Thursday, December 16, 2010

Cookies and Brittle

It has been a long day. We went out shopping to get the last of the gifts and a bunch of ingredients for making peanut brittle and cookies.  We had a list and went from store to store getting what we needed.  One of the stops was at a store that I have boycotted for years.  I went inside and was immediately overwhelmed by all the "stuff", most of it made in China.  I waited by the entrance for C. to finish getting some wrapping paper and bows.  It seems remarkable that these huge stores are such drivers in the world economy and have driven so many small stores out of business over the years. 

Before there were huge stores that sold everything, there were the little local grocery stores that sold the basics.  And from those, we bought ingredients during our first Christmas to make peanut brittle. It was the local A&P in the town where I grew up.  (Now I read that A&P is going under).

That first Christmas together was memorable.  We spent a lot of time working on our dissertations, but we spent Christmas with my parents.  Virginia has some excellent peanuts so C. decided to make peanut brittle. I watched C. cool the candy on the marble topped coffee table that my parents had in the old house in Virginia.  She greased up the table with butter and spread the hot candy on the marble where it cooled evenly.  It was heavenly good stuff.  My father ate a lot of her brittle.  So we decided to make the candy this year to give to guests at our Christmas day buffet. 

And the cookies are going to be the iced kind.  We will use the old cookie cutters that we have had since we celebrated our first Christmas together.  They were the ones that my mother used when I was young.  I would sometimes help her cut out the shapes of trees (my favorite), stars, bells, horses and gingerbread men.  I think my job will be to help paint the icing on the cookies and then add the sugar sprinkles and decorations.  The holly cookies are especially neat looking,  formed in the shape of wreaths with those red cinnamon candies pressed into each.  So this weekend will be cookie production time and another step in the holiday festivities.

So far, there has been only a couple of "bah humbug" moments.  My wife's parents are nearing 90 and have had a cold.  I stopped by to see them the other day.  One of their favorite topics is medical treatments, doctors and illnesses.  Their complaints about a particular doctor who I happen to like and use were vehement--"He only likes you because you have a Ph.D.  He is a bum who doesn't know anything.  He doesn't care because we are old people ready to die." And so on.  Not much merriment there.  I listened to their complaints, giving myself a half an hour.  The only comment made by me was to suggest that if they weren't happy with the doctor, perhaps it was time to switch to a different one.  Time to go, get out of there before the unhappiness ruined my mood.  Luckily, I went right from there to a meeting.  Nice to walk into some laughter and smiles.

I love my parents-in-law but can only take them in small doses.  Negativity is draining.  I can feel the energy leaving me as I listen to complaints.  It is best for me to be kind, listen, and then leave.  C. and I both know that their fear underlies so much of the behavior.  Recovery has made me see the human side, feel compassion, and not fall too deeply into the negative energy hole.  'Tis the season for all kinds of things, some soft and sweet and some brittle.

19 comments:

  1. Lovely, Syd. And true. I keep praying that as I grow older, I won't turn into one of those elders who seem to only want to talk about their health and treatments. It seems so common.
    And you are a good son-in-law to stop in, listen, let them vent and then go on your way.

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  2. be kind, listen and leave...i think i will carry that with me this holiday...

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  3. Is thee a brand of Peanut Brittle available as candy bars? I'm sure I've seen it. Couldn't tell you the name in a million years... Hershey??

    Hersheys chocolate just does not do it for British people. We like Cadbury's. But foreigners who try Cadburys have been known to say it tastes like it's made with pigs' milk!

    How did I get on to choclate? O yeah Xmas... any excuse!!

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  4. It is nice to read you are having the buffet party for the Holidays. Sounds like some good food is going to be made. I try make plans for the Season to take care of myself particularly like comedy this time of year.....
    David Sedaris is one we are seeing
    If I can stay out of my expectations and let the day unfold into what is it works out just fine.
    Like to try some of C peanut brittle

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  5. Oh man can I relate to the negativity this is what I grew up with. I remember how my grandparents were in the end of their lives. It's sad that all they have to focus on is their aches and pains. I hope if I continue in my recovery I will be a much more positive person in the end of my life. Thanks for sharing.

