How many times have you gone to a meeting or just met with some friends and they'll ask, "How are you?" At a meeting, the people are ready to hear the real truth whether it's good or bad. On the outside world though, there are people who remove themselves from you mentally and sometimes physically when you tell the truth. They don't want to hear that you're miserable, sad, angry, or otherwise generally a mess. I have to laugh when I say, "Oh, I'm just fine (or F.I.N.E.)" because there can be a double meaning.
I generally don't want to socialize with people outside the program when I feel down. It's because I don't want to drag them down or be a damper on the situation. And it's also because I want to tell the truth but the truth will be hard for them to take. At a meeting though, it's okay for me to be just the way that I am. That's one of the wonders of the program. We can tell it like it is without any fear of reprisal or recriminations.
As I noted in an earlier post, I'm having a hard time with being honest in my marriage. I don't want to hurt my wife but know that if I tell her the truth right now, it will be very painful for both of us. The truth is that while I love her, I'm not in love; although she is a fine person and loves me a lot, I need to spend time away from her. I know that this hurts and baffles her. I know that she wants me at home with her and not off on adventures. And knowing these things, makes me feel a lot of compassion and desire not to hurt her.
My sponsor says that the answer will come in time and that my HP will guide me as I move toward a solution. I'm not sure what I want the solution to be, so for today I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. I'm going to live my life to the fullest that I can. I'm going to ask my HP to help me see a clear path and walk down it. And I'm going to ask my HP to watch over my wife who I love very much and show her a path that leads towards recovery.