I have this week "off" from work. I'm not bored because I've been busy all day: reading blogs, eating left overs, playing with the dogs, downloading books to a Kindle (one of my Christmas presents), and will go to a meeting tonight.
I can see though that there is the tendency this week to not really be busy or to feel as if I have something to do. I can simply do what I feel like doing and that is something I'm not used to. And along with that feeling, a bit of dread is starting to creep in. My thoughts are: Four months and counting, four months before retirement, not very long until the routine will be done, endless days of doing just what I want (isn't that what I wanted?), endless days of ???
There is fear welling up that what I have known, the place that I have gone to every day, the job that I have done well for so long, will not be there any more. I've realized before with a start that most of my life has been spent at this job. And perhaps my ego has become enmeshed with it as well. Am I co-dependent on my job and feeling that without it I am useless?
I realize that it is time to move on. I know that in my heart, but my ego still feels like it has been hit. This was my choice, not a forced thing. And I know that in the long run, I will be grateful and my days will be full. At this moment though, I am wondering about the changes.
I have choices, quite a few of them. And that is the silver lining. I don't have to sit around. Thankfully, this program has placed firmly in my head that I do have control over what I do. I can get a part time job in the field, volunteer my time, go on a long voyage, write a book, travel, and do countless other things that I would like to do. Change offers an opportunity to adapt.
So after writing this down, I'm going back to searching for free or low cost books to download. I'm not sure how I like the electronic media for books, but with a little practice I'll probably get accustomed to that also. Enjoy your Tuesday.
A few years ago, I had the opportunity to quit working full time. That ended when the economy tanked, but I can tell you that during that time I was never bored. Rather, I wondered how on earth I ever found time to work. It took me about a year to find my rhythm though. I wish you well in the next phase of your life.
ReplyDeleteWhen forced into retirement through serious injury at work, I went through this same process.
ReplyDeleteWhen one has nothing but leisure time, it loses its meaning.
I need some sort of meaningful work to satisfy that aspect of my character - hobbies won't do it!
You strike me as a person who may need to feel that you are making at least a small difference.
There are many people who could benefit from your help in a volunteer capacity, I'm sure. You might be amazed at the opportunities available.
If I have learned anything about you these past couple of years, I strongly suspect that you will find endless projects that will keep you more busy than you can imagine.
ReplyDeleteThat's been my experience since I stopped "officially" working over 7 years ago.
I had to retire when I was forced into permanent disability. It's given me a lot to read and write I would have never had....but it is also an opportunity to slip if I chose that path.
ReplyDeleteI am so jealous of the Kindle! ;-)
Will you he posting a review of it?
I'm sure this anxiety is completely normal and you will find another "occupation" to fulfill your needs. Everyone wants to be competent, useful, needed. Perhaps putting your skills to use with a charity would be an option?
ReplyDeleteinteresting posting. I also stopped bt to congratulate you on recieving Cliff's Top Banana award.
ReplyDeleteI have a kindle and I absolutely love it! (especially the free books - you can get some real good ones sometimes!)
ReplyDeleteRetirement in four months - whoa! I bet you'll retire from one thing and move on to another.
Happy New Year!
The only thing I caution about retiring. Watch out for those recliners. I have seen those things kill more retire people than anything else.
ReplyDeleteI have read that one should plan the 20 or so years of active retirement much the same way you planned other phases of your life.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I will have no trouble filling my time, but I will miss the professional camaraderie.
I have had periods in my life when I did not work and I always had plenty to keep me busy and I am certain you will too.
ReplyDeleteOk, first of all, can you keep us posted on the Kindle and how you like it? Is it true that it will read aloud to you through headphones while you follow along?
ReplyDeleteSecondly, exactly how old are you? Is this an early retirement? This post makes me want to know more about you. I wonder if you are really a famous published author incognito here in blogger land. :o)
I am glad that you have so many wonderful options for your retirement....what a blessing! But really, who are you?