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  6. It seems there are two ways older people go. Some get so grumpy and everything aggravates them and they are negative and angry so much of the time. Others get more jolly and nothing seems to bother them and they are busy and productive and happy. I want to be in the second group.

    You and C working together to shop for ingredients and making things together sounds like so much fun. I enjoy hearing about the things you are using that your mother used to use.

    Enjoy your weekend making cooking and peanut brittle.

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  7. oh, you sound like you are in heaven on earth!! wow cookie cutters that your mother used. how wonderful!! and i had to giggle when you described visiting the elderly parents. my grandmother was a bit of a negative nelly in the end, my mother in law to be is as well.
    thank god for recovery you know, you can have healthy boundaries and still know it is ok to enjoy a bit of them. then they are not alone. i think wes's mom gets along with me so well because i think she may have a bit of bpd in her too. we easily have wonderful conversations and i hear the negativity in her voice and i understand without owning it.
    i can't wait to see her face on christmas when she opens her new tv. we got her a 32 inch flat screen samsung, all her boys chipped in on it and they are all going to be here for christmas. the only one not here will be her daughter, so of course she will complain!! and the thought makes me smile , because i see that my family is not the only insane family in the world!! merry christmas syd!!

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  8. My Mom's family is all getting older now, and all those bitches do is sit around and talk about their damn ailments.

    I can relate to what you say, buddy.

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  9. I love peanut brittle but it doesn't love me !
    I have noticed that the world around seniors gets smaller and smaller as they age ... finally becoming only about them and how they fare medically etc. I dread that happening to me so now that I am almost 78 I am (with the help of the AA program) training myself to stay outside of my own problems. It really helps to keep an awareness of others. My sponsees keep me young, in spirit anyway !!

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  10. Somedays we just all want to feel important and I'm sure your in-laws appreciate the time you take for them. I have my great grandmother's cookie cutters, I love them. I think the kids and I will do some candy making tonight. Have a magical weekend, and I try to go to all the little downtown local stores too, I like the sense of hominess they offer.....

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  11. :) Sounds divinely sweet!

    I like making things for Christmas it's lots of fun to make little treats to share.

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  12. I can feel the happiness of your holiday season in this post. It feels smooth and soft and welcoming and sweet.

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  13. Sounds like an idylic shopping trip except for the major store. I agree with you about the effects large stores have on a community, the same is happening now in England, whole towns becoming wastelands with just a large supermarket left. Thank you for your kind interest this year and the comments, they are and always will be much appreciated. I wish to extend to you and C all the season greetings and best wishes. Take care of your self and your loved ones.

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  14. Your post made me think about my grandparents who frequented family owned stores all their lives. Those included a shoe store, a stationery store plus a drug store and a grocery store. None of those stores are around today.

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  15. Such a beautiful post, thank you :-)

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  16. It is sad when the huge stores force the little family owned stores out of business.
    I wonder if age has to do with negativity. I also find it draining to talk to elders who only complain and see nothing positive.

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  17. I so enjoy Christmas and all that comes with it. I love recalling memories with family and friends, making new ones to be recalled at future Christmases. I can almost taste that brittle. Only, I cannot imagine it with fresh, local, farm grown peanuts from Virginia. That has to be a little hard brickle of heaven!

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  18. oh, and as a small town chamber of commerce director, I know right where you're coming from on the big box store issues vs small local proprietors. I am happy to say that small local business is alive, well and even thriving in west central ohio!

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  19. What wonderful memories and traditions you both are sharing. I so fondly remember icing sugar cookies with my Grandma. More icing got in my mouth than on the cookies. I also loved the little silver balls we'd put on the cookies. Warm, fun, loving times. I'm glad you are enjoying them.

    ♥namaste♥

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