Monday, June 1, 2009

Getting over resentment

With all the stuff going on in my head lately about my work and retirement, I'm surprised that I haven't felt more resentment. I did give thought to some of the incidences that I disliked. But I didn't get stuck in feeling bad for days. I was able to think about decisions without getting mired in resentment.

I used to replay an insult or slight over and over again. And each time I inflicted more suffering on myself. All this accomplished was that I felt worse, and the wrongs grew until they became hugely magnified in my head.

This mental habit of growing resentments extracts tremendous costs. My obsessing over a slight or a wrong did nothing to change the person I resented. It resolved nothing. Instead, it allowed others to dominate my thinking and become my Higher Power.

Here are some great words to think about:
"If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for that person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free.

Even when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love."

My sponsor told me to do this every day for a month. It helped me, even though at first the words were just mere words. Praying for those with whom I have difficulty helps to squeeze resentment out of our minds, because positive concern and resentment simply cannot coexist.

PS: For those of you who use the embedded comment form below your post, I can't seem to leave comments. I don't know if this is a Blogger issue or not because it used to be no problem. Just wanted to let you know.


  1. I think that sometimes it's just about following suggestions and not doing everything "our way".
    I have prayed many times for people when I did not mean the "words", but I did it anyway because I knew from experience that it would eventually work.
    "Eventually" is not something we like. I learned that it's not the "quick fix" that always cures things, sometimes it's just plain ol' faith in the process.
    OH and Hi darlin'-Happy June.

  2. No matter how unlikely it might seem that this Rx. for resentments could actually work, it does - it really does.

    Try it just as Syd has so perfectly laid it out and you will see.


  3. This has worked for me as well...
    A life free of resentment is truly free...

  4. Letting go is easy when you have the recipe!

  5. That is so true Syd. As soon as I stopped leaving my husband out of my prayers (out of resentment) I instantly started feeling better. Now sometimes I think I pray for him more than myself, but it definately gives me a better perspective about the whole situation. Thanks for this post. So much truth and honestly in it.

  6. I agree with everyone-it does work!

  7. I like Warren Buffets thinking on resentments. He has what he calls his bathtub response to resentments and failures. When he thinks about it, he just pulls the plug and whooosh there goes the pain. I like that idea and try to implement it. I have plenty of practice!!

  8. Awww, another "fake-it-til-ya-make-it"?

    Well, since everyone says it works, guess I'll have to try it.

  9. I was taught the very same by my first sponsor. I remember thinking, "WTF??Are you f'ing KIDDING me? I have to pray for that a**hole?? (cuz, you know, I was SO classy back then.)

    But it was the best advice I ever received and has been the answer to all my troubles.

  10. I've learned that for me, it's never what someone else says or does that causes me angst. It's how I react to what they've said or done. Whenever I'm able to take a step back and not give in to my reactivity, the outcome is very different (it doesn't happen often enough though, I can assure you.)

    I grew up in an alcoholic family and I was always against Al-Anon...I think I was against anything the social workers told me I "should" do. I also think I was afraid. It's inspiring to read about your journey and see how it is helping to transform your outlook.

  11. wonderful words Syd, your suggestions to me last week on this subject of praying for the ones who hurt you, helps Heal. It is working, Forgiving, praying for them, feels good, although we are not speaking I still pray for her , its healing me. :}

  12. There is a saying we use in therapy about anger/resentment. Feel it. Use it. Let it go.

  13. I heard this at a meeting last week. It makes total sense to me and I admit, haven't done it as much as might've been helpful for me to do so. SO! Am beginning to do this TODAY for a couple who I have very negative feelings towards. Thank you for the reminder.

  14. Syd, try another browser and see if that lets you comment on those blogs that are troublesome.

  15. Very excellent and relevant post. Too bad more people don't think this way. It would be a far more tolerable world.

  16. This was very helpful to me, Syd.

    Thank you!



  17. One thing that helped me was the realization that life was way too short to waste on bitterness. Did I really want to waste another minute, hour or day on something that bothered me, or would I rather spend that time on something more worthwhile. The answer was easy enough for me. (Hugs)Indigo


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