Thursday, April 23, 2009

The opposite of love

“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference......." Elie Wiesel

Prayer Girl gave me this award that's about being a friend and propagating more friendships through blogging. That's a neat idea because I never thought that in those years just before I came to Al-Anon that I was much of a friend.

I was mostly indifferent towards people--not really going out of my way to make friends and not really putting a lot of energy into the ones that I had. I didn't hate anyone, but I felt that there were people who didn't like me. I didn't have any factual basis for those thoughts. I would use examples of what I thought were slights to confirm that I was an outsider, a loner, and misunderstood. It was simply another example of the distorted thinking that I wrote about in yesterday's post.

I've always liked people. I enjoy what they have to say, what experiences they have to share. Sometimes it's hard to get through to the real person, but I've found that if I'm real then that helps immensely. And there are times that I still feel misunderstood. But then it helps for me to look at what's behind that feeling, what my role is, and move forward without resentment. And to not be indifferent. Tough to do at times.

This week I've called a sponsee a number of times. He's missed two meetings with me. I wrote him yesterday to tell him that I was thinking of him and hoping that he was okay. I also said that I was available whenever he wanted to get together. I didn't just blow him off with indifference. God hears these things because I got a message from him a few minutes ago telling me that he was sorry for not being in touch, had been swamped, and would see me at the noon meeting. I can accept this and be glad that he is going to a meeting. Funny how when you reach out your hand instead of withdrawing it, good things happen.

So with this award I want to call attention to some new friends that I've made through blogging. These bloggers carry a good message. I'd like for you to read what they have to say, give them a comment, and if you'd like to, keep visiting their site and let them know that you're not indifferent. That's the blogger love buzz.

1. Jim at Alive and Smiling
2. Joe at On a Clear Day
3. Kelly at Ordinary Art
4. Cheryl at Through an Al-Anon Filter
5. Sydney at Anonymous Adventures in Real Life
6. GG at GLog
7. Her Big Sad
8. Christina at Just Letting Go
9. Inky at Poems, Thoughts, Anything Goes
10. Rosalia at Whose Life Am I Living Anyway?
11. Nan at Off the Soapbox

And I know that I've missed some names here. I'm supposed to list 8, but I'll be glad to give you a shout out if you'll let me know. Friends are more than numbers.


  1. I had someone tell me the same thing once (about indifference.) I never forgot those words.

  2. indifference... you're so right. haven't thought about that before, but oh, you're right! and congratulations on your award!

  3. Ty for including my blog with your many others under your new award. CONGRATS on that BTW!. I am not that good at writing, I do try or scribble some, I read everyone's posts as much as possible. All my blogger friends inspire me, I feel such warmth from their postings and the comments warm my heart. Your posts make me feel like I am passing you on the street for the first time, we smile, leaving one with such a warm feeling, I get a lot of energy from you and the other bloggers who treat me with kindness.Acknowledgement of ones posts is the ultimate of YOU HAVE MADE MY DAY!! TY

  4. Congrats on the award...

    I love your quote - I try to remember it - I used to think that the opposite of love was hate so I thought I was doing you a favor by only being indifferent to you...

    Much to learn...

    Blessings and aloha...

  5. Congratulations, Syd, you are most deserving.

    I can never feel more put-out or lonely than from indifference. And it is almost always unintentional. Amazing!

  6. Indifference is something I have been working on in my friendships. I have taken too many of my good friends for granted and I am working on putting more energy into our relationships. Once again, great post!

  7. Thanks Syd. Indifference...very true. And very sad. Keep spreading the love and understanding!

  8. Elie Wiesel certainly knows a lot about indifference. It amazes me how prolific he is and that he continues to persevere. Even today he was at a Holocost service in Washington DC.
    Thank you for using his quote and I loved your post. It has certainly been a surprise to me how much I've come to like people (all ages, colors, ethnicities, etc)since I've stopped drinking.

  9. That's getting to be too much blog reading. But thanks for carrying the message.

  10. I loved what you said here Syd. That's why I gave you the award. I was especially touched by:
    "reach out your hand instead of withdrawing it, good things happen."
    A beautiful thought.


  11. Thanks for the mention. I really enjoy what you write insightful and warm. Congrats!

  12. Congratulations Syd! This is a wonderful award and well deserved. I know what you mean about other people. I find it easier sometimes to be alone than reaching out. It's so easy to get caught up in someone else's negativity and it takes so much energy to be an example of positive energy that sometimes it's just easier to not interact.

  13. Nice post Syd. Like you, I've found that this type of reaching out can work wonders.

  14. Thanks Syd! I am so grateful for your insights and your wisdom... I always come away from your posts feeling encouraged and peaceful.

    I'm working on the indifference too... I think there is always room for improvement there!


  15. Congratulations and well deserved dear friend. I loved that quote, "The oppisite of love is indifference"...

    I also found your previous post enlightening, to double check your emotions and make sure you're on the right page with them. (Hugs)Indigo


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