Wednesday, February 13, 2008
To err is human.....
For me, I knew that the effects of my father's drinking and my wife's alcoholism had caused a lot of pain. But through the program, I learned that it was important for me to forgive them. As I worked the steps, I realized that the anger I carried was hurting me, making me feel sick inside with resentment.
I know now that forgiveness helps me, not the person that I resent. We are all children of God, and some of us are sick and don't realize how our actions have affected others.
And this brings me to the dream that I had last night. In it, I was back at the home place. I came into the house and there were several people standing around. Someone told me that my father had died. My mother was crying. I was stunned and bereft. I went into the dining room and saw a coffin up on the big table. It was a simple box and my father was inside. I kept saying "He can't be dead" over and over again. Finally, I went over and leaned down to touch him. His skin was warm. And just as I grasped him, he opened his eyes and looked into mine and said,"I'm not dead. I love you and am here with you." I had this feeling of relief and joy. And started yelling, "See, he's not dead!" After that I tried to hold onto the dream because it was so good but gradually woke up.
I'm not sure what to make of this dream. What I think it means is that my father's spirit is still with me, telling me that in spite of the troubles that happened between us, he loves me. I have made my amends to him and maybe his spirit is now filled with love and can be at peace.