Thursday, April 9, 2009


"As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day 'Thy will be done.' "
(p. 87-8 BB)

There's been some drama with sponsees lately. One that just started with me a week ago has had the hardest go of it. He is in turmoil from living with a crack addict and finally asked her to leave. He is starting to take care of himself, although the focus hasn't shifted yet from the addict to himself.

Another sponsee is working his way out of the darkness into the light. He is doing this because the quote from the BB above has started to make sense. (Note: I use the Big Book quite a lot with sponsees. There is so much that is applicable to those of us who have bad thinking and not bad drinking).

I see in both of these men the agitation and confusion that alcoholism has brought into their lives. They have tried unsuccessfully to fight back when agitated. But this has only brought more suffering and damage to themselves. I found that agitation itself is dark. I can't sleep when agitated; I can't think clearly; I'm not spiritual--in short, I'm a mess.

I've taken something that someone has said to me and worried with it until I was beyond agitated. My mind will ask "What did they mean? What if they meant this? What should I do now?" I've projected and built up some scenarios that would likely never come true. But with my stinking thinking, I made them seem true.

But if I can just take a breath, pause, and quit re-examining some thought over and over, then I have a chance to get into the light. I can see that the light is starting to creep into the hearts and minds of these sponsees. I think when I was ready to be willing, to trust and to feel some gratitude, that's when I was able to move from the dark agitation into the light.

"When the dark is at rest,
the light begins to move."
The Secret of the Golden Flower

If I reach for dark revelations,
they're always there to find,
But too often dark protestations
defend dark recesses found only in my mind.

Yin and Yang, dark and light interdigitate
in myriad, moving complexes so real.
I reach for the light to illuminate
and hide from the dark that I feel.
Jody Hopkins


  1. Agitation -- that sense of being thrown off-balance -- can feel so overwhelming in early recovery.

    Love that quote -

    Thanks Syd

    Mary LA

  2. clothes agitating=good
    Me agitating="keep coming back"


  3. oh, this is really helpful. I need to constantly be reminded that I am not running the show, that I don't have to run it, I don't have to worry, I just have to surrender. I don't even need all the answers...just to trust and let go.

  4. here's to ying and yan! happy easter!


    struggling with control issues and agitated with it all.

    Hubby moving out this weekend is great for me, but I am panicking over the schedule and who and where and what...and I need to sit back, take a deep breath...plan what I can plan and pray it all works out in the end, cause it usually does...

    *deep breath*

  6. So true about reaching for dark revelations!! I find myself doing this and being conscious of it but sometimes powerless to fight it.

    I feel certain that you are fulfilling a major purpose for your life in being a sponsor.

  7. I belong to the "what did they mean by that" club also.

  8. Out of darkness, into the light. Good!

    A shame that, for some, the light just hurts their eyes (Ego) so much that there is nowhere to go but back from whence they came.....

  9. I can't tell you how many times I read what you write from the Al-anon viewpoint and realize what havoc an alcoholic puts the entire family through. I wish so much that my husband had lived to see me living a sober life...he only survived for my first year and I was far from good sobriety then.
    Keep up the good writing, Syd.

  10. Great Post.You are the ying and Yan, you create beautiful with your thoughts and your blog is filled with harmony!


  11. Yeah, I'm a charter member of the what did they mean by that club. Or we need to talk, but I can't til next week, take care. What the hell. Both of those statements are crazy makers to me.
    I got a lot of good direction from your post today. THANKX.

  12. Excellent post Syd !
    I've posted a little something about you tonight. ;)

  13. Agitation - I flee from it like it's poison....sometimes more successfully than at other times.

    Talking to God always helps.

    Love your post. Lovely poems too.

    Prayer Girl

  14. Agitation, good reasoning for pray.

    I'm actually comfortable now outside of agitation. Much easier going on the journey.

  15. I love the BB. It is full of good wisdom for everyone, anyone. At this moment, I am not agitated. Its a miracle I tell you.


Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.