You do like to be doing, don't you? There is an element of ego in that, satisfaction of accomplishment. I hope you can create a space for your higher power to show you a new way rather than repeating the old rhythm. But that is what I would want, not necessarily what you are looking for.
ReplyDeleteThat may be too pushy a comment, feel free to reject!
I, personally, hate the word retirement and would have to use other words to describe the change from a specific job to unspecific jobs. I hope you find lots to do.
ReplyDeleteWow, great post. I pick, if I may, a long journey.
ReplyDeleteKeep us posted...
I am a restless soul when it comes to doing nothing. I simply can't just sit. My mind spins on everything I could or should be doing. My hubs tells me he'd rather work himself into forced retirement than to retire because a number tells him so. I can't imagine him sitting at home 24/7 without a purpose. I guess I better get start my honey do list and save it all up for him!!! Hugs. Tammy
ReplyDeleteMy Dad has provided a great model of retirement for me. He has used it to follow his bliss in a way he couldn't possibly when he had work commitments. He has his fingers in all kinds of pots. And travels lots. I suspect it will take adjustment, but it will be a lovely journey.
ReplyDeleteSorry that I can't really help with the whole analysis and "what if" work. You seem to have a mind that can get you all you need in those areas.
ReplyDeleteAnd, as one who's desperately trying to come out of a forced retirement, well, I can't help you with that either.
My experience has been that there's only one time and place that God shows up and that's here and now. I think your God might show up there as well.
Blessings and aloha...
I don't think that I'll retire. First of all, not sure what it means. My husband had 30 yrs. at Coke and then retired...draws a pension...did that at 50...
ReplyDeleteBut, the important part of his life is his children, grandchildren, parents, me, step children, inlaws...so on and so on. Those are the important part of life. We don't retire from all that right Syd? So, when we get rid of that pesky 9to5 or whatever we call it, we just increase the time we spend living real life. Just my pea brained opinion. btw, working on being kind to myself.
My dear husband was forced into retirement following an injury, and he went through a hell of a time in the transition. Although he knew in his head he was not the job, his heart said differently. He tried to control anything and everything, just so he could bring order into his life. And this is a sober recovering alcoholic. It took counseling and lots of time to find his niche. Now he volunteers at a local culinary school and works with lots of AA guys. Retirement is now a blessing, not a curse. But he had to work through the curse part to get to the other side.
ReplyDeleteOh how I envy you that Kindle! Enjoy. And I feel you should not retire at all Syd, not even for a few days, but immediately start planning to write a book. But that is just because I enjoy reading your blog so much.
ReplyDeletechange brings fear. its quite natural. but you? you i cannot see wittling away your time with the nonsensical. you will still be making a difference. that's just you...
ReplyDeleteYou are not bound by old ties and you can still share the wonders of the sea and coast... what an adventure you're starting, a beautiful crisp clean journal full of new possibilities.
ReplyDeleteAll endings bring new beginnings, isn't that amazing today?
It's a wonderful adventure...
this road of recovery we're on...
I want a Kindle!! Will be curious as to how you like it. I am so glad that Alanon is there for the times just like you described. One day a a time is a simple yet powerful slogan. Enjoy the dogs, the quiet times and all the good stuff this week!
ReplyDeleteNamaste
Ive started to plan the things I want to do in retirement, thats what the new job is about. I dont think I want to stop work totally, the people I have known that have been old and lived ahappy life have continued to work right until the end.
ReplyDeleteHow fortunate you are that you can retire while you are still young and healthy and that you have the financial means to have so many choices. I envy you. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy though.
ReplyDeleteLove, SB.
Congratulations on your retirement!! Sounds like you will have fun with that sailboat - I'm jealous!
ReplyDeleteGive yourself a couple of months to flounder. Then plan your week every week, with one day that is held sacred - no commitments allowed on that day! Of course the best thing is to create a life where you can contribute to someone or something, but without feeling the dread or obligation we often feel with employment. As long as you're doing something towards improving life on earth, you'll be be cool. Finding the right group, person, organization or cause is the challenge, but can try out as many as necessary until you click. Bon voyage!
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