"Lower your expectations until you get what you want". I was told that a few days ago when I was getting myself into self-pity mode. I was bemoaning a few things that were driven by fear which is my chief character defect.
It's easy to let myself slip back into having fantasies about how things "should" be or how I want them to be. I was hoping to have something special happen on my birthday, was convinced that it wouldn't happen, and got myself into self-pity mode faster than a synapse could fire.
So a great friend in AA told me the slogan about lowering my expectations until I got what I wanted. Just hearing that made me realize that I don't need to hope that something special is going to happen, because something special does happen every day: It's called living. And it's up to me to decide whether I'd rather focus my energy on expecting something from others or on doing my part to make this day unique and special.
I'm going to remember that slogan when I build expectations that depend on others. It's up to me to make this day what I want it to be. And right now, I'm going to shower, get dressed, and head out for a day of meetings here in Florida.
I don't have any expectations one way or the other. How about you?
The only expectations I'm going to have is to work on myself MORE. Make sure I get exercise; eat properly; focus on my work and love myself.
ReplyDeleteNo Expectations from others. Enjoy the good things that might happen..like a phone call with a friend this morning that was rewarding nourishing and kind. And whatever else happens will happen.
good for you syd.
I confess I have very low expectations. I very rarely expect pleasant things. I usually expect the worst, so I spend most of my life being pleasantly surprised that things have turned out better than I thought they would.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying I think that's a good thing, and I didn't make it that way it's just that's the way I am. If anything I need to learn how to expect more good things from others. I don't think we get to choose our personalities, or default mind states. Who knows which is right or wrong? There are advantages and disadvantages to each. Perhaps I just don't want very much. Either that or I just have very low expectations. I think on the whole they are few things I really want. And the things I really value I consider to be in good hands,, so I don't concern myself with whether or not things are going according to my plan.
Anyway, I'm glad you were made aware of your expectations hijacking your happiness on that day. Expectations are fairly poisonous I have to admit. I don't recommend them. .. Anyway hope you having a nice Tuesday :)
If we expect the unexpected, does that make the unexpected expected?
ReplyDeleteJust a thought. Love your description of the lowered expectations. I am a fear driven animal too and the one concern I am always left with is that if I expect too little, will I slip into complacency? Then I remember that I am not in the results business, that is up to my HP and all I need do is be useful. So, have a great day of great expectations with no thought of result and see what happens.
Fear is one of my biggest, fueled by shame. bleh
ReplyDeletenow there are some words of wisdom. thank you!
ReplyDeleteI was expecting a great post, and I got it. I need never lower my expectations when reading you;)
ReplyDeleteI have very few expectations when it comes to people doing things for me or even for how they treat me. Which to some degree was part of my problem because I let some people treat me atrociously. But I think I have reasonable expectations now for respect, honesty and courtesy. If those are not met, I don't see anything wrong with being peeved about it. Although, I don't think it's ever a good idea to drop into self pity or dwell on it either.
ReplyDeleteNow Syd, I seem to recall you having a pretty freaking special birthday, so - no offense - you ought not be feeling too sorry for yourself, Mr SpecialPants.
Judith, you are so right. I did have a great birthday. It was my expectations before the event that bothered me. See, I didn't know that anything was going to happen and thought that it would be "just another day". Boy was I surprised! And I had already lowered my expectations greatly before the surprise party so I was even more astounded.
ReplyDeleteScott posted a wonderful picture that said, "If you don't like your reality, simply stop thinking like that.". I needed to hear that..my thinking has been in a rut lately. I love it that my HP has as weird a sense of humor as I do.
ReplyDeleteLuv ya..Namaste
fear and expectations are tricky character defects and sometimes so subtle. I am glad we have this program so we can get out of those funks a little quicker.
ReplyDeleteI know you've heard the old saying too, that "an expectation is a premeditated resentment." That usually keeps me in check on expectations.
thanks for this good reminder, have a great day
I am learning.
ReplyDeleteHi syd.jeNN
ReplyDeleteFor me it's not so much expectations of someone else, rather what I put on my own shoulders. I think we expect way too much of ourselves at times, not giving credit where credit is due for what we have accomplished. I used to think a day ruined and I didn't get enough done for myself or anyone else. Now I simply look at it as tomorrow is another chance. A day sober, living isn't a ruined or lossed. It's another chance...(Hugs)Indigo
ReplyDeleteGood reflections in this. I've been pretty good all my life not having high expectations. I think this country as a whole would do much better if people lowered their expectations.
ReplyDeleteA good friend in Al-Anon, encapsulates the idea of lowering our expectations, in two words: "Aim Low!"
ReplyDeleteI love it - short, easy to remember, and reminds me that if I'm not having expectations, I'm not setting myself up for disappointment.
Absolutely great post with some amazing comments too, I have nothing to offer here, but to say that this was a great post! Thank you and hope your day was a unexpected surprise!
ReplyDeletenice thought...
ReplyDeleteHmm - - - - reading your blog, then reading all the responses, brought to mind something I heard years ago that I found myself guilty of: 'stinkin' thinkin'-- hope all is better now? Personally, I found NO expectations much safer - - - that way my Higher Power got to choose for me.
ReplyDeleteLuv ya,
Anonymous #1
My expectations are just right, today. Tomorrow I may not be so lucky so I just stay in today. Enjoy the moment, the moment is now. That is what my sponsor tells me.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice having expectations. The only problem for me is that I expected them to become reality. There in lies dissappointment, sometimes on a daily basis.. The outcome is in Gods hands. The work he leaves for me. It's a fair deal.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of no expectations instead of lower expectations. It just makes life so much simpler. Not being a natural at it, it takes work but then the reward is great.
ReplyDeleteWow...again, it's exactly what I needed to hear today...thanks for sharing, Syd.
ReplyDeleteLowing my expectations until I get what I want can gradually right size me...profound!
Be blessed!
~Shugg
Thanks, Syd. I needed to hear this today. Living in a fantasy world and expectations are two big character defects for me.
ReplyDeleteKristen
Great post. I would reframe the line to say, "adjust your expectations...." The term "lower" just has a negative connotation for me -- as if we don't deserve higher expectations. But I understand the directive. But one really must adjust and not just say it out of disappointment....letting go of the weight yet again.
ReplyDelete