"To err is human; to forgive is divine." Alexander PopeFor me, I knew that the effects of my father's drinking and my wife's alcoholism had caused a lot of pain. But through the program, I learned that it was important for me to forgive them. As I worked the steps, I realized that the anger I carried was hurting me, making me feel sick inside with resentment.
I know now that forgiveness helps me, not the person that I resent. We are all children of God, and some of us are sick and don't realize how our actions have affected others.
And this brings me to the dream that I had last night. In it, I was back at the home place. I came into the house and there were several people standing around. Someone told me that my father had died. My mother was crying. I was stunned and bereft. I went into the dining room and saw a coffin up on the big table. It was a simple box and my father was inside. I kept saying "He can't be dead" over and over again. Finally, I went over and leaned down to touch him. His skin was warm. And just as I grasped him, he opened his eyes and looked into mine and said,"I'm not dead. I love you and am here with you." I had this feeling of relief and joy. And started yelling, "See, he's not dead!" After that I tried to hold onto the dream because it was so good but gradually woke up.
I'm not sure what to make of this dream. What I think it means is that my father's spirit is still with me, telling me that in spite of the troubles that happened between us, he loves me. I have made my amends to him and maybe his spirit is now filled with love and can be at peace.
this is GOOD STUFF..
ReplyDeleteafter my mom died, i was 'haunted' by sad dreams of my mother that i used to wake up crying. until once i dreamt she came to me, we chatted, and she said goodbye, but that she'd watch over me. the dreams stopped at that point. now i have good dreams about her. and feel better about 'living without her' too. maybe a part of the healing process of the sub-conscience?
ReplyDeleteI really believe in dreams and it is my opinion that this was a healing dream for you. I think you finally came to terms with your father and now you will be able to move on. I call it "putting things in their proper places". Some of us have spent our lives burying emotions deep down within ourselves because they were too painful to deal with. Sadly, these feelings do not remain buried but reappear in negative ways. Some people drink. Some people do drugs. Some people are perfectionists. The point is "buried emotions" become poison. When we deal with the issue at hand then put it in its proper place, we heal and then can move on. Al-Anon has done that for me. Counseling has done that for me. All the stuff I buried throughout the years, I began to deal with and then placed it where it had to go. Today, I am healthy because I did the work. Though you dealt with your wife's alcoholism, I can bet it was your father's drinking that shaped you into the person you became.
ReplyDeleteexcellent.
ReplyDeletei think it means exactly what it says on the tin, so to speak.
Your father says ""I'm not dead. I love you and am here with you."
Thats it really. How you react to that it up to you. But he message is there plain and simple. you have been told. You don't need to analyze it any deeper than that.
Why should your father not love you? why should he not still be 'here' with you?
I don't see why either of those two things ought not to be the case.
Nice dream. Thanks for sharing.