I know now that it was normal to obsess over these things because that was part of my codependency and dysfunction. I also think that it was related to my being caught up in drama and insanity. I would let FEAR (false evidence appears real) rule me and make me crazy. I also had to be perfect and not only succeed but exceed at everything that I did. There was nothing that I wouldn't take on because I knew that I could do the job and was really strong. How wrong I was!
I was a basket case filled with anger, resentment and self-pity. I wasn't taking on things because I wanted to, instead I was doing it to make myself feel better by getting approval. I desperately wanted to be loved and admired for doing so much.
Through the program of Al-Anon, I've learned that I don't have to be all things to all people. I only have to please myself and by keeping the focus on myself I can rid myself of the negative feelings. Some of the things that have helped me to keep anxieties at bay are:
- Exercise--If I'm anxious or stuck in the muck, going for a run, getting outside, doing something that requires physical exertion really helps rid my mind of the garbage
- Reading AA/Al-Anon literature--I keep books and daily readers by my bed so if I wake up in the night, I start reading which calms me down.
- Going to meetings--I go to AA and Al-Anon meetings several times a week. These meetings keep me grounded in the program and give me hope.
- Looking to my HP--When things are more than I can handle, I look to my Higher Power for guidance and to lift the burdens. Prayer and meditation are great ways to stop obsessing over something or someone that I'm trying to control.
- Focusing on the moment--By not looking back or looking forward, I can think about the here and now. Even if I can only do this for a half hour, it may be enough to not let the "do loop" of anxiety get going in my head.
- Call my sponsor and talk about my anxiety and the root of it. I'm fortunate to have a caring wise sponsor who doesn't mind listening when I'm not on the right path.
- Revisiting the steps, especially steps 1-3. I know that I am powerless over people, places and things and am willing to turn my life over to my HP to steer me when I'm rudderless.