Monday, June 11, 2007

Heading home

I got home around 4 PM this afternoon. Amazingly enough, I wasn't too tired so decided to make the 7 PM meeting that I've missed for several weeks. We talked about alcoholism and it's effects on the family. The discussion came from the Alateen book. Once again the discussion was a reminder that this is a family disease, not just because there is a genetic component but mainly because it affects everyone in the family.

It was good to see the people from my home group and talk with my sponsor. He stayed after the meeting to just catch up on how I was doing.

I guess that I'm doing fairly well, although it seems that there was an abundance of uptight stuff on this cruise. People who take themselves way too seriously. People who are unhappy and miserable with life at sea for long periods. I guess that I was ready to get away from the people there and return home. One of the things that I shared was that on the night that we got into port, I walked over to the bar across the street just before closing and had a couple of drinks. I know it was my response to pent up feelings. And because of using the rationale of unwinding, I can see easily how it would be tempting to slam down a few more and just keep going. The wanting to use alcohol to unwind though was the feeling that made me think how it must be for the alcoholic. The difference is that I stopped after two. Other than that, I would say that maybe I need to get back in touch with my HP and turn over a lot of the feelings that I harbored on this trip.

What I'm grateful for is that tonight I'm sleeping in my own bed and not a hard bunk. I'm seeing the people that I love and not a bunch of strangers. I'm writing to all of you in a quiet location rather than a crowded lab on a ship. I'm also letting go of the bad stuff in my head, breathing easy, and thankful that I don't have to go back out for a week. Not much else to say. I'm starting to wind down now and needing to get some rest.


  1. Once we learn how to let go in our personal lives/heal and gain some pretty cool wisdom be it from the program or otherwise,it really does let us see others who aren't there yet.I'm glad you are there and willing to share Syd.

  2. ahhh home sweet home. Glad you're home safely.

  3. Cool. sounds about right. the downside of insight and awareness leading to peace of mind is that we become much more attuned to the negativity of others. the mask is lifted so to speak. some people describe it as 'the road gets narrower'. all i know is that it becomes progressively more uncomfortable to be in close proximity to emotional intensity, as i become less and less ? disturbed, for want of a better word. I pretty much have very little alternative but to choose only reasonably serene company. it can seem a bit limiting sometimes, but i don't mind. Of course I make time for people if I think I can be of service in some way, but I limit the time I spend on that too. I couldn't do it all the time. It means I have a very reduced pool of potential friendships to choose from. There are a lot of frustrated and driven people out there. A lot are simply on auto pilot. So it doesn't surprise me that you are glad to be back in your own space. I think your discomfort whilst traveling is a very healthy sign. Anyway, enjoy your home space. Bet the doggys are glad to see you too.

  4. That is one very beautiful photo Syd. Glad you are home - and if I could have 2 drinks, I would probably have 2 dozen ... oooops, that's the problem, isn't it?

  5. I understand totally.
    When I worked offshore, it was a 4- weeks on, 2-weeks off schedule.
    My 2 weeks off was mostly a blur of 18 hours per day drunk.

  6. Syd,
    Glad to see you're home! I thought a cruise would be a great get away and relax...some solitude..but I didn't think of the fact that just as you can't pick your neighbours, you can't choose your ship mates. That must be difficult at times.
    Enjoy your week!

  7. I like what our Irish Friend said. It's true that as I get more spiritually fit it pains me to be with negative unhappy people. It's almost as though they are trying to "suck" the joy out of the air. Ok, that's my new name for them: JOY SUCKERS

  8. Yup, welcome home, Syd. Glad you got back to your own peeps and your own bed.


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