Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Start the day over

There are just some days that I want to start over.  Moments of frustration can come at any time over a myriad of things.  I may simply be trying to work on a project that isn't going well.  Or I may be around some one who is getting on my last nerve.  I am not generally an irritable person but let me be around someone for any length of time who is irritable, then I can feel it creeping into my psyche as well.  Having let someone else's bad mood rub off on me, makes me want to say, "Okay, I give up. You can do whatever you like. But just leave me alone."

It's my fear and resentment rising up again. There are times when I feel wronged and can't deal with it. I want to wallow in self-pity and think about what a jerk the other person is. It's so tempting to go down that road of getting even or blaming or casting off the person who has hurt me.

But a better way exists. I know that and after moments of self-doubt and anxiety in which I feel paralyzed, I can actually take stock of the situation. Acknowledging that I've been wronged is okay to do. But blaming the person who has hurt me only builds resentment. Instead I think that getting even isn't feasible but accepting that they are flawed just as I am, will get me through the rut that I'm in.

In my head, I may say,
"I don't understand"
"I'll never understand"
"It isn't okay, it never will be okay, but I forgive ."

This last part is tricky for me. Because if I dwell too much on the "never will be okay" statement, I have the capability to stay angry. A flare up of anger isn't going to hurt me unless I continue to feel angry. And by doing so, give power to the person with whom I'm angry. But if I can accept that the person with whom I'm angry is as flawed as I am and if I can work through my anger in a way that it doesn't eat me alive, then I think that my anger will be sated. I can then move past the angry feelings, quit the self pity and self loathing and get to where I can see that we are just human.

These moments when things seem out of control or I feel out of control are opportunities for me to grow. They are also times when I can turn to my HP and admit that I need help.

And some days I'm better at this than others. If I'm tired, I'm not good at this, or if I'm too emotionally uptight, I first will need to get my head clear and take some time to absorb and work through the hurt. It's such a relief to finally give up the self-pity and move towards clear thinking again. It eventually comes if I take enough time to get over myself and just ask for help.


  1. I could relate to every line of this post. When I choose to detach from someone else's anger, and my own frustration, walk away to a quiet place, pray for tolerance, forgiveness, and serenity, I am practising these principles in all my affairs.

  2. You are so much of a better person than I am. I swear.

  3. Not taking on the mood of others around me is a challenge. I think back to a Woody Allen film where he morphs into others he is around taking on their identity.
    Oh yea I didn't realize i can have my serenity and they can have their anger. This is tricky because I need to take care of myself also and what does that mean to me. Alanon has some good tools for me to deal with life's challenges.
    One second steppin it today

  4. you know...tired, hungry...when we are at our weakest its the hardest...and when it hits us the hardest...

  5. Well, you certainly aren't alone:) but you know that. It must be in the air. I've had a day like that..sometimes I just feel out of step, like I'm late or early with everything I'm responding too..can't really explain it but I want to start over and feel better. We are sooooo human. We need to be kind to ourselves and care for ourselves I think in the midst of this, too. Thanks for this post. Blessings to you and yours, Syd!! have a very happy Thanksgiving...hugs, JLD

  6. Dear Syd- - - -

    When I have a reminder of my terrible temper because of a situation that I perceived another individual to have caused - no matter what it was - I make a conscious effort to say a quick prayer for that person, and I do this for at least 2 weeks, sometimes a month, until I no longer feel the bitterness. My prayer is very simple: "God, please bless 'so-and'so.' Amen.

    That prayer is in harmony with detaching with love - - - I do not expend any energy on the individual unless I need to make amends j- - - just that simple prayer.

    I hope you will feel better soon.

    Much love and a giant hug,
    Anonymous #1

  7. I know what you mean, if you are tired it is more difficult to work the recovery.

  8. Sometimes I too allow other folks to really make me out of sorts. I've always been that way. Thankfully, I am better but not well. I can so relate to your post here Syd!

  9. Thanks for this, Syd. I needed it.

  10. I don't know about you Syd but I find it easy to say nothing *shrug* and walk away. I can only carry my own baggage. When someone tries to hand me theirs I normally find my hands are full enough a'ready.

  11. Great post. My predominant reaction is always anger.

    Happy Turkey Day, Syd!



  12. Your way of expressing thoughts through words is excellent. Great blog, enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work! Greetings.


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