Friday, August 15, 2008
Is your chooser broken?
Today at a meeting we shared about the commonalities that seem to be consistent within the program. And one of the most common of the commonalities was that we choose to be involved with alcoholics/addicts.
I can look back over relationships in my past and know that during high school and college, I seemed to be attracted to people who were wounded in some fashion, mostly by alcohol. I felt most comfortable with the people who appeared to be different. Those were the ones that for some twist of fate, I would want to talk to, get to know, and end up with.
When I met my SO, I thought that she was exciting. Later, I found that she was a mess. But I didn't shy away from the mess, instead I wanted to clean it up. And I found out that was an exercise in frustration.
I've chosen friends who seemed insightful, only to find out that they are recovering alcoholics. All will seem fine at first but eventually some of the alcoholic behavior will come out--the irritability, the self-centeredness, the grandiosity.
So, I know now that my "chooser" was broken. I didn't make the best choices in lovers or friends. But at the same time, I'm learning that I don't have to buy into alcoholic behavior, nor do I have to continue having a bad chooser. Al-Anon is providing some much needed Bondo for my chooser. Maybe it's one thing that I can "fix" without bad consequences.