Unhappiness and the spiritual malady

We had a good meeting tonight with the topic being happiness.  It seems to be an elusive thing for many in Al-Anon.  One lady tonight asked if there was a light at the end of the tunnel?  I know that there is because I could see nothing but darkness for a long time.  So if you've been going to meetings for a while, yet you still feel unrest and unsettled, maybe there is something else that could be done to remedy the situation.

It's not the external things that are unmanageable, although at times they can cause a lot of heartache. It's the inward unmanageability that made me miserable for so long. For me, I felt discontent, out of sorts with myself and others, and generally unhappy. With my disease of thinking, I had to get at the root of those issues that had affected me my entire life. I had to understand what the pain was within me.

For the alcoholic, it is clearly spelled out in the Big Book that a spiritual malady has symptoms like:

1. being restless, irritable, and discontented,
2. having trouble with personal relationships,
3. not being able to control our emotional natures,
4. being a prey to (or suffering from) misery and depression,
5. not being able to make a living (or a happy and successful life),
6. having feelings of uselessness,
7. being full of fear,
8. unhappiness,
9. inability to be of real help to other people (page 52),
10. being like "the actor who wants to run the whole show" (pages 60-61),
11. being "driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity" (page 62),
12. self-will run riot (page 62),
13. leading a double life (page 73),
14. living like a tornado running through the lives of others (page 82), and
15. exhibiting selfish and inconsiderate habits.

These symptoms of unmanageability were prevalent in my life when I first came to Al-Anon and continued until I took actions to work at removing them. These actions were:

• Getting a sponsor
• Following the guidance of my sponsor
• Talking to my sponsor on a daily basis
• Working the steps with my sponsor
• Being of service to others
• Continuing to take personal inventory daily
• Using prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God daily

I don't know why there are those in the program who think that only going to meetings is going to solve the spiritual malady. It certainly helps to go to meetings, but unless there is recognition of powerlessness, the need to seek a Power Greater than myself, and being of service to others, I would not be getting the full promise of the program.

I hear people in meetings say that they have been coming for years to Al-Anon and yet, they don't have a sponsor, don't use a sponsor, don't work the steps, and wonder why they feel miserable. This program has so much to offer, if I choose to work it. I may know that I'm powerless but that's just the first step. There are Twelve Steps, not just one.

In working the steps, I learn to trust and accept what I hear in my interactions with other people in the group. I awaken spiritually to parts of me that have been blocked by my character defects. And I continue to grow spiritually through service to others.

So if I'm to benefit from all that Al-Anon has to offer and want the promises to come true in my life, then I need to work the complete program of recovery.