Thoughts on the movie Bill W.

We went to see the movie "Bill W." yesterday.  I had heard that it was good. Many of the local AA and Al-Anon groups were going to see it.  So we went on a date to the movies.

I have to say that the talking and munching of popcorn stopped when the movie started.  No one made a sound during the entire movie.  It was enthralling for me.  I had read some biographies on Bill and Lois but to hear his voice and to see so many archived photos of him was truly wonderful.

The movie started by someone saying “Bill Wilson was a stinking, rotten drunk.” And the story of how he became that drunk and went on to start AA is played out on the screen with some re-enactments but mostly through onscreen interviews with A.A. historians and authors, with current members whose faces are filmed in shadow to preserve anonymity, and through the words of Bill himself.  Then there are the poignant typed excerpts from letters written by Wilson and from his wife Lois' diary.

I have to say that seeing the steps scroll past in the film and hearing about how AA was about to fall apart when Bill wrote the twelve traditions was really moving for me. I love the traditions and wish that more people understood just how important they are in keeping meetings and relationships alive.  I thought that his own personal struggles with depression when he felt trapped as the "deity" of AA was another part of the film that I found particularly sad.

He isn't put on a pedestal in the film.  His use of LSD and marital infidelity is discussed. And his explanation that he is just an ordinary man with character defects brought home the enormous pressure that he must have been under to get AA going, keep it going,  and to not be deified by the organization. On his deathbed, he asked for liquor.  He tried to make Lois feel guilty for not giving it to him.  His asking for booze at the end of his life was explained by his not being in his right mind. At the same time, another says alcoholism is "cunning, baffling and powerful".

At the end of the movie, there are facts that scroll down the page: 30 million copies of the book Alcoholics Anonymous that have been sold, there are 2 million members in 170 countries, and about 60 recovery programs that use the 12-step approach. Powerful stuff.

“He piloted this course out of the very deep woods that alcoholism is,” one recovering alcoholic says in the film.  So very true.

I sometimes wonder

I sometimes wonder what life must have been like as Bill Wilson before he got sober. And I wonder what it must have been like to be Lois who devotedly cared for her husband through the very worst of times when he was a hopeless drunk.

It's amazing when you think about it. Here was a man who by all rights was near alcoholic insanity, about a few days away from being committed forever, and yet he managed to get sober and eventually put together, along with another drunk, the steps to a better life without alcohol. The stories about Bill and his inability to stay sober really indicate that something forever changed in him once he understood the principles of the Oxford group, saw living proof in Ebie Thatcher, and began to help other alcoholics.

And beside him all the way was Lois who did just about everything she could to stop Bill from killing himself. It's truly an amazing story of how two people stuck together and supported each other through a lot of insanity. It's an inspiration for me because it shows the love that they had for each other through so many difficulties. I'm not sure that many people would be so devoted. And it indicates to me that the HP had a hand in his life as the circumstances came together to form the program called AA.

In order to keep it, you have to give it away

On Tuesday, I got a call from the guy that I had taken to an AA meeting the week before. He is a coke addict without an addiction to alcohol. He picked up a one day chip at last week’s meeting. Since I was going to an Al-Anon meeting, I took him along to the AA meeting that is in the same complex. Yesterday, he called again and wanted to go to the closed AA meeting on the other side of town. I was working out downtown so I picked him up and took him to the meeting. Because it was a closed meeting, I didn’t go in as I had last week. I think that a closed meeting sets a boundary that I’m not going to breach anymore. Instead, I sat in the car, looked at the water, and thought about something my sponsor had told me earlier. It’s one of the fundamental principles of AA and Al-Anon: "In order to keep it, you have to give it away."

I would have liked to be home, reading the newspaper, and going to bed early rather than sitting in a parking lot at nearly 9 PM. But I also thought that if my getting this newcomer to a meeting or two would help, then an inconvenience to me was pretty minor. After the meeting, he and I talked about how things were going. He hasn’t used and said that he was feeling really calm and happy. He talked to people at the meeting about getting a sponsor. I felt that he was beginning to feel welcomed and accepted by the group.

So as I was driving home, I thought about the seeds that had been planted. I also thought about the fact that the best people for this young man to relate to will be fellow addicts and alcoholics. I think about the story of Bill W. who tried repeatedly to stop drinking, but could never abstain for more than a week or two. Desperate to achieve some success, Bill decided that he would stop trying to quit himself, and instead focus all of his energies on his friends. If he couldn't achieve sobriety, at least he could help his friends abstain from drinking. After six months of intense effort, he was in despair because not a single one of his friends has managed to stay sober. He thought that he had failed but his wife reminded him that even though none of his friends had managed to quit drinking, he had not had a drink in six months. Therein lies the wonder of the twelve-step program and how it helps those willing to find new meaning in life, a meaning that transcends their own needs.

I think that I’ve given away something but kept something far more valuable by helping this newcomer. He now has the information that he needs, phone numbers, contacts, and literature to move forward. The AA fellowship can now take over. It’s time for me to focus back on myself and my recovery. There is no advice that I can give this newcomer that will be half as meaningful as the advice that comes from other addicts and alcoholics. I’m glad that I helped out because it made me feel good, and it got a person who needed help to the place where help and hope abounds.