Excerpts from a Dog's Diary ......
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat 's Diary .....
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges.
He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
I love that.
ReplyDeleteIt's one of my favorite things.
Haaaaaaaaaaa! great post Syd, what a way to start the day!!
ReplyDeleteI always thought thats what cats were thinking, now I have proof!
Oh to keep life as simple as a Dog does!
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff!
ReplyDeleteWe have a dog and two cats. This is true in SO many ways. Thanks for the chuckle.
ReplyDeleteI've heard versions of this but yours is by far the funniest about the cat. I got a very good morning laugh over it.
ReplyDeleteLOL... that about sums it up :)
ReplyDelete"He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded."
I was always sure my cat was thinking this!
Terrific...LOL
ReplyDeletepeace
Hey Syd, I love your blog for so many reasons but this post tops them all!! Thanks for the belly laugh and of course the serious stuff in other posts too! MC
ReplyDeleteI shall never again return to Syd's board with coffee in hand a sensitive dog in lap!!
ReplyDeleteHAPPY SUNDAY TO YOU SID.
Hugs
Tammy
Haha, this is a GREAT post! I don't have a cat, but I've had them in the past and I can completely relate to both animals. One thing I picked up on in this post (and I've written about on my on site in the post "It's a Bella Life") is how positive dogs are. As you wrote here, everything is the dog's favorite thing. My dog, Bella, really inspires me to be a happier person because she's usually SO happy about things -- food, a walk, new scents, new toys. You should see her when she gets a new toy! It's like the greatest thing in the world and I love to watch her excitement. Dogs also really live in the present moment which is another thing I love to work on and try to watch how Bella does this. Really loved this post, Syd! :)
ReplyDeleteSyd, what a special person you are to start the day with something designed to make people laugh. Laughter is a gift straight from God. Have a laugh-filled day. Come visit my blog if you have a moment to see my Sunday post.
ReplyDeleteChris A
Priceless, Syd!
ReplyDeleteMy wife reas this to me today and I almost choked on my coffee. lol
ReplyDeleteI think you have them (dogs and cats) nailed. Thank God for your terrific insight - I think it will be useful in the inevitable war for planetary domination...
ReplyDeleteBlessings and aloha...
excellent... makes me wonder if cats don't over-complicate whereas dogs under-simplify....
ReplyDeletesorry I have not been around much,. taking some time to be with friends and family, allot of things to deal with, time to reflect.
ReplyDeleteLove this one, its different from what you write. I really needed this GUT laugh this morning, sighhhhh the simple LIFE. !!.. TY for sharing. Bless you and yours..
SMILES
Oh Syd, I howled when I read that! Thank you - I just know this is going to be a better day than I thought!
ReplyDeleteHiliarious!
ReplyDeleteBoy, are these scenarios accurate. That was funny, Syd.
ReplyDeleteLove,
SB
With 4 cats and a dog in my house I can attest to this. (HUGS) Indigo
ReplyDeleteSyd, I've been following you awhile now, and I just had to come out of "lurkdom" to tell you how flippin' hilarious your post is! I have both a dog & a cat, & judging from their various facial "expressions", this commentary seems so dead-on! Thanks for the laughs, I can't wait to read this to my hubby!
ReplyDeletehehe great! Thanks for the chuckle :)
ReplyDelete