Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Is this what retirement will be?
I have this week "off" from work. I'm not bored because I've been busy all day: reading blogs, eating left overs, playing with the dogs, downloading books to a Kindle (one of my Christmas presents), and will go to a meeting tonight.
I can see though that there is the tendency this week to not really be busy or to feel as if I have something to do. I can simply do what I feel like doing and that is something I'm not used to. And along with that feeling, a bit of dread is starting to creep in. My thoughts are: Four months and counting, four months before retirement, not very long until the routine will be done, endless days of doing just what I want (isn't that what I wanted?), endless days of ???
There is fear welling up that what I have known, the place that I have gone to every day, the job that I have done well for so long, will not be there any more. I've realized before with a start that most of my life has been spent at this job. And perhaps my ego has become enmeshed with it as well. Am I co-dependent on my job and feeling that without it I am useless?
I realize that it is time to move on. I know that in my heart, but my ego still feels like it has been hit. This was my choice, not a forced thing. And I know that in the long run, I will be grateful and my days will be full. At this moment though, I am wondering about the changes.
I have choices, quite a few of them. And that is the silver lining. I don't have to sit around. Thankfully, this program has placed firmly in my head that I do have control over what I do. I can get a part time job in the field, volunteer my time, go on a long voyage, write a book, travel, and do countless other things that I would like to do. Change offers an opportunity to adapt.
So after writing this down, I'm going back to searching for free or low cost books to download. I'm not sure how I like the electronic media for books, but with a little practice I'll probably get accustomed to that also. Enjoy your Tuesday.