Sunday, October 3, 2010

Start the day over


We had an argument last night. It was one of those unimportant nonsensical ones that arise because one person feels irritated by the other. One person lays the bait and the other one bites and gets hooked. Feelings are hurt.

I used to swallow the bait and get hooked all the way deep in my gut. But last night I simply walked out, got in my car and went for a drive. I didn't storm out and did not argue back.

I drove to the boat and snapped the photo of the sunset over the city. After about an hour I got a call from C. asking if I would come home. I did. And after we hugged, she said "Let's start our day over. Can we do that?"

That is one of the great things about recovery. We don't have to hold onto grievances, nor do we have to stay angry. We can start the day over even as the sun is setting.

25 comments:

  1. Beautiful, perfect, loving....our programs are truly God-sent.

    PG

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  2. Powerful. And an object lesson for someone such as moi who is an expert in the art of grievances.

    Thank you for that. And a great picture, too!

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  3. I love this. It's getting easier for me to do this as well, although I still have to work not to take the bait. Glad you were able to start your day over--doesn't matter what time. As usual, Syd, you give me a lot of hope.

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  4. I love this post. I would love to send it to every newly married couple I know.

    I also enjoyed looking at the photos of your fall decorations. Very nice. I love the purple lights in your bedroom. I may copy that idea.

    Have a good week.

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  5. Beautiful and simple. And on those times when it is me being just out of sorts with myself, I too can answer yes to the question, "Can we start the day over?"

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  6. Beautiful post Syd. Starting over at any time of day is a good day.
    Loved the photo.

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  7. so adult and mature of the both of you. very nice. thanks for sharing.

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  8. Awww that's lovely Syd. I've heard people say that, during an arguement, they feel better when 'letting it all out' but that's not my way either. I feel that too many unpleasant things get said that are difficult to put aside. I used to think I was huffy and broody - now I know it's my way of dealing with conflict. I don't like anger, especially in myself. I'm glad you both enjoyed the sunset. :)

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  9. Sounds like about 90% of my days Syd.

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  10. I love, love, love our slogan "it's never too late to start your day over"! Amazingly, I didn't actually "hear" this in a meeting until a few months ago after attending regularly for 3 years! We hear what we need to hear when we need to hear it, and I don't think I will ever be in program long enough to NOT hear something new. Al-Anon is truly the best "therapy" I've ever experienced

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  11. while I don't love whent he arguments happen, I do so love the poignant little moment that occur when humility returns and responsibility is taken, but "self-seriousness" is not taken and further.

    I think that almost made sense? lol

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  12. Letting go of the unimportant is key for me. Thank you for this reminder.

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  13. cool. Im always wildly impressed when people do not take the bait :)

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  14. I love how the two of you handled it...you both gave each other space to then reconnect. An important lesson for all.

    CC

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  15. Steps 9 and 10 have been my keys to learning humility, keeping the focus on myself, and accepting responsibility for my actions. The gifts I receive are the ones you write about, a freeing of resentments, a deeper connection with another person, and the feelings that come with working the Program. Starting over is always a choice, thank my HP.

    ♥namaste♥

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  16. so glad you could start your day anew.

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  17. You and C show such maturity. We all have ouchy times. It is how we deal with it that tells who we really are.

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  18. a mentor in AlAnon once suggested to me that I do not have to go to every fight to which I am invited...

    sometimes it's easy for me to feel responsible for the other person's feelings. i have to remember i'm not that powerful.

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  19. I love this too. I've actually learned about similar things from my teenage son. The boys get into heated arguments and throw each other out of the group (computer games, xbox), terrible words ensue. Then the miscreant comes slinking back and he's accepted into the group again and usually not a word is said about the flareup. Which really would be the way to handle the crazy. Just ignore it. Because that's what it deserves.

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Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.