although each meeting was slightly different, alcoholism was the common bond that brought us together.

I now go to 3-4 meetings a week as well as meeting with sponsees. I have come to see that meetings are part of the recovery process for me. They help me to look beyond my own narrow individual limits for help, understanding, and support.

I have seen lots of different personalities emerge in meetings. And the traditions at some have been disregarded. Some meetings have definite leaders who exert control and don't always "walk the talk". In many ways, those individuals have replicated my family of origin and have taught me about healthy boundaries and to "take what I like and leave the rest".

The consequence of coming, keeping and open mind, applying the steps, traditions, concepts, slogans, philosophy, literature and advice from my sponsor is that my life is much less reactive and more appropriately responsive to events that go on about and around me, in the rooms or not. If the truth is that those who have come from the disease and suffered the most have done so because of inappropriate and unacceptable choices and behaviors, then I don't need to have unreal expectations that they are going to immediately be okay because they are at a meeting.

Here are some things that I have decided to do in order to get what I need from meetings:

• Be the change I would like to see in the meeting.

• Keep the focus on myself
  

• Share my Experience, Strength and Hope and keep an open mind.

• Let go of expectations and Let God.
  

• Adhere to the Traditions myself

• Be of maximum service
  

Just some disclosure

Have you ever watched advertisements on TV where there is small print that states some kind of disclosure? It often goes on the screen and then off in a flash. The small print tells about the side effects of medication or the potential dangers from operating machinery.

In Al-Anon, we have something that is similar to "small print". Our closing states, " ..... the opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest."

And that goes for what's written in blogs too. The opinions that are expressed here are those that I have. What I write can be serious, funny, sad, irrelevant, irreverent, didactic, colorful, boring, and borderline goofy. I guess it depends on my mood and things that are on my mind. Sometimes, frankly, there is nothing serious on my mind. I'm just floating along in a cloud of wonder. And then other times, I feel compelled to lay down the stuff that eats at my soul.

But whatever I put down here, it's just my opinion. I'm not anyone's Higher Power. I'm an imperfect human being who has experienced the gamut of emotions. I have character defects that are still deeply entrenched which I'm working on. I don't have answers for anyone else. And I don't want to insinuate that I do.

Blogging carries with it a weight of expectation. Or at least that can occur. I don't have any expectations of what others write. I can accept that you have the right to your opinion and that I can "take what I like and leave the rest".

I do that in meetings every time I go. I may listen to someone talk for 10 minutes about how angry she was that her dog was sick and threw up on her $50,000 oriental rug, and the next share may be by someone who is coping with the loss of a long-term relationship due to the disease of alcoholism.

The person sharing about the devaluation of her rug may have in her head that is what has messed with her serenity. While the loss of a relationship is what the other person needs to share. Sharing most certainly includes pleas for help, assistance, understanding, validation, support-- anything relevant to what we're going through. Just like blogging.

People can then employ the slogan "Take what you liked and leave the rest." We won't always agree. And everyone is entitled to opinions. I happen to not like judging others or character assassinations. Those things tend to be major serenity breakers. I've spent enough of my life with broken serenity that I don't need to do that anymore.

I would like to think that others who read here can take away some part of the message that they like. If what I post doesn't hit the mark or is disagreeable, then just "take what you like and leave the rest."

Thanks. Now back to my regularly scheduled program.

Fourth step meeting

We had a great meeting on Step Four last night at my home group. We discussed these points about this step:

• In approaching Step 4 after working Steps 1, 2, and 3, I am not able to look inside myself and make a list of things that I find positive and wonderful about myself.
• In approaching Step 4, I am now able to look inside myself and make a list of negative things that I have thought about myself.
• I am now able to look inside myself and see the things that I have done that have hurt others, no matter how small the incident.
• I am now willing to be honest about my attitude--whenever negative thoughts trigger resentments within my spirit.
• I am now able to see the things I have done that have caused other grief, even though it may have been only a small part.
  
• I am willing to write down a list of positive things about myself.
• I am now willing to be honest and list my shortcomings and character defects.
• I am now willing to make a simple list of things about myself that I consider good and not so good.
• I am willing to acknowledge that working this step will set me free from the obsession of having made bad choices or errors in judgment.
• I can now acknowledge that this inventory is merely a list of things about myself and that I can talk honestly about them and put them behind me as part of my past.
  

I learned from doing my Step Four that I was really hard on myself. I know that I need to be gentle with myself now. My defects ran my life, but by facing my fears and resentments, they seemed to loosen their hold on me. I recognize my defects and can work on them.

I needed this meeting last night. I had been feeling anxious yesterday. I heard one of the members share last night that her life is filled with contentment and peace. I wasn't filled with that last night and acknowledged my feelings. It felt good to talk about my fears.

And like a miracle, this morning I felt relieved of my anxiety. Maybe it was sharing about what was bothering me. Maybe it was getting the rest that I needed last night. Maybe it was the prayer that I said before sleeping. I'm just grateful to be in a better place today.

Heard in a meeting

Heard in a meeting:

"Do you know the difference between a wise man and a know-it-all? They know the same amount. The difference is that the wise man waits until he's asked to share what he knows."

"Forgive means the first one to stick his hand out--to give."

Wild weather

We're to have wild weather here today--40-60 knot winds (knock down weather), lots of rain, thunderstorms, and maybe a tornado. Not a good day for being on the water in a sailboat. We were supposed to go to an oyster roast on the island but that's been canceled due to the inclement weather forecast.

I will likely go down to the boat and maybe just stay on board at the marina. I like to make sure that she's riding good when rough weather comes. Plus, it's cozy and romantic to listen to the rain hitting the topside of the cabin.

And maybe we'll decide to go watch a movie that's near the marina. I know that my wife wants to see The Reader. And then we can go out to dinner, running between the rain drops.

I guess what I'm saying here is that there isn't anything definite planned. We'll just be trying to avoid getting caught in torrential rains.

It's kind of nice to have "unscheduled" plans. And go with the flow of what the moment brings. Have a good Saturday.

I hope to chat with some of you that make it by The Second Road on Sunday evening starting at 8 PM EST. It's open topic night so anything goes. Come by and share what's on your mind.