So instead, I slept in this morning until 7 AM. I stumbled out to the kitchen and made a cup of coffee. I read the newspaper. C. and I talked about what we were going to do today, but after looking at the temperature and the stormy weather forecast, we had a change of plans. So we went back to bed and solved a few things there.
I then checked email and went over some blogs. A sponsee called and we chatted. I thought about doing something really productive but decided that it was okay to read a book. I have this nagging feeling that I am slumping into something that is close to indulgent. I actually get to choose what I want to do each day. That is a real change from all the conditioned response of doing what others wanted me to do or what I felt that I "should" do.
A lot of my recent days have been concentrated on recovery activities. But the bucket list seems to be looming. What about those things that I am wanting to do: painting, guitar, German and French? I haven't made a bit of progress towards them. I am a goal oriented person so I'm wondering if that is the reason that I feel a bit guilt ridden over having a few aimless days. Maybe I'm afraid that the things on my bucket list won't get done and that I'll fall into the complacency trap.
I think you are entitled to a vacation when you retire. It could last a week or a year or somewhere in between. Maybe set a date for yourself for when it will end if that helps you, but don't feel bad about the days that you are having now. You worked hard for this. Enjoy it!
ReplyDeleteyou can take up a class on some of the things on your bucket list. you can plan a trip or go fishing. you can do more service work, lord knows we always need the help!!
ReplyDeletemake yourself an agenda each day. and only put one or two things on it so it gives you time to relax and be productive. oh i know you can build a beautiful green house and start year round plants!! have your own year round vegetable garden, i here people can grow in a climate controlled greenhouse year round, you would be awesome at it.
ah, enjoy it now...i am sure you will find something before too long to put your energy to...
ReplyDeleteIt does sound glorious...but I know what you mean. I need a schedule to keep me on track. Learning to just be is hard work if you ask me. lol
ReplyDeleteI agree with Brian.
ReplyDeleteI think you'll figure something out for yourself in time....for now hoping you can 'relax' and enjoy this part of the journey.
ReplyDeleteI knew you were nearing retirement, but I guess I missed when you shared it had actually occurred. My bad.
ReplyDeleteMy experience in this non-employed life is that things happen often enough to keep me busy. I rarely have more than an hour or two in any given day to just f*** off.
What a glorious journey you are on and soon you will come to a fork in the road and you will choose that fork...and it will contain language lessons, or music lessons, or something equally interesting and time consuming. In the meantime, give yourself a break (we don't generally do that very well) and enjoy!
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong with being indulgent for a while? Isn't that what we work for all those years? I found much pleasure in taking a break and being a human being, rather than a human doing all the time. Give yourself permission.
ReplyDeleteIf it was your last day on Earth, what would you do? Probably lots of indulgent stuff. And, maybe, get on your knees, go to a meeting, ask for help, offer some help, watch the sun set, eat good food. Your EGO is probably going crazy, it wants to give you lots of jobs to enhance itself. It is not the same as YOU.
ReplyDeleteI have always sensed from all your blogs that God is in charge of your life - so - whatever is happening at the present I would bet it is God's will for you at this time. All will be well and glorious. Enjoy every moment.
ReplyDeletePG
Dude,how to you take a picture of the back of your head in bed like that?
ReplyDeleteGood to read you still wake up early in retirement.So many people lose can lose their drive in retirement by straying a little too far off of their old work routine/schedule.
New opportunities and directions will emerge. That pic looks very peaceful.
ReplyDeleteSyd,
ReplyDeleteI didn't figure you'd have an easy time with retirement. You are SUPPOSED to decide what you want to do everyday. That's the beauty of it. Don't ruin this for me. Laugh. I am living vicariously and enjoying your retirement along with you. There is no program. That's the program. Get it?
Love,
SB
You know that this too shall pass and you will end up moving into the next phase of your life well, it all takes some time and some ... you'll find yourself in this new time
ReplyDeletexo G
Sounds like you are enjoying some time off right now. Just because you retired does not mean you jump right into a busy life checking off all the things on your list of want to do.
ReplyDeleteI am green with envy :)
ReplyDeleteAh the simple life. Don't try to create any chaos just to feel useful *wink* like I used to. Life will continue to come at'cha, and now you're ability to be of use has expanded into uncharted waters... Wonderful stuff!
ReplyDeleteIt's OK to have time, to think, to wish, to be...as a society we focus on doing, but sometimes the greatest enlightenments come when we are just being.......
ReplyDeleteOh, it doesn't sound like sloth to me! But I get that feeling of drifting, not going to get this or that done ...
ReplyDeleteAh ... à se demander ce que nous voulons plutôt que ce que nous devrions. Très bien. (I would love to learn French!)
ReplyDeleteCan you put a time limit on this "sloth?" Like it is a retirement vacation?
ReplyDeleteI think it's okay to have some time to decompress and just be. Eventually, I'm guessing you'll find your rhythm. But it will probably take a while, and that's okay.
ReplyDeleteit sounds like a perfectly productive day to me...who decides what is productive anyway?
ReplyDelete