Here's some thoughts about today:
- I am still tired from vacation. I need a rest from resting.
- I am glad that the dogs and cats were happy to see me.
- I worried because one of the dogs was throwing up
- After cleaning up vomit for an hour, she seemed fine.
- I'm glad that someone invented Oxyclean
- The yard looks wonderful with lots of flowers blooming
- I picked lettuce this morning from the garden.
- My blackberries and blueberry bushes have flowers
- I have felt a bit out of the loop at work since coming back from vacation.
- I realize that I isolate too much when I'm tired.
- I am going to walk around and visit staff today and connect more.
- I filled out a form at the Holocaust Museum about what I would do to carry the message
- I wrote that I would do my best to fight injustice and to love instead of hate.
- I would like to go rowing tonight but severe thunderstorms are forecast
- One of my former employees was named MVP of the whole state agency.
- I'm happy for her because she is a hard worker.
- I don't think that I want a retirement party
- I would rather slip out the door without any hoopla
- I realize that's related to one of my character defects
- I have been thinking of my mother whose birthday was April 30
- I miss her and the good conversations that we had
- I know that Mother's Day is coming up and that makes me a bit sad.
- I can tell that I need a meeting.
- Yet, I feel disengaged from that too because of being away.
- I think that the goal for this day is to engage more, talk to my HP, and isolate less.
--Henri J. M. Nouwen
It seems like I always need a vacation to make up for being on vacation - for which I'd probably need a vacation to make up for... - I certainly like where this is heading...
ReplyDeleteI am a co-founder of my home group and have about 30 (out of 150) people there on any given Saturday night who love me and support me unconditionally...
If I miss my meeting for 2 weeks in a row, I walk in the door and they're all strangers who'd be better off if I'd just leave...
I can relate...
It always takes a while to recover from vacation. Isn't life funny that way?
ReplyDeleteI almost always get that strange, dislocated feeling when I return from a trip to my usual life.
ReplyDeleteThank goodness a few meetings will usually put me back where I belong.
Yeh, I used to go back to work to rest up from the vacation. Good to be in touch for today.
ReplyDeleteI don't think they are going to let you slip out the back door, Syd.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Lou, I bet you don't get out without a shindig. I also am happy for Oxyclean, but cleaning up after a sick kitty is easier than a dog.
ReplyDelete"To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude."
ReplyDeleteThank you for these words, Syd. I've had many moments lately where my Garden of Solitude seems Desert. Glad I can turn on the music and dance. I'm Grateful for your words and for your presence in this online Alanon/AA blog-community. Have a great meeting!
Parts of what you wrote are so on target with who I am - weird!
ReplyDeleteGetting back in the swing of things takes time - I am grateful the doggy is OK.
Oh, I love that quote.
ReplyDeleteI am sure Oxyclean is a good product, but that guy that invented it needs to stop yelling at me.
I will be saying a "Hello Mom" prayer this Mother's Day. I miss her, but can be close to her in my heart.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself, Syd.
All will be well!
All is well!
Prayer Girl
Yeah. I agree with Lou. You seem like the kind of guy that deserves a good party. Just go with it.
ReplyDeleteI feel you about your Mom. I miss mine too. It will be a lonely kinda Mothers' Day but I will be sure to hit a meeting. That usually makes me all better.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Lou
ReplyDeleteI don't think they are going to let you slip out the back door.
Cheers!
I was reading in the book "from Survival to Recovery today. It all became too overwhelming after a few pages, I hear this particular Al Anon book can do that. I had to call my sister (who's only 5 months AA) to talk about our shared experience growing up. Some of my bullets I shared with her were
ReplyDelete-I REALLY don't believe that I'm worthy of goodness nor love. WHY am I so empty?
-when feelings of islolation, distrust, fear, & loneliness come up...look them up in ODAT
-I will find understanding, peace & love in program
All in all we ended our phone conversation professing our love for our family of origin and gratitude for AA/AlAnon and even more gratitude that we have a plan and a way to find serenity!
I'm thinking of mom allot these days too. Mine's been gone for 13 years. She's been comming in my dreams often of late.
ReplyDeleteYou sound kind of "drifty" in this post. This too shall pass.jeNN
I get the not wanting a hoopla thing. I wouldn't let anyone throw me a bridal shower because I hate being the center of attention.
ReplyDeleteit is always hard to get back into the swing of things. just enjoy yourself until you do.
ReplyDeleteI really love that quote Syd....it seems to sum up my experience so far...
ReplyDeletewhy would slipping out the door without a hoople be a defect???
ReplyDeleteYou have floopitis, that's what I call it when I'm a little "off" from being away.
ReplyDeleteYou carried a message to me-I still can't get that picture out of my head of that place with all the pictures on the wall going all the way up-that you posted.
I seem to be always in the desert of lonelyness Syd, they always say dont they that an alcoholic in his own company is a dangerous place to be.
ReplyDeleteI got that feeling again of just wanting to escape from everything so expect another "Gone To Brazil" post soon.
Its my mind it just wont quieten since I heard they could be building more houses in the next 15 yrs still I am sure I will finally have moved to somewhere more peaceful by then.
I am seriusly thinking about living in a log cabin on one of Scotlands remote islands somewhere, I am so envious of your posts on your boat sometimes.
When I was younger where I live seemed magical but gradually over the years more and more cars, houses and congestion have invaded.
I would definitely choose to slip out the door without a lot of hoopla. As for isolation, I have to work almost daily not to go there and interact with others. (Hugs)Indigo
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you Syd.
ReplyDeleteI lost my father this year and the last time I saw him "healthy," was on Mother's Day, when I made a surprise visit to Jackson, MS to visit him.
Hugs.