Saturday, March 6, 2010

Rent a Sponsor



ARE YOU TIRED OF BEING TOLD LIKE IT IS?

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT RIGOROUS HONESTY IS OVERRATED?

ARE YOU INTERESTED IN TAKING THE ELEVATOR INSTEAD OF THE STEPS?

HAVE YOU DETERMINED THAT YOU ARE TERMINALLY UNIQUE?

WOULD YOU RATHER TRY THE EASIER, SOFTER WAY?

DO YOU FIND OLD TIMERS BORING?

DO YOU THINK THE BIG BOOK IS 164 PAGES TOO LONG?

Then Our Rent-A-Sponsor Service is perfect for you
No Reading! No Writing! No Deadlines!

No effort whatsoever is required!

And we can absolutely guarantee you will not stay sober! (or your money back)

SOME OF OUR STANDARD FEATURES INCLUDE:

*Listening to your problems without providing you with solutions!

*Allowing you to blame others for all your problems!

*Teaching you all the AA lingo so you can impress other newcomers!

*Allowing you to decide if and when you want to work the steps!

*Staying sober is all the amends you need to make!

*Why "walk the walk" when you can just "talk the talk?"

*The only resentment you really need to worry about is the resentment you have against yourself!

*Why save your ass at the cost of losing your face?

*Learn the secret of giving it away without actually "getting it."

*We also have expert sponsors for those who would like the special "relapse" program." Note: the cost of this program is based on the number of relapses you would like to have.

AND NOW FOR A LIMITED TIME YOU CAN PURCHASE OUR FOURTH STEP INVENTORY SERVICE FOR A SMALL FEE!

We are experts at understanding alcoholics, their uniqueness, and all the things they aren't willing to deal with. Leave your fourth step inventory in our hands and you will be extremely pleased with the results.

For further information, please call 1-888-SPONSOR.

If you are interested in references, we have clients in rehabs, asylums, jails, and graveyards. In addition, we have some clients living on skid row. We would be more than willing to hook you up with one of them.
******************************
I made it home without any delays. It was good to get back and be with my sweetie. We decided to go on the boat for the weekend. It is a gorgeous day and is supposed to be even warmer tomorrow.

The Rent-A-Sponsor is a bit of humor for you. In reality though I think that I may know a few people who would like to work the program this way. But I think that it's much too pretty a day for a rant. So I'll stick to the humorous side of this.

We are at our anchorage now and going to take a nap before dinner. I'll check on your posts during the weekend. Hope that you enjoy the day.






16 comments:

  1. Love it. I heard someone say in a meeting one day that their sponsor was Jesus. Didn't take long for someone in the back to suggest they might be better of having one with a phone! Thanks!!

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  2. Hilarious. That's my husband's recovery, for sure. And that's why we're getting divorced.

    Must be frustrating to be treated like a rent-a-sponsor, huh?

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  3. Love the lobster! And the rent a sponsor. I wonder if you can rent a sponsee - one who would actually take direction and do the work.

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  4. Ha! Nice work! I especially like the idea of a fourth-step service.

    I tried working my program this way. Didn't work so well for me, even with some time under my belt.

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  5. Have a wonderful and relaxing weekend. Hopefully your being somewhat under the weather has passed.

    The Rent a Sponsor is cute, but sad. Well, as for me, I do my part and leave the results up to "THE BIG GUY".

    PG

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  6. I am finding it calming to know that you and your wife are out on the boat this weekend. Things are back in the groove! Float on....

    Namaste

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  7. FUN! This was funny, but not so much in the greater context of the comments. That sobered it up to just a head shake for me.

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  8. hmmm I think I will jsut stick with the regular old boring sponsorship routine :-) enjoy your sail!

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  9. Hilarious! Brought a smile to my face. My Dad stopped going to AA because he said it was too depressing (I know?!)

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  10. Thanks for the humorous post. You are right though, plenty of people want their recovery like this. Enjoy your time on the boat, good weekend.

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  11. OMG this is great!!!! What a great rant indeed!

    I hope you all have a great day out on the boat and glad you are back and feeling good.

    Thanks for the laugh and yeah, I know quite a few who would like the program to be that way..thanks for summing it up well and with humor.

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  12. "And for the first 100 callers, we will also throw in a FREE 12 Step Barbie. Comes complete with a surrender chip and an AA Big Book.

    BUT WAIT!

    The first 50 callers will also receive 12 Step Ken. Complete with court card and resentments."

    DON'T HESITATE. Supplies are limited.

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  13. Another great post Syd, and just love the picture, makes me want to learn to sail!

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  14. Hope it was a good relaxing weekend, buddy.

    Love, SB

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Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.