The crisis that brought things to a head is something that I'll discuss at some point, but just suffice to say that after many years of feeling empty inside, I finally could no longer continue on. So on that day, I finally let go and expressed what I truly felt about my marriage and the emotional emptiness. This time there was no equivocation. I had reached my limit, much as an alcoholic reaches a limit where to continue drinking is insane. I don't know what the events are that bring your mind to that point, but I was there and ready to call it quits.
I talked to my good friend D. who told me to get to an Al-Anon meeting. I went and through going to those meetings and working with my sponsor, I've been given the greatest opportunity of all--to make myself truly happy and to finally feel alive inside. I no longer hold back on things that I want to do. I'm involved in life and living for the first time in many years. The opportunity to take care of myself emotionally would likely never have come about if I hadn't gone to Al-Anon and recognized that the people there had experienced the same things that I had. Some were at the same place where I was, while others appeared happy and content with their lives.
The other opportunity that I've been given is to experience spirituality. I was never a religious person and really was apathetic about organized religion. Through Al-Anon, I've come to believe in a Higher Power and know that I can turn to my HP when things get really rough. It is something that I never thought would happen to me who is always so analytical. But the opportunity to feel spirtual is one that I have grasped onto like a drowning person does a life raft. I think that if we are willing to be open minded and give the program a chance, all kinds of opportunities that allow us to really live will come our way.
"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."
From Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 83-84