Sunday, November 15, 2009
I listened to a speaker at a meeting yesterday who touched my heart. I am convinced that God was speaking through him. I've heard speakers before who have spoken convincingly but somehow what they said seemed to be ego driven. Instead what I heard from this fellow was purely spiritual and so inspiring.
I know that I have a power to accomplish things in life but having spiritual power isn't about accomplishing something or using force of will. Instead it's about surrendering my will. I have to work on my spiritual power because there are times when I still think that I can work at living by my sheer energy and force of ego.
I have read that spiritual power means that I have come to the realization that the visible world is part of a much greater spiritual world. Having spiritual power means that I see God in each person and thing, that I feel compassion and caring for others, and I do my best to live by God's will and not mine.
I think the practice of the Twelve Steps enabled me to see that all I had to do was to let the God of my understanding into my life. And by doing that my Higher Power showed me that I didn't have to stay miserable. I could begin to truly set my mind and spirit free.
I don't remember the moment when this occurred. It wasn't a specific epiphany but it was a gradual process in which my thinking began to change. I began to let go of judgment, selfishness, guilt, and even my fears have lessened since being in Al-Anon. I have heard that EGO means edging God out. That was what I used to do. I still want to tell God my will for him and what to do to carry it out, but that means of thinking fails me miserably.
And what I heard from the fellow speaking yesterday was that he had the spiritual power. It made an extraordinary difference in his life. He spoke of learning about love and giving love to others. And because of the spiritual power that seemed to be in his life, he had freedom from fear, love and tolerance of others, and could respond to life without self-pity. He spoke of service to others in which he received much more than he ever gave.
I have seen this over time with my sponsees. I see them struggle and I put out a hand to steady them. But it is God who has His hand on me